Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Hmmmm, Am I Alone In Thinking This Is Sinister?

A group of the great and the good in conservation (!) are planning a massive cull of grey squirrels, which will be trapped, and then shot or bludgeoned to death.
This is supposedly in order to help the "native" red squirrel which is under threat because it is less efficient than the more recently introduced grey suirrel when it comes to matters of economics, health, and breeding. In other words, the grey squirrel is the superior animal.

Now, giving this a contemporary twist and anthropomorphosing the squirrels, should we be calling for a cull of Muslim Immigrants? After all, they are beating the native "chavs" hands down at economics, health, and breeding.

Surely the grey squirrels, introduced for the amusement of some cunt of a toff in 1896 from America, same place the Credit Crunch comes from, lest we forget, have by now become UK citizens? How many squirrel generations is that, for fuck's sake?

The Penguin


Sue said...

Poor things. Can't they just send them back to their native land :)???

The Penguin said...

I've got nothing against hunting them and eating them, that makes perfect sense and might then prove so popular that landowners start treating them like pheasants, although I can't see that working on a massed beaters and 25 guns in a row way, since the poor little squirrels can't fly.

But trapping them and bashing their heads in in the name of conservation is just wrong.

wycombewanderer said...

If it's good enough for seals it's good enough for squirrels

Dave H said...

As far as I'm concerned, I hope you are either alone or in a minority. As the holy Koran says, "kill the grey squirrels wherever ye find them." Something like that anyway.

If you have a problem with grey squirrels on your bird feeders, don't waste money on poxy squirrel guards etc. instead just shoot a few. They are not thick and word soon gets around. I have no problem at all yet the neighbours are plagued by them.

I use the Kania 2000 trap too, expensive but humane & effective in a thoroughly brutal way.

If you want to know why I hate the little bastards so much: they bark newly planted trees which cost a fortune, fill the barn owl boxes (which cost a fortune) with twigs, and try to gnaw their way into the smaller nestboxes to get at the eggs. I would gladly swerve the car to run over one of the sodding little tree-rats.

Do you know if you trap one it is actually illegal to release it? There's a lot of meat on them but I don't eat them because they look too much like rats to me.

They are of course only acting as their nature tells them. So am I.

(weird fact of the day: grey squirrels are surprisingly dense, they are quite a lot heavier than water)

captainff said...

How long before the grey squirrel is designated as a protected species due to the rise of the black squirrel?

Story here

I think we need to start a charity to get Government funding to study how we can control this.


Cato said...

I'm with David H all the way.
They grey 'squirrel' (Sciurus Caroliniensis) is not actually a true squirrel, it's a rodent...much like a rat..

They are vermin and need exterminating...ruthlessly.
Many years back there was a bounty on grey squirrels....it needs reintroducing.

Ruth Kelly's plaything said...

Could they include Hazel Blears in the cull, on grounds of mistaken identity?

Tory Poppins said...

Looks like Nymphochunk to me! (AKA Hazel Blears!)

Cato said...

I must say that I've always fancied the Chipmunk...I feel I could be quite rude with her.

subrosa said...

I support Dave. They're destructive and spoil much of the garden which becomes bleak without birds and my red squirrels.

I used to have a problem but haven't seen a grey for about 4 years now. I will not be writing hints and tips on how to rid your garden of greys so don't ask.

Have to admit there are fewer greys in Scotland fortunately.

The Penguin said...

Get Huge Fearnley-Gobbleanything to feature a Grey Squirrel banquet, job done.

It's the horrid genocide capture and bash I object to, not killing them quickly and humanely (bang!!) and putting them to some good use.

Chalcedon said...

Snot just that. The greys are resistant to a virus which they pass to the Reds, which are very susceptible. So it's not down to the Greys just being more efficient.

The Penguin said...

Errr, Chalcedon (Or should I call you Ambassador?) that's why I mentioned health :-)

Leg-iron said...

British trees for British squirrels, as the Gorgon said before it was pointed out by the Count (with his teeth, the pointiest ones) that under EU rules, the grey squirrels have a perfect right to undercut local squirrelling rates.

The Count suggests that all our red squirrels learn to ride bikes and take over whole swathes of French forest. Unfortuntely, the Sarky Frog says 'Non' and insists that all French trees must be given to French squirrels (the ones in the dinky litle maid skirts and stripy pullovers) as priority.

Disaffected red squirrels have no option but to live on State acorns and reside in tower-trees, so perforated with squirrel holes that when the wind's in the right direction they whistle 'The Grand Old Duke of York'.

They are plotting, those squirrels, they plan revenge.

(The greys aren't so bad as long as you use a lot of garlic.)