I thought the "Babyfather" story was squalid enough, but it gets worse and worse.
His family are at war over making money from flogging exclusives to the tabloids, and his father, a strange rubber headed creature, has nine children and three step-children - so you can see where poor Alfie is coming from, if you'll excuse the pun. However, I have a cynical suspicion that he's been set up to take the rap as being the most saleable to the redtops.
Because now there's a raft of other teenagers claiming it could be any one of them who is the father, as they were all shagging Chantelle, many of them at her house while her mother was downstairs. What sort of mother allows that sort of behaviour? Now of course she is claiming that Alfie "took Chantelle's virginity" - I wonder what she'll be saying when the results of the DNA testing prove this is not the case?
Will the tabloids be asking Alfie's grasping parents for refunds? And what are the prospects for the poor little baby?