Saturday 29 May 2010

More Honourable Peers To Grace Parliament - My Arse!

The "Dis-Honours Solution List" Makes This Buffoon A Lord FFS!

The House Of Lords, where troughing is not only allowed but actually above the law, is to be graced by yet more wonderful examples of trough-pigging at the public expense, as well-known expense-cheats are "elevated to the peerage" by Jonah MacCavity.

Oh, and he includes a goodly number of fellow travellers too, such as the pink-faced prat who helped to ruin the Metropolitan Police Farce.

Top spot for sheer hypocrisy goes to John Prescott, champion of the working class. Lord Prescott of Pie Stuffing and Chipolata. I sincerely hope he gets gout.

The Penguin

Monday 24 May 2010

What A Fucking Travesty

More lunacy and stupidity by the CPS and our ludicrous "Criminal" Justice System after two little boys have been found guilty of attempted rape of an 8 year old girl who admitted in court that she had been voluntarily playing doctors and nurses but then lied about it to her fuckwit mother in order to get sweets.

What a fucking silly waste of taxpayers' money - and what effect is this going to have on the children? Playing doctors and nurses and investigating each other's privates has been going on as a perfectly normal part of growing up since for ever. And now thanks to some uptight cretin of a mother and her right-on attitude allied to unbelievable stupidity by the cunts at the CPS, two little boys have been put through a legal process which they have no way of understanding and with consequences which are too daft to comprehend.

Well done, you fucking idiots.

The Penguin

Sunday 23 May 2010

Don't Mention The War!

Two Fucking Liars

Quite a feast of hypocrisy to be had as the candidates for next leader of the NuLiebore Party try to distance themselves from responsibility for the clusterfuck known as the Iraq War.

Let's not forget that this wonderful adventure was all about American businesses wanting to "secure" oil supplies, and never mind the consequences for the Iraqi people or the poor bloody foot soldiers who were going to die or be maimed. To ensure that this happened, Bush and Bliar repeatedly lied and lied and lied, ably supported by the likes of all the candidates for leader except the gobshite Diane Abbott.

I wonder which candidate would get Mrs David Kelly's vote?

The Penguin

Thursday 20 May 2010

Hard Done By My Arse!

The Voters Kick Out The Thief!

That fat thief who was once the second-Home Secretary is complaining that too much "focus" was placed on her expenses stealing.

She blagged well over a hundred grand by claiming that her main residence was a spare room in her sister's house. Oh, and she claimed for her husband's porn movies.

There was a case a few years back where an apparently genuine mistake was made over the definition of a main residence, and the MP had to pay back the over-claim.

I can't think of any reason why this precedent should not be applied to Jackboots Smith.

Then we'd really hear some squealing and squeaking!!!

The Penguin

Sunday 16 May 2010

Goodbye And Good Riddance Lord Triesman!

"She had the most gorgeous melons..."

Congratulations to the Sunday Outrage for the scalp of ex-Communist NuLiebore "Peer" Lord Triesman, shown up to be a predatory adulterer with a flappy gob.

Shame the Mouth of The Humber didn't have the same decency to resign from public life when he was shown up as Two Shags (with a small member).

The Penguin

Saturday 15 May 2010

The Smith Institute - Let The Sunshine In!

Now that Brown's grubby tentacles have been prised off the Treasury, it will be interesting to see what emerges from a proper and thorough investigation into the Smith Institute and the money it channelled to Jonah and his mini-me Ed "Blinky" Balls.

£100,000 a year for doing next to nothing whilst waiting to be given a safe seat, for example, would tend to make the man on the Clapham omnibus a tad envious if not suspicious.

Oh, and while they are looking into the Smith Institute perhaps they could consider the role of the Charity Commission and it's repulsively partisan chairwoman. Money to be saved there, surely!

The Penguin

Friday 14 May 2010

Will The pip-Squeaker Survive?

Next week the House of Commons may see the pip-Squeaker forced from his chair and thrown out of his grace-and-favour residence. Luckily for him and Long Tall "Shagger" Sally he did well out of his subsidised property dealings as a mere trough-pig MP, so he won't be made homeless.

I would laugh my socks off if he were to be thrown out. He is hardly enhancing the role with his petulance and arrogance, and I wonder what he would do - resign his seat as an MP rather than return to the backbenches as a figure of fun? Or grovel for a ticket to the Lords?

Interesting times we live in.

The Penguin

Thursday 13 May 2010

Never Mind Your Diaries, Al, Hire A Legal Team!

As Alistair "Porn And Whisky" Campbell prepares to try and rake in the ackers by publishing and promoting his unexpurgated diaries of his years spinning lies for Bliar and Brown, he should perhaps consider hiring a seriously good team of lawyers.

After all, now that there's a Liberal Democrat - Conservative coalition in power and eager to discredit the NuLiebore government it has replaced, what is more likely than a proper police enquiry in the death of Doctor David Kelly, especially with Liberal Democrat MP Norman Baker banging away at his favourite drum.

It would make for some very uncomfortable moments for others such as Bliar and Hoon as well.

The Penguin

Wednesday 12 May 2010

The Trial Of The Sage Of Twickenham

That wondrous charlatan Vince Cable is dropped right in the cack by "Dave" Cameron, who instead of giving him an easy ride as number 2 in the Treasury has made him the Business Secretary.

This is "Saint" Vincent's big chance to show what he is really made of. Will he live up to his own hype, or be revealed as a bald twat who once made a half-decent joke about the departed Jonah?

Just remember, an economist is someone who is good with numbers but has not got enough personality to be an accountant.

The Penguin

Nasty Outbreak Of Stealing Double Yellow Lines!

Poor old Wolverhampton! Not only blighted by geography and evolution, now it has been hit by a nasty outbreak of thieving. It seems that people have been stealing double yellow lines!

Now, the theft of copper wire for scrap I can understand, or the lead from church roofs - there's a ready demand for such things down at the scrap yard, but double yellow lines?

Where the fuck can you flog them for readies, no questions asked? Do double yellow lines from posh areas command a premium?

Or is it just a pathetic attempt to justify incompetence and fuckwittery by officaldom?

The Penguin

Tuesday 11 May 2010

Brown's Legacy By The BBC

And they should know, the lefty bastards.

The Penguin

Beware Of The Weasel!

"Cross Me And You're A Walking Corpse!"

Jack "The Weasel" Straw is said to be incensed by talk of a deal with the Liberal Democrats.

Those in NuLiebore seeking to force such a deal through should watch their backs - Jack knows where all the bodies are buried.

After all, he helped bury most of them!

The Penguin

LibDem-Lab Coalition?

"I can't see it happening", said David Blunkett. "It would be a complete disaster! Mind you, I won't see that either!"

The Penguin

Well, What Else Did You Expect?

So Jonah McCavity, the worst Prime Minister ever according to one NuLibore candidate, the self-confessed "Saviour Of The World", proven liar, snot-gobbler, bully, coward and incompetent dishonest disloyal self-seeking hypocrite has "resigned" in a shabby attempt to cling onto power for a bit longer and to stitch up the Conservatives.

Hardly surprising, as despite all the protestations of honesty and his "moral compass", this is the piece of shit who published a cheat's guide for students including blagging your way into parties with empty tins and bricks.

He hasn't changed.

The Penguin

Monday 10 May 2010

Clegg's Demands

Little Nicky Clegg is holding out for his wish-list of demands in return for supporting lame duck Dave Cameron's chances of being asked by Brenda to try and form a government once the skulking and sulking Jonah is dragged from underneath his desk.

These include:

Renaming Downing Street as Clegg Avenue
Forcing William Hague to wear a wig.
Votes for Limp Dums to count double in all future elections.
Paddy Pantsdown to be made President of Europe.
Samantha Cameron's used undies.

Jonah has already offered all of these, with the obvious difference of it being Liam Byrne's shiny skull that has to be wigged, and of course, Sarah Brown's soiled knickers. Oddly, Cleggy has decided that this is just not good enough.

The Penguin

PS Voldemort has just added a soapy tit-wank with Harriet in a last minute attempt to outbid the same old Tories. Still not good enough.

Sunday 9 May 2010

I Laughed Like A Drain!

Sometimes arrogance gets its come-uppance.

Senior architect working for that ludicrous quango English Heritage ignores the rules when it comes to his own loft extension, spends £150,000 without any planning consent - and has to tear it down after neighbours complain. Wonderful!

The Penguin

Friday 7 May 2010

Jackboots Booted Out!

Well, it's not all bad news - the good people of Redditch have disregarded the visit of the Messiah and thrown the cheating troughpig Jacqui "Box Room" Smith out on her ear.

It also mean that her husband, "Tugger" Timney, will be out of a job as well!

The Penguin

PS With any luck another election soon will bankrupt NuLiebore and it's union backers.

PPS What is it with the troughpig's neck? Has she been guzzling so much from the taxpayers that her gullet has had to expand to cope? Or maybe "Tugger" has been up to some new tricks?

Thursday 6 May 2010

Going For The Sympathy Vote?

"Poor Old Goebbels Had No Balls At All!"

The lengths that unscrupulous politicians will go to to garner your vote reaches unprecedented degrees as Nigel "One Bollock Is All I Need" Farage goes for the sympathy vote in his attempt to unseat the Little Squeaker.

Shame he couldn't actually get the 'plane to land on top of Bercow...
The Penguin

Please, Let It Be A Total Humiliation For McRuin!

I don't just want a change of government, I want Jonah McRuin completely and totally humiliated and NuLiebore consigned to the dustbin.

They have wrecked this country in their vindictive and corrupt pursuit of a useless socialist ideology, and my grandchildren will still be paying the price decades hence.

Much as I would like to have the one-eyed snot-gobbler shoot himself, I'd prefer that he had to endure years of being vilified as the extent of his incompetence and dishonesty are revealed to the public. Mind you, if he were to attempt to shoot himself and just ended up badly crippled that would be just fine.

The Penguin

Tuesday 4 May 2010

Peter And Gordon


The Penguin

Typical Tight Scotch Gits!

There you are, one of them's a millionaire, the other's a well-paid expense stealing property flipping politician. Too bloody mean to buy a plate of chips each.

And then the one-eyed snot-muncher counts them to be sure of getting his fair share....

And have you noticed, no tomato ketchup. I bet it was one of those places where you have to BUY a small sachet.

Cue little Hamish.

The Penguin

Monday 3 May 2010

A Straight Comparison

Hmmmm, which one do I believe might win?

The Penguin

Vote For Me Or I'll Strangle This Little Girl!

Jonah is getting desperate!

The Penguin

Sunday 2 May 2010

What A Line Up!

Some Mad Twat With A Banana

Ladbrokes are offering the following odds for the next Leader Of NuLiebore:

David "Banana Boy" Miliband 7/4
Ed "The Clever One" Miliband 5/1
Alan "Postman Prat" Johnson 6/1
Harriet "Harpy Hypocrite" Harman 8/1
Peter "Lord Of The Mince" Mandelson 10/1
Alistair "The Flipper" Darling 12/1
Ed "Blinky" Balls 14/1
Jon "Token Lefty" Cruddas 14/1
Jack "The Weasel" Straw 25/1
John "The Unknown" Denham 25/1
Andy "Eyeliner" Burnham 25/1
Hilary "Nepotism Rules OK" Benn 33/1
Yvette "The Giraffe" Cooper 33/1

Fuck me, but have you ever seen such a line up of completely useless tosspots? Headed up by the oddly alien Millipedes, it's like something from a third rate horror film with a title like "The House Of The Nearly Dead!"

The Penguin