Saturday, 24 January 2009
We Desperately Need Help, Admits Ed
Blinky Ed Balls, whose low animal cunning knows no bounds when it comes to feathering his nest at the taxpayers' expense, has admitted that the department over which he presides is in dire need of expensive help from experts.
Despite losing the Universities and Further Education portfolio from his ministry, poor Ed is struggling to cope with a tidal wave of shit washing over him. Everything that could go wrong seems to be going wrong. Social Services Departments the length and breadth of the land are gathering newspaper headlines for neglecting children supposedly in their care, in some cases leading to fatalities such as Peter Connolly. The exam system is in meltdown, with 145% of all GCSE's getting a passmark yet one in three children leaving school with no worthwhile qualification or skill other than hiding a knife in their pocket, employers and universities starting classes to teach their recruits to read, and millions wasted on the SATS fuckup. Schools are so bad that government ministers refuse to send their own precious brats there, and the only sign of movement in the housing market is the upper middle classes fighting for a house in the catchment area of the only 3 schools in the country they regard as fit for purpose.
"I'm at my wits end!" declared Ed, "the civil servants who knew anything all fucked off to the Universities Ministry because of my body odour and bad manners, and all I've got left are the timeservers and windowlickers Gordon made us hire to keep them off the unemployed figures. So I don't have any choice but to hire in consultants, and everyone knows they don't come cheap."
Posted by Hacked Off at 13:27