Thursday, 26 March 2009

Dear Mr. Brown, One Has Had Enough

Dear Mr. Brown,

I am writing to inform you of my decision to dissolve Parliament and call for a new General Election to ascertain the wishes of my people in selecting a new Government to replace the failed administration that you presided over.

Having seen and heard quite enough over the past few years, I consulted with the Governor of the Bank of England on the real state of the economy and the country's financial position, and the situation is simply so bad that it cannot be tolerated any further. Your insane borrow and spend policy is bankrupting my country and my people, and I am not prepared to allow that to happen.

I have reminded the Chief of the Defence Staff who his oath of allegiance is sworn to, and he agrees with me that constitutionally I am within my rights as Monarch to dismiss you and your appalling and inept shambles of an administration.

Please do not bother to reply, one would prefer that you went back to Kircaldy and prepared for oblivion.

Your gracious Sovereign,

Elizabeth Windsor (Queen)


Tory Poppins said...

lmfao - love it!

Oldrightie said...

Potentially your best ever, Pengy!

Oldrightie said...

I've linked it under "favourite places".

Lexander said...

PS One must also remind you of the various investments we have together which are now in danger of losing an awful lot of money. How safe is that tax haven in Southern Borneo? Yours, E.

Oliver Drew said...

If only Mr Penguin....If only.

Earthlet Nigel said...

Should she ever read this I bet she'll wish she could have written it.

"One thinks he's a cunt", springs to mind

wv regui really

Umbongo said...

To make a (semi)serious point - it's about time the Queen seriously considered this. She is legally empowered to dissolve Parliament although the custom has grown that she only does so on the advice of the prime minister. This was OK when the British constitution was observed by the powers that be. And please, just because the constitution is unwritten, exists in a multitude of non-legal practices and customs, it doesn't mean that it is non-existent.

Since the present goverment has, effectively, shredded the constitution (eg over-legislation, creation of a "supreme court", emasculation of the Commons etc etc) then the Queen is quite entitled to look afresh at the convention that she cannot dissolve Parliament on her own responsibility. Indeed, what is she waiting for? Another 15 months of Brown will certainly ruin us all (if we're not ruined already). I am aware that the first priority of our royal family is the preservation of the monarchy but, if the Queen doesn't act soon, it's probable that the House of Windsor will go down in the same shipwreck as the rest of us.

Cato said...

Nice one Penguin.

I'm just polishing the tumbrel.

Chalcedon said...

If only...........If only. the bastard is probably going to borrow and spend £350 billion to utterly screw up the country and the next administration too. He should be impeached.

Cuse said...

Oh Penny - you're such a card!

I myself wrote a letter this morning.

"Dear Miss Penguin.

You're a cunt. Fuck off and do something useful with your life. Like fucking off right inside your own arse - instead of writing such self-indulgent shite.


The People's Elected New Government, Uniquely Inside Norwich's Inbred Society And Commemorative Umbrage Now and Tomorrow

The Penguin said...

Poor "Cuse", did Dolly come back to the office in a temper after making a prat of himself on the Daily Politics? Did he chastise you for being so idle and so useless?

You may have to go back to the McJob sooner than expected.

Please don't slam the door, there's a good little boy.

IanPJ said...

Something is going on at the Palace. The Penguin's post may not be just a wish.

Cuse said...

Interesting comeback Penny.

You've got a thing about McJobs. It's a definite favourite insult of yours. Not that you're predictable or anything.

And as for Draper - give it a rest. I know you feel dirty when you think of his face when you cum - but it's OK. It's OK.

The Penguin said...

It's not that I'm predictable, "Cuse", it's that you're sensitive.

But then, you have so much to be sensitive about, what with the acne, and the bromodosis, the thick-lensed spectacles, and the ongoing dental problems. Still, things should get better when you reach adulthood.

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Nice one, Penguin.

I'd love to hear Prince Philip's take on current events, and the gummint mongs.

it's either banned or compulsory said...

It is not entirely far fetched as we Oldies will remember.
The Queens Prime Minister Of Australia, Gough Whitlam, was DISMISSED by Her Representative, Governor-General Sir John Kerr in 1975, replacing him with Malcom Fraser. The Australian electorate agreed with Her and in the subsequent election gave Fraser the democratic mandate to continue.

Had Fraser failed at the polls, Australia would have automatically become a Republic, The Queen has no margin of error in such a course of action.

This is why THEY ( the 1984 crowd ) don't like us to know History n stuff .

Anonymous said...

Give us a country to be proud of, Her Majesty. Drive them out. It'd boost your popularity no end. Only NuLabour apparatchiks and 'diversity officers' support this awful shower.

We'll have street parties when it's all over.

Best wishes Her Majesty from your most loyal subjects.

No Surrender!

Cuse said...

...And the rather worrying obsession you have with using the appearance of stereotypical teenagers to try and insult people.

Typical Tory. Likes little boys.

Dirty cunt!

The Penguin said...

Oh dear, what are we going to do with poor little "Cuse"?

He's got no friends to play with, so he wants to come and play here with the big boys and girls.

Alan Titchmarsh said...


You need to visit my shop.

I've got all sorts of stuff to brighten up your miserable life.


Good tools in the garden are a must as you can quickly become disheartened if you try and use poor quality equipment. In partnership with Bulldog I have developed a range of top quality tools for the job.


Such as The Last Lighthouse Keeper.

The fictional Cornish world of Pencurnow Cove seems at first sight to be the forecast's literary equivalent: the kind of village where the landmarks (pub and post office) are populated by obligingly eccentric locals; where Loaded and FHM are sold under the counter, as overly racy; and where borderline criminals are easily identified by hints of foreignness ("Len Gryler looked as if he was of Italian incestry") or a loud London accent ("Bladdy hell, woman"). It's the kind of world only Enid Blyton ever lived in. But Titchmarsh's nostalgic Cornwall is no life-enhancing, organic community: it serves primarily as a retreat for battered victims of the real world. Will Elliott has spent the last six years in Prince Albert Rock Lighthouse, failing to grieve for his pregnant wife, killed in a hit-and-run; Amy Finn is a onetime Ballet Rambert ballerina, felled by a knee injury and plagued by her ex-lover and dance partner, Tony McNulty.

Hooked yet, Penguin? You will be!


Birds of the Antarctic! Tired of stropping the mulligan in the bus shelter? Wife run off with the milkman? Try Alan's bevy of busty blow-up dolls. Buy the lot and have an orgy! Debbie: 48DD, bottle blonde, enjoys macrame and clog dancing, modelled on the late Sarah Teather MP; Dusty: 54EE, cockney sparrer, crotchless pearly queen suit, modelled on the late Diana Dors; Alfie: handlebar moustache, waistcoat and watch-chain, likes a chat about pigeon-fancying, comes with free (blow-up) Airedale dog. Susie: Susie is just a torso. We like to cater for all tastes.


40 special tunes specially selected for YOU from my famous Radio 2 drive-time show. Some cunt writes:

'The piece de resistance is the synthesiser recording of You Only Live Twice by the New World "Orchestra"; EMI seem to like them a lot.

However, the real bonus comes in the form of Johnny Pearson's "Piano Parchment" theme to All Creatures Great & Small. I was expecting his original arrangement of the theme, featured in the first 3 series, to make yet another appearance, but no! It is, in fact, his superb re-working of the theme as heard in the final series of the programme, and it sounds great.

As far as I know, this is the first time this version has ever been commercially released on CD, so well done EMI!'

So there you go, penguin. A junkyard full of shite for all the family. So get out that credit card, hop online and spend, spend, spend, you moth-eaten old mofo.



Henry North London said...

Nice one Where was I on this day ah yes I remember I was busy thats why I didnt see it.

Well theres nothing stopping us writing letters to the queen to step in

Note I have given her lowercase since sovereignty lies in Brussels at present