Tuesday 27 September 2011

How To End The Recession

There's a blindingly obvious solution which could be implemented quite quickly.

Compulsory euthanasia for anyone over 75.

NHS saves money. Councils save money on care homes, lots of housing gets freed up so no need to build on the green belt, inheritances bring money into the economy. Funeral directors get rich and need more staff, creating jobs for those who used to work in care homes, hospital beds get freed up, DWP save a fortune on pensions and pension credits, pension companies get massive windfalls and can be taxed on them, and it could even be a green revolution using them as fuel in power stations rather than just the occasional council swimming pool warmed by the local crematorium.

After all, then there'd be loads of money for a decent innings over 5 years over the allotted 3 score and ten, rather than hanging on until the NHS can be bothered to bump you off through neglect and starvation if you're too bloody-minded to cop C-Diff or MRSA.

The Penguin

Friday 23 September 2011

Our Reporter Made His Excuses And Left

Not So Funny When It's You?

"Last night, when asked about the News International payments, Mr Wallis’s solicitor issued a statement alleging that information about his client had been leaked by Scotland Yard.

Phil Smith of Tuckers Solicitors said: “I confirm that we have today complained formally to The Metropolitan Police over the leaking of information from Operation Weeting to The Daily Telegraph.

“We object to the publication of any story based on this information which has been obtained from a source with no authority to place such information in the public domain. We will be pursuing this matter further.”"

Funny thing, that - the scumbag journalist and his legal team objecting to stories in the press resulting from leaked information....

The Penguin

Martin "Fluffy Bunny" McGuinness - The Truth

"You'd better be careful, accidents happen you know!"

Martin McGuinness wants to become President of Ireland.

So his past as a commander in the Provisional IRA needs to be properly explained.

"I was in charge of flower arranging, that's all it ever was, and anyone saying different will have trouble walking after I've fucking knee-capped them. That's if they don't just disappear first!"

So now we know.

The Penguin

Wednesday 21 September 2011

Fuckwit Jobsworth Of The Week

"I'm Disappointed, She Was Guilty And Should Have Been Hung Drawn and Quartered!"

Congratulations to Councillor Clyde Loakes, Waltham Forest Council Cabinet Member for Environment, who still can't see common sense despite getting a severe kicking from a Crown Court Judge for wasting £15,000 on a pointless prosecution over the re-use of a cardboard box.

You Fuckwit!

The Penguin

Saturday 17 September 2011

Another Self-Inflicted PR Disaster For The Met

Fuck me, will they never learn?

Not content with shooting innocent electricians because they were a tad sun-tanned, or brutally knocking down passing drunks, or lying their heads off about the circumstances in which some gangsta got himself shot and thereby causing the odd riot, the knobheads in blue have decided that they'll try and use the Official Secrets Act against journos at the Grauniad to find out who had the temerity to leak information about their completely crap non-investigation into the NoTW phone-hacking.

Did no-one think to say, "Guv, don't do it, the non-Murdoch press will crucify us!"

You'd think the new head boy would be keen to make a good start to his tenure - which he'd never have had if the storm of revulsion over the hacking revelations and anger over the lack of proper investigation had not forced some of the fat bastards at the top to "resign" and enjoy their pensions.

The Penguin

PS I was right.

Small Wonder That Plod Have Lost The Respect Of Joe Public

Surprise, surprise, despite a torrent of criticism from the inquest and even from the normally supine Independent Police Complaints Commission, no disciplinary action will be taken against any of the useless plods who so badly failed in their duty to protect the victims of yob abuse.

Oddly enough, none of the yobs have ever been prosecuted.

High time for locally elected police chiefs who have the clout to kick arse and get the complacent arse-covering police establishment to do the job they are over-paid for but not actually doing.

What's the betting that if the victims had been Ethnic then the police and the local council would have acted very differently?

The Penguin

Thursday 15 September 2011

I Feel Sorry For The Pigs

"Lord" Hanningfield has been arrested yet again over his expenses, this time by the local Essex plod, who are famously thorough, just ask Chris "Points" Huhne.

I wonder if the former pig farmer gave his poor porkers a fair chance at the trough, or did they have to wait until the greedy bastard had had his fill?

The Penguin

Saturday 10 September 2011

Common Sense Versus Big Business


Genetically Modified Crops
- Ben says don't believe the spin!

I was talking to someone at DEFRA, and they happened to mention in passing:
'you know, we had a big presentation from the industry, and really,
GM crops will have to be allowed in if we're to feed everyone,
its the only way to solve the food crisis'
Now, this is complete and utter rubbish.

It is a line that has been put forward by the GM public relations people in the newspapers as well.
The reality is that these faceless corporations have sunk billions and billions of borrowed dollars developing these things, and whether they work or not, they are desperate to get some profit from them any way they can.

So they are lobbying the government to allow them to sell GM seed in the UK, using whatever the latest worry is. (Last year it was the need for higher vitamins in rice, then cheap drugs from corn, now the 'food crisis'. )
Once we plant GM crops there's no going back - the genes will escape into wild plants and other food crops.
We must all resist this cynical sales push.
Interestingly, Genetically modified crops are the agricultural equivalent of what has been going on with the banks.
The parallels are striking:
  • developed to create a profitable 'new market' where none existed before
  • massively hyped as a 'new way of doing things'
  • hard to understand, even by the regulators
  • so regulators accept industry assurances at face value
  • and not investigated or tested for safety before use.
  • potentially very dangerous to the public
  • designed to be costly to large numbers of 'little people' worldwide
  • designed to be profitable to just a handful of corporations in USA
  • very difficult to contain once the effects get out of control (a "systemic" risk)
And this briefing to the government is simply not true.
Forgetting all the arguments about toxicity and genetic pollution for the moment, concentrate on this simple fact:

GM crops will have LOWER yields than natural plants.

Why GM Crops will have Lower Yields
It's pretty obvious, looking at this diagram:
Here's a plant , making food from sunlight, as it ought to. It sits there, soaking up sunlight all summer, making grain or corn or whatever.

Now take that plant, and put in a poison gene from a bacteria. It is locked 'on', so that every bit of the plant has to use some of its energy making a toxic compound.
You can see that you are putting the same energy in, but of course some of that is diverted into making the toxin. Leaving LESS food for us to eat.
So there you are. Don't believe it, GM crops won't solve any crisis - they just want our money.
And they don't care if they poison us & destroy the eco-system (all that toxin might not be so great, you know) in the process.
GM crops pose a huge risk to the food chain.
GM foods have not been safety-tested, and should be resisted at all costs.
note : Ben studied genetic engineering at the Department of Plant Sciences in Cambridge.
The security of the worlds food supply is at stake here,
at risk to the same sort of short-term, ignorant, greedy fools who wrecked the banking system.

Postscript: I wrote this in 2008. In 2009 a scientific study by the UCS looking at two dozen different crop trials came to the same conclusion - GM Seeds do not increase yields.

From http://www.realseeds.co.uk/about.html
(The Penguin has an allotment!) 

Friday 9 September 2011

Favourable Odds

Officially the odds are of 1 in 13,983,816 for the possibility of a National Lottery UK Lotto jackpot win - from their website.

However, the fucking numpties at NASA are happily predicting odds of just 3,200 to one that 55o kg of scrap metal will hit someone sometime in the next few months.

And you don't even have to buy a fucking ticket!

The Penguin

Thursday 8 September 2011

Mad Dog Quaddafi Smarter Than Jonah Brown

He is completely barking mad, but the Mad Dog of Libya is still a fucking sight smarter than the Saviour Of The World (Starting In America), the invisible Member for Kirkcaldy Jonah Brown.

Quaddafi sold his gold at the top of the boom.

Jonah sold ours at rock bottom, the fuckwitted numpty.

The Penguin

Saturday 3 September 2011

Poor Old Cherie Loses Appeal

No, not that sort of appeal, she's about as attractive as a particularly ugly bulldog chewing a wasp - but the Court of Appeal have given her a right slapping for letting a bloke caught with serious amounts of cocaine off with a suspended sentence, and have instead decided to bang him up for three and a half years.

Cherie's problem is that she's so used to getting away with all sorts of dodgy stuff herself that she is a soft touch when it comes to punishing other people. Not exactly what you want in a judge sitting in our laughable criminal justice system, is it?

Perhaps Ken Clarke could put her out of our misery?

The Penguin