Wednesday 31 March 2010

Get A Fucking Grip, Woolas, For Fuck's Sake!

I'm getting bored pointing out what a useless cunt you are, Custard-Face, so do us all a favour and either get a fucking grip on your numpties or fuck off and let another wanker have a go.

Hot on the heels of the revolving door bag snatcher we have the unbelievable case of the rapist who has to be allowed to get married and then will be fucking untouchable, and now the sheer incompetence of a removal squad who left a disabled man's wheelchair behind so he couldn't be put on the aeroplane.

I hope Custard Face is made to pay for the wasted ticket himself, but I suspect this won't happen. Instead it's the poor fucked-over taxpayer who ends up paying yet again for socialist incompetence.

The Penguin

Tuesday 30 March 2010

Spot The Blogger

Film Producers Flock To Essex?

The Penguin

Monday 29 March 2010

Labour's Poster Boy

Taking The Piss

Seems the radical followers of the child molesting desert-dwelling warlord are not playing by the rules.

Labour muslim MP's parachuted into a London mosque to try and decriminalise it have had their signatures forged.

And a muslim faith school has been caught doing naughty and illegal things with their admissions policy.

However, in the interests of multi-culturalism and political correctness fuck all will be done about it.

The Penguin

Sunday 28 March 2010

New Poster Campaign

You Know It Makes Sense

The Penguin

Another Bonus For Custard Face Woolas!

Home Office Minister Phil Woolas With An Admirer

Surely little Phil "Custard Face" Woolas should get another bonus, as should every hard-working member of his much vaunted UK Borders Agency?

Continually boasting about how secure our borders are and how illegal immigration has been stopped by his considerable efforts and towering intellect, I wonder if he has anything to say about the interesting case of prolific bag thief Hakim Benmakhlouf, who has already been deported twice but seems to have slipped past Custard Face's finest yet again.

He was even paid £3,000 to fuck off the first time. Was he paid similarly the second time around? Is this why he keeps coming back?

The lunatics are indeed running the asylum.

The Penguin

Saturday 27 March 2010

Bit Of A Problem For The Pope?

Life imitates art. Where's "V" when you need him?

The Penguin

Friday 26 March 2010

Bring On The Wails Of "Racist!"

"You Is Pickin on Me Coz I'm Black, Innit?"

"A total of 20 people, aged 14 to 17, have been arrested over the stabbing and were being questioned by police this morning, British Transport Police said.

All of those in custody are black and the victim was of north African descent and lived in west London."

Read more:

Next thing we'll have that trough-pig Trevor Phillips wringing his limp little hands and bewailing the fact that a "disproportionate" number of "ethnics" are involved in stop and search.

Perhaps the plod are choosing to check on the ethnics because when there's a shooting or a stabbing in 9 out of 10 cases it turns out that either the perp or the victim or both are of ethnic origin?

The Penguin

Leaving The Sinking Ship

It seems that "Baroness" Ashton, Lord High Representative for the EUSSR has been abandoned by her chief spin-meister after only a matter of weeks.

"I had to consider my professional future and decided that it was elsewhere," Mr Güllner told The Independent, adding that he would work at the European Commission's trade department as of next week.

It seems that he realised that you just can't polish a turd.

The Penguin

Wednesday 24 March 2010


43 days or so to go!

The Penguin

Over-rated Or Just Over-manned?

In all the kerfuffle over Bananaman Millipede and his faux outrage over the cloning of passports by those naughty Israelis in their bumping off of some dreary terrorist, one question seems to hang there like the proverbial elephant in the room, ignored by all the journalists.

How on earth does it take 26 or so Mossad agents to suffocate one terrorist?

Hardly 007 standard, is it? Or maybe that's why Mossad are so "feared"? Because there's so fucking many of them?

The Penguin

Tuesday 23 March 2010

Mann Enough For The Job?

Thanks to Rantin Rab for this. Sadly I don't know how to make it such that you can enlarge it just by clicking on it, if anyone can tell me I'll happily follow their instructions.

The Penguin

More Blood On Your Hands, McCavity Brown!

It emerges at the start of yet another inquest into a dead soldier that they didn't even have enough ammunition to be able to mount scheduled patrols.

So much for Jonah keeping them properly supported and supplied.

Lying self-deluded pompous cunt.

The Penguin

Overseeing The Gravy Train, A New Gravy Train!

Struggling On Your Gold-plated Pension, Sir Ian?

These cunts just don't get it, do they?

The tainted establishment wankers appointed to hose the shit out of the Augean stables promptly set about building a vast feather-bedded empire for themselves, complete with expensive offices and their own fucking £200,000 spin-doctors.

More piano wire!

The Penguin

Monday 22 March 2010

Nothing To See Here, Move Along Please!

"I see no corruption here - at least, not with my glass eye!"

The Prime Mentalist, Saviour Of The World, Economic Genius Who Banned Boom And Bust, Decisive Leader Voted "Man of Courage 2007, 2008, 2009" has declared that in his expert and unbiased opinion there is no need to bother getting the whitewash bucket out in the little local trouble over wannabe lobbyists Byers, Hoon, Hewitt etc.

"I'm sure there's nothing to worry about!" he declared, with a stomach-twisting grin and a strange odd sideways movement of his lower mandible, "Lord Mandlebum of Boys and Oligarchs is a man of the utmost probity. Otherwise we'd never have invited him back into the Cabinet after he was forced to resign several times after being caught with his hand in the till. And that nice Andrew Adonis, I recommended him to the House of Lords myself after he gave me a considerable sum of money, so I know for a fact that he's as honest as Baroness Uddin is. Lord Ashcroft on the other hand is a non-dom, and so can't be trusted at all."

Then he wiped a stray bogey on his tie, and waddled off awkwardly like a man who had inadvertently pissed down his trouserleg.

The Penguin

Byers Either A Liar Or Corrupt - Or Both!


Stephen Byers, famous for his duplicitous behaviour as a minister - Railtrack shareholders will recall only too well what a lying little shit he is - has been caught out yet again. You'd think the obnoxious creep would learn, but no, he seems incapable.

Caught on camera boasting about how he can use his contacts to influence things for his wealthy clients, blatant and utterly repellant. Then he has second thoughts and tries to wriggle out from under - or did he have a little chat with one of his "friends" who suggested he might be in the shit?

Now he's reported himself to that useless wanker "Sir" John Lyon to be "investigated".

Luckily the publicity will not wait for him to be whitewashed.

The Penguin

Friday 19 March 2010

Rather An Expensive Tosser

This sad looking wanker is Paul Martin, who converted to Islam and then tried to force a local primary school in Woking to become an Islamic Faith School, and through false allegations and bullying drove the head mistress into illness and early retirement.

She has now had compensation of over £400,000 awarded to her at the rate-payers' expense, and I suspect that m'learned friends will also have done very nicely out of the protracted legal proceedings. So the cost to the poor citizens of Surrey will be fucking enormous.

And silly Paul Martin? Well, it seems from the photograph that he can't afford the proper Muslim robes and has to make do with the clothes from his previous life.

The Penguin

Thursday 18 March 2010

The Bogeyman Is Back!

No wonder Peter "Orangeface" Hain looks worried, he's afraid the Prime Mentalist will use him as a handkerchief!

The Penguin

Wednesday 17 March 2010

Slaphead Slapped Down!

The Badger seems to have discovered some small measure of backbone in recent months.

He has obviously given the ludicrous Liam Byrne a right bollocking, causing a rapid back-tracking over his preposterous claims concerning there being no need for any additional tax rises to try to cut the deficit.

Poor Mr. Byrne must be sick of the taste of humble pie.

The Penguin

Anyone Recommend A Hosting Service?


What passes for keeping the customer happy nowadays!

You are now chatting with 'Alexey Bozhenko'

Alexey Bozhenko: Hello, my name is Alex, please let me know how can I help you today?

you: Hi As per my previous e-mails I told you I did not want to renew Hosting with you. Please reverse this immediately!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yours truly ( complete copy & paste of e-mails followed here)

Alexey Bozhenko: Could you please clarify ?

you: You have renewed against my specific instructions. Please reverse this at once and refund any monies taken form my Visa card with immediate effect. Thank you.

Alexey Bozhenko: In order to cancel the payment you should submit a ticket to our billing department

you: I should not have to run round your various departments, just transfer this conversation to the relevant person for me. As the customer, you should be supporting me. This is hardly likely to make me wish to return to hosting with you!

Alexey Bozhenko: Please let me inform you that the billing requests can be processed via ticket only

you: How ridiculous is that - your billing department ignore my e-mails, and your e-mail suggests I should contact you via this "live chat" to resolve any issues, and now you claim that this is not possible?

Alexey Bozhenko: You can cancel your payment via ticket only

you: So how exactly do I do that, bearing in mind that your "instructions" in the e-mail to contact your "live Chat" facility appear to be erroneous?

Alexey Bozhenko: You can create a ticket from your account page -> 24/7 help center -> create new ticket

So much for Customer Service!

The Penguin

Monday 15 March 2010

Separated At Birth?

Surely the useless un-necessary and over-paid "Children's Commissar" Maggie Atkinson must be closely related to that other well known Saviour Of Under Privileged And At Risk Children, Sharon "Not My Fault|" Shoesmith, lately of Haringey's Department For Social Engineering?

If not actually twins.

Not just that they are both pig-scarers, but they seem to have much else in common.

The Penguin

Sunday 14 March 2010

Le Petit Adulterer Hungarien

"Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
To live

They got little hands
Little eyes
They walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes On their nasty little feet

Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
`Round here

Short People are just the same
As you and I
(A Fool Such As I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It's A Wonderful World)

Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
To love

They got little baby legs
That stand so low
You got to pick 'em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That got beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
'Round here"

Randy Newman.

Bonjour, Monsieur Le Petit President!

The Penguin

Nasty Smell From The Glasgow Pork Barrel

Politically Dead And Actually Dead

Oh dear, it seems that the lid has fallen off the Pork Barrel in Glasgow, and there's a nasty smell polluting the air.

Still, there's nothing new about that, and the good voters of Glasgow will still support the corrupt and venal Labour clique who have done fuck all for them over the years. Stupid cretins.

However, one might hope that Inspector McKnacker would wake up and investigate the handing of vast amounts of public money to a major Labour donor, and his links to disgraced cocaine using council leader "Fat Willie" Purcell. There's a dead body fouling things up as well, which may force McKnacker's hand.

The Penguin

Saturday 13 March 2010

Police Farce

Gets better every day - poor old Dixon of Dock Green would be spinning in his grave if he wasn't a figment.

The Police Farce ignore a bank robbery 100 yards from their tea and bun-filled paperwork station, and rush to the next county to surround a bank which was not being robbed.

Meanwhile a law-abiding restaurant owner is arrested for stopping some yobs breaking into his premises to steal alcohol.

And public hand wringing and self-justification goes on over yet another death related to yobs harrassing people with disabilities over long periods while the police do fuck all.

Still, I'm sure Jack "The Slimy Weasel" Straw will be only too happy to allocate even more public money to ACPO, assuming there's any left after the multi-millions he has lavished on his offices at the Ministry For Injustice. Surely there must be someone in Blackburn who is public spirited enough to set fire to Mr. Straw's house?

The Penguin

Thursday 11 March 2010

Uducashun, Edyoucashone, Edukashion - Every Little Helps!!

"Sew Wot?"

13 years of NuLiebore placing such importance on "Education, Education, Education" ( T. Bliar ) have produced impressive results.

One of our biggest employers has publically stated (twice) that school leavers are basically unfit for employment. They can't read, or write, and have attitude problems.

Well done!! Surely a promotion for Ed Balls has to be imminent?

The Penguin

Tuesday 9 March 2010

41% Down, or 44% Up?

"Crime is falling. Fact. Down by more than a third since 1997. Fact. That’s 6 million fewer crimes each year. Fact. Almost 1 million fewer homes burgled. Fact. Almost 1 and a half million fewer violent crimes. Fact."

Hmmm, it seems there's a teeny weeny difference between what Gordon McBroon and his band of tossers have been saying and statistics produced by the independent House of Commons Library.

I wonder which one is more likely to be the truth?

The Penguin

Monday 8 March 2010

How Many More Calling Jonah A Fucking Liar Before It Sinks In?

Just how many more senior civil servants, ex-cabinet ministers, top military folk, etc. will it take calling Jonah MacCavity Broon a fucking liar for the general public to notice that our Prime Mentalist is telling porkies?

Mind you, most of the main stream media keep letting the cunt get away with it.

The Penguin

Saturday 6 March 2010

Not Only Uglier Than Beckett, But Even More Useless!

Baroness Ashton, the EUSSR "High Representative" gets paid a fucking amazing £328,000 a year.

Please could the ugly cunt put some of it towards either plastic sugery and dental work, or a liftime's supply of strong brown-paper bags?

The Penguin

Friday 5 March 2010

The German Solution Wont Work For Britain

"And This Time We Get To Keep Them!"

It's all very well the Germans suggesting they'll only bail the bankrupt Greeks out in return for Corfu and Rhodes, but I doubt if they will make the same offer when Jonah has finished fucking up the British economy.

After all, St Kilda and Rockall don't have quite the same appeal.

The Penguin

Wednesday 3 March 2010

R. I. P. Michael Foot

Goodbye Michael Foot, about as close as possible to an honest and principled politician.

And you were right about Soviet Communism, unlike many of your stupid colleagues, and about the Falklands, and about Britain being better off outside the EUSSR.

A complete contrast to that cunt and intellectual pigmy Gordon McCavity Broon.

The Penguin

Tuesday 2 March 2010

Caption Competition!

"By that time, Hilary, his "cigarillo" was like this!!!"

The Penguin