Thursday, 26 February 2009

An Exchange Of Letters Between Honourable Men

Dear Fred,

So sorry that you can't make the party tonight
to look at all the ghastly "modern art" that the little woman has invested in, but under the circumstances I can understand you wishing to stay out of the limelight.

Speaking of which, Alistair asked me to point out to you that the proles are making noises about your pension, details of which have been leaked to the reptiles, can't think who by. Seems to be a bit of a stink developing, and it might be wise to be seen to hand it back and negotiate something a little less contentious.

Then when the moving finger has moved on, I'm sure we can appoint you to a few well paid quangos.

Very best,



Dear Paul,

Thank you for your letter.

Please tell Alistair he can fuck right off. His ugly chimp Timms was in on every discussion about the terms of my agreeing to walk quietly away. It is not my fault he's as thick as three elephants in a sandwich.

My lawyers tell me it's waterproof, so you can go fucking whistle. What makes you think you'll be in power to go handing out the juicy plums in a few months time? Or that there'll be any money left in the kitty?

Don't forget to tell Alistair and Gordon that I know where the bodies are buried, and don't think for a moment that I'm going for any woodland walks. My solicitors have my "insurance policy" just in case.

Yours truly

The Penguin

UPDATE: It's even more wonderful than I could have imagined, and I expect it will lead to the sacking or resignation of the incompetent Myners.


Obnoxio The Clown said...

I'm surprised he could stop laughing long enough to tell them to fuck off.

an ex-apprentice said...

Dear Mr P,

Re: Troll

Cunts playing games. Does it matter? They're about as interesting and as relevant as Gordon's latest bogey. Responding to them, or even discussing them, only feeds their ego, and grants them a status utterly unjustified by their importance.

Ignore them, it'll annoy them all the more.

it's either banned or compulsory said...

Dear Paul,

Further to my previous communication.
Why the fuck would I want to waste my well earned/funded retirement wanking around at the March Grass Standards Board For England with those sad cunts who actually need the cash and expenses ?

Do I look like I give a fuck ?