What Are The Odds On Julian Assange Seeing Christmas 2011?

Although I can't for the life of me see what all the fuss is about over the publication of gossip and tittletattle made into "gospel" by being sent by third rate diplomats to their over-weening State Department, Julian Assange has undoubtedbly annoyed a lot of people.

"There are the mysterious “insurance files” that Wikileaks founder Julian Assange has encouraged supporters to download and store in case something happens to either him or his website.

The first file appeared earlier this summer, four days after the website published its famous Afghan war logs. A link to another file was released earlier this week on Twitter alongside the statement: “Now is a good time to download some ‘history insurance’”.

The contents of these files are currently encrypted. But as Assange remarked earlier this year in a pointed threat against any attempts to stifle his organisation: “All we have to do is release the password to that material and it’s instantly available.”

It’s a shrewd move. Were the US to succeed in permanently taking down the Wikileaks website, they could be faced with a potential Pandora’s Box of previously unpublished information that might make the current leaks look like a picnic.

“It could all be a very elaborate double bluff,” says one cyber-warfare specialist who asked to remain anonymous. “But knowing how deeply anti-American Wikileaks is, my hunch is those files would contain something that could really sting the US if they ever took action against Assange.” (From the so-called Independent)

So, anyone who is a tad irritated by the unwanted publicity and who is also anti-American now has even more motivation to have Mr. Assange whacked.

Good policy?

The Penguin

But, Your Royal Highness...

A Madman And A Hypocrite Shaking Hands

Fucking typical, turns out the Saudis were begging the septics for airstrikes to take out the mad mullahs' nuclear programme.

Then they would in all likelihood have criticised the septics in order to appear to have solidarity with their Arab brethren, even if they are Shiites.

Must have slipped King Abdullah's mind that he has a fucking air force of his own.

The Royal Saudi Air Force is the air force branch of Saudi Arabian armed forces. The RSAF has developed from a largely defensive military force into one with an advanced offensive capability. The RSAF maintains the third largest fleet of F-15s after the JASDF and the USAF.

The backbone of the RSAF is currently the Panavia Tornado, with the Boeing F-15 Eagle also forming a major component. The Tornado and many other aircraft were delivered under the Al Yamamah contracts with British Aerospace (now BAE Systems). The RSAF ordered various weapons in the 1990s, including Sea Eagle anti-ship missiles, laser-guided bombs and gravity bombs. Al-Salam, a successor to the Al Yamamah agreement will see 72 Eurofighter Typhoons delivered by BAE.

Or if he thought that wouldn't work he could have asked some more of his wahhabi lunatics if they would mind flying some airliners into Iran's nuclear reactors. After all, it was good enough for the twin towers?

The Penguin

Memo To Dave

Dave, this is what an aircraft carrier SHOULD look like.

It has aircraft on it, able to take off and land on the ship. That's what makes it an effective warship and useful in projecting power and protecting a country's interests.

Without the aircraft it's pretty fucking useless.

The Penguin

Lying Twat, or Just Ignorant Thick Tosser?

Is Postman Prat so stupid that he has not grasped what that smarmy cunt Alistair Darling did during his last days in office, or is he simply lying for political advantage?

Fucking tricky to decide, since not only is he a bit slow on the uptake but also a fucking politician!

Mr Johnson said Britain should 'certainly not' be hoping that the euro collapsed as a currency but said he was 'worried' about the eurozone.

'I am concerned about contagion, about what's happening with Spain and Portugal," he said, before pointing out that Labour former chancellor Alistair Darling had been involved in the talks which resulted in a bailout for Greece earlier this year which the UK did not contribute to.

'We didn't put a penny into the bailout of Greece, it was for eurozone countries to do that, and I believe that's where the fundamental first point of call needs to be.'

It would almost be worth having the Nu-Liebore lot back in government if we could be assured that Postman Prat would actually be Chancellor - just for the hilarity of it. But then again I don't think the country would survive such incompetence.

The Penguin

Spot The Difference?

Different spelling, same hypocritical cunt.

The Penguin

Too Easy!

There's A Rarity - A Fucking Politician Telling The Truth!

He may well be a complete knob-head for all I know or care, because I can't give enough of a toss to investigate his record - but newly enobled Howard Flight is apparently not completely averse to telling the truth.

Makes you wonder why Dave the U-turn specialist sent him to the House of Lords?

The Penguin

She's Right - But Sack The Bitch As Well!

A Complete Waste Of Carbon

Christine Gilbert, or perhaps we should call her Mrs Tom "Expenses Cheat" McNulty, the old hag in charge of the unfit-for-purpose bunch of wankers otherwise known as Ofsted, has declared that useless teachers should be sacked.

She's quite right, for once.

However, this should also extend to useless School Inspectors and useless Child Been Murdered Inspectors who produce whitewash after whitewash like the cluster-fuck over Peter Connelly. Sack them, and especially sack the so-called management supposedly in charge of them.

The Penguin

Vertically Challenged Hungarian Adulterer In The Cack

Non! Non!! Non!!!

Oh how sad! The pernicious little President of France is caught up in yet another scandal.

Of course, he was doomed by the Curse of Jonah.

The Penguin

Who Knows? Who Cares!!!

"Terribly Sad, Of Course - Please Stop Laughing!"

Oh dear, William "the Foetus" Hague has shocked everyone by giving an honest answer to a question.

When asked if the Euro would survive the Irish troubles, he said "Who Knows?"

Fingers crossed!

The Penguin

Sad Sad Situation

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That refund seems to be the hardest word

The Penguin

Monumental Waste Of Taxpayers' Money

Fuck me, I expected to be horrified and shocked but the sheer scale of the pissing away of taxpayers' hard-earned money is off the fucking scale.

The most gob-smacking is the MOD blowing £38,461 on a cunting firm who run "fitness courses" at fucking Catterick.

Catterick is Army North. Just squaddies and sheep as far as the eye can see...

When I was in the Army, they had their own in-house fitness courses. The PT instructors were fucking awesome. You got run ragged, no one was ever in any danger of obesity, you were fit, no question and no other choice.

Just what the fuck has been going on?

The Penguin

Keep Your Fingers Crossed!

Let's hope that the Euro crisis swamps the ability and political will of the deeper pockets such as Germany to support the feckless borrowers and spenders such as Eire and Portugal, and it all goes tits up.

Because that will inevitably wreck the greater EUSSR unification trip.

Fucking ironic, really, that the tossers such as Jacques Delours who ignored all the advice from the economists and the financial experts that the Euro could never work without the other requisite political structures being in place have ended up ensuring that the whole project is doomed. Fingers crossed!

The Penguin

Sack The Fucking Lot Of Them!

"Because I'm Worth It!"

Why on earth are we as taxpayers being forced to pay huge bonuses to the tossers supposedly in charge of the grossly inefficient and under-performing box-ticking target chasing form-fillers in uniform formerly known as the Police Force?

Like £33,000 for that stupid bitch whose officers couldn't find Raoul Moat but who could call the teenage victim killed by a police driver a scumbag and get a fucking PR award for it. Un-fucking believable.

Then there's the scam of the limited company known as ACPO.

And yet again following an inicident involving a so-called "Safety Camera" I get spam mail from a company trying to sell me illegal laser equipment supposed to negate the ability of the "Safety Camera" to identify my vehicle. Over the last 6 years that's four tickets and four junk mails. Co-incidence?

The Penguin

The Bhutto Solution?

I do hope that the extremely nasty military regime in Burma have not decided that the solution to their Aung San Suu Kyi problem is the one that the extremely nasty military regime in Pakistan used to get rid of their Benazir Bhutto problem.

After all, banged up under house arrest surrounded by armed guards and it's a bit bleeding obvious if someone tops her.

Out on the streets, a very different matter.

The Penguin

Shock Horror - Television Is A Visual Medium!

A Senior Executive From The BBC Taking A Rest

The tribunal also heard senior radio producer Lucy Cunt describe Miss O’Reilly as a ‘little black dress presenter’ and claim the show needed more of a ‘red carpet frock’ presenter.

Miss Cunt was called up because Miss O’Reilly claimed she had expressed her ‘shame’ at working for the BBC after some ugly old female presenters were dropped from Cuntryfile.

Giving evidence yesterday she said: ‘My experience of Miriam is that she is a fantastic reporter, she is a safe pair of hands, she can walk and talk, she can do it.

‘But she is a little black dress presenter: you can use her, you are safe with her, she can deliver, it will be fine.

‘Prime time is about red carpet frocks, it’s about people who can really punch through the content with the audience in a very special way There's enough ugly farm animals in the programme without the presenters looking like pigs with lipstick.’

Miss Cunt said before discussing the issue with Mr Thorman she had genuine sympathy with Miss O’Reilly.

She added: ‘I said to Miriam that if she and Charlotte were being removed because of age I was ashamed of working for the corporation.

‘However, after talking to Andrew being told to toe the line or clear my desk and thus gaining a clear understanding of the background, I accept that this was not the case. It was because they wanted prettier women.’

The tribunal continues to waste public money and make m'learned friends rich on Monday.

The Penguin

Whoops - Bart Simpson To Blame?

Bit of a cock-up at the wonderfully named Mad River Power Plant in Springfield, Ohio, when the 90 metre tower fell the wrong way when being demolished.

Police are looking for a small boy with yellow skin and an attitude problem.

The Penguin

Back In The EUSSR

"Just One Cornetto, Give It To Me, Delicious Corruption, From Italeeeeeee!"

Christ on a Fucking Bike - despite all we know about the giant corrupt pile of steaming shit that is the EUSSR they still manage to surprise.

Some regional development quango in Italy blew half a million euros on an Elton John concert to promote "Neapolitan culture." Apparently the entertainer sang "Just One Cornetto" and ate a couple of pizzas. The crowd went wild with emotion.

They were only prevented from doing the same with a Paul McCartney concert because the centre-left governor was voted out of office in regional elections this year.

The truly gob-smacked Penguin

Inspector Horatio Knacker Of The Met

"There's A Riot Being Signalled? Can't See It.
Move Along, Nothing To Police Here!"

Call me a cynical old flightfree fisheater if you must, but I can smell something distinctly piscine about the way Plod failed to have enough muscle on the street to prevent serious damage to the Tory Party's headquarters.

After all, sends a nice message to the government doesn't it? "Cuts to the Police budget mean we don't have enough coppers to protect the Tory Party."

Sack the whole top echelon and the next level of management. That'd save serious money and wouldn't affect front line policing one jot. How many times do the Met need to demonstrate that their senior management are fucking useless before they are forced out?

The Penguin

The Scape-Pigs To Face Trial

Oh, how sad! The troughing scape-pigs will have to face trial as common criminals after all.

I do hope that the huge cost of their attempts to wriggle out of legal proceedings will be recovered from them following their trials. After all, they have plenty of assets squirrelled away from years of troughing and stealing.

And if they should fall upon hard times I'm sure that their erstwhile colleagues in the House of Thieves will be only too glad to have a whip round for them - if they've got any to spare after helping poor Custard-Pie Woolas line m'learned friends pockets.

The Penguin

The Judgement of Solo(wo)mon

"My Ego Is Nearly As Big As My Twat!"

Good old barking mad hypocrite Harriet Harpy-person has managed to stir up the rabble that is the Nu-Liebore Parliamentary Party into near-open mutiny with her high-handed decision (in the absence through paternity of the Millipede who isn't a Jaffa) to throw Custard-pie Woolas out of the party and cutting funding for his legal appeals.

You can see why the tossers are cross - if there was any justice, whole swathes of the cunts would be out on their ears for fucking lying.

The Penguin

Go For It Phil, You Have Nothing To Lose (Except Your Money!)

Good news! Little Phil "Custard-Pie" Woolas is undeterred by the first legal rebuff, and encouraged by his solicitors is preparing to make m'learned friends even richer out of his own pockets as he has been cut adrift by the morally whiter than white cunts in the Nu-Liebore party.

Despite a clear as could be decision by Mr Justice Silber, who declared unambiguously that a decision of the election court dealing with parliamentary election petitions "is not amenable to judicial review because it is a decision of High Court judges sitting in their capacity as High Court judges".

It was "settled law" that the decisions of High Court judges sitting in their capacity as High Court judges "cannot be subject of applications for judicial review".

He did hold out the prospect of going to the Court of Appeal. I do hope that little Phil is wooden-headed enough to go along with his legal eagle.

After all, like the Ritz, the law is open to everyone.

The Penguin

Adding To The Gaiety Of The Nation

Don't Wear Red, Sally, Royal Mail Loses Enough Letters Already

You have to be grateful for the side-effects of the machinations of the stupid and spiteful NuLiebore members who voted for Squeaker Bercow to annoy the Conservatives.

Not only do we have the most ludicrous Squeaker, close to rivalling Gorbals Mick but a lot more comprehensible in his utterances, but we have the wonderful bonus of his wife, the Slapper Sally.

This ugly woman, with a gob on her remininiscent of Slot-Gob Bliar, is rapidly becoming one of the funniest idiots on the political scene.

Her support for the little turd Woolas is a wonderful case in point. She says she wants him to stand for re-election and to win, rather missing the point that the Nu-Liebore party have thrown him out, let alone that the judiciary have barred him from being an MP for 3 years.

Such stupidity - no wonder she's a fucking champagne socialist.

The Penguin

Utter Fucking Madness?

Disappointed Parents

Hospital trusts put patients into five star hotels because it's cheaper and more efficient than them sleeping in a hospital bed -University College London Hospitals has spent nearly £1 million on luxury hotels across the capital in the past three years.

A rail passenger was prevented from carrying a cup of tea (presumably one of those horrid foam things) from the buffet carriage to his seat because the train had run out of paper bags to put the fucking cup of tea in. Like a fucking paper bag would save you from being scalded?

There's a fulltime well-paid London fireman (currently on strike) who doesn't want his working practices changed because it might eat into his lucrative undertaking business, complete with promotional videos and corpse chasing round old folks' homes and hospitals.

And Doctor Kate Mcann claims to be disappointed thet the Home Secretary is not devoting more time to searching for her missing daughter, who apparently disappeared from a holiday apartment where she and her younger siblings had been left unattended while the parents went out on the lash with their mates.

The Penguin

Pompous Prat Of The Month

"Sorry about the weapons, Ma'am, we keep forgetting they may cause offence!"

Devon Cadet Executive Officer Major David Waterworth wins despite a very target rich environment, although that is a phrase which he would undoubtedly deplore as being too militaristic, the sad politically-correct wanker.

The Penguin

Guilty As Charged - Now Bar The Cunt From Public Office

Phil Woolas is guilty! So do the job properly and ban the nasty little shit from holding public office. And whack him for ALL the fucking costs. He stole enough on expenses for his tampons and nail varnish, and if he's a bit short he can ask Fat Jacqui to help him out.

The Penguin

Oddly Enough, The World Will Not Come To An End

The overpaid coddled NUJ prats at the BBC are following the illustrious example of their for-runners in the Fleet Street printing unions a generation or so ago.

Proving that they are not needed or for that matter, much wanted.

High time Call Me Dave and Boy George took steps to eliminate the fucking stealth tax and make the BBC stand on it's own feet as a commercial entity.

The Penguin

Fuck The President

Some one should import these into the States, they'd make a fortune.

The Penguin