Monday, 19 January 2009

Gamblers Anonymous

GB: "Errrr, my name's Gordon and I'm a compulsive gambler. I just can't help myself, I just keep pissing money away on duff bets and lame horses. It's not my fault, you understand, it's all the fault of other people in America. I have made very poor bets on Education, Foreign Wars, the National Health Service, Prisons, Transport, and the Economy. I'm also a very poor judge of character, I just keep betting on the wrong people. That Ed Balls-Up for example, I now see that he is a complete tit. And I'd have bet you good money that Mandy and I would never have kissed and made up, and now look at us!"

Counsellor: "So, are you here to try and get some help?"

GB: "What the fuck for? I'm here to steal some more of your money! There's a lovely little filly called RBS running in the 3.30 at Haydock, great odds, it's a fucking certainty. I'm going to bet your house on it!"

The Penguin


TractorStats said...

Where's a Lee Harvey Oswald when you need one.

Fred the shred said...

Thanks for the 200 Billion Pound handout Gordon. Don’t worry about me I'm fucking loaded and enjoying my retirement spending your money.
Also a big thank you to the UK taxpayer, you bunch of gullible fucking losers.

The Penguin said...

Your enjoyment may be curtailed by an early demise.

Not that rare amongst pensioners with too much time on their hands after a hectic and stressful business career. And there again, I believe there may be professional help available for those who particularly deserve it.

Tory Farm Boy said...

I'll be betting on labour NOT getting elected in the next general election, and Derek Draper's mrs having an affair

captainff said...

Tractorstats said Where's a Lee Harvey Oswald when you need one.

It's only the good ones that die .. .. the bad ones survive

it's either banned or compulsory said...

Well at least it won't be MY grandchildren paying off MY £30k share of Gordons bung. It will bre yours Mr. Penguin.
Ta mutchly.