Saturday 31 October 2009

You Aint Heard Nuthin Yet!

As the wonderful old rock anthem has it, Jacqui, "You Aint Heard Nuthin' Yet!" (Bachman Turner Overdrive, well worth a look on Youtube )

Must have been a bit of an eye-opener to be so vilified by the audience on Question Time after your Oh So Easy "apology" in the House Of Thieves and being asked to pay back a few quid of the hundreds of thousands you fiddled. Indeed - "You Took What You Could Get!"

Just wait till you try and defend your expenses "misjudgements" on the streets of Redditch, where they won't take kindly to you classifying a spare room in your sister's house to enable you to tart up your big detached with £500 stone sinks, let alone paying "Tugger" £40,000 a year to fill in your expense claims and write anonymous supportive letters to the local press.

You'll find you have fuck all support. And your opponents will have a field day at your "expenses".

The Penguin

This Will Restore The Public's Faith In The IPCC? Like Fuck It Will!

The supposedly independent body that investigates those complaints into the police which are so smelly that the plod's own internal whitewash departments fail to cover up properly gets a new boss.

Moir Stewart, whose involvement in the attempted cover-up of the Met murdering an innocent electrician is well documented gets yet another promotion, to lead the IPCC.

I'm sure this will do fuck all to inspire public confidence. Anyone charged yet with killing Ian Tomlinson?

The Penguin

Don't Like The Evidence, Sack The Scientist!

Too Honest To Be A Government Adviser, Professor David Nutt

No surprise that Professor David Nutt has been sacked. His science and research based evidence about the relative safety or danger of various drugs and his publishing of his findings shows very clearly how muddled and inconsistent government "policy" is.

And of course, it highlights the dangers of two drugs which raise shedloads of taxes for the Treasury- no matter how much they cost other departments, like the NHS or the Police.

The Penguin

Thursday 29 October 2009

Thank Fuck, That's Scuppered The War Criminal!

Some good news.

The Great Unelected Leader, Saviour of the World, He Who Did Away With Boom And Bust, whose very touch causes leprosy, has declared his whole hearted support for the War Criminal Bliar to become Presidente of the EUSSR.

So that's him fucked then.

Out of recession by Christmas? What year, Gordon, what fucking year?

The Penguin

PS: All he touches turns to shit!!

Poppy Appeal

Nice one!

The Penguin

Wednesday 28 October 2009

Shock Horror! True Cost Of Short Arse's Stool Revealed!

European taxpayers are in a state of shock this week as it has been revealed that the cost of the footstool which notorious short arse and adulterer Emperor Nicolas Napoleon Sarkozy uses for his podium appearances is an eye-watering £160 MILLION.

"But zis is a very speciale stool," an Elysee Spokesweazel enunciated yesterday, "it has a built in power shower and airconditioning to prevent it from steaming up when ze President is soaping Carla's tits."

Following the end of his entire forgettable Presidency of the EUSSR the special stool was recycled by throwing it into a dustbin.

The Penguin

Tuesday 27 October 2009

What The Fuck Use Are The CPS?

Ugly Dead Scrote From Shallow End Of Gene Pool

I do hope that the next administration do away with the pile of festering shit that is the "Crown Prosecution Service" who continue to prove just how wrong-headed and useless they are.

Hardly a day goes by that there is not a case being brought by these tossers which is completely fucking outrageous.

Latest example, they have charged a bloke with murder and wounding with intent for defending himself and his property against two feral teenage burglars. He should be given a fucking medal, not prosecuted!

The Penguin

Not So Much Out Of Touch As Not From This Planet?

Coming All Too Soon To A Street Near You!

What the fuck is it with the fucking judiciary? Why can they not do something so fucking simple as to lock cunts like Jason Owen up for life, meqaning life, or better still have him publicly hung which would raise a good few quid and be better than the expense of keeping him in prison and then arranging to protect him when he is allowed out.

High time some one tortured and murdered a fucking judge or two, might wake the rest of the cunts up.

The Penguin

Sunday 25 October 2009

Washing Whiter Than White

David Blunkett and his favourite Guide Dog

Poor "Sir" Ian Bliar. His pathetic failure to provide proper leadership when he was given the most senior job in UK policing and the abrupt way in which he was effectively forced out by Boris must really rankle.

The evidence is in his ghastly self-serving whitewash of a book, being serialised in the Mail on Sunday, where his every move and motive is whiter than white and holier than Jesus on a Sunday in Lent. It's enough to make your flesh creep, learning how supportive the fat greasy cunt was of everyone despite all their manifest weaknesses and failings.

I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for the instalment where he personally gives mouth-to-mouth to John Charles de Meneses on the floor of the tube train in Stockwell station, and only failed to revive the poor bastard because his "officers" had blown his brains out with multiple shots from point blank range after failing to give any warning.

What a shame the Booker Prize for pretentious fiction has already been handed out.

Still, with the Nobel Peace Prize going to Obamalama, there's always hope.

The Penguin

Fucking The Country For Political Advantage

The War Criminal and The Slippery Weasel have emerged as the main architects behind the flood of immigrants into Britain.

And it has also emerged that the dishonest cunts did it for ideological belief and political advantage, which they were too afraid to admit to because they knew the public would not tolerate it.

Instead we had the farrago of lies about economic benefits, which have been thoroughly discredited.

The Penguin

Saturday 24 October 2009

It Won't Be A Racist Attack, Lammy!!

"Would You Hit A Man With Glasses? - Nope, I'd Prefer A Pickaxe Handle!"

When you lose the police protection squad, Mr. Useless Twat, and some quite rightly aggrieved citizen or citizens gives you the kicking you so richly deserve, it won't be a racist attack.

It will be payback for being so fucking useless while costing us so fucking much.

And you won't be alone.

The Penguin

No More Boom And Bust?

Thank goodness for the wonderful leadership and financial genius of our Great Saviour, The Prime Mentalist Gordon "McCavity" Brown, whose brilliance as Chancellor and now as Unelected First Lord Of The Treasury has brought about a golden age of prosperity.

For a few, anyway.

The Penguin

Good Riddance

Another troughing pig is leaving the sinking ship.

Shame he's not going immediately.

I do wonder whether his heart attack was brought on by excessive high living at our expense or by the shock of being exposed over fiddling his expenses. Either way, I sincerely hope he doesn't enjoy his pension for very long.

The Penguin

Thursday 22 October 2009


Poor Steven Barker.

He's worried about his "good name". Unbelievable but true.

Don't worry, Steven, we'll do what we can to make sure that the public don't forget you.

And what you did.

What puzzles me, though, is who on earth is paying m'learned friends to do his dirty work?

The Penguin

Wednesday 21 October 2009

B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bugger Off, You C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c...

"M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-missed it!"

Now Blinky is trying to milk the sympathy vote.

Won't work, you nasty scrote, everyone fucking hates you.

So just f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fuck off and die.

The Penguin

Didn't Big Ears Get Sacked For This Sort Of Thing?

Truly the Undead walk amongst us!

I seem to recall that Big Ears Clarke got sacked as Home Secretary because of some incompetence in the deporting of illegal immigrants. But then we have the war criminal Blair supposedly running things, and he was rather better at sacrificing his friends to placate the media mob than the dithering imbecile currently "in charge".

After all, if the Prime Mentalist was listening to his much-vaunted Moral Compass he'd have to sack quite a few corrupt and incompetent ministers.

Jacqui "Box Room" Smith would have never had the chance to step down. Phil Woolas would have been back-benched before Joanna Lumley could fillet him live on TV. Baroness Scotland would have been facing charges not swanning round in a car she's not entitled to whilst trousering living allowances she's not entitled to. Bob Jobsworth would have been sacked not promoted. Jack Straw would be getting a much closer understanding of the Prison Service.

There's loads more.

But of course, The Great Leader would also have to fall on his own sword, and that will never happen, because the deluded cretin believes his own spin.

The Penguin

Tuesday 20 October 2009

Oh Come On, You Stupid Bitch!

Time For A New Razor, Hattie!

Who on earth has the actual experience of working in the financial services sector and being a very successful person based on merit and ability and hard-work?

Is it Ms Nicola Pease, deputy chairman of J O Hambro capital management, or is it the Right Honourable Harriet Harman MP aka Mrs Jack Dromey?

Who would you believe over a matter of employing women?

The Penguin

£100,000 A Year! Fucking Asda Will Send A Wreath!

This fat bugger is costing the taxpayer around (!) £100,000 a year and gets through 20,000 calories a day. He weighs 70 fucking stone.

Some poor bastards on a minimum wage have to wipe his fat arse when he shits himself.

Now there are suggestions that a fucking Chinook - remember them, our troops in Afghanistan are a bit short of them, apparently! - should be used to airlift the bloated bloke to Chichester, because it seems that no doctors in Suffolk can wire his fucking jaw up and stop him stuffing himself.

You can't get that fat overnight, and I doubt if he could have afforded all that food on a postie's packet. So how the fuck did this happen?

The Penguin

Running Scared Of The BNP, How Pathetic!

"British Jobs For British Racists!"

I do not like the BNP and I do not like racism, or agism, or sexism, for that matter.

However, this is supposedly a democracy, and the BNP are a legitimate political party who have garnered enough support from the electorate to have two MEPs and a handful of councillors around the country. From what I see and hear, they'll probably have a load more and some Westminster representation after the next elections.

And this is because they are speaking directly to those who feel the current main parties are ignoring them. So the resposne of the establishment, by and large, is what? Listen to the people and address the issues that concern them, such as mass immigration and the EUSSR? The criminal stupidity of fighting in Afghanistan without sufficient troops or the right equipment? Political sleaze? Cronyism? The bankrupt economy? Unemployment?

No, the fuckwits prefer to either try and ignore the BNP or to smear them, which is merely adding to their appeal as the under-dogs representing the unheard.

Fucking brilliant, and these tossers are supposed to be the elite.

The Penguin

Monday 19 October 2009

Balls Is A Nasty Bully? It's Hardly News!

Ed Balls has been described as a nasty bully.

Well, he is only following Gordon's example.

But it's a bit rich of the little cunt to complain that the Tories plan to appoint their own choices to positions of power and influence.

The Penguin

Sunday 18 October 2009

High Time The Lords Was Audited Thoroughly

The cesspit that is the Commons stinks of corruption and theft, but the other chamber smells as badly.

Not only Noble Peers enriching themselves by being paid to influence legislation or promote arms sales, but stealing by pretending to live elsewhere. There's rather of lot of these porkers, but as yet fuck all being done to bring them to justice.

From the Sunday Times:

The term “main home” has taken on a variety of meanings for London-based peers who wish to claim lucrative allowances intended for peers living outside the capital.

— For Lord Paul the main home is a concept — a one-bedroom flat in Oxfordshire he has never slept in, but could in theory turf the occupant out of if he wished to stay there. Pockets: £38,000

— For Baroness Thornton the main home is a bungalow in Yorkshire where her mother lives, rather than the £1m family house near Hampstead Heath. Pockets: £130,000

— For Baroness Uddin the main home is an empty and unfurnished flat in Maidstone which she hardly ever visits until she is quizzed by this newspaper. Pockets: £180,000

— For Baroness Morgan of Drefelin the main home is a Welsh holiday cottage 250 miles from the home in London, where she has lived all her life. Pockets: £140,000

— For Lord Taylor of Warwick the main home is his mother’s house in Solihull, which was sold to someone outside the family when she died several years ago. Pockets £70,000

— For Lord Sheldon the main home is his former house in Manchester which he gave to his son six years earlier. Pockets: £130,000

— For Lord Bhatia the main home is a rented flat just outside the M25, which is occupied by his brother and the address of which he could not remember. Pockets: £20,000

And the chief cunt in so-called charge is Baroness Hayman, the Lord Speaker. In 2001 she switched the designation of her main home from London to Norfolk while maintaining the same family home in the capital. This has enabled her to claim more than £200,000 in night subsistence allowances without breaking any rules.

Then there's the Noble Baroness Scotland, who has been claiming the allowance while blatantly living in Chiswick.

Very noble, I must say.

The Penguin

Just The Tip Of The Fucking BBC Iceberg

The Blair Broadcasting Cunts waste hundreds of thousands of licence payers money fighting Freedom Of Information requests.

They do this to protect the likes of Alan Yentob, who otherwise might be held up to public anger for the vast amounts of money he is paid for his role if cucking up and dumbing down the BBC.

Just look at the stupid cunt, wearing a "trendy" jumper - this is the loony in charge of creative programming. Obviously the huge nose comes in handy at the trough...

The Penguin

Saturday 17 October 2009

Has To Be Worth A Bonus!

Are these ghastly wimmin interchangeable? She looks just like the bitch running Ofsted!

There's got to be a big bonus coming her way!

Lin Homer, the chief executive of the Border and Immigration Agency, presides over yet another high profile fuck up. Iraqi officials send deportees straight back to Gatwick, brilliant organisation and hardly that expensive compared to the ID card fiasco.

Never mind, I'm sure little Phil Woolas will tell Gordon it was all a bit of a misunderstanding. After he's dodged the Nokia.

The Penguin

Fucking Bare-Faced Cheeky Cunt!

This fucking trough-pig dared to complain to journalists that he was "dangerously close" to breaching the minimum hourly rate because of his long hours and lousy salary.

Hang on just a minute, you pink-cheeked chubby faced cunt! Parliament sits for a joke 143 days a year, and you not only get a basic £65,000 (or whatever, I can't be arsed to look it up!) plus a gold-plated pension, gold-plated parachute should you be so fucking useless or indolent or outrageous that you lose your meal-ticket at an election, and huge allowances and expenses, which you have been right royally abusing.
After they cut you down from a lampost, they should render you down for bio-diesel, you worthless bastard.
The Penguin

Thursday 15 October 2009

One For A Lamp Post

Mr Justice Stadlen - looks a well fed cunt, doesn't he?

This imbecile is deserving of a Lamp Post, assuming any can be spared.

I sincerely hope that a group of travellers pitches up on a field next to his own house. And then invite all their friends and family to come and join them in wrecking the neighbourhood.

The Penguin

Wednesday 14 October 2009

Such An Endorsement, What An Honour!

Silvio Berlusconi, the sex-crazed cruise-ship crooner who with very dodgy connections and backers has improbably built a huge media empire and bribed his way to power in Italy, assisted by our very own corrupt bribe-taking Mr Tessa Jowell, has given his backing to a well-known war criminal and serial liar to become President of a discredited and distinctly undemocratic EUSSR.

Teflon Tony must be so chuffed. I expect it will completely make up for being embarrassed at the Iraq Memorial Service and Reception.

The Penguin

Emperor Of France

"I modelled my nose on Concorde, and my hair on Bette Davis"

Blimey - it seems that the French have a new Emperor!

Nicolas Napoleon-Sarkozy the First, maybe?

Not content with having appointed a self-confessed sex-tourist as Minister of Culture, and trying to pretend he is not a dwarf, the ludicrous little tosser is busy installing his useless twat of a son Jean to head up some huge quangocracy. Jean is 23, and is so clever he is having to redo the second year of his polytechnic course in becoming a legal secretary.

At the same time, his papa publically declares that "Napoleon Bonaparte had rendered France a great service in ending the privilege of birth. That means that what counts in success in France is not being well-born, it is to have worked hard and proved by one's studies and worth."

He is nearly as barking as our Prime Mentalist.

The Penguin

Tuesday 13 October 2009

Death And Resurrection

Oddly, It Seems It Was Not An Anally Injected Death Sentence!

What better way to restart a flagging pop career than to die?

Worked brilliantly for Elvis, Jimi Hendrix, John Lennon, and recently Michael Jackson has jumped on the "bandwagon" (as it were!). What a relief Jane Goody couldn't sing, to add to all her other lack of talent.

And now Boyzone are mourning the sad loss of Stephen Gately, while I suspect their management team are busy repackaging and the CD's and DVD's are being produced 24 hours a day to meat the mawkish demand that the media will stir up. It may even propel them back into rivalry with Take That, whereas previously their come back was not going so well.

So, let's think who will be watching this very closely? Spandau Ballet? The Spice Girls?

We should be so lucky!

The Penguin

The NuLiebore Royalty

Was there ever a more useless pair of overpaid twats?

And yet they have been elevated to the Peerage, enobled and enriched beyond belief through years of so-called "public service" - such as sacking whistleblowers while digging their snouts into the trough and ensuring their offspring were quickly welded onto the public teat.

After just 4 months as Minister for Europe in McCavity's government of the gormless, Baroness Kinnock is shuffled downwards and sidewards to look after the African portfolio - where she will probably do very well teaching corrupt dictators how to amass loads of money - but gets to keep her higher grade salary and perks.

The new Minister for Europe is Chris "Underpants" Bryant. He and the banana waving alien make a great pair to look after our interests in Brussels, I don't think.

The Penguin

Sunday 11 October 2009

Carla Bruni's Portrait of Brown

The NHS - Killing More People Than Al Quaeda

Quite apart from the super-efficient Doctor Shipman and the dodgy imported "GP"s providing out of hours cover and bumping patients off, supposedly through ignorance or exhaustion, the NHS is going above and beyond the call of duty.

Some poor bugger survived the Iraq War and British Army Rations, comes home safely but required a lung transplant. Amazingly, he gets one.

Problem is, it belonged to a chain-smoker and was already riddled with cancer.

I wonder who got George Best's liver?

The Penguin

PS "There's good news and bad news, Mrs. Nicholls. The bad news is, we didn't need to amputate your leg after all. However, the good news is that Mrs. Worthington in the next bed wants to buy your slippers."

Payback Time.

Seems there's a lot of Honourable Members who will be having to pay back over-claimed expenses, including the Great Saviour Of The World, our Unelected Leader, Gordon The Moron.

He has a better excuse than most though, as he simply could not see he was making the odd mistake.
Strange how his moral compass didn't warn him, though.

The Penguin

Another Corrupt Labour Peer!

"See No Evil, But What's That Stench?"

The House of Lords must absolutely reek of corruption and sleaze. It is packed full of dodgy NuLiebore stooges, many of whom are not just a waste of space but are actively thieving both directly and indirectly.

Step forward the latest to be revealed, the multillionaire Lord Paul, close friend of One-Eye and makor donor to NuLiebore. This tosser has claimed £38,000 which he hardly needs by pretending that a falt at one of his hotels in Oxfordshire is his main residence.

Even when caught he tried to justify his actions. What a greasy cunt. Is it just me or, like his colleague Baroness Uddin, is he a bit "sub-continental"?

The Penguin

Saturday 10 October 2009

Good To See Gordon Is Getting A Grip At Last!

Thank goodness! It seems that our Beloved Unelected Prime Mentalist has at last decided to do something about cutting back on public spending.

Shame he's picking on the areas where there is genuine need, the fucking numpty.

The Penguin

Thursday 8 October 2009

That Sarkozy, He Certainly Knows How To Pick Them!

"He had lovely firm young buttocks...."

Miniature-sized President of France, the Hungarian Adulterer Nicolas Sarkozy has a sure touch in picking his ministers.

There's the various "trophy" women, often of "ethnic" background so as to tick two boxes with one appointment; all of them good looking, none of them properly qualified.

And now it seems his choice of Minister of Culture has bitten him on the (short) arse!

Still, probably explains why the nephew of Francois ( pass the envelope) Mitterand was so quick to leap to the defence of the unspeakable Roman Polanski.

The Penguin

Wednesday 7 October 2009

What A Shame

What a shame that poor hard done by Sharon Shoesmith didn't fucking top herself.

No, instead the hard faced harridan is trying - probably on legal fucking aid - to screw the system for compensation for being useless and arrogant.

I hope anything she does get is swallowed up by the clawback of any legal aid, or swamped by her costs, and then she catches something virulent and unpleasant. Lassa Fever, for example.

The Penguin

PS - Apparently she only went in for local goverment work after her career modelling for Concorde finished...

Monday 5 October 2009

Chemical Castration, Will It Work?

Yes, providing they use enough concentrated Nitric Acid.

The Penguin

The Great Debate

"I'll Scratch My Eye Out If You Call Me A Cunt Again!"

Apparently that bloated prat Alex Salmond is threatening legal action if he is not invited to join in the televised "Leader Debates"which dithering coward McAvity has now been forced to agree to.

Seems UKIP also want in.

We can expect the BNP, The Greens, and the Monster Raving Loonies any minute.

Should make for interesting television, especially done live - and I really hope someone manages to wind the Great Leader And Saviour Of The World up to the point where he really loses it and starts throwing things before storming off....

The Penguin

Sunday 4 October 2009

A Very Expensive Bit Of Coconut

Fuck me, I'm going to go and buy a fucking dog, there's serious money to be made out of gullible detectives.

The Penguin

Another One Bang To Rights

"I'm Sorry Madam, But You'll Have To Accompany Me To The Police Station!"

The Harpy has been caught bang to rights crashing her car while using a mobile phone and then failing to give registration and insurance details before driving away.

Still, if she's lucky her fellow traveller and law breaker Baroness Scotland will still be the Attorney General and can ensure that the CPS don't bother with any tiresome prosecution.

The Penguin

Thursday 1 October 2009

Van Saga Continues

Well, after various adventures and hoop-jumping I now have a down-plated 416i Mercedes Sprinter designated as a 3.5 tonne van. It even passed it's class 7 MOT. Some more hoops yet, but progress is being made.

My mechanic reckons the battery is being drained by the tachograph, which I now see no reason to keep. In fact, when funds allow, the space would be better taken up by a CD player.

The blessed tachograph instruction book funnily enough doesn't give any clues on how to remove the bleeding thing. Any advice and idiot proof instructions welcomed!

The Penguin

Gob Like The Mersey Tunnel (But Not As Useful)

The Penguin

Presentational Failure - The Mask Slips

Should be seen by as wide an audience as possible, our lovely Prime Mentalist.

The Penguin