Monday, 30 March 2009

Some Other Items Included In Jacqui's Allowance Claims

"Wanker's Cramp, do you get it?"

Subscriptions to "Asian Babes", "Reader's Wives", and "Fiesta" (not the motoring magazine).

Large Tub KY Jelly

Basque, Size XXL, Red Silk

Two pairs leather trousers, 36" waist, 38" inside leg, male, purple.

One box latex gloves, size large.

Full Adult Membership of Blockbusters, Redditch.

Deluxe Blow-Up Doll, three orifice model complete with multi-vibrating effect and real hair(s).

Electric Air Pump.

Large Tube of Deep Heat.

Pallet of Mansize Kleenex 3-ply Tissues.

Internet subscriptions to "Milf Hunter" and "Captain Stabbin" adult websites.

Large bottle of "Vanish" carpet stain remover and upholstery cleaner.

The Penguin


Obnoxio The Clown said...

Internet subscriptions to "Milf Hunter" and "Captain Stabbin" adult websites.

*starts googling*

(wv: shlinco -- the sound of taxpayer money going into a politician's wallet)

it's either banned or compulsory said...

""Asian Babes", "Reader's Wives", "
Memo to self, buy shares in Northern & Shell pronto.

Cato said...

Christ, I hope the Deep Heat isn't for his todger....that could hurt.

The Penguin said...

Cato - No, for his wrist and forearm!

ieboc - I suspect any endorsement by the Redditch Wanker is likely to have a deleterious effect...

Cuse said...


I nearly fucked your sister Penguin.

But she looked like you - fuck ugly.

Jesus - you really are a cunt.

Anna Raccoon said...

It's Mastur-gate.

Key bored warrior. said...

Would you not prefer a good JAR than a shag at Jacqui Smith. Her arse is so fat she needs the bed to herself any way. What he needs is a wee asylum seeker to keep house for him whilst she is enjoying her flat screen telly and scoffing kebabs, round at her sisters. Poor sod.

Anonymous said...

The saddest claim from the £250k pa household is surely 88p for a plug.

Anonymous said...

Bath plug, not butt plug!

The Penguin said...

"Cuse" - if you can't be amusing or are unable to add something worthwhile, then please don't bother.

We won't miss you.