Another Principled Socialist

"Up The Workers!"

Anyone remember that firebrand of socialism, Arthur Scargill? Always banging on about unfairness and privilege, castigating the rich and the feather-bedded bosses...

It has been observed that when Arthur took the top job at the NUM he had a huge union and a tiny house, but by the time he retired he had a tiny union and a huge house - but it seems it was even better that that.

He'd also managed to wangle a rent-free flat in the exclusive Barbican "for life" paid for by his now emaciated union, who currently can't afford to have a president.

Naturally, the highly principled Arthur Scargill wants to stand by the amazingly generous clause in his contract of employment, amended a few months before he retired. Never mind that it is costing those few left in the NUM about £20 each per year for his ongoing perk.

The Penguin

One Laws For Them

A Thief

Mr Laws has been found guilty of theft over six breaches of the rules in relation to his expense claims. Mr Laws, 45, was Chief Secretary to the Treasury for 17 days last May. He resigned after The Daily Telegraph reported that he had stolen more than £40,000 to pay to James Lundie, his rent-boy, despite MPs having been banned from paying rent to family members or partners since 2006.

It was also disclosed that he stole hundreds of pounds a month to cover bills for utilities and maintenance. In total, Mr Laws stole more than £100,000, despite providing virtually no documentary evidence in support of the claims.

After new rules were introduced demanding that MPs produce bills or receipts to back up such claims, Mr Laws’s claims dropped sharply. An initial inadequate investigation by police is understood to have been dropped and passed to John "Dr Dolittle" Lyon, the Parliamentary Standards Commissioner.

Mr Bold As A Lyon has spent almost a year trying to avoid examining the claims and is understood to have eventually concluded that Mr Laws stole lots of tax-payer's money.

Yesterday, a committee of MPs met to discuss how best they could let their thieving colleague off without any real punishment.

Mr Thieving Laws is an extremely well-off former banker.

Doubtless he'll soon return to the cabinet to rejoin the other criminals.

The Penguin

What's In A Name?

Doesn't seem to matter how you spell it, Hoon or Huhne, the result is the same. A complete cunt.

The Penguin

Time To Send An E-mail!!!

There seems to be a little local difficulty with some "travellers" down in Devon.

And what are the officials doing to assist the poor land owner get rid of the unwanted guests?


Nothing?

No, even worse that that - plod threatens him should he take direct action against them, and the Dartmoor National Park Authority have threatened him with a £20,000 fine if he doesn't get them off his land.

The gentleman in charge of the Planning and Sustainable Development Working Panel of this wonderful quango is Doctor Ian Mortimer.

You can contact him at ian.mortimer@dartmoor-npa.gov.uk
or
Home Address:43 Ford Street
Moretonhampstead
Newton Abbot
Devon
TQ13 8LN
Telephone: 01647 440153


I'm sure he'll be glad to hear what normal people think of his department's actions.

Cornwall & Devon Police Authority can be contacted here PolAuth@devonandcornwall.pnn.police.uk 

They might be interested in how impressed we all are at their performance on behalf of the council tax paying "settled" community.

The Penguin

Hillary Admits It Was South Park

"And then when we got to the bit where it's like "They've Killed Osama!" we all cheered and clapped..."

The Penguin

Bring On The Seals!

You can easily understand why the Chief Handwringer of the Church of Englandshire is a tad concerned over the topping of Osama Bin Liner.

I mean, just look at the resemblance! Stick a turban on the Archbish, and stand well clear!

The Penguin

Sack The Useless Hag

You just know things have gone too far when some unknown politician from Belgium, a completely artificial country without a functioning government, goes public in criticising the most ludicrously over-paid "High Representative", the hideous and never-elected Baroness Ashton.

Get rid, quickly. Or better still, leave the EUSSR.

The Penguin

Let Them Eat Of The Prawns Of The Sea

Gone But Not Entirely!

Can't see what all the muslims are getting fussed over!

Dumping Osama into the briny Arabian Sea should be perfect for them. No costly shrine to build, maintain, secure, adminster - instead they can all share in the prawn curry.

The Penguin

Shame The Dean Didn't Tell Him To Fuck Off

It seems that the Dean of Westminster Abbey takes Christian forgiveness seriously.

Otherwise he might have told the Squeaker and The Slapper to fuck off to Hackney.

The Penguin

The Police Farce

Different Rules Apply?


Nothing to see here, just move along...

Problem with pikeys

Racial abuse

Front line policing

The Penguin

Knackered Of The Yard

Covering himself in yet more glory, Deputy Commissar John "Knackered" Yates admits that under his stewardship the whitewash over the Screws phone-hacking only warned a paltry 36 people that they may have been targets, despite his many assurances to Parliamentary Select Committees of the Met's diligence and thoroughness.


The new broom put in charge has contacted some 4,000 people.

Still, this is the copper who failed to find any evidence of loans for peerages and who seems to spend a lot of his time in swanky restaurants with senior executives from News International.

The Penguin

Gagging Order's The Right Name!

"Alice Miles has been a columnist at The Times since 1999.

After graduating from Southampton University she joined the Mail on Sunday as a trainee. Since then she has qualified as a barrister, been a political reporter for the Evening Standard and chief leader writer for the Express.

Alice lives in London and has a young daughter."

"Marr lives in East Sheen, London, with his wife, the political journalist Jackie Ashley of The Guardian, whom he married in August 1987 in Surrey. She is a daughter of the Labour life peer Lord Ashley of Stoke. The couple have a son and two daughters. "

I think I'd be inclined to gag if I had to shag that.

Mind you, if the child is not old Jug Ear's, then who was he sharing little Alice with? Or perhaps he was just a team player?

I wonder if he's asked for all those maintenance payments to be returned?

The Penguin

Very Wise

There is now the faintest possibility of a long and happy marriage for Prince William and Kate Middleclass.

They have excluded Jonah from the guest list.

The Penguin

Paranoid Numpty Of The Year

Step forward black headmistress Shirley Patterson, who somehow managed not only to take personal offence at a poster promoting a parent's meeting and stir up a council witch-hunt costing fuck knows how much, but has set back the cause of promoting black teachers by decades.

How on earth can the stupid woman think that a depiction of Charles Darwin, a victorian gentleman in a frock coat with a huge bushy white beard is supposed to be representing her, a frumpy lumpen middle-aged black woman with dodgy "designer" spectacles? And be so upset as to claim she felt intimidated and threatened?

At least the police declined to take her seriously, thank fuck for small mercies.

The Penguin

Pathologist For Sale, Slightly Soiled

For Sale, or Hire, to the highest bidder, all offers considered, one dodgy pathologist with considerable track record, able to reach any conclusion that might be required to assist his client's best interests. Prepared to destroy evidence, change reports, lie under oath. Glowing references available from the Metropolitan Police.


Hopes to regain his accreditation in due course.

The Penguin

A Cautionary Tale

If any of you have not yet read it, there's a cautionary tale over at the Raccoon Arms.

The Penguin

Save Some Money

Liam Fox could save a good few quid with bugger-all downside by sacking the top echelons of the brylcreem brigade. Especially any one involved in the cluster-fuck "Typhoon Project" which has been such an inspiring example of mis-management it'll probably be in textbooks.

Not only behind project and vastly over-budget, the fuckwits didn't even know what they wanted the aeroplane to do. They spend massive amounts not in the original spec to equip it for air-to-ground attack in 2004, but then didn't bother training the pilots.


On March 9th Air Vice Marshal Stephen Hillier told the Public Accounts Committee thatthe RAF saw no reason to spend money giving Typhoon pilots “skills that we do not expect to deploy in operations”. 

On March 19th  the RAF deployed Typhoons to the Libya "engagement" and hastily rigged up one to bomb a tank the day before the PAC report came out.

Biggles is spinning in his grave.

The Penguin

Please, God, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is rumoured that Jonah McDoom wants to be the next managing directgor of the IMF.

Never mind the fact that he is supremely under-qualified for the post, or that his track record of fucking up financial regulation in the UK, flogging our gold at rock-bottom price, running the economy into the worse bust in history, picking his nose on camera, throwing tantrums, telling lies, and generally being a cunt - what about the Curse Of Jonah?

Within months, the IMF would be dead in the water...

The Penguin

Avoiding Tax Avoidance - MP's Special Exemption

Copied directly from the Telegraph:

“Complex and at times draconian draft tax legislation, which has the potential to impact on any employee or employer in the UK, is contained in the Finance Bill.

“HM Revenue & Customs says that this legislation is only there to stop ‘tax avoidance’. However, Section 554E(8) specifically exempts members of the House of Commons and the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority from the new legislation in situations where they are actually caught by it.

“If the legislation is fair and proportional, what is the need for a specific exemption for members of the House of Commons? Why don’t they rely on the same arrangements that every other employer and employee in this country has to rely on?

“If the legislation only targets tax avoidance, why is there a need for a special exemption for MPs?”

Why indeed?

The Penguin

Cunstable Of The Month

Despite it being such a target rich environment, April's "Cunstable Of The Month" award goes to Superintendent Gary Thompson of Gloucestershire's Plod, who seems to think that sending a helicopter, two vans, three patrol cars and two dog units to apprehend a couple who had helped themselves to some rubbish from an un-manned recycling centre, valued at 47 pence, is good policing and an appropriate use of resources.

If you were to report a burglary or some yobs throwing bricks at old people's windows, you be lucky to get any response at all.

No wonder normal folk can't be arsed with assisting the police.

The Penguin

Who's BeenTelling Porkies?

In the unedifying tale of phone hacking and cover-ups, the closeness of Plod to the Gutter Press is being dragged into the light of day bit by stinking bit.

Now we have a good old fashioned public punch-up in front of the House of Commons Home Affairs Committee and the Committee on Culture, Media and Sport between little Yates Of The Yard, whose previous successes include failing to find any evidence for the Loans For Peerages scandal, and that stalwart lefty wanker, the DPP Keir Starmer QC.

It seems that little Yates has been telling massive porkies, and trying to use the DPP and his fucktards at the CPS as a fig-leaf. Only the DPP isn't happy about getting the blame, and so has dropped little Yates right in it. Isn't telling lies to Parliamentary Committees against the law?

Marvellous fun - who'd have thought something so dull as bugging John Prescott's phone could cause such gaiety?

The Penguin

Baden Powell Spinning In His Grave

"Hands Up If You've Got The Condom Badge!"

Shame they can't link him up to the National Grid, he'd probably power a small town.

Did Dib, Dob Dob,
Put the Johnny
On Your Knob!

The Penguin

Anarchist? Wanker, More Like!

Oh Dreary Me!


Another so-called anarchist who awarded himself the title of "Captain Anarchy" and tweeted as "stormingheaven" turns out to be a comfortably off council employee with strong family links to NuLiebore. Probably still lives at home.

And, even more depressing, the mong works in the field of information technology and boasts of having a certificate for "IT Security" yet he doesn't seem to have the first idea of how the internet works, so his pathetic attempts to disassociate himself from his little rebellion once the media tracked him down are not going to save him. However, with any luck he'll have plenty of time in prison to reflect on how he didn't really have the courage of his convictions.

The Penguin

Just A Co-incidence?

"Just Lucky, I Guess!"

Sue Vincent, Camden Council’s cabinet member for the environment has been rehoused to a very desirable location in Covent Garden.

Of course, it has got nothing whatsoever to do with her being on the management board of Seven Dials Housing Co-operative, the housing association who evicted the family who had lived there for 25 years.

Then there may be some who think that if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, swims and flies like a duck, and tastes fucking great with orange sauce then it might just be a fucking duck.


The Penguin

Oily Keith Vaz's Dodgy Friend - Latest

Tragic - it seems Keith Vaz's erstwhile Best Friend, the dodgy so-called solicitor to such clients as disgraced former Met commander Ali Dizaei and the ludicrously over-promoted token Met  Assistant Commissioner Tarique Ghaffur is finally being held to account by the Solicitors Regulation Authority despite his best efforts to claim it is all racism.


I wonder if Oily Keith will turn up to speak out as a character witness for his chum?

The Penguin