Thursday 30 September 2010

What About Some Cheese, Gromit?

Nice bit of Red Leicester, Gromit?

The Penguin

Police Overkill

No wonder you can't get anything but a fucking crime number if you phone Plod because you are being burgled.

Inspector Knacker and his team are too busy going tooled up and gung-ho, keen to use the arsenal of toys they deem necessary. 59 armed officers with over 100 weapons to "contain" a drunken prat with a shotgun - and then kill him after "provoking a reaction".

You couldn't make it up and be believed. Bound to be some promotions shortly.

The cunts.

The Penguin

Lord Token Pleads "Not Guilty"

"How Many Honest Peers? I Can Count Them On One Finger Of One Hand!"

Surprise, surprise, the noble Lord Token has chosen to brass it out.

In case you'd forgotten this peer of the realm, awarded the ermine for his failure to get elected, was busily ripping off the tax-payer by pretending that he lived in and owned various houses belonging to other people.

Still, maybe he's going to go for the Yates of The Yard Defence, ignorance of the rules.

The Penguin

Monday 27 September 2010

Great Election Result For The Conservatives!

"Forrest Gump? No, He's Worse Than That!"

Ed Millipede emerges as Liebore leader thanks to election fraud by the brothers. He was not the choice of the membership or the parliamentarians. He promptly declares that NuLiebore, which won 3 elections on the trot by appearing distancing itself from the brothers, is dead.

The wonk has never had a proper job in his entire life.

He wrote the 2010 election manifesto but then rubbished it. He failed to get any sort of a deal in Copenhagen and blamed the Chinese. He set an impossible target for UK emission reductions (but carefully ensured it would cause trouble long after he'd moved on). He has the active support of that windbag Kinnochio. And he has failed to marry the mother of his children or even to be arsed to get his name on the birth certificate of their first-born.

Still, at least he's not a jaffa like his big brother.

The Penguin

Sunday 26 September 2010

Yates Of The Yard

More Champagne, Officer?

Why on earth has "Yates of the Yard" got such a towering reputation?

He conspicuously failed to get anyone prosecuted let alone convicted over the cash for peerages scandal, he was part of the so-called senior management who allowed Ali Dizai to grease his corrupt way up the Met's pole by using the bogus race card, he fucked up the Paul Burrell investigation costing the taxpayer hundreds of thousands in a fuckfest court case, and ditched his wife for someone who at the time was working at Scotland Yard.

Now it seems he's been abusing his expenses, but will get away with it because he was in ignorance of the rules.

That's not a defence that would stand up in court for ordinary little people.

The Penguin

Saturday 25 September 2010

Displaying Yet Another Skill!!!

Yes, Ed, But Which One?

Ed the Lesser Millipede demonstrates his mastery of sign-language.

I'm fairly sure that he is silently shouting "CUNT!"

The Penguin

PS It seems it is GMB leader Paul Kenny that he is referring to.

Start It Up - Robben Ford

The Penguin

Friday 24 September 2010

Deserves Attention - From Catosays Blog

This is one of the best explanations of the Muslim terrorist situation I have read. His references to past history are accurate and clear. Not long, easy to understand, and well worth the read. The author of this email is a Canadian named Paul E Marek who fled Czechoslovakia as a child to escape the Nazis.

A man, whose family was German aristocracy prior to World War II, owned a number of large industries and estates. When asked how many German people were true Nazis, the answer he gave can guide our attitude toward fanaticism.

'Very few people were true Nazis,' he said, 'but many enjoyed the return of German pride, and many more were too busy to care. I was one of those who just thought the Nazis were a bunch of fools. So, the majority just sat back and let it all happen. Then, before we knew it, they owned us, and we had lost control, and the end of the world had come. My family lost everything. I ended up in a concentration camp and the Allies destroyed my factories.'

We are told again and again by 'experts' and 'talking heads' that Islam is the religion of peace and that the vast majority of Muslims just want to live in peace. Although this unqualified assertion may be true, it is entirely irrelevant. It is meaningless fluff, meant to make us feel better, and meant to somehow diminish the specter of fanatics rampaging across the globe in the name of Islam.

The fact is that the fanatics rule Islam at this moment in history. It is the fanatics who march... It is the fanatics who wage any one of 50 shooting wars worldwide. It is the fanatics who systematically slaughter Christian or tribal groups throughout Africa and are gradually taking over the entire continent in an Islamic wave. It is the fanatics who bomb, behead, murder, or honour-kill. It is the fanatics who take over mosque after mosque. It is the fanatics who zealously spread the stoning and hanging of rape victims and homosexuals. It is the fanatics who teach their young to kill and to become suicide bombers.

The hard, quantifiable fact is that the peaceful majority, the 'silent majority,' is cowed and extraneous.

Communist Russia was comprised of Russians who just wanted to live in peace, yet the Russian Communists were responsible for the murder of about 20 million people. The peaceful majority were irrelevant. China's huge population was peaceful as well, but Chinese Communists managed to kill a staggering 70 million people.

The average Japanese individual prior to World War II was not a warmongering sadist. Yet, Japan murdered and slaughtered its way across South East Asia in an orgy of killing that included the systematic murder of 12 million Chinese civilians; most killed by sword, shovel, and bayonet.

And who can forget Rwanda , which collapsed into butchery. Could it not be said that the majority of Rwandans were 'peace loving'?

History lessons are often incredibly simple and blunt, yet for all our powers of reason, we often miss the most basic and uncomplicated of points:

Peace-loving Muslims have been made irrelevant by their silence.

Peace-loving Muslims will become our enemy if they don't speak up, because like my friend from Germany , they will awaken one day and find that the fanatics own them, and the end of their world will have begun.

Peace-loving Germans, Japanese, Chinese, Russians, Rwandans, Serbs, Afghans, Iraqis, Palestinians, Somalis, Nigerians, Algerians, and many others have died because the peaceful majority did not speak up until it was too late. As for us who watch it all unfold, we must pay attention to the only group that counts -- the fanatics who threaten our way of life.

Celebrity Cunts

Rated a "complete cunt", the speccy ginger twat.

Feel free to suggest some for inclusion at this "Database" of celebrity cunts.

The Penguin

Wednesday 22 September 2010

Pain Free Saving Of £8.8 Million A Year

Katharine Rake - Raking In £92,000 Plus Expenses For Being A Cunt

Michael Gove, you can save your department £8.8 million a year at a stroke. Disband the farcical Family and Parenting Institute.

It's doing fuck all except demand more money and making ludicrous suggestions.

Ask Eric Pickles if you need any help.

The Penguin

Monday 20 September 2010

The System Is Fucked

Baby Peter's Social Worker Reported Him "Well" 4 Days Before His Death

There's no doubt about it, the system of civil justice in this country is completely fucked.

Otherwise how would it be possible for the social worker and her manager who allowed Peter Connolly to be tortured and murdered to be able to claim "wrongful dismissal" despite admitting to their "professional body" that they failed to ensure Peter was visited regularly enough, did not keeping adequate records and even lost contact with him for a time?

Mind you, that outstanding "professional body" which regulates Social Workers merely suspended them for a few weeks rather than striking them off.

And I suspect the pair will be getting legal aid to mount their claims.

So m'learned friends will be laughing all the way to the bank, the fucking cunts.

The Penguin

Sunday 19 September 2010

Hello? Could I Book A Table, Please?

Happy Jim, The Restauranteur's Favourite

Hello? I'd like to book a table for dinner on Saturday night, please, a table for 6 people.

Yes, 8pm would be fantastic.

Name? Rosenthal.

Hello? Hello? Hello?

The Penguin

Friday 17 September 2010

Monsieur Le President Tells Fibs

"Oooh, I Never Said Anything Of The Sort, The Lying Little Dwarf!"

Surprise, surpise, the miniature French President (actually an adulterous Hungarian Jew) has been caught telling blatant porkies, claiming that ze Germans were going to start deporting pikeys as well.

Frau Merkel's immediate denial on learning of this will doubtless cause a little difficulty with the EUSSR love-in.

Now what is needed to really stir things up is for some enterprising entrepreneur to buy a tract of land in Poland and set up a historically-themed holiday camp for the Roma.

The Penguin

Thursday 16 September 2010

Arrogant Bitch From A Parallel Universe?

"No One Made Any Mistake, Got It?"

Seems no-one at the top of the cluster-fuck that is HMRC has much of a relationship with the real world.

Asked by MPs about the tax fiasco affecting millions of people, HM Revenue & Customs chief executive Dame Lesley Strathie insisted ‘no mistakes’ had been made by her staff. This despite a backlog of 24 million "miscalculations" made by the people at HMRC which now need sorting out.

Now I'm a simple flightless bird with anger-management issues, but it seems to me that some cunt has been making a fucking whole pile of mistakes.

The Penguin

Wednesday 15 September 2010

Whoops, That's The Cat Out Of The Bag!

Tony McGuirk, Telling It Like It Is!

While the dinosaurs of the featherbedded union plutocracy are calling for public disorder to fight the coming spending cuts, and some knobhead senior Plod is warning that the thugs in uniform won't be able to cope if their budgets are trimmed, the boss of the Merseyside fire service has gone and let the cat out of the bag.

At his Merseyside branch, he said he had managed to become more efficient by cutting the number of firemen from 1,550 to 850 since 1991.

At the same time, fire-related deaths had dropped by 60 per cent, and injuries by 70 per cent as a result of running a fire prevention programme alongside the cuts.

And all by sacking the bone idle.

I suspect he won't be very popular at the TUC conference.

The Penguin

Tuesday 14 September 2010

Real Hardship

Careless Wanker

"The judge said he took into account that Michael had checked into a clinic after the crash to seek help for anxiety, depression and insomnia, which had led him to depend on prescription drugs.

"I accept entirely that you have shown remorse for the offence, that you are ashamed of it, that you admitted it," he said, but added that a jail term was inevitable because of Michael's previous conviction. At that point, Michael's long-term partner Kenny Goss threw his head into his hands."

From the Grauniad.

Hardly going to be much of a punishment for the tosser is it? Four weeks or less in a nice warm jail with all the cannabis he can wish for readily available and as much cock as he can possibly want.

Still, if there was any justice he'd still be an unknown wanker washing dishes in some Greek restaurant.

The Penguin

Monday 13 September 2010

Highly Deserving Target

Seems that Phil Woolarse is the first MP for 99 years to face a High Court hearing over his election campaign.


The Penguin

Saturday 11 September 2010

Perks Of Office

Liberal Democrat MP Nick Harvey was a strong and passionate supporter of better treatment for those poor bastards irradiated by atomic bomb testing by the MOD.

Until he got his snout in the trough at the MOD, where upon he went native very quickly.

What a sad little hypocrite.

The Penguin

Cunt Of The Month

In a target-rich environment, there's a clear winner.

Dave Hartnett, HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC) Permanent Secretary responsible for tax sees no need to apologise let alone resign over the shambles he presides over.

Not surprising, he felt the same way over losing 25 million taxpayers' details the other year.

A weapons-grade utter cunt.

The Penguin

UPDATED: Seems Boy George gave him a severe kicking, prompting an unctuous grovel. Hope they find they can make cost savings and get rid of the wanker. Appears his wife's a divorce lawyer, perfectly matched. It also transpires that this is the imbecile who as a lowly Tax Inspector wasted hundreds of thousands of pounds failing to convict dear old Ken Doddery of trousering cash rather than paying tax on it - just goes to show being a useless cunt doesn't stop you floating to the top in the civil service, like one of those unwanted "polystyrene" turds that just wont flush away.

Friday 10 September 2010

This Should Be Fun!

"These Bloody MEPs, What Do They Know? I Have Elections To Lose!"

It's going to be interesting to see what the bloody-minded French do now that the European Parliament have demanded that they stop their policy of shipping unwanted pikeys back to their own countries.

The cheese-eating surrender monkeys have a long history of ignoring rules that they don't like.

And the dwarf is desperate to be seen to be tough on the pikeys.

The Penguin

Thursday 9 September 2010

Never Mind The Fucking Oath, You Prat!

Can't Take The Oath? Then Don't Take The Dosh!!

Seems the Northern Ireland Minister has asked Sinn Fein MPs to come up with their own form of words since they refuse to take the oath of allegiance and are thus prevented from attending the House of Commons and doing their fucking jobs as elected representatives of their benighted constituents.

There's no need for that, you wally!

Just stop paying their fucking salaries and expenses until they actually do the fucking job properly.

The Penguin

Tuesday 7 September 2010

Another Candidate

Hey, I've Got A Really Cool Idea!"

Hard to feel much sympathy with the imbecile who after a night on the piss decided to suspend himself from a 5th floor balcony. Inevitably he fell, but luckily he killed himself, so we won't have to waste money keeping a paraplegic imbecile alive and cared for.

Sadly at 27 he's probably polluted the gene-pool already, but one can hope.

In fact, I'd put the prat forward for the Darwin awards - speaking of which here's a list of winners on that front which you may like to peruse.

8th Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.

7th Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who “totally zoned when he
ran”, accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

6th Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection
from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when
it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach
used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach
him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free
him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

5th Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
bicycle shop he was robbing. Death was caused when the long torch he had
placed in his mouth to keep his hands free, rammed into the base of his
skull as he hit the floor.

4th Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who
said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth
and pull the trigger.

3rd Place
After walking around a marked police patrol car parked at the front
door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the
store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was
standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber
announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The
officer and a clerk promptly returned fire and several customers also
drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene
by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge
cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.
Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at
a.m.So they lit a stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what
would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the
middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men
trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon arrival at the
midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee
rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out
that a coil of lineman’s cable lay nearby. They secured one end around
Bingham’s leg and then tied the other (!) to the bridge. His fall lasted
40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.
He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by
two nearby fishermen. Bingham’s foot was never located.

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his
constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel
of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got
relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to
give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast
The sheer force of the elephant’s unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the
elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves…. ’shit

The Penguin

Tell It Like It Is!

"Cardiff coroner Miss Mary Hassell told their families: 'I'm very sorry for the loss of two such young men.' "

Bollocks!! Politically correct clap-trap.

What the coroner should have said was "Good riddance to a thieving pair of scallies! Luckily the taxpayer will not have to support this pair of scrotes either in prison or through claiming benefits. It is regretable that their accomplices were not killed as well."

The Penguin

Sunday 5 September 2010

Leading From The Front?

General Sir Richard Dannat is busy flogging his memoirs, published by Bantam Press on September 16, £20, by slagging off the incompetent numpties Bliar and McBroon in various interviews and articles.

Whilst I have a degree of respect for the General, who made his views about inadequate military funding public whilst he was still in the hot seat, unlike many of his predecessors, he badly let us all down by not marching a squad of troops through Whitehall and shooting the entire fucking lot of the Bliar / Brown cabinet for the outrageous "dodgy dossier" bollocks.

Would have saved a lot of trouble and a lot of worthwhile lives.

The Penguin

Friday 3 September 2010

Erratic Driving, Officer?


Two of Cheshire Plod's Finest are "under investigation" and suspended from "driving duties" after a little problem following their stopping of a high-powered sports car which in their professional opinion was being driven "erratically".

Whilst waiting for the recovery vehicle to arrive they thought it would be fun to have a go.

Obviously they are in need of some re-training. Or should be part of the down-sizing.

The Penguin

Completely Innocent, Of Course

Police Guard For Pakistani Cricketer's Kit Bag Full Of Money

The Pakistani cricketers who have been caught out taking large wads of readies in return for colluding with corrupt betting syndicates are protesting their innocence, and being backed up by the Pakistani authorities.

Soldmy Butt, Mohammed Cashinhand, and Mohammed Minesagrand were all set up by the News of the World and Inspector Knacker, according to Wadsof Cash, the Pakistani High Commissioner (interesting title, I suppose the standard rate of commission is 15%?).

"The marked bank notes are nothing to do with the poor hard done by cricketers, they were just resting in their lockers. After all this mental torture they are in no fit state to play cricket, or even to count the money. I blame the media and the police, and I'll be talking to Keith Vaz to complain about all these allegations!"

The Penguin

Thursday 2 September 2010

Plenty Of Savings Can Easily Be Made

Lucky He Didn't "Resist Arrest"

There's obviously plenty of fat and fat-headedness to be stripped from the ranks of Plod.

Four of Madchester's "finest" waste time and effort in alienating what little public sympathy they have left by hassling an 84-year old over an alleged crime of riding a bicycle in a pededestrianised area.

Then a senior orifice tries to defend the indefensible.


The Penguin

Wednesday 1 September 2010

No Special Relationship

The spokesweasel for First Secretary and Foreign Secretary William Hague has denied that there is anything untoward in the special relationship between the high-flying politician and his newly appointed and under-qualified special advisor.

"There is no truth whatsoever in the scurrilous internet rumours being bandied about.

This is a simple matter of two like-minded souls bonded together by a shared interest in sunglasses and synchronised standing on one foot.

To suggest that there is any element of Brokeback Mountain or playing the pink oboe is ludicrous."

The Penguin