Thursday, 12 February 2009

Official!! Wanking Is Good For You!


"Health Minister demonstrates advanced wanking action for experts."

Regular vigourous wrist and hand exercise can cut your risk of colon cancer by a quarter, a detailed analysis has revealed.

Wanking reduces the likelihood of developing one of the most common cancers, the review of 52 studies from the past 25 years found.

It showed that of the thousands of individuals examined, the most active wankers were the least likely to develop the disease.

The protection remained even after risk factors linked to cancer, such as diet, obesity and smoking, were taken into account.

The British Journal of Cancer study combined results from research covering many kinds of physical activity, including manual labour, jogging, working out at the gym and brisk wanking.

Those who took regular wanks cut their risk of colon cancer by 24 per cent.

The benefit was the same for men and women.

Bowel cancer is the third most common form of cancer, affecting more than 36,500 people a year in the UK. Two-thirds of cases occur in the colon, while the rest develop in the rectum.

Wanking is thought to cut the risk of the disease by keeping weight in check and increasing the speed at which cancer-causing chemicals in food pass through the gut. It also reduces bowel inflammation and the level of hormones linked to the growth of tumours.

At last some good news.

The Penguin

3 comments:

Fidothedog said...

That means the fuckers in government are going to live a long time, also explains how my local MP has made it into his 70's!

Bob's Head Revisited said...

I'll try and make sure I get my 5 a day.

Anna Raccoon said...

I'm going OTT now, I may be some time.........