Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Desperate Times, Desperate Measures

Mr. Tessa Jowell, aka David "Dodgy" Mills is facing some difficulties over appealing against his four and a half years doing "polenta" in some Italian prison, where he worries about all those rough Mafia types thinking he has a pretty mouth. Because he was found guilty, he has to pay his own legal costs, plus fund the appeals.

Sadly, this is proving to be a bit difficult. His country pile is being devalued by Gordon's "No More Boom And Bust" price adjustment, and by the neighbouring pikey camp, which a Government Inspector has granted four years grace to remain, making it unsaleable as the Labour introduced HIPS report would have to declare "Thieving Pikeys Next Door". Honestly you'd think it was a conspiracy, wouldn't you?

So, in desperation Mr. Tessa has placed adverts in some select gentlemens' publications.

"Special Personal Services Available in London.
Well educated and well endowed Lady of a certain age
will provide intimate personal services for gentleman
of discernment. Although perhaps not as firm as in her
prime, Tessa's Tits are fine for a Soapy Tit Wank, and
her arsehole has not really been used much as she has
spent so many years spouting shit out of her mouth.
And, with the false teeth removed, she does a fantastic
and completely safe blow job. Prices on request, discounts
available for groups. Cash only, no credit cards
or cheques. Apply David Mills, c/o Senor Berlusconi,
Romano Prodi Way, Via Briberi, Corrupcione, Milano"

As the House of Commons is on holiday for most of the year, Mr. Jowell is sure that this will not adversely affect his wife's supervision of the Olympics, and he is planning to make a few bob on the side flogging some more dodgy deposits to the sperm banks.

The Penguin


polaris said...

Side splitting savagery - on the money Penguin...

Anonymous said...

Nice to know the "Thieving Pikeys" are doing some good, for a change.

The Creator said...

'Ms' Tessa Jowell, no less than Ms 'Jacqui' Fat Cunt Smith, is a loathsome thieving pin-head, obviously a bit short on the higher brain functions but just as much on the take as Jacqui 'Spare Bedroom' Smith.

You would oblige me if you could bear these essential points in mind in future.

Just thought I'd mention this.

Best, as ever,

The Creator

Anonymous said...

Anyone remember the Viz issue "thieving gypsy bastards" right on the money even had a council van with gyppo patronising unit on the side. very funny lasted one issue as some fucking state funded pikey took them to court,ah England in the spring can't you just smell the diesel and asphalt?

it's either banned or compulsory said...

Oh, I get it, she was just pretending to dump David in his hour of need.
He was hoping to be able to portray himself as the put upon deserted husband and thus earn the mercy of the Italian courts.

I don't think she would find much custom in Mayfair or Piccadilly, perhaps she should try Peckham where, I am told, they like to do a white bird.

Odin's Raven said...

See Craig Murray's website at
where today he posted that Tessa Jowell should be charged with money laundering.