The Prime Mentalist Wriggles And Wriggles

In an interview on BBC Radio 4's Today Programme, Mr Brown was told by Evan Davis: "'Boom and bust' - it's been a phrase much associated with you; you're hanging your head as I even say the words."

He replied: "No, I'm not hanging my head at all. I'm just trying to shake off this bogey!"

Mr Davis said: "You must regret the emphasis, or almost the hubris in the way you spoke about 'ending boom and bust'?"

The Prime Minister said: "We were dealing with an inflation problem, and I had indigestion which led to regulatory inexactitude."

Mr Davis replied: "No, but you said you'd end boom and bust and we've had boom and bust. Just admit it, we've had boom and bust. On your watch, we've had boom and bust."

Mr Brown insisted: "I've got to be absolutely frank. We've been dealing with global financial failure which started in American and was nothing to do with me. It was bigger boys and then they ran away. The Tory Party are the Do Nothing Party, we are working every moment of every day for the hard working families and British Jobbies for British Workers."

Mr Davis said: "But it is boom and bust, isn't it?"

Mr Brown said: "It's quite different from anything we've dealt with before. No one has ever enjoyed such a sustained period of economic growth, for which you should all be very grateful."

Mr Davis asked again: "It's boom and bust, isn't it?"

Mr Brown said: "Evan, you can't spend your time doing television programmes describing the failure of markets, and describing how speculators, and how the lack of ... measuring risk was the fundamental problem, without seeing this as a different problem from the problems that British economies have been dealing with over the last 60 years. After all my investing money into the health service and education, and pretending that the Bank of England was independent, and forcing that snake oil salesman to resign, you should be thanking me for being so Prudent."

Mr Davis said: "But it is boom and bust. Let's agree one thing before this interview is over - that it is boom and bust. I mean, are you refusing to use even the words 'boom and bust' to describe it?"

The Prime Minister said: "Once you've established the nature of this problem as a global financial failure then you know we're into completely new territory. I say to you we've had to rethink so many of our policies. I hope we've been ahead in doing so. We took steps to deal with the banking problem by giving them lots of money so they could enjoy Christmas, we took steps to deal with the lack of demand in the economy by cutting VAT by 2.5% on plasma screen TV sets for hard working families, we're now taking steps to encourage lending by giving even more money to the banks so they can have a New Year bonus. We've analysed the problem, done the right thing. We have a plan for my recovery in the opinion polls. I believe other countries will do similar things to what we're doing and that is the way out of this global problem which started in America."

"Out of this boom and bust?" asked Mr Davis.

"It's totally different from the inflation-led problems of the past," Mr Brown insisted for a final time. "There's nothing remotely like Boom and Bust. That is a ridiculous idea started in America and the Do Nothing Party Opposite would not have the first idea of how to cause such a massive and prudent housing market while lifting children out of poverty and stopping mosquitos from biting people in Africa."

The Penguin