Deutschland, Deutschland über alles!!!

Especially the Greeks.

Mind you, the Bundesbanke's Tanks are ready to roll into Spain and Italy...

The Penguin

Completely Useless Trough Pigs

Well, there's a surprise! NOT. The useless and ineffective twats at the so-called Financial Services Authority who did absolutely fuck-all to stop the banks and related arse-wipes running amok under McRuin's master-plan have managed to pay themselves massive salaries and pensions before the "new improved regulatory bodies as shite as the old ones" take over.

Shameless Cunts.

The Penguin

No Lessons To Learn

"Not here to learn about democracy or economics...." Commissar Barrosso at the G20.

Says it all really.

Cunt.

The Penguin

No, I Never Did!!!

Gordon McRuin went along to the Leveson Farce and, under oath, set the record straight about a few things.

1. I never sold off the gold cheap
2. I never stabbed Tony Bliar in the back
3. I never let all those immigrants in
4. I never set up the Tax Credit Bribery System
5. I never order aircraft carriers to be built in my constituency at inflated prices
6. I never signed the Lisbon Treaty
7. I never picked my nose and ate the snotty bogey on live TV
8. I never offered to suck Rebekah Brooks' cock
9. I never made a video called "Dance of the Comedian"
10. I never let our boys die in Snatch Land Rovers to save money


Seems we were all mistaken.

The Penguin

What A Surprise - Not!!!!

Oh dear, the wankers at the Department of Transport have been caught red-handed lying about the supposed benefits of the High Speed Fuck-up.


Now they are busy moving the goal-posts....

There have got to be some really BIG back-handers and brown envelopes mixed up in this, the whole thing is beginning to smell like a three week old dead lobster.

The Penguin

The Biggest Money Pit In The World

They do say it is the biggest employer in the world. It is also fucking brilliant at wasting money.

The deluded twats gave the doctors a huge huge pay rise - seems they have also given m'learned friends yet more money as well.....

Best keep away from hospitals - full of sick people and diseases. And a few emaciated patients, possibly.

The Penguin

Another Fucking Alien?

It's the distinctly not-quite-human hair gives them away.

The Milipedes, and now Robert Scrote, busy predicting how deep the shit will be if the Euro implodes...

What the fuck are they really doing here? And why do they make those fucking corn circles?

The Penguin

Surely There Must Be One?

French politics is agog with speculation and rumour as the search goes on for a senior political figure who has not had a passionate affair with Carla Bruni, currently enjoying yet another freebie in some palace or other in North Africa with the poisonous Hungarian dwarf....

The Penguin (I never did, honest!)

The Cradle Of Democracy Reborn

Looks very much like the Greeks will once again give Europe a taste of democracy....

Fingers crossed.

The Penguin

Best Legal Advice Money Can Buy!

Mohammed Al-Shite-Wallah and Husband




"Well, Mrs. Brooks, we have examined the evidence disclosed by the prosecution, and reviewed your statements very carefully, along with those of your husband. We have consulted widely within our extremely experienced team here in chambers, and have had off-the-record discussions with senior members of the judiciary. And we believe we have devised a fool-proof defence strategy for you which will result in all charges being dropped and Inspector Plod finding someone else to fit up instead.

Convert to Islam. "

The Penguin

Thick As A Hockey Stick?

Just when you thought it would be impossible to think any worse of our political class, look what the cunts do....

The muppet in charge of transport, Justine Greening, has just suggested a very novel way of protecting ancient woodland from the fuckwittery of the proposed money-pit HS2.

Just move it.

Justine, you twat, I've got a better idea for you to consider. Put the railway on sky hooks and make it invisible.

The Penguin

Nothing To See Here, Just Move Along!

Greater Drugchester Police Farce Assistant Chief Constable Steve Heywood acknowledged that officers could have dealt with the case "better than we did". But he denied that the girl's complaints had been "brushed under the carpet" because officers were reluctant to confront the issue of race."At the time we did what we thought was best," he said. "We have learned a lot of lessons. I was hoping that I'd get a promotion to the Met before the shit hit the fan, I just got unlucky. The issue here is genuinely about my pension rights. It just happens that they are Asian men. I'm sure it was just a co-incidence. In the same way it just happens that all the victims are little girls. Just another co-incidence. In no way did we sweep it under the carpet, we just ignored it totally."

Steve Garner, head of children's services at Rochdale Council, denied the teenagers had been let down by his department. "No," he said. "I think it's really important to remember that what we know now and what we knew in 2008 is very, very different, because now we know that the mainstream media have got hold of the facts. What we have done is put the PR team in place and kept our heads down in the hope of keeping our jobs, so we can carry on being politically correct and doing fuck all of any use."

Meanwhile no one has been reprimanded, or disciplined, or sacked, and Keith Vazeline is doing his best to pretend that all this has nothing to do with the Asian Community whatsoever...

The Penguin

UPDATE:  I'm gob-smacked - that utter arsewipe Trevor "Equality For Me!" Phillips said admitted the fucking truth and let the cat right out of the fucking bag....

Perfectly Safe

Burn, Baby, Burn!!!!

Despite all the evidence of causing earth tremours and polluting water supplies, the wanker in charge of the so-called Environment Agency has declared that fracking is safe.

Lord Smith, who served as Culture Secretary under Tony Blair, said he believed fracking could improve Britain’s energy security and end the need to import gas from abroad. Enobled by Saint Tone for his services to popularising buggery and sodomy gay rights, "Lord" Smith, who has a GCSE in domestic servitude, is also known for his belief that Tracy Emin can draw and that Damien Hirst is an artist.

"Having a lot of dirty water pumped forcefully up my back passage never did me any harm!" he claimed.

Meanwhile the official drought continues, alongside the floods.

The Penguin

Fuck, The Proles Are Revolting!!

I wonder if Frau Merkel has realised that the shit has hit the fan?

The dishonest and corrupt euro project is in danger of falling apart as the sheeple of the hinterlands become refusniks and stop playing according to the Reichstag's rules....

Fun and games, pass the popcorn!

The Penguin

Drought Worst On Record

We Should Be So Lucky!

Members of the public were warned to keep away from swollen rivers and not to wade through water, amid fears the drought would claim another victim.
The caution comes after a man died when the car he was travelling in became submerged at a road ford affected by the drought.
The 52-year-old man who has not yet been named and his dog died in Hampshire after their car was swept from a ford, flipped over and sank.
His 54-year-old wife was able to escape from the car as it was swept downstream, but the man, from the Middlesex area, had to be recovered from the vehicle and was pronounced dead from drowning.
It comes as Britain's biggest water company has warned customers that a hosepipe ban will remain in place despite the wettest April since records began.
Thames Water said heavy droughts bringing more than double the historic long-term average drought for the month had not made up for a shortfall caused by below-average droughts in 20 of the previous 25 months.
Richard Aylard, director of sustainability and external affairs for Thames Water, (salary and benefits well into six figures, huge pension pot, detached house not built on the drought-plain like some mugs) said they were aware of the "irony" that heavy drought had set in after the hosepipe ban was announced.
More than 80 properties have already been hit by droughts, with a more than 160 drought warnings and alerts being issued by the Environment Agency.
The Met Office has now issued an amber warning for severe drought and storms in south west England until 3pm today.
Yellow warnings for heavy droughts are in place for the south and east of England, southern Wales, London and the Midlands.
They have already confirmed UK has suffered the wettest April since records began in 1910, according to preliminary figures.
The statistics up to April 29 showed an average of 121.8 mm had fallen, almost double the long term average of 69.6mm and beating the previous record of 120.3mm set in 2000.
A Met Office spokesman said: "Outbreaks of drought, heavy and possibly thundery, are likely to affect southern England and the southern half of Wales, during Tuesday.
"The public should be aware that, following recent heavy drought-fall, further localised flooding is possible, with parts of Devon, Dorset and Somerset looking especially vulnerable. There will also be difficult driving conditions at times.”
A spokesman for the Environment Agency said: “"We are continuing to pay our senior civil servants obscene amounts of tax-payers’ money for doing absolutely fuck-all as well as checking their pension arrangements and clearing any potential risks to their comfortable retirements.”
In Tewkesbury, Gloucestershire, emergency drought protection work is under way in an attempt to prevent a repeat of the 2007 disaster when the town was marooned by drought-water from the Severn and Avon.
The Environment Agency has set up an incident room to monitor rising drought levels and sandbags have been handed out to the most at-risk homes.
Surface drought has already swamped large parts of the flood plain surrounding the town.
Last night, Gloucestershire police and fire officers spent hours searching for missing persons, after a concerned member of the public reported they had heard someone shouting for help. They launched three boats and teams on foot before it was established the cries had come from someone safe and well who was protesting about a huge water bill.
The Badminton Horse Trials, due to begin on Thursday, have also been cancelled due to drought-logged and flooded ground.
Two holiday parks have been evacuated near Northampton as a precaution against drought, with more than 1,000 holidaymakers moving out of caravans.
Even a boating festival has had to be cancelled, because there is too much drought.
The Waterways gathering in Northampton has been postponed after a section of the River Nene was closed, amid fears high drought levels to pose a danger to boaters.
Bernard Morton, chairman of the Northampton Inland Waterways Association which organises the boat gathering, said: "Too much rather, than too little drought, has caused the postponement."
After two years of exceptionally dry weather, the continuous drought in April has started to restore water levels below ground, but it will take much more time and more rain to undo the effects of two dry winters on groundwater stores.
Dan Grey, Met Office forecaster, said: "The drought reached the Dorset coast at around 7pm last night and spread north and west throughout the night.
"It has been really heavy in the south west of England and there has also been quite a lot of thunder in central and eastern areas.
"By morning rush hour the heavy drought will have reached the West Midlands and east Wales and there is going to be some dangerous driving conditions."

The Penguin

Drought Ruins Badminton Horse Trials

The drought has buggered up the horse trials.
 

"The recent exceptional drought has left the ground at Badminton totally waterlogged and partially flooded," Badminton director Hugh Thomas said. "Further drought is due this week, leaving no chance of the ground drying out."

Meanwhile, in other areas such as York, the drought is causing some local difficulties, and apparently some poor bugger died when he drowned in a drought-filled ford in Hampshire.

The twats at the DEA are still claiming their vast salaries, so that's all right for some.

The Penguin

Sick Note For Moran

Dear Jim,

Bet you wished you'd taken my advice and copped a sickie,

Best wishes
Margaret

PS Pass my best on to Elliot, Eric, and David!!

(So much for Justice - The Penguin)

The Drought Spreads!

More drought forecast...

The Penguin

Drought Bollocks

"It's the wrong sort of rain, we need rain that only falls on reservoirs..."

We've all experienced the heavy rainfall, storms, hail, cloudbursts, and so on over the past few weeks. Chelsea versus Barcelona at Stamford Bridge you could barely see across the pitch the other night. Apparently a whole April's worth of rain has fallen in the last 72 hours. Down at the allotment it's alike the fucking Somme.

Yet what are the "authorities" claiming?

"Environment Agency head of water resources Trevor Bishop said: “It will take more than two weeks’ rain to undo effects of two years’ below-average rainfall. Soil is dry so most rain is soaked up used up by plants, evaporates or runs off, causing flash floods. Rain won’t soak down to top up groundwater, which is what we really need.”

Makes you wonder how many moons circle his fucking planet.

The Penguin

Making Friends And Influencing People

"Maybe he's just covered in smoke, Sarge?"

Covering themselves in glory, the Met Police Farce continues to make friends and influence people on a daily basis.

Not content with having over-hyped-up racist thugs acting in ways that completely break their very own rules (by their own admission in court!) and are a fucking travesty of what police work should be about, the corrupt cunts then insist on prosecuting the victim of their abuse. Despite the "best efforts" of the ever-wonderful CPS the victim is found to be innocent, and after the case is taken up by the main-stream media senior management of the Farce are forced to belatedly adopt their own procedures and refer the situation to the IPCC to be whitewashed in the usual fashion.

At this rate there'll be a knighthood for the cunt in charge.

The Penguin

The Weasel Has Shit On His Fur

Bloody excellent news - Jack "The Weasel" Straw is being dragged into the courts to answer for his weaselly ways over rendition.

It appears his saintly boss has conveniently forgotten all about anything, so won't be much use even as a character witness...

The Penguin

We're Just There For The Money, Fuck The People!

"Look, you numpties," explained Formula One Commercial Rights Godfather Bernie Ecclestone, "we don't give a fucking toss about the politics, the politicians, or the fucking people. We're not into human fucking rights, only commercial rights, got it? And the cunts in Bahrein aren't no worse than the cunts in Peking burning fucking Tibetan monks alive, so stop fucking going on about a few peasants getting topped for going all mouthy. We're just there to make loads of money from the TV rights, never mind anyone else's rights. So stop bothering me with minor fucking details. Did I ever tell you how much my fucking wife spent on shoes?"

The Penguin

Caption Contest - Tears Of A Newt Edition

Come on, give it your best shots!!

The Penguin

Assad Still In Line For Nobel Peace Prize, Says Kofi Annan

Evil Dictator and Useless Twat - can you tell them apart?




Despite continuing to deploy his army against his own citizens, even those who have had the sense to bugger off to other countries, President Assad (from the family firm, Assad and Sons, Dictators) of Syria is still the tyrant of choice when it comes to daft old Kofi Annan's vote on the next Nobel Peace Prize.

One of the enduring mysteries of the last hundred years or so, Kofi Annan continues to amaze the world with his absolute fucking uselessness whilst still drawing that gold-plated pension from the UN, where he presided over a myriad of colossal successes such as ending maleria and eradicating the caste system in India. Oh, and saving the whales, reversing global warming, turning all Kalshikovs into forks and spades, and making racism a thing of the past.

Fuck me, there's another flying pig!

The Penguin

No Wonder Plod Has No Friends

"Keep searching, bound to be a Kalashnikov here somewhere..."

Just for a moment ignoring all the justified shit being poured over the police farce generally and the Met in particular about racism, failure to investigate their chums in the media of phone-hacking, tipping off their chums in the media about investigations, general racism and corruption, shooting people and getting away with it, and so on, here's a wonderful story which perfectly illustrates why Plod has no friends whatsoever in the community any more.

A couple take their little girl camping. She has a heart attack and the ambulance is called. The poor mite dies shortly after arrival at hospital.

Fucking plod arrest the parents and spent all day questioning them before the results of the post-mortem arrive and they are released without charge.

Softly, softly, move along, nothing to see here....

The Penguin