Tuesday 29 December 2009

Hardly Worth A "Diplomatic Incident"

Any bleeding hearts daft enough to visit this site more than once should take note that this is yet another posting that they will not agree with.

There's a great many things that I dislike about the Chinese, but I couldn't give a flying fuck how many drug smugglers they choose to execute. I expect their body parts are put to a better use, as well.

And as for the claims that the dead drug smugglers was mentally ill, where's the fucking proof? Sounds to me
like the last desperate efforts of his family (who had hardly kept in touch with him, really) to excuse his criminality.

So why is that stupid twat Gordoom making waves? It's not like the Chinese are going to give a damn, we can't send a fucking gun boat now to insist we should be allowed to sell them opium. Things have changed - maybe someone should tell The Prime Mentalist?

The Penguin

Monday 28 December 2009

Hmmmm, I Wonder?

Seems a mosque in Dudley "went on fire" the other night and burnt to the ground.

I'm sure it was just a co-incidence that this happened so soon after some Islamic nutter caused airport misery for thousands of innocent travellers by trying to set off a bomb in his underpants.

However, it might make for an interestingly old-fashioned "Old Testament" style policy. After all, it's one of their holy books, innit?

Along the lines of - "You fuck with us, and we'll burn a mosque - or two!"
The Penguin

Why The Fuck Did He Do It?

Just can't get my head around why some one as rich as "Lord" Paul should go out of his way to claim a distinctly dodgy £38,000 by pretending that his main home was a one bed flat in a hotel he owns in Oxfordshire when it is blindingly obvious that he lives in London with his family, and has never ever by his own admission stayed so much as one night in this flat - which is occupied by the hotel manager.

Why would someone in his position risk such ridicule over such a paltry sum? Even if the rules are so lax that he is not prosecuted for fraud, his reputation is shot.

Of course, it doesn't say much for the Prime Mentalist's judgement that he's promoted the greasy git to being a Privy Counsellor.

The Penguin

Sunday 27 December 2009



The Penguin

Poster Boy Brown

From the Independent.

The Penguin

Saturday 26 December 2009

Let's Start By Saving A Pain-Free Six Million!

"Everyone likes me, really!"

Here's a wonderful instant and easy saving to make, which will benefit the public purse by a cool SIX MILLION, and will also release valuable police resources back to fighting crime.

Simply stop wasting money protecting Tony Bliar.

After all, the slimy cunt reckons he's popular, so why would he want round the clock protection?

The Penguin

Monday 21 December 2009

That Time Of Year Again

Once again it is time for one to address what is left of one's nation, and the wider audience of our Commonwealth of Nations who have not yet moved here in pursuit of benefits unavailable to them at home. We also have to address several million newcomers from the newly subjugated countries in thrall to the EUSSR, who have arrived to do all the jobs which our peculiar welfare system apparently prevents our own subjects from doing. Leave the bloody swans alone, or I’ll set the Regiment on you!

This has been a difficult year so far as the Family are concerned, with one’s husband putting his foot in it the least of one’s worries. One keeps expecting to find ginger babies crawling out of the woodwork, heralded not by celestial angels or even shepherds but by the News Of The World. At least Charles had the good sense to use a johnny when he was screwing around, but the wretched Princes just won’t listen. I blame their mother, the daft bint!

We are more than ever concerned about the governance of our country. It seems extraordinary that in what is supposed to be a mature democracy things are left in the grubby snot encrusted little hands of that deluded Scottish fellow with the chewed nails and the strange movements of the jaw. One’s attention was drawn to a video clip of him actually doing some hip-hop jig in a desperate attempt to appeal to the youth, and it made one hoot with laughter. As Phillip said, the chap’s a buffoon! One might as well have Rab C Nesbitt in charge, he’d make more sense, and we would not have to keep scrubbing the furniture to remove the bogeys after his visitations.

The severe depression which this imbecile and his ludicrous policies has inflicted on one’s country continues, and one is so hard up as to have to catch a train to get to Sandringham. One will have to get our hands on some of Charles’ loot, if he can afford to swan around in private jets in order to big up climate warming and the importance of having a small carbon footprint he can jolly well help his poor old mother get the roof repaired.

As for the rest of you – one hopes you don’t all freeze. Happy Christmas!

Brenda Regina

Friday 18 December 2009

Surely More Bonuses Are Required?

"Ooooh, that Joanna Lumley, Phwooooarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

The Home Office, declared unfit for purpose by John "Oh No, Not Fucking Health!" Reid, and subsequently split into the farcical Ministry Of Justice under Head Weasel "Slippery Cunt" Jack Straw and the rump left for the likes of "Box Room" Jacqui Spliff and "Postman Prat" to preside over lurches to another monumental fuck-up.

The UK Borders Agency - you know, the wankers who can't deport terrorists or criminals! - have blown £1.2 billion on a database system to track people coming in and over-staying - errrr, leaving! - the UK. Only to find it's illegal under EUSSR rules.

Surely Phil "Custard Face" will have to trot along ( there's got to be a pun there!) to see Alistair Darling and beg for some more bonuses for his staff?

The Penguin

"Don't You Know Who I Am?"

Ginger Minger Vera Baird

Seems our semi-elected "Lords and Masters" definitely think they are above the laws that they are so keen to impose on us little folk who pay for their gilded gravy train.

Not only do we have an Attorney General breaking employment and tax law with impunity, we have a Solicitor General who is too high and mighty to clear up after her fucking dog.

Looks like the whole Ministry of Justice is a total joke, with the Chief Weasel in charge it is hardly a surprise.

The Penguin

Wednesday 16 December 2009

On Second Thoughts, Hanging Is Too Good For Them!

Never mind burdening Westminster's lamp posts, get the trough-pigs to depart this mortal coil in the wonderful way that Robert Morley's character in "Theatre of Blood" did....

(Is Elliot "pig Face" Morley related, does nayone know?)

The Penguin

Monday 14 December 2009

Give Him A Medal And A First Class Ticket To London!

Whoever thumped that odious crook Berlusconi deserves a medal.

And a first class ticket to London, where in Westminster and Whitehall he'll find a target-rich environment.

The Penguin

Friday 11 December 2009

Sack Your Spokesweazel, Gordon, He's Useless!

Funny, I can't see any sign of office furniture in there?

You just can't get good staff these days, which is probably why the Attorney General had to hire an illegal, and the cabinet is full of third rate wankers.

Certainly The Prime Mentalist is in dire need of a new spokesweazel, theone currently being over-paid at our expense is not fit for purpose.

Otherwise he'd have come up with a better fib than this!

A spokesman for Mr Brown said the structure was more 'a building in his garden' which he used as a home office rather than a traditional summerhouse.

The Bell End And His Bell Tower

"Oooooh, Gordon, Let Me Suck Your Knob!"

You can rely on the toad-like Quentin Davies to let you down.

The cunt let his electorate down by switching sides without offering himself for re-election under his new political colours.

As a Defence Minister in McCavity's government of useless gnomes he's busy letting the Armed Forces down.

And now it emerges that he's even let himself down, as he bottled on his claim for mending his fucking bell tower on his stately pile.

The stupid Bell End.

The Penguin

Thursday 10 December 2009

Bloody Expensive Living In Scotland!

For goodness sake, no wonder Gordoom claims for every fucking penny he can, it's bloody expensive getting things done up in Kirkcaldy. Close on three grand for sorting out and redecorating his under-stairs cloakroom.

Or maybe John Prescott had been for a visit?

The Penguin

Tuesday 8 December 2009

Political Cretin Of The Year Awards - Nominations Required!

Got To Be A Contender!

The Ranting Penguin thinks that there should be a new annual award for the most cretinous political tosspot.

Please post your nominations here, and be prepared to justify and defend them.

(Defence as in "I used to argue when people said that Gordon Brown wasn't fit to shovel shit...")

It's a very difficult award to give, there are so many worthy cases. Phil "Front Line" Woolas for example.

The Penguin

What Did It Say?

What was it that was on whatever it is that The Prime Mentalist is looking at?

It should have said "You're A Cunt, Jonah!" or something similar.

The Penguin

Sunday 6 December 2009

Another Thieving Bastard Bang To Rights!

Setting A Fine Example For The Boys In The Gangs?

Seems to me the House Of Mainly Appointed Lords is just as stuffed with corrupt thieves as the House of Commons.

Yet another political placeman is caught bang to rights abusing the system through blatant dishonesty.

In any other walk of life this would result in criminal prosecution - I can think of a raft of possible charges, such as deception to obtain a pecuniary advantage, fraud, etc.

I wonder how long it will take the incredibly reluctant Inspector Knacker to take action, and whether the upstanding and totally impartial Kier Starmer will decide that a prosecution is in the public interest.

Mind you, there's a fucking lot of them in the queue.

The Penguin

Saturday 5 December 2009

She Just Loves Bananas

Only explanation that doesn't require gallons and gallons of mind-bleach.

The Penguin

Friday 4 December 2009

What A Fucking Sad Wanker - Yet He's The Speaker Of The House Of Commons!!

“Don’t move, I have just broken a test tube filled with the Aids virus.”

It does seem impossible, doesn't it, that the "Mother of All Parliaments" has sunk to such embarrassing and humiliating depths as to have a Speaker who published crass, incorrect, and misogynist rubbish about how to pull virgins, and yet ended up himself with a self-confessed drunk lying slapper.

Still, the money's good, and he'd best make the most of it before the General Election.

The Penguin

Thursday 3 December 2009

Tiger Alert - Outbreak Of Camel Toe!

Ooo-er, missus!

The Penguin

Tough (Luck) On Crime, Tough (Luck) On The Causes Of Crime?

"I keep washing them, but the blood's still there!"

Of all Tony Bliar's empty soundbites, the "Tough on Crime" one rings particularly hollow.

Mind you, when you look at the example that he and his NuLiebore colleagues have set the nation, you can hardly be surprised that they have to fiddle the official statistics to try and pretend there is not a massive increase in criminal activity.

Bribery, corruption, assaulting the public, not buying rail tickets, claiming for phantom mortgages, employing illegal immigrants, murdering an inconvenient scientist, mortgage fraud, misuse of public office, election rigging, warmongering, and badger-watching.
But we'd better not try to name and shame them as it would infringe the fucking human rights.

The Penguin

Wednesday 2 December 2009

Am I The Only One?

Don't fancy him, but she's rather tasty!

Am I the only one who hasn't been shagging Tiger Woods?

And who the fucking hell cares?

The Penguin

Tuesday 1 December 2009

Even The Grauniad Hate Bliar Now!

Or why else would they be replicating the questions into the War Criminal's financial shenanagins?

Still, deserves everything that's coming his way, Saint Tone of Teflon.

It'd be nice to see Pope Hitler excommunicating the cunt though!

The Penguin

Advent Here Again. Recycled Joke Again.

The Penguin

Monday 30 November 2009

Taking An Onion From His Pocket, The Defence Lawyer...

They really are over-egging how old and frail the Nazi War Criminal John Demjanjuk is.

I suspect that once he's been given a suspended sentence and 200 hours of litter-picking he'll suddenly perk up.

After all, worked for Ernest "Guinness" Saunders, Ronnie "Football Match!" Biggs and that Libyan bloke, didn't it?

The Penguin

Sunday 29 November 2009

Fuck Me, Reality Copies Parody!

"Keep Your Trap Shut Or I'll Break Your Legs, Goldsmith!"

You couldn't make it up....apparently!


The Penguin

Saturday 28 November 2009

The Full Penalty Of The Law - For Some, But Not For Others!

Smug Cunt Baroness Scotfree

It is very instructive how differently two women are being treated for their roles in the same illegality.

One is being prosecuted and faces up to 10 years in jail. She has also been sacked from her job.

The other has been handed a derisory fine considering her circumstances, and has been allowed to keep her job despite the fact that what she has done clearly demonstrates that she is unfit for the role.

That's NuLiebore for you. A political elite above the very laws they use to fuck over the rest of us.

The Penguin

Friday 27 November 2009

Simples! Charge The Fat Bastards For 3 Seats!

I don't understand the problem.

Sure it is simple? Just charge fat bastards for the number of seats they actually take up, and if it's none too comfortable flying with an airline seat arm up the crack, then lose some weight you fat fuckers.

Either than or grease them and slide them into the cargo hold as excess baggage.

The Penguin

Another Champagne Socialist Trougher

Baroness Morgan of Huyton, a former teacher, was one of Mr Blair’s closest political advisers between 1995 and 2005. She was involved with the planning of the Iraq war and acted as Mr Blair’s go-between with the trades unions.

She was given a peerage in 2001 and served for five months as a Cabinet Office minister before returning to Downing Street. She resigned after the 2005 election.

She then took on several lucrative directorships and advisory roles. She is paid £59,000 a year to sit on the board of Carphone Warehouse and £45,000 a year as a director of Southern Cross Healthcare, Britain’s largest private care home company.

She is also paid an estimated £25,000 to £30,000 a year to sit on Lloyds Pharmacy’s health care advisory panel, alongside Alan Milburn, the former Health Secretary.

The woman has done rather well for herself, dontcha think?

Yet she feels the need to claim a questionable £40,000 by pretending she lives in Hampshire rather than at her million quid house in Wandsworth.

The Penguin

Thursday 26 November 2009

Justice System Is Alice-In-Fucking-Wonderland!

Some bastard minor aristocrat steals £1.6 million quid from a charity, bankrupting it, and walks free from court.

Yet a school teacher who seduced a 15-year old boy get 32 months.

And a 15 year old who tried to rape a 11 year-old girl gets a referal order to go to a meeting or two.

Just three of many oddities in sentencing "policy" in the papers today.

Thanks, Jack! It was a crappy system, but you've managed to turn it into a complete basket case.

The Penguin

New Photo Competition!


Even For McCavity, This Is Disgraceful!

With Friends Like Gordon, You're Really Fucked!

Gordoom Mcbrown, the Great Leader, Financial Genius, and Saviour Of The World is a lowdown cheating lying conniving Scottish Cunt of the worst sort.

However, the latest revelations about the Bank of England secretly propping up HBOS reveal a new and even more disgusting aspect to the Prime Mentalist.

He encouraged his so-called friend Sir Victor Blank, chairman of Lloyds Bank to buy HBOS even though he knew it was effectively bankrupt without the support of the BoE, and he kept fucking quiet about it even as the Lloyds shareholders (who were carefully NOT TOLD about the massive secret funding) saw the value of their shares plummet after the take-over went through and the shitfest in HBOS wrecked their bank.

Moral Compass?

Ha fucking Ha.

The Penguin

Wednesday 25 November 2009

Shambles? What Else Could You Expect?

The Plod operation which had to be rushed because the fat twat Bob "Limo!" Quick waved the details at photographers in Downing Strasse was doomed as soon as The Great Leader (Unelected) got on the case and started bigging it up for headline opportunities.

The Curse of Jonah strikes again.

Why can't the cunt spend more time in Kirkcaldy?

The Penguin

Tuesday 24 November 2009

Getting The Whitewash Ready

Sir John "Buggins Turn" Chilcot, who was part of the Butler Whitewash, is busy getting the gallons and gallons of whitewash ready in advance of the Iraq War Cover-Up.

Despite being in it up to his glass-eye, McCavity will not be questioned, which makes a travesty of it as it was the Scotch Cunt whose penny-pinching ensured our troops were placed in harms way with as little as 5 fucking bullets and a pair of skis.

And witnesses will be granted immunity.

And the Freedom of Information Act will not apply.

Waste of fucking time and money having a fucking so-called inquiry.

The Penguin

Monday 23 November 2009

Is She Related To Horse Face Beckett?

This unelected apparatchik Baroness Ashton looks strangely like the caravan-dwelling horse-faced Margaret Beckett. Could it be that they are related?

Separated at birth, the ugly love children of some pairing so hideous that if it became common knowledge it would act as some form of contraceptive strong enough to overcome beer goggles and ensure a rapid fall in the birth rate.

Nurse !!!! The mind bleach, and quickly!!

The Penguin

Self Regulation Of Corrupt MPs By Corrupt MPs

Andrew Dismore MP and Leading Trough-Pig

Bit like the Police Complaints Farce, where bent or misguided or out of control plod are investigated and disciplined by their colleagues, MPs are supposedly held to account (when found fiddling their expenses or taking bribes or shagging their secretaries or paying rent boys to shit on them) by a panel of their peers.

Who of course, are whiter than white and pass the most rigorous scrutiny, and are therefore able to provide clear moral guidance and the most stringent of judgements in handing out severe sanctions to those found guilty of getting caught.

Like fuck.

The Penguin

Sunday 22 November 2009

Watch Out, Southwold, Your Time Is Nearly Up!

"I came here for a few days just this Summer...."

"Last year, as the credit crunch bit, Mr Brown modestly went to the Suffolk seaside resort of Southwold and toured the Norfolk countryside.

And this summer it has been reported that he will head to the Lake District after a spell in the constituency.

Another Stunning Stunt By The Cunning Cunt?

It seems that the Magnificent Leader's fitness regime was as fake as his financial prudence, all a headline grabbing stunt and an obvious attempt to match up to the rather fit Cameron.

Mind you, it gave everyone a right fucking laugh looking at the photograph of the grey skinned puffing twat desperately tottering round looking every inch the heart-attack candidate.

Go on, Gordoom, prove you're really a jogger - and drop dead!

The Penguin

Friday 20 November 2009

At Last Some Good News

"Anything You Do Say Will Be Written Down..."

"The Crown Prosecution Service has decided there is sufficient evidence and it is in the public interest to prosecute the Rt Hon Harriet Harman MP for the offences of driving without due care and attention and driving whilst using a handheld mobile telephone in relation to an incident on 3 July 2009.

"The Metropolitan police service provided papers to the CPS on 9 November 2009 which were reviewed by the special crime division in accordance with the Code for Crown Prosecutors. An MPS employee will now attend a magistrates court in order to obtain a summons to be served on Ms Harman."

This is amusing on many levels - not least because the mad bitch was Solicitor General when NuLiebore made using a mobile phone while driving illegal, one of their multitude of laws dictating what we can and can't do. Then there's her high-handed ignoring the law and driving away from the crash without providing the necessary information, typical of the political elite who think they are above the laws they pass to restrict the ordinary little people.

Not to mention she can't fucking drive becasue she's a woman. Allegedly.

The Penguin

Thursday 19 November 2009

The New MOD-speak

Amazing, the MOD have come up with a new language, MOD-speak, in order to perpetrate whitewashes of cover-ups. Here are a few examples.

Murders at Deepcut Barracks = Suicides
Lack of basic equipment = non-contributory factors
Critical report = requiring a re-write under new and fairer rules
Completely Useless Cunt = Secretary of State for Defence

The Penguin

Don't Hold Your Breath

Sacrificial Pigs

The Plod have passed six files of the most obvious expenses fiddling to the CPS for consideration about mounting prosecutions.

Don't be too surprised if the muppet Keir Starmer, Labour's apparatchik Director Of Public Prosecutions decides that there is insufficient evidence or that it would not be in the public interest to proceed to bringing charges. After all, pigs are tribal.

The Penguin

Wednesday 18 November 2009

Crying Wont Help You

Time For Some Revenge, Darling?

Do you recall how it was the charmless Ed Balls who was so keen to be Chancellor in the buggered-up reshuffle that he had cleared his desk and told his staff he was off to the Treasury, only to look even more like a puffed up twat when Darling unexpectedly grew a pair and told the dithering Brown he was staying put?

Now Balls has publically tried to bounce Darling into giving his department for ruining children's lives a big increase in funds when the government is desperately trying to avoid the Gnomes of Zurich down-rating Britain's Junk Bonds by trimming a few quid from Gordon's Client State Bribery Bill.
Oddly enough, Darling has effectively told Balls to fuck off. I'm sure that he is aware of how effectively Brown fucked over everyone and everything he disagreed with by cutting off the money when he was Chancellor. Like the Armed Forces, for example.

I'm sure Balls can look forward to the spending settlement when it comes.

Bit like Gordon is looking forward to the General Election.

The Penguin

Tuesday 17 November 2009

Suspicious Disappearance?

Odd how quickly the story about the huge amounts that MOD civil servants get for being REMFs at nice safe base camps in Afghanistan - close on £50,000 for a six month suntan break - has fallen out of the mainstream media. And that money is IN ADDITION to their regular salaries, making a complete mockery of a squaddies basic.

Then of course, there's the £300 MILLION in bonuses paid to MOD civil servants in the 8 years of the Afghanistan conflict.

Strangely silent too, Postman Prat, who seems not to have a full understanding of the facts. Thick cunt.

The Penguin

Monday 16 November 2009

Is There A Coloured Elephant In The Room?

Hmmm, seems everyone is tippy toeing round here and not actually daring to call a spade a spade.

Or words to that effect.

Is it because the bloke arrrested is Afro-Caribbean by any chance? And did all the politically correct bollocks prevent the plod from nicking him sooner?

So much for fucking multi-culturalism.

The Penguin

Once More With Feeling!

Apparently McDoom hates being laughed at.

The Penguin

Pulling Up The Drawbridge!

"I'm All Right, Jack!"

The Squeaker of the House of Commons inists that the Kelly Reforms should be adopted in full, even if it is "rough justice" for some MP's.

Of course, as a serial flipper and mega-claimer at the trough when just a mere MP himself, he now enjoys a vastly increased salary and pensions as Squeaker, along with a highly desirable and luxurious apartment on which fucking tons of tax-payers' money has been lavished - some £700,000 for Gorbals Mick's make-over, I believe, and now another £45,000 to satisfy Mrs Squeaker's demands. So he's got a well feathered nest, and can afford to say fuck you lot to the rest of them.

Hypocritical little cunt.

The Penguin

Saturday 14 November 2009

Bye Bye Byers

"Repay? Repay? What The Fuck Do You Mean?"

Seems that the proposed reforms to the expenses regime mean that there's no longer enough gravy in the trough to suit Stephen Lyers Byers, whose wondrous 30 year career sucking at the public teat has encompassed such magnificent achievements as fucking up MG Rover by flogging it for fuck-all to the dodgy consortium, fucking up Railtrack and screwing the investors, and employing the fucking sensitive and caring Jo Moore, who at least knew when to bury bad news.

I wonder if he is going to repay the £125,000 he claimed in second home expenses for a residence owned outright by his partner?

Somehow, I suspect he'll get away with it, the fucking scrote.

The Penguin

Friday 13 November 2009

The Stupidest Cunt Of Them All?

"Sometimes I had to deliver as many as 3 letters to the same address, fucking dangerous, I deserve a bonus!"

It's a fucking difficult call to make, but I am veering towards awarding Alan "Postman Prat" Johnson the title of the stupidest cunt in the cabinet.

This thick bastard walked around in the rain and the snow for 19 fucking years shoving letters through letterboxes and shitting himself if a dog barked before it dawned on him that going full time as one of the brothers meant a nice warm dry office. He's the stupid cunt who thought that patients choosing to buy drugs that might keep them alive was likely to destroy the NHS. He thinks he knows better than real scientists the dangers of various drugs.

Now, as Home Secretary he insists he can't stop the extradition to the United States of some nerdy computer hacker despite advice to the contrary by independent m'learned friends and now even the fucking useless Home Affairs Select Committee.

And to top it all, although he has never ever served in the Armed Forces or set foot in the MOD, he tries to defend the indefensible bonuses paid to the penpushers and other REMFs by claiming that their jobs are as dangerous as serving in the frontline in Afghanistan.

Even among the bunch of talent-free wankers and has-beens in Gordon McDoom's cabinet of no-hopers, Alan Johnson stands tall as the stupidest cunt of them all.

The Penguin

Blind Stupid Tribal Loyalty By The Porridge Pigmies

"Willie Bain's Just Keeping The Seat Warm For My Son, Ye Ken!"

The ludicrous porridge pigmies of impoverished Glasgow, which has been run for their own benefit by generations of dodgy Labour politicians, have voted for yet more of the same corrupt self-serving tribal servitude.

Not really surprising, just rather sad.

The Penguin