Monday, 16 February 2009

British Bastards For British Chavs!

"Alfie's Dad, keeping a low profile in case the CSA recognise the prolific breeder"

Little Alfie Patten is distraught that some nasty bigger boys are claiming to have shagged the arse off his beloved Chantelle, 15 year old mother to benefits ticket Maisie, and may indeed be the father.

Max Clifford is equally distraught on behalf of his young client, as he can see tabloid scoops drifting away if the DNA tests prove that Alfie's balls have yet to drop.

Chantelle, who bears an amazing likeness to Karen Matthews, is claiming that she only had sex the one time with little Alfie, and that they did take precautions in that she tied his ankle to the leg of the bed.

Gordon Brown's spokesperson said that it showed that his policy of British Bastards for British Chavs was the right thing to do. "Soon there will be a new growth industry, as families of hard-drinking chavs set their pre-pubescent children to work making babies. Getting on with the job!"

The Penguin


subrosa said...

Penguin, you never cease to amaze me with your take on these truly disgusting products of social engineering which we have allowed our successive governments to instill upon us.

The Creator said...

Dear Mr Ranting Penguin:

This is completely off topic. Bit can I solicit your help?

Your being my new No. 1 fav. blogger, would you like to highlight a comment I send to the Spectator today which they, bastards, swines and cretions, didn't publish?

It was in response to Jackie Ashley's hilarious article in today's Guardian, which suggested a credible way our for the great McLoonyTunes currently in No. 10 as head honcho of a brand-new global financial regulator.

I said I thought it was akin to suggesting that WW2 might have been ended sooner if in, say, the Spring of 1945 FDR has put forward that the best way to complete the defeat of Germany was to nominate Hitler as the general-secretary of the UN.

Deserves a wider audience, I say modestly.

Feel free to tell me to fuck off if you disagree.

The Penguin said...

Now with added highlight!

The Creator said...

Dear Mr Ranting Penguin.

You No. 1 big hero.

I am now going for a new most typos in a single post record.

But still grateful.

Anonymous said...

Comparing Brown to Hitler is ridiculous.

One was an incompetent, ranting maniac living in his own delusional world and obsessed with power at any cost. The other was elected into power.

it's either banned or compulsory said...

The lads of Eastbourne must be really desperate, that Chantelle is so munted. Couldn't they find anyone better to serial-shag ?

wv = gooly, honest !