Saturday 31 January 2009

Beggars Belief

Some woman in the USA has given birth to octuplets. That's 8 babies, if anyone wasn't sure. And apparently they are all doing fine.

However, this 33 year old single woman already has 6 other children under 7 years old. All via IVF and all from the same sperm donor. So we know the father's a wanker if nothing else.

Now, with our ludicrous benefits system I could understand the motivation here, but I don't think it works quite like that in the States. Apparently her 60 year old father is going to have to go back to Iraq to try and help pay for everything. Nice safe place, but it'll save him changing nappies.

Who on earth approved more infertility treatment for a lone parent of six children, and then shoved 8 fertilised embryos into her? Hardly a safe procedure for mother or babies, look at the stupid cow who lost them all over here the other year or five ago.

And from my sprog giving birth to twins, I know that it is not going to be easy from here on in either.

Absolute madness.

The Penguin

Why Is Gordon So Two Faced Over Parliamentary Sleaze?

I have been enjoying the ongoing saga of the Four Lords A Leaping immensely. They twist and squirm, and then the Sunday Times fire another exocet. First we had the reports, all denied. Then we had the recordings, oh dear, whoops. Poor Lord Scumbag loses the Experian retainer, I wept hot salty tears for the cunt. Then comes the video of Lord Trust Not, he of the dodgy friends with seriously dodgy connections, and he loses the Landis and Gyr retainer. I was gutted for him, too.

And it seems that our Glorious Leader, Son of The Manse, Saviour of The World, Bus Driver Extraordinaire has suddenly discovered that this sort of corruption and greed does not fit with his Moral Compass. He is described as "incandescent with rage" and preparing to throw the book, the Nokia, the stapler, and the desk at the naughty Lords.

This is perhaps what you should expect.

But, why is this faux moral outrage and determination to clean up this sleaze so different from his indifferent foot dragging over sorting out the expenses fiddles of members of the House of Commons? Why is he so happy for the production of the receipts to take so long and cost so much? (apart from the opportunity it provides to remove all traces of Labour MP's and Ministers wrong doings? It would be interesting to check individual receipts against totals claimed to make sure that they matched and that the receipts were all there! ) Why not reign in Speaker Martin's pathetic and costly running to the courts to try prevent publication? Why go for a three line whip to try and remove MP's from the Freedom Of Information Act until he found he was all alone and bottled it?

The Penguin

Picture by Tractorstats

UPDATE: Who said "Sleaze has become the hallmark of the dying days of this administration" ?

Jack Straw, You Useless Corrupt Cunt, This Is Your Shitty Fault!

60 per cent of offenders, who have been convicted on more than 15 previous occasions, are not sent to prison after being convicted of a serious, indictable offence in a Crown Court.

More than 70 per cent of criminals convicted for 'violence against the person' offences in 2007 did not receive a custodial term. Just 24 per cent of all serious offenders were jailed.

If the same sentencing standards in 2002 had been applied five years later, an additional 10,000 criminals would have been in jail rather than being "free to endanger members of the public".

Three feral thugs found guilty of being accomplices to the murder of Rhys Jones are sent to prison for such derisory and pathetic terms they left court laughing and cheering.

I've lost count of the number of murders committed by cunts let out on bail.

And now we have convicted child rapists suing because the Human Rights are being abused because there's no ensuite toilet in their cell.

And at his expensively refurbished Whitehall palace sits the smug corrupt greasy little weasel responsible for this clusterfuck. I hope he gets bowel cancer but doesn't seek medical attention quickly enough because he thought the discomfort was from not using enough KY jelly when bending over for Gordon and Mandy.

The Penguin

That Brown Interview In Full - The Uncensored Version

“Of course people are worried, and that is why we are talking the usual bollocks.

Britain is in the eye of a global financial storm which was made in America and absolutely nothing to do with me.

We have got to show that the complete failure of leadership and the medication that we are taking can make a difference.

I am absolutely confident about Britain’s future. I have utter confidence in our ability to come through this.

I have utter confidence, not only in the British people’s determination to come through this,
but that people will work together to make sure Gordon Brown emerges from this.”

The Brown spirit is to see a problem, identify it, and run away from it. Once a problem hits us we are determined and resolute to hide in the cupboard under the stairs and we are adamant that we are going to deal with that problem.

And that is the resolve, not just of the Government, but the resolve of the whole people.

I am determined that the London conference in April not only brings a great photo opportunity together with Barack Obama, but also takes the practical steps that are necessary so that the global and financial markets work better in the future and people like me can't fuck them up.

I understand people's worries about their jobbies and I understand people's anxieties about employment across the country. But the actions we have taken should help me stay in work. On unemployment we are doing all we can, which is talking complete cockwaffle.”

Friday 30 January 2009

Golden Brown

Golden brown eyeball of glass
Lays me down fucks me up the arse
Throughout the night
Like Turkish Delight
Never a frown from golden brown

Every time just like the last
On his ship tied to the mast
To distant lands
Takes both my hands
Never a frown from golden brown

Golden brown swallow it down
Dont let him know you think he's a clown
Then you can spit
Mandelson's shit
Never a frown from golden brown

Never a frown
From golden brown
Never a frown
From golden brown

(Apologies to The Stranglers!)

Looking Back With Some Regret, Tony Bliar Reflects

Tony Bliar, International Man Of Peace, War Monger, Socialist Multi-Millionare and Pretty Straight Kind of Guy was asked if he had any regrets.

"Well, you know, of course, otherwise I'd really be sort of weird. The thing is, to be frank, that you have to ask yourself if what you did was justified. And of course, in a way, that is very important to me. Now, when you get right down to it, the thing I regret most is that I didn't sort out even more redistribution of wealth.

But I'm making up for lost time on that one. I mean, why should I have to go cap in hand to the likes of Cliff Richard to get the use of his villa in the Caribbean, it makes much more sense to be able to cut out the middle man. That's why I am sorting out a few holiday homes here and there.

Oh, you want to know about Iraq? Well, you know, when it comes right down to it, the thing is, as I said to Cherie, if I don't go along with George on this, we can kiss goodbye to all that wonga from the USA after we let Porky take over. And you know what? I was right!"

The Penguin

Is Gordon's Dirty Little Habit Contagious?

Of Course Hazel Loves Gordon!

The Brothers And Comrades Shat On By Their Leaders

Arthur Scargill will possibly get a small footnote in history books as the most incompetent union leader involved in the industrial chaos which helped to decimate our traditional industries. One has to wonder how things would be today had the miners had a leader who put their long term interests first, rather than being a dodgy ideologue with a direct line to the Kremlin.

But you have to admit the bastard has got a brass neck. Called to give evidence at a tribunal looking into a squalid and corrupt deal whereby the NUM got a secret back hander out of compensation payments made to sick miners he discovers that there were more cases involved than he knew about, and promptly demands that the solicitors hand over another £8 MILLION to the NUM. (Maybe their pension fund is a bit short?)

Meanwhile Derek Simpson lives in a free mansion in Berkhamsted, his for life and then his wife's, on a salary and perks package close to £200,000 while he supposed represents the interests of his membership, most of whom as he constantly whines are on less than average earnings.

And the Brothers get grants of £10 MILLION from the NuLiebore Government to "assist them with modernising and reform" which they promptly give back to the Nuliebore Party.


The Penguin

Justice Minister Jack Straw's Unsavoury Supporters

Jack "The Slippery Weasel" Straw, our much loved Justice Minister and Lord Chancellor, has some rather unsavoury friends and supporters.

Not only is he entwined with Lord Scumbag Of Death, but details are emerging of supporters who seem to be under a cloud if not yet serving time at one of Her Majesty's Pontins.

They do say a fish rots from the head.

I wonder how many more creepy crawlies will emerge into the light once it becomes obvious to them that the Slippery Weasel is now a busted flush, yet another corrupt chancer going down to oblivion at the next election?

Or, if there were any Justice, a tribunal at the Hague. Or Traitors Gate, The Old Bailey, and a Spike.

The Penguin

UPDATE : Seems Lord Scumbag's lost one of his little earners!!

Thursday 29 January 2009

British Jobs For British Workers - Another Brownie

The Supreme Leader has been caught out in yet another massive fib.

As has that cunt Phil Useless Woolas with his points system to ensure that only skilled workers who are desperately needed to fill jobs for which no qualified British Workers are available are allowed into the country.

People are beginning to get more than a bit tetchy. I do hope those lamp posts are strong enough to take the weight of the troughers.

The Penguin

Stealing Tory Insults As Well As Tory Policies

The NuLiebore Party have taken to stealing Tory Policies at every opportunity, from Inheritance Tax Cuts to Plans for Dealing With Social Deprivation.

Now they show how bereft they are even of decent insults, as they steal these from the Tories as well.

David Cameron called Gordon The Moron a "Headless Chicken" last week, and this week it is the phrase of choice on the Labour benches.

The Penguin

NuLiebore Nu Plan To Beat Child Poverty

Ed Blinky Balls, Minister For Child Abuse, today unveiled NuLiebore's New Masterplan for beating child poverty and achieving Mad McBroon's promise of lifting 62,000,000 children out of poverty by 1967.

Any poor children identified by his crack teams of Inspectors (seconded from Ofsted, so we know just how good they will be!) that cannot be adopted by gay men will have their organs harvested to sell to rich foreigners in need of spare part surgery. This will generate much needed revenue for the goldplated pensions of government ministers and former ministers, as there are some who foresee the gravy train leaving the rails. It will also reduce the burden on the tax payer by cutting child benefit payments, and will also allow loads of single mothers to return to all the new jobs that Gordon is busy creating.

Oh, and any very obese ones can become part of the biofuel project.

Bonuses all round!

The Penguin

The Unfit For Purpose Home Economics Secretary

The Home Economics Secretary is lucky to have her ever loyal ( at £40,000 a year ) husband to write eulogies to the newspapers on her behalf, because it is unlikely that anyone with an IQ higher than their shoe size would think she is Fit For Purpose.

Seems that 90% of asylum seekers are given the same birth date because staff at Lunatic House in Croydon processing the applications are under pressure to meet targets rather than do the job properly.

Then there's the 90% of asylum seekers whose application is rejected but who are not deported because the Border Police don't know where they are (or because they are too busy doing fuck all).

So, seems to me she's only getting 10% of the job done. Not a pass mark when I was at school, but in this PC Righteous NuLiebore Brave New World, who knows? Perhaps she'd like to just take 10% of the salary and perks until her performance improves, though.

The Penguin

I Feel Sorry For Sarah

Just imagine having to pucker up to that.

The Penguin

If You Don't Support The Government, I'll Cry!

The Supreme Leader tried a novel tactic to get his rebellious minions to toe the line over the stupid decision he and that Hoon Hoon made over a third runway at Heathrow.

He threatened to blub.

Horrendous as this was, some of the saner members of his party still voted against him.

The Penguin

Now We Have A Name - Please, Do What You Can!

In the outrageous (and sadly, not that unusual it seems) case of Social Services refusing to let the grandparents look after children and instead arranging for two gay men to adopt them, we now have a name.

"Councillor Marilyne MacLaren, convener for education, children and families at Edinburgh City Council, said: ‘I have been assured that the professional view is that
the adoptive couple will provide a safe, secure and loving environment for these children.

‘These are always very complex cases but I think it is important to say that the grandparents have been fully involved in discussions about this case over a period of

Now, I shall be trying to find an email address for this woman, and will write to her by snail mail if I can't email her, but as I don't have a vote in the Edinburgh area my letter will be of little concern to her or her colleagues.

If you are in the Edinburgh area, or have friends or relatives there, please ask them to contact their local representative and this woman, and let them know what you think.

This is social engineering, some sick experiment being inflicted on people in this country, and we have to stop it.

The Penguin

Wednesday 28 January 2009

No More Boom and Bust

As the IMF state that we are in the shit big time, thought it apposite to remind everyone that Gordon has done away with boom and bust.

1) Tony Blair: 1997 Conference Speech

"I want this to be the New Labour Government that ended Tory boom and bust forever."

2) Gordon Brown: July 1997

"Today, the Bank of England has agreed with me that, if we are to prevent the cycle of boom and bust, inflationary pressures in the economy, which the previous Government negligently failed to tackle, must be brought under control "

3) Gordon Brown: November 1997

"I am satisfied that the new monetary policy arrangements will deliver long-term price stability, and prevent a return to the cycle of boom and bust."

4) Gordon Brown: April 1998

"We will not return to the stop-go, boom-bust years which we saw under the Conservatives. "

5) Gordon Brown: May 1998

"The Government have put in place policies to deliver that objective and are determined to avoid a return to boom and bust."

6) Gordon Brown: June 1998

"rigorous financial discipline that, together with monetary stability, ends once and for all the boom and bust that for 30 years has undermined stability "

7) Tony Blair: February 1999

"Moreover, for decades we have been prone to far greater swings in the economic cycle than our continental counterparts. It has been boom and bust....Under this Government, there is an entirely new framework for economic management in place "

8) Ruth Kelly: November 1999

"The Government have rejected the boom and bust of the Conservative party "

9) Tony Blair: November 1999

"We have the best chance of ending boom and bust in years."

10) Gordon Brown: November 1999

"Indeed, Britain was set to repeat the old, familiar cycle of boom and bust. Since then, we have created and rigorously adhered to a new framework of modern economic management "

10) Alistair Darling: January 2000

"On top of that, we have a healthy and stable economy and an end to the boom and bust that characterised the Tory years."

11) Alan Johnson: February 2000

"The Government's first priority on coming to office was to secure long-term economic stability and put an end to the damaging cycle of boom and bust."

12) Gordon Brown: March 2000

"Britain does not want a return to boom and bust. "

13) Tony Blair: 2000 Conference Speech

"The first big choice: a government with the strength to deliver stability, or a government that takes the country back to boom and bust."

14) Gordon Brown: November 2000

"Our approach is to reject the old vicious circle of the '80s--rising debt, higher long-term interest rates, higher debt repayment costs, lower growth, higher unemployment, then enforced cuts in public spending. That was the old boom and bust."

15) Gordon Brown: March 2001

"We will not return to boom and bust."

16) Ruth Kelly: May 2002

"We must avoid a return to the days of boom and bust that manufacturers had to endure for a long time under the Conservatives."

17) Yvette Cooper: May 2004

"We know that they want to turn the clock back, but it would be foolish to turn it back to a policy of boom and bust."

18) John Prescott : January 2005

"Labour economic stability has replaced Tory boom and bust "

19) Tony Blair: 2005 Conference Speech

"In the first two terms we corrected the weaknesses of the Tory years: boom-and-bust economics "

20) Alistair Darling: March 2005

"As I said, there are two approaches—first, a strong economy, stability and helping families or, secondly, the Tory cuts, the undermining of stability, and a return to the boom and bust of the 1990s."

21) Gordon Brown: March 2006

"I have said before: no return to boom and bust."

22) Gordon Brown: December 2006

"Boom and bust is a term that applied to the Conservative years and two of the worst recessions in history"

23) Gordon Brown: March 2007

"We will not return to the old boom and bust."

24) Alistair Darling: June 2007

"...acknowledges the outstanding performance of the economy under this Government with the longest unbroken economic expansion on record, in contrast to the boom and bust of the previous Government "

Well, that's all right then.
The Penguin

Simply Red To Reform And Tour The World

Exciting News for fans of Mick Hucknall, tousled red tonsured singer!

Just as soon as he has finished sorting out a nasty outbreak of corruption in the House of Lords, he intends to reform his famous band and tour the world.

The Penguin

Boris Shows Who Is In Charge

Calling Sane People In Edinburgh? Are There Any?

This just cannot be right and cannot be allowed to stand.

Social workers in Edinburgh have decided to place a brother and sister for adoption with a gay couple of men despite the little girl being wary of men, and against the wishes of their grandparents, who have been deemed too old to care for them, and have also beenthreatened with never being allowed to seetheir grandchildren again if they dare to object.

The fucking bastard lunatics are in charge of the asylum!

Now, if there's any right minded people in Edinburgh, write, email, phone, shout - go and tell your local authority responsible for this social services department that this is completely wrong and unacceptable. You have the power - use it.

The Penguin

Meet The New Top Cop, Just Like The Old Top Cop

The new Commissar of the Metropolitan Political Farce is to be Sir Paul Stephenson, previously Deputy Dog to "Sir" Ian Bliar, despite being tainted by all the recent shit flying around New Scotland Yard.

Luckily for Sir Paul, who commutes home to Lancashire at the weekends, a luxury flat will shortly be available in Chelsea, and the capitals' terrorists and criminals have signed a solemn pledge only to do naughty things Monday to Friday.

The Penguin

Tuesday 27 January 2009

Coming Down The Track, Deserved Retribution For Auditors

Over in India heads at Price Waterhouse Coopers are beginning to roll in the fallout from the Satyam outsourcing scandal. Just the beginnings!

It will inevitably turn into law suits and (sadly) loads of money for m'learned friends as aggrieved investors look for some deep pockets to sue, and there in the firing line complete with professional indemnity insurance are the auditors, either complicit or incompetent.

The same will happen here, and very definitely in the land of the legal eagle, America.

How many of the "big" conglomerate Accountancy Firms will survive? God knows what insurance premiums will rise to. Where is Arthur Anderson now? When the dust settles, most of the hard working staff can find new jobs elsewhere or set up on their own - but things may not be so comfortable for the high on the hog partners.

I shall not weep, personally.

The Penguin

Blunkett Makes Sure Of His Health Care Provision

Disgraced former Home Secretary David Blunkett, failed contender for "Ugliest Cunt in the Labour Party" elections,* has announced that he is adopting a belt and braces approach to his plans for personal health care in his old age. Adding to his BUPA package, he is to marry a local GP.

At the engagement party, he declared that just like Tony McNulty, Margaret Beckett, and Baroness Vadera, he too could clearly see the Green Shoots of Economic Recovery and a Light At The End of The Tunnel.

Well, his guide dog could.

The Penguin

*Currently Stephen Timms

UPDATE : Apparently a row has broken out casting a shadow over the forthcoming nuptials after Dr. Williams discovered that Blunkett had cancelled the photographer to save a few quid.

That's The Way We Do It, Fred, Best Get Busy!

Dick Fuld, ex-Master Of The Universe, can still teach our greedy bankers a thing or two. He has sold his $13,000,000 Florida manion to his wife for a token $100, trying to put it beyond the grasp of law suits by aggrieved investors and employees.

Can we expect a flurry of similar transfers of property here?

The Penguin

How To Shoot Yourself In The Foot

Richard Branson used to be really media savvy and publicity-wise. Obviously he's now too rich and too comfortable, and too removed from the nitty-gritty of actually running his business.

How else can you explain the publicity disaster all over the Labourgraph today, complete with a series of embarrassing colour photographs - thanks god for technology! - illustrating and providing irrefuatble evidence of the validity and accuracy of the complains so eloquently expressed by an underwhelmed passenger on a Virgin flight to Mumbai?

The Bearded Wonder telephones the letter writer and pisses him off further by thanking him for his “constructive if tongue-in-cheek” email. The twat in charge of Corporate Spin then describes the food as "award winning". Did he used to work for McBroon?

So the passenger "goes global" and the resultant publicity hits the internet and the press, where it is described as "currently being emailed globally and is considered by many to be the world's funniest passenger complaint letter."

Well done. How much does it cost to try and win customers through advertising?

The Penguin

Setting A Fine Example! (But You Can't Hide)

Gordon Brown, who has complained that cartoonists depict him as being portly after a lifetime of gobbling snot, is taking drastic action at last in sharp contrast to his dithering and bottling on other difficult decisions.

His claim to have taken up jogging, widely derided by disbelievers, was demonstrated to be completely true.

A spokesweasel said "There! Fucking told you so! Now will you believe he Saved The World?"

The Penguin

Home Office Propaganda Criticised

Jacqui Smith, our Home Economics Secetary, presides over the shambles that is left at the ministry which John Reid described as "Unfit for Purpose" before it was gutted and the good bits transferred to Slippery Jack Straw's laughable Justice Ministry.

We'll pass quickly over the fiddled immigration figures, the failure to deport failed asylum seekers, the bungled involvement of Inspector Knackered in stopping leaks, the snuggling up to "top" coppers, the ongoing ID card fiasco, the lack of anything resembling competence.

Ofcom, the feeble government broadcasting watchdog which hasn't even got the bottle to force the BBC to sack the vastly over-rated and over-paid potty gob Jonathan Ross, has unexpectedly bitten poor Jacqui on the arse about some TV programmes that the Home Office paid to have made and broadcast.

These were about the "success" of plod-lite, and complaints about various aspects were received by the regulator.

However, the one that forced them to take action was from the Office of National Statistics, who complained that the strap lines "Keep Crime Down" and "Keep it Safe, Keep it Hidden" were infringing on it's territory.

The Penguin

Monday 26 January 2009

Lady Royall Investigates Lord Bricktop of Blackburn

Lady Royall, fragrant leaderess of the unelected chamber of the Houses of Parliament, whose glittering career has made her completely unknown even with the Great Pigsty, calls Lord Bricktop of Blackburn to her office for a little chat about the unfortunate publicity that has occurred.

Lady Royall: "Now, Lord Bricktop, what is all this about you being prepared to have legislation amended for £120,000 in used notes?"

Bricktop: "Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt... me. "

Lady Royall: "I was a special adviser to Neil Kinnock, so I certainly know what a cunt is. Now, about these allegations?"

Bricktop: "You're on thin fucking ice my pedigree chum, and I shall be under it when it breaks. Now, fuck off."

Lady Royall: "There's no need to take that tone with me, Lord Bricktop. It's my job to find out if there are any skeletons in the cupboard which might embarrass Gordon. He needs to know where the bodies are buried!"

Bricktop: "Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

Lady Royall: "Well, thank you for clearing that up, Lord Bricktop."

The Penguin

This Little Piggy Got None - Well, Not So Much!

Tragedy has struck in Manchester where Detective Inspector Nav Riaz was forced to resign before his Racial Discrimination action against Greater Manchester Police could award him a huge lump sum.

Poor Mr. Riaz now has to manage on just his pension, which he gets to keep because he resigned before being sacked for dishonesty.

Not only dishonest, Mr. Riaz can't be the sharpest spanner in the tool box, as whilst fiddling a two week holiday claiming to be on jury service, the prat was caught attending an employment tribunal. If only he'd had the sense to fuck off to the Costa Blanca!

The Penguin

The Secret People

Smile at us, pay us, pass us; but do not quite forget;
For we are the people of England, that never have spoken yet.
There is many a fat farmer that drinks less cheerfully,
There is many a free French peasant who is richer and sadder than we.
There are no folk in the whole world so helpless or so wise.
There is hunger in our bellies, there is laughter in our eyes;
You laugh at us and love us, both mugs and eyes are wet:
Only you do not know us. For we have not spoken yet.

The fine French kings came over in a flutter of flags and dames.
We liked their smiles and battles, but we never could say their names.
The blood ran red to Bosworth and the high French lords went down;
There was naught but a naked people under a naked crown.
And the eyes of the King's Servants turned terribly every way,
And the gold of the King's Servants rose higher every day.
They burnt the homes of the shaven men, that had been quaint and kind,
Till there was no bed in a monk's house, nor food that man could find.
The inns of God where no man paid, that were the wall of the weak.
The King's Servants ate them all. And still we did not speak.

And the face of the King's Servants grew greater than the King:
He tricked them, and they trapped him, and stood round him in a ring.
The new grave lords closed round him, that had eaten the abbey's fruits,
And the men of the new religion, with their bibles in their boots,
We saw their shoulders moving, to menace or discuss,
And some were pure and some were vile; but none took heed of us.
We saw the King as they killed him, and his face was proud and pale;
And a few men talked of freedom, while England talked of ale.

A war that we understood not came over the world and woke
Americans, Frenchmen, Irish; but we knew not the things they spoke.
They talked about rights and nature and peace and the people's reign:
And the squires, our masters, bade us fight; and scorned us never again.
Weak if we be for ever, could none condemn us then;
Men called us serfs and drudges; men knew that we were men.
In foam and flame at Trafalgar, on Albuera plains,
We did and died like lions, to keep ourselves in chains,
We lay in living ruins; firing and fearing not
The strange fierce face of the Frenchmen who knew for what they fought,
And the man who seemed to be more than a man we strained against and broke;
And we broke our own rights with him. And still we never spoke.

Our patch of glory ended; we never heard guns again.
But the squire seemed struck in the saddle; he was foolish, as if in pain,
He leaned on a staggering lawyer, he clutched a cringing Jew,
He was stricken; it may be, after all, he was stricken at Waterloo.
Or perhaps the shades of the shaven men, whose spoil is in his house,
Come back in shining shapes at last to spoil his last carouse:
We only know the last sad squires rode slowly towards the sea,
And a new people takes the land: and still it is not we.

They have given us into the hand of new unhappy lords,
Lords without anger or honour, who dare not carry their swords.
They fight by shuffling papers; they have bright dead alien eyes;
They look at our labour and laughter as a tired man looks at flies.
And the load of their loveless pity is worse than the ancient wrongs,
Their doors are shut in the evening; and they know no songs.

We hear men speaking for us of new laws strong and sweet,
Yet is there no man speaketh as we speak in the street.
It may be we shall rise the last as Frenchmen rose the first,
Our wrath come after Russia's wrath and our wrath be the worst.
It may be we are meant to mark with our riot and our rest
God's scorn for all men governing. It may be beer is best.
But we are the people of England; and we have not spoken yet.
Smile at us, pay us, pass us. But do not quite forget.

G. K. Chesterton

The Winner By A Country Mile!

No real surprise who was the winner of the poll to see who you'd most like to be the victim of a nasty burglary with violence - the Home Economics Secretary, Jacqui Smith was ahead of Lord Voldemort by a considerable margin.

Does this indicate that she's seriously unpopular? Or are the voters thinking that such a crime might wake the supine useless cow up and force her and her craven colleagues to start insisting that the plod catch criminals rather than filling in forms and meeting targets, and that the "Justice System" lock the fuckers up for a long long time, preferably with hard labour and no TV, phones, or recreational drugs.

The Penguin

I Could Not Put It Better (Modest As I Am!)

"The silver lining to all this gloom is that Labour has been well and truly found out.

When this Government is ditched, as it so richly deserves, it won’t be able to complain it never had a fair chance.

After 12 long years, Labour can’t say they had too little time to make back-door Socialism work.

Having used landslide majorities to bully their experiment in social engineering into every nook and cranny of our daily lives, they cannot pretend they had one arm tied behind their back.

After inheriting a robust economy, they cannot claim they had no money. They could have used that time, power and cash to carry out all their 1997 election vows.

We would have a superb education system providing the skills and talent to drag us back to prosperity once this slump is over.

The NHS would have poured untold extra billions into world-class frontline services and eliminated murderous superbugs, instead of hiring more overpaid managers.

We would have reduced welfare rolls and helped the poor with real tax cuts instead of credits, which are welfare by another name.

That way, two million new British jobs might have gone to well-educated British workers instead of energetic migrants.

We’d have had an economy-boosting transport system — instead of John Prescott’s barmy rail renationalisation scam which set us back decades.

There would be real policemen fighting the rising tide of street violence instead of useless PCSO “scarecrows”.

And we would have a strong economy which did not rely totally on a corrupt banking system and an unsustainable consumer bubble.

We would have a properly regulated banking system and some cash in the kitty for what has turned out to be a very rainy day.

Gordon Brown was in charge of all these big spending programmes throughout the Labour years.

Most of that time he was basking in glory as Labour’s finest Chancellor.

Mr Brown is not immune to such flattery.

It will be hard for such a proud man to be rebranded as the worst Chancellor ever."

Trevor Kavanagh in "The Sun"

Thank Goodness There's At Least One!

Thank Goodness there's at least one honest man in the House of Commons.

This article on Frank Field almost helps balance my rage concerning the 4 Lords A Leaping scandal.


The Penguin

Sunday 25 January 2009

And This Little Piggy Squealed All The Way Home

Speaker Michael Martin has demonstrated hidden depths of sensitivity alongside his arrogance and stupidity. A reference to Glasgow in a new guide to MP's expenses so upset the poor sensitive piglet because he thought people reading it might just recall that he himself represents a Glasgow constituency and has been found out abusing his travelling expenses, that he had it pulped and a new version produced replacing Glasgow with Edinburgh.

Quite apart from the waste of public money, which has never seemed to bother Gorbals Mick, who spent an astonishing £1.7 MILLION redecorating his grace and favour apartments in the Palace of Westminster, he is so stupid that he did not realise that this would draw far more attention to his misdemeanors than ever the original publication could have done.

The Penguin

Oh What A Big Snout!

Next time you hear the Metropolitan Police Farce claiming it has not got enough money to properly police the capital's streets, try to remember that they had enough in the petty cash tin to buy "Sir" Ian Blair a riverside penthouse in Chelsea for £985,000 in 2005 after the useless wankstain became commissioner and embarked on an exorbitant and unwarranted refit of his offices at New Scotland Sties.

Shame they hadn't enough left to buy radios that work well enough to avoid killing electricians on the underground.

The Penguin

What A Big Trough! But Mind The Dead Soldiers

The Sunday Times investigation revealing how corrupt some Labour peers are brings to the public attention Lord Taylor of Blackburn, whose connections to Britain's biggest arms dealer BAE Systems are deserving of considerable scrutiny, although you may need to have something to hand to try and overcome the stench.

One has to wonder, given the amount the bastard has trousered over the years why he should be trying to grasp another paltry £120,000?

His links to the disgusting little Slippery Weasel Jack Straw extend to having arranged - presumably for a fee - the dodgy dinner donation that our upstanding Justice Minister forgot to register. But hey, Jack only drafted the legislation and pushed it through Parliament, it obviously wasn't meant to apply to him!

It was the fragrant combination of Lord Taylor and Slippery Jack who scuppered Robin Cook's efforts at an ethical foreign policy, for which one suspects they were handsomely rewarded. The devious duo were also involved in getting Bliar to lean on Goldsmith to drop the bribery investigation against BAE Systems. Follow the links for more details, if you've the stomach for it.

It's nice to know that Jack has benefitted from the death of our troops, isn't it? And to think there are dead bodies floating in the trough they have their snouts in.

The Penguin

UPDATE - Turns out there's fuck all can be done, they can't be sacked or suspended. There'll be a whitewash, and if they can't brush it under, then our noble peers might be forced to apologise to the fellows in the House of Lords. You can see why Mandy was so quick to come home from Brussels!

Saturday 24 January 2009

Strangers In A Strange Land - Used To Be Their Own

Two Church of England Primary Schools now have only Muslim pupils and have dropped daily act of Christian worship. The imbecilic Church of England plan to spend £750,000 building a new primary school which will have only Muslim catchment area. Many other schools report massively high proportions of Muslim children, meaning that white Christian or nominally Christain children are automatically disadvantaged.

"For four years Ruth Weston was a governor at a church school in the Girlington area of Bradford, where 96 per cent of pupils were Muslim, many still learning to speak English. Mrs Weston, a Christian theologian, said she enrolled her daughter at the school because she wanted to support multiculturalism, but “after much soul-searching” withdrew her after three terms.

“When push came to shove, my daughter’s welfare came first. She was not thriving socially or educationally in an environment where she was the only girl of her religion, culture and first language,” she said.

Most of her white neighbours sent their offspring to a secular school 15 minutes’ walk away, across a busy main road, rather than to their local, almost exclusively Muslim, church school. Mrs Weston said that while some may have been motivated by latent racism, it was “a sad irony” that Christian families felt it necessary to turn their backs on a church school."

Now before anyone with an IQ dwarfed by their shoe size wants to play the racist or religionist card, I am immune from both. I don't believe in racism at all, we are all the same race (with the exception of a few aliens, such as Millibanana, and some sub-humans, such as McBroon, obviously). And my wife was a Shia Muslim originally from Zanzibar.

But, if these people want to come here, and it seems that they do, then is it too much to suggest that they should integrate and not congregate in "ghettos"? Segregation, whether imposed or by choice, is wrong and leads to trouble.

The Penguin

Are They Related?

I was struck by a number of similarities, and wondered if by any chance they were related?

The Penguin

We Desperately Need Help, Admits Ed

Blinky Ed Balls, whose low animal cunning knows no bounds when it comes to feathering his nest at the taxpayers' expense, has admitted that the department over which he presides is in dire need of expensive help from experts.

Despite losing the Universities and Further Education portfolio from his ministry, poor Ed is struggling to cope with a tidal wave of shit washing over him. Everything that could go wrong seems to be going wrong. Social Services Departments the length and breadth of the land are gathering newspaper headlines for neglecting children supposedly in their care, in some cases leading to fatalities such as Peter Connolly. The exam system is in meltdown, with 145% of all GCSE's getting a passmark yet one in three children leaving school with no worthwhile qualification or skill other than hiding a knife in their pocket, employers and universities starting classes to teach their recruits to read, and millions wasted on the SATS fuckup. Schools are so bad that government ministers refuse to send their own precious brats there, and the only sign of movement in the housing market is the upper middle classes fighting for a house in the catchment area of the only 3 schools in the country they regard as fit for purpose.

"I'm at my wits end!" declared Ed, "the civil servants who knew anything all fucked off to the Universities Ministry because of my body odour and bad manners, and all I've got left are the timeservers and windowlickers Gordon made us hire to keep them off the unemployed figures. So I don't have any choice but to hire in consultants, and everyone knows they don't come cheap."

The Penguin

Caption Competition

"Good Morning! We're hoping we can rely on your vote?"

No, now fuck right off before I set my dogs on you, you cunts!"

Oooh, Loads More Lovely Gravy. Nothing To See Here!

The Times has ruffled a few feathers with a look into the additional bonuses that wash around the upper echelons of the Police Farce.

Oddly enough, Chief Cuntstable Knacker seems to be rather shy about this, with the privately owned limited company ACPO writing to police forces and advising them to refer enquiries to their Freedom Of Information Denial officials.

Surely if they've done nothing wrong, then they have nothing to hide?

The Penguin

British Jobbies For British Workers?

The Prime Mentalist, Gorgon McBroon, Saviour Of The World, Barack's Bestest Best Friend, The Man Who Stopped Boom And Bust, boldy declared "British Jobs For British Workers" as part of his recession beating plan.

Sadly, like everything else the fuckwit says or announces, the reality is rather different.

Record numbers of work permits granted to foreigners. And of course, that is only the ones we know about (assuming we believe government statistics ) and will not include any illegal immigrants or failed asylum seekers not deported.

His boast to Evan Davies of creating 3 million jobs was a hollow one, as over 2 million of those jobs are filled by immigrants, not British Workers.

Good to know that he is working so hard for hard working families. Shame so few of them are British.

The Penguin