Claims by Grauniad journalist Jackie Ashley, part of Andrew Marr's harem, of a lifeboat being organised by Angela Merkel for our Beloved Supreme Leader, The Fuckwit of Fife, Jimmy Gordon McBroon were angrily dismissed by Downing Street spokesweazels this afternoon.
"You can take it from me, the fucking ugly woman doesn't know what she's talking about," the spokesweazel ejaculated, "Stupid bitch doesn't even know Andrew's still shagging Alice!"
He then went on to point out how unlikely it was that anyone in the world would consider giving the Great Caledonian Cunt a job when they looked at his CV and his track record.
"Everything he touches turns to shit", he went on, "So why on earth would the IMF want him?"
"This is akin to suggesting that WW2 might have been ended sooner if in, say, the Spring of 1945 FDR has put forward that the best way to complete the defeat of Germany was to nominate Hitler as the general-secretary of the UN. "