Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Christ, Didn't Her Mother Notice The Queue?


"That's MY boy!"

It now seems that as many as NINE teenagers were all shagging the 15 year old virgin of Eastbourne, Chantelle Steadman, around the time she conceived Maisie Roxanne "Patten". Her sheets must have been crusty and minging, wonder why the Laundry Fairy chez Steadman never noticed?

Her mother's claims that little Alfie Patten, aged 12, was the one who took Chantelle's viginity and got her pregnant on their first and only sexual adventure doesn't fit with the stories being told by everyone else.

Max Clifford claims that little meal ticket Alfie will be having a DNA test "as soon as possible" but that as this involves having to fly in teams of experts from California because no one in the UK knows how to conduct a DNA test it is all taking a bit longer than he'd like. And of course, this allows time for deals to be signed and cheques to clear before any embarrassing results come on top.

Social Services have apparently sent a package of support, which includes three nappies and a gross of condoms. Gordon Brown insists he is getting on with the job, which is the right thing to do.

The Penguin

4 comments:

Cato said...

Social Services might have done better to send a fucking great cork.

Chalcedon said...

What? DNA profiling was pioneered in the UK at the Leicester biocentre. Shit a brick. I could profile him. It's quite easy. You just have to be very careful re contamination. And that's called having good technique.

Leg-iron said...

It wouldn't be my DNA I'd want tested...

panavia999 said...

Greetings from California. Home of repromaniac Octomom. (Shudder) Brilliant posts. Keep up the good work!