Tuesday 29 December 2009

Hardly Worth A "Diplomatic Incident"

Any bleeding hearts daft enough to visit this site more than once should take note that this is yet another posting that they will not agree with.

There's a great many things that I dislike about the Chinese, but I couldn't give a flying fuck how many drug smugglers they choose to execute. I expect their body parts are put to a better use, as well.

And as for the claims that the dead drug smugglers was mentally ill, where's the fucking proof? Sounds to me
like the last desperate efforts of his family (who had hardly kept in touch with him, really) to excuse his criminality.

So why is that stupid twat Gordoom making waves? It's not like the Chinese are going to give a damn, we can't send a fucking gun boat now to insist we should be allowed to sell them opium. Things have changed - maybe someone should tell The Prime Mentalist?

The Penguin

Monday 28 December 2009

Hmmmm, I Wonder?

Seems a mosque in Dudley "went on fire" the other night and burnt to the ground.

I'm sure it was just a co-incidence that this happened so soon after some Islamic nutter caused airport misery for thousands of innocent travellers by trying to set off a bomb in his underpants.

However, it might make for an interestingly old-fashioned "Old Testament" style policy. After all, it's one of their holy books, innit?

Along the lines of - "You fuck with us, and we'll burn a mosque - or two!"
The Penguin

Why The Fuck Did He Do It?

Just can't get my head around why some one as rich as "Lord" Paul should go out of his way to claim a distinctly dodgy £38,000 by pretending that his main home was a one bed flat in a hotel he owns in Oxfordshire when it is blindingly obvious that he lives in London with his family, and has never ever by his own admission stayed so much as one night in this flat - which is occupied by the hotel manager.

Why would someone in his position risk such ridicule over such a paltry sum? Even if the rules are so lax that he is not prosecuted for fraud, his reputation is shot.

Of course, it doesn't say much for the Prime Mentalist's judgement that he's promoted the greasy git to being a Privy Counsellor.

The Penguin

Sunday 27 December 2009



The Penguin

Poster Boy Brown

From the Independent.

The Penguin

Saturday 26 December 2009

Let's Start By Saving A Pain-Free Six Million!

"Everyone likes me, really!"

Here's a wonderful instant and easy saving to make, which will benefit the public purse by a cool SIX MILLION, and will also release valuable police resources back to fighting crime.

Simply stop wasting money protecting Tony Bliar.

After all, the slimy cunt reckons he's popular, so why would he want round the clock protection?

The Penguin

Monday 21 December 2009

That Time Of Year Again

Once again it is time for one to address what is left of one's nation, and the wider audience of our Commonwealth of Nations who have not yet moved here in pursuit of benefits unavailable to them at home. We also have to address several million newcomers from the newly subjugated countries in thrall to the EUSSR, who have arrived to do all the jobs which our peculiar welfare system apparently prevents our own subjects from doing. Leave the bloody swans alone, or I’ll set the Regiment on you!

This has been a difficult year so far as the Family are concerned, with one’s husband putting his foot in it the least of one’s worries. One keeps expecting to find ginger babies crawling out of the woodwork, heralded not by celestial angels or even shepherds but by the News Of The World. At least Charles had the good sense to use a johnny when he was screwing around, but the wretched Princes just won’t listen. I blame their mother, the daft bint!

We are more than ever concerned about the governance of our country. It seems extraordinary that in what is supposed to be a mature democracy things are left in the grubby snot encrusted little hands of that deluded Scottish fellow with the chewed nails and the strange movements of the jaw. One’s attention was drawn to a video clip of him actually doing some hip-hop jig in a desperate attempt to appeal to the youth, and it made one hoot with laughter. As Phillip said, the chap’s a buffoon! One might as well have Rab C Nesbitt in charge, he’d make more sense, and we would not have to keep scrubbing the furniture to remove the bogeys after his visitations.

The severe depression which this imbecile and his ludicrous policies has inflicted on one’s country continues, and one is so hard up as to have to catch a train to get to Sandringham. One will have to get our hands on some of Charles’ loot, if he can afford to swan around in private jets in order to big up climate warming and the importance of having a small carbon footprint he can jolly well help his poor old mother get the roof repaired.

As for the rest of you – one hopes you don’t all freeze. Happy Christmas!

Brenda Regina

Friday 18 December 2009

Surely More Bonuses Are Required?

"Ooooh, that Joanna Lumley, Phwooooarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

The Home Office, declared unfit for purpose by John "Oh No, Not Fucking Health!" Reid, and subsequently split into the farcical Ministry Of Justice under Head Weasel "Slippery Cunt" Jack Straw and the rump left for the likes of "Box Room" Jacqui Spliff and "Postman Prat" to preside over lurches to another monumental fuck-up.

The UK Borders Agency - you know, the wankers who can't deport terrorists or criminals! - have blown £1.2 billion on a database system to track people coming in and over-staying - errrr, leaving! - the UK. Only to find it's illegal under EUSSR rules.

Surely Phil "Custard Face" will have to trot along ( there's got to be a pun there!) to see Alistair Darling and beg for some more bonuses for his staff?

The Penguin

"Don't You Know Who I Am?"

Ginger Minger Vera Baird

Seems our semi-elected "Lords and Masters" definitely think they are above the laws that they are so keen to impose on us little folk who pay for their gilded gravy train.

Not only do we have an Attorney General breaking employment and tax law with impunity, we have a Solicitor General who is too high and mighty to clear up after her fucking dog.

Looks like the whole Ministry of Justice is a total joke, with the Chief Weasel in charge it is hardly a surprise.

The Penguin

Wednesday 16 December 2009

On Second Thoughts, Hanging Is Too Good For Them!

Never mind burdening Westminster's lamp posts, get the trough-pigs to depart this mortal coil in the wonderful way that Robert Morley's character in "Theatre of Blood" did....

(Is Elliot "pig Face" Morley related, does nayone know?)

The Penguin

Monday 14 December 2009

Give Him A Medal And A First Class Ticket To London!

Whoever thumped that odious crook Berlusconi deserves a medal.

And a first class ticket to London, where in Westminster and Whitehall he'll find a target-rich environment.

The Penguin

Friday 11 December 2009

Sack Your Spokesweazel, Gordon, He's Useless!

Funny, I can't see any sign of office furniture in there?

You just can't get good staff these days, which is probably why the Attorney General had to hire an illegal, and the cabinet is full of third rate wankers.

Certainly The Prime Mentalist is in dire need of a new spokesweazel, theone currently being over-paid at our expense is not fit for purpose.

Otherwise he'd have come up with a better fib than this!

A spokesman for Mr Brown said the structure was more 'a building in his garden' which he used as a home office rather than a traditional summerhouse.

The Bell End And His Bell Tower

"Oooooh, Gordon, Let Me Suck Your Knob!"

You can rely on the toad-like Quentin Davies to let you down.

The cunt let his electorate down by switching sides without offering himself for re-election under his new political colours.

As a Defence Minister in McCavity's government of useless gnomes he's busy letting the Armed Forces down.

And now it emerges that he's even let himself down, as he bottled on his claim for mending his fucking bell tower on his stately pile.

The stupid Bell End.

The Penguin

Thursday 10 December 2009

Bloody Expensive Living In Scotland!

For goodness sake, no wonder Gordoom claims for every fucking penny he can, it's bloody expensive getting things done up in Kirkcaldy. Close on three grand for sorting out and redecorating his under-stairs cloakroom.

Or maybe John Prescott had been for a visit?

The Penguin

Tuesday 8 December 2009

Political Cretin Of The Year Awards - Nominations Required!

Got To Be A Contender!

The Ranting Penguin thinks that there should be a new annual award for the most cretinous political tosspot.

Please post your nominations here, and be prepared to justify and defend them.

(Defence as in "I used to argue when people said that Gordon Brown wasn't fit to shovel shit...")

It's a very difficult award to give, there are so many worthy cases. Phil "Front Line" Woolas for example.

The Penguin

What Did It Say?

What was it that was on whatever it is that The Prime Mentalist is looking at?

It should have said "You're A Cunt, Jonah!" or something similar.

The Penguin

Sunday 6 December 2009

Another Thieving Bastard Bang To Rights!

Setting A Fine Example For The Boys In The Gangs?

Seems to me the House Of Mainly Appointed Lords is just as stuffed with corrupt thieves as the House of Commons.

Yet another political placeman is caught bang to rights abusing the system through blatant dishonesty.

In any other walk of life this would result in criminal prosecution - I can think of a raft of possible charges, such as deception to obtain a pecuniary advantage, fraud, etc.

I wonder how long it will take the incredibly reluctant Inspector Knacker to take action, and whether the upstanding and totally impartial Kier Starmer will decide that a prosecution is in the public interest.

Mind you, there's a fucking lot of them in the queue.

The Penguin

Saturday 5 December 2009

She Just Loves Bananas

Only explanation that doesn't require gallons and gallons of mind-bleach.

The Penguin

Friday 4 December 2009

What A Fucking Sad Wanker - Yet He's The Speaker Of The House Of Commons!!

“Don’t move, I have just broken a test tube filled with the Aids virus.”

It does seem impossible, doesn't it, that the "Mother of All Parliaments" has sunk to such embarrassing and humiliating depths as to have a Speaker who published crass, incorrect, and misogynist rubbish about how to pull virgins, and yet ended up himself with a self-confessed drunk lying slapper.

Still, the money's good, and he'd best make the most of it before the General Election.

The Penguin

Thursday 3 December 2009

Tiger Alert - Outbreak Of Camel Toe!

Ooo-er, missus!

The Penguin

Tough (Luck) On Crime, Tough (Luck) On The Causes Of Crime?

"I keep washing them, but the blood's still there!"

Of all Tony Bliar's empty soundbites, the "Tough on Crime" one rings particularly hollow.

Mind you, when you look at the example that he and his NuLiebore colleagues have set the nation, you can hardly be surprised that they have to fiddle the official statistics to try and pretend there is not a massive increase in criminal activity.

Bribery, corruption, assaulting the public, not buying rail tickets, claiming for phantom mortgages, employing illegal immigrants, murdering an inconvenient scientist, mortgage fraud, misuse of public office, election rigging, warmongering, and badger-watching.
But we'd better not try to name and shame them as it would infringe the fucking human rights.

The Penguin

Wednesday 2 December 2009

Am I The Only One?

Don't fancy him, but she's rather tasty!

Am I the only one who hasn't been shagging Tiger Woods?

And who the fucking hell cares?

The Penguin

Tuesday 1 December 2009

Even The Grauniad Hate Bliar Now!

Or why else would they be replicating the questions into the War Criminal's financial shenanagins?

Still, deserves everything that's coming his way, Saint Tone of Teflon.

It'd be nice to see Pope Hitler excommunicating the cunt though!

The Penguin

Advent Here Again. Recycled Joke Again.

The Penguin