Wednesday, 8 July 2009

That's It, I'm Going Pikey!


Following Old Holborn's lead in becoming a Lesbian Transgendered One Legged Black Muslim in order to maximise her Yuman Rites, I have decided to become a Dirty Thieving Pikey.

Not only will I never have to pay taxes or national inurance, I'll go straight to the front of the queue at the doctor's without bothering with any appointment and the police will have to provide me with dangerous dog and a bit of rope. They'll also have to give me a shotgun or two, but no need for a licence, and then arrange a party for me and my fellow travellers. I'll be able to go to conferences with free grub and £60 cash in hand no questions asked, ignore planning requirements, park my caravans anywhere I fucking like, save a fortune on road tax and insurance and MOTs, steal diesel from farms, flytip crap wherever I choose, and some do gooding cunt from the council will come and fill in all the fucking forms so I can get every benefit going.

Mind you, I'll have to tone down my cunting language a fucking bit.

The Penguin

10 comments:

AngryDave said...

I just had to suffer a pikey awareness week at work. It's strang how there was no mention of the crime, the unroadworthy vehicles, the vicious dogs, the drugs, the guns, the endless benefits, or the mess and destruction left behind by these bastards.
Instead, there was only talk of an idealic culture of horsedrawn carrages and the sale of homemade crafts. I dont honestly believe it was ever like that!

It is a lifestyle based on crime and evasion of the law. The real sickening part is that they will never ever contribute on any positive level to society, or pay a penny of tax, yet the wankers in charge are falling over themselves to give these thieving lying cunts our money.

My manager was born and raised on a farm, and she told me of her father's very effective way or removing them from his land and it's surroundings. After getting fed up with things going missing, the mess, and finding the bastards on his land, and on one occassion in his house, he decided to take action. They were staying in a layby next to one of his fields, so he took the muc-spreader and sprayed their caravans and vehicles from his field.
I think they call it fighting shits with shit.

AngryDave said...

I forgot to mention the dog fighting, cock fighting, inbreeding, and child marrages.

Old Holborn said...

I have nothing but admiration for Pikeys.

They stick two fingers up to everyone and everything. Good on them I say. Just so long as the theiving bastards don't move near me, of course.

The Penguin said...

Do yer want yer droive 'maccin, Missus?

Lexander said...

Perhaps the major problem in this country - apart from the Labour Party - is the "Ethnic Culture" that has been forced on ordinary folk. It was built up by all the do-gooders. I often wonder how many more we would have to put up with had it not been for the "culling" during WW2 ! Do you think Bernie has some pikey blood in him?

The Penguin said...

Bernie Winters? Fucking right, talentless pikey fat bastard.

Anonymous said...

It's not so much that Labour love pikies, more that they hate the rural (white, therfore racist) middle classes. They are never going to win votes there so why should they care?

Margaret Beckett said...

Hello darling. I will be jobless from next summer, and I would love to hitch up to your tow ball. Together we can clean up on hanging baskets. Try not to get over excited at the prospect, as you will need to keep your strength up.

Joe Public said...

You forgot to add that you can also sue victims of your thievery when they shoot you!

banned said...

You might have difficulties getting a taxi anywhere Mr.P or is it just another anti-Pikey myth that taxi drivers won't take 'em because they are fed up with being robbed and beaten up by them ?