NHS To Pay Piestuffers To Lose Weight

Good news for salad dodgers and piestuffers!

The NHS is to pay them up to £425 to lose some lard. Despite concerns by worthy experts about the ineffectiveness of encouraging people onto extreme diets, as they always put the weight back on when the diet stops, and the fact that the NHS can't apparently afford drugs to save peoples' lives, the scheme is to be trialled in Kent. Vague recollections of some NHS Trust having to lose an overpaid bureaucrat because of filthy hospitals, wasn't that Kent?

And guess what? There's a whole raft of fuckers on the obesity gravy train! Not just dieticians and "obesity experts" working in the NHS, and all those cunts flogging diets and meal replacements and magic tablets and herbal teas, but charities and foundations and forums and trusts. All feeding off the misery of fat bastards.

Personally I get all the exercise I need from running down the government, but when I was at school we had the benefit of school playgrounds and playing fields (sold off for property speculation ) and PE lessons ( cancelled due to Health and Safety concerns) and competitive games and sports ( illegal because we can't have losers, can we? ) .

And when we went home, we had a meal cooked for us by our mothers from basic ingredients. Not a choice of Pizza or Burger with a fizzy drink full of fuck knows what (although at my age I think I'm in favour of all the preservatives I can get) and a bucket of KFC or some ready meal out of the freezer full of mechanically recovered gristle.

There were very few fat kids about. And they got the piss ripped out of them. Now I go to Tesco and almost every child I see is fucking FAT. Most of them are fucking ugly as well, do you think it might be related? Or is it because the locals round here are interbreeding with pigs?

Anyway, to get back somewhere near the point I was making.

This is a completely stupid scheme, and will do no good whatsoever - but it will make more work for some NHS bureaucrats and pen pushers.

The Penguin