Britains borders are secure, according to Phil "Custard Pie" Woolas. No-one else seems to think so, apart from Two Homes Economic Secretary Jacqui Fat Lodger Smith, the Kebab and Porn Loving MP for Backbedroom-on-the Fiddle.
Pakistani students wanting to study in Britain who are deemed a risk may only be interviewed over the phone. The Home Office has revealed a final decision on any visa application from Pakistan is now being dealt with by officials in Abu Dhabi, in the United Arab Emirates.
Since almost all of the terror plots in Britain have involved Pakistanis, I'm sure that this is perfectly fine. And my grandfather was a banana.