The Ultimate Snap?

Story Here

The Penguin

Stop The Benefits and Render The Fat Useless Blob Down FOr Bio-Diesel

This fat cow is taking the piss out of everyone who pays taxes.

She is a complete waste of skin - fucking lots of skin.
Mind you, Tesco will be sorry to see her rendered down into bio-diesel. Still, every little helps.

The Penguin

Beware Thomas And Stanley Scammers

Full Story Here.

The Penguin

So Much For Reform

Three Little Pigs To Be Slaughtered

With any luck the contempt for the electorate that members of the committee of MPs chaired by John Bercow, the new Speaker, and including Harriet Harman, the Labour Leader of the House and Alan Duncan, the Tory frontbencher, will be reflected back at them come the election, and they will be booted out.
These fucking trough pigs just don't get it. We're not prepared to tolerate their thieving any longer.

The Penguin

A Yellow Streak Where His Backbone Should Be!

Postman Prat, the idiot who trod the streets shoving letters through letterboxes for several years as his tiny brain worked through the possibilities of getting a nice cushy desk job as a union representative with few dogs biting him and no rain, clearly demonstrates that he has similar reserves of courage to the current Prime Mentalist.

Despite the clear advice of some of the top legal eagles in the country, this cowardly wanker claims that he can't do anything about the ludicrous extradition of a harmless computer nerd who embarrassed the Septics, and so he dare not meet the bloke's mum to tell her to her face that he's a useless waste of space.

Ideal Prime Mentalist material.

The Penguin

M'Learned Friends In The Shit

Well, what a surprise.

The convicted fraudster and fake legal eagle is shown up for the crook he is, which must be a tad embarrassing for his friends such as Oily Greaser Keith Vaz and clients like Tariq "The Victim" Ghaffur.

It can only be assumed that m'learned friends who have been representing him are doing out of the pure goodness of their hearts, because sure as shit is brown they'll be waiting a long time to get paid.

The Penguin

The Dwarf Froglet Hospitalised

That well known Hungarian adulterer and husband of the slapper songstress Carla Bruni, President Sarkozy has been rushed to hospital.

Doctors examined him and noted that he was short of breath. But then they measured him and noticed he was also short of height.

The Penguin

Balls Gets The Poison In!

In the aftermath of the byelection car crash Ed"Blinkly" Balls is quick to assert his right to inherit the mantle of unelected Great Leader by knifing Little Jimmy Purnell.

“There are times when individuals in their early 40s have crises. They buy motorbikes or go off and travel round the world and have a gap year. Or they have a sex change operation, or discover their inner gay. Sometimes people do that. I don’t think for political parties to have those kinds of moments is very sensible, especially when you are at your moment of greatest crisis and instability.

Now is not the time to be going off to some fat dodgy therapist to find out what your identity really is.

A lot of people are looking into themselves… and saying, 'When shall we stab Gordon?’ They will make decisions which are right for them, right for the country and right for the Labour Party.”

So weak, Blinky.

The Penguin

Worst Recession Since Records Began?

Thank Goodness That Gordon Did Away With Boom And Bust, Or We'd Really Be In The Cack!

1) Tony Blair: 1997 Conference Speech

"I want this to be the New Labour Government that ended Tory boom and bust forever."

2) Gordon Brown: July 1997

"Today, the Bank of England has agreed with me that, if we are to prevent the cycle of boom and bust, inflationary pressures in the economy, which the previous Government negligently failed to tackle, must be brought under control "

3) Gordon Brown: November 1997

"I am satisfied that the new monetary policy arrangements will deliver long-term price stability, and prevent a return to the cycle of boom and bust."

4) Gordon Brown: April 1998

"We will not return to the stop-go, boom-bust years which we saw under the Conservatives. "

5) Gordon Brown: May 1998

"The Government have put in place policies to deliver that objective and are determined to avoid a return to boom and bust."

6) Gordon Brown: June 1998

"rigorous financial discipline that, together with monetary stability, ends once and for all the boom and bust that for 30 years has undermined stability "

7) Tony Blair: February 1999

"Moreover, for decades we have been prone to far greater swings in the economic cycle than our continental counterparts. It has been boom and bust....Under this Government, there is an entirely new framework for economic management in place "

8) Ruth Kelly: November 1999

"The Government have rejected the boom and bust of the Conservative party "

9) Tony Blair: November 1999

"We have the best chance of ending boom and bust in years."

10) Gordon Brown: November 1999

"Indeed, Britain was set to repeat the old, familiar cycle of boom and bust. Since then, we have created and rigorously adhered to a new framework of modern economic management "

10) Alistair Darling: January 2000

"On top of that, we have a healthy and stable economy and an end to the boom and bust that characterised the Tory years."

11) Alan Johnson: February 2000

"The Government's first priority on coming to office was to secure long-term economic stability and put an end to the damaging cycle of boom and bust."

12) Gordon Brown: March 2000

"Britain does not want a return to boom and bust. "

13) Tony Blair: 2000 Conference Speech

"The first big choice: a government with the strength to deliver stability, or a government that takes the country back to boom and bust."

14) Gordon Brown: November 2000

"Our approach is to reject the old vicious circle of the '80s--rising debt, higher long-term interest rates, higher debt repayment costs, lower growth, higher unemployment, then enforced cuts in public spending. That was the old boom and bust."

15) Gordon Brown: March 2001

"We will not return to boom and bust."

16) Ruth Kelly: May 2002

"We must avoid a return to the days of boom and bust that manufacturers had to endure for a long time under the Conservatives."

17) Yvette Cooper: May 2004

"We know that they want to turn the clock back, but it would be foolish to turn it back to a policy of boom and bust."

18) John Prescott : January 2005

"Labour economic stability has replaced Tory boom and bust "

19) Tony Blair: 2005 Conference Speech

"In the first two terms we corrected the weaknesses of the Tory years: boom-and-bust economics "

20) Alistair Darling: March 2005

"As I said, there are two approaches—first, a strong economy, stability and helping families or, secondly, the Tory cuts, the undermining of stability, and a return to the boom and bust of the 1990s."

21) Gordon Brown: March 2006

"I have said before: no return to boom and bust."

22) Gordon Brown: December 2006

"Boom and bust is a term that applied to the Conservative years and two of the worst recessions in history"

23) Gordon Brown: March 2007

"We will not return to the old boom and bust."

24) Alistair Darling: June 2007

"...acknowledges the outstanding performance of the economy under this Government with the longest unbroken economic expansion on record, in contrast to the boom and bust of the previous Government "

Well, they certainly seem to have abolished the boom.

The Penguin

Here We Go Again!

It seems that the fucking "experts" learn nothing from history.

Despite the self-evident stupidity of introducing alien creatures into a country where they don't belong and where they are going to have a completely unknown and probabaly deleterious effect on the native flora and fauna, the imbeciles are planning yet another miracle cure.

I expect the Cane Toads in Australia will be laughing when they hear about it.

The Penguin

Council Cunt Of The Day

The prize goes to Mid Sussex District Council's head of organisational development, Marissa Bartlett, for defending the indefensible despite all the evidence.

And costing her ratepayers a small fortune whilst demonstrating her own imcompetence and fuckwittery.

The Penguin

Just When You Think It Can't Get Any Worse

"So I ripped him a new arsehole, about this big!"

Along comes the revelation by Postman Prat that his little Phil Woolas has handed over half a million quid in compensation to foreign criminals who he was a bit slow in deporting.

Half a fucking million paid out for the sheer incompetence of wankers in the UK Border Agency!

It's not rocket science, is it? Foreign criminal finishes jail sentence, put the cunt on a plane, make sure their passport is marked "Criminal, Not Welcome In Britain!". Job done. Simples.

The Penguin

Gordon, No One Believes You Any More

His Gob's Open, Therefore He's Lying

If indeed they were ever mug enough to in the first place. Let's face it, there were enough clues about the dodgy nature of his "moral compass" such as his squalid little booklet about how to cheat the system and blag your way into parties.

But now, despite the surprising and cowardly volte face by Lord Mallarchy-Broon after a very very clear admission that there were simply not enough helicopters in Afghanistan, and very clear and straight-forward demands by General Sir Richard Dannatt and the previously silent and invisible Air Whatsit Sir Jock Strap for more helicopters, what does our Glorious Leader do?

Lies his fucking face off.

Only to be immediately contradicted by the bloke who was up the sharp end in Helmand, which kind of blows Jonah's line about what the folk at the front tell him clean out of the water.

If you can't stop telling lies, Jonah, just crawl away quietly and die slowly in agony.

The Penguin

Who The Fuck Do You Think You Are?

"Here y'are, lad; give me that, lad"

I think Steven Gerrard is an arrogant over-rated cunt.

I hope the jury find him guilty and the judge has the bottle to bang him up for 6 months.

Sadly I suspect he'll get a slap on the wrist and 5 minutes of community litter picking.

The Penguin

Great, And Don't Forget, Points Mean Prizes!!

Super new game now available in Calais!

Run down some illegal immigrants.

You know it makes sense, and the French authorities will even give you a free bottle of Vin de Table* for every one you hit, and a free bottle of Marc de Bourgogne** for every fatality.

They don't want the bastards any more than we do.

So get over there and get some cheap booze!

The Penguin

* Cooking plonk
** Paint Stripper

Serious Fuckwittery!

Have these people never seen "Terminator"?

The Penguin

Jobsworth Cunt Of The Day

Congratulations to James Duncan, transport manager for Bournemouth Council. You are a cunt of the very top grade. And a stupidly costly option for tax payers.

I hope you get cancer.

The Penguin

Just What The Fuck Do They Do?

According to a Parliamentary Answer, Jack Straw's department, which was created only two years ago, employs a staggering 970 personnel staff, out of a total of 3,680 officials.

Robert Blevin, of the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development, tells me that a private company with a similar number of staff would be expected to employ about 40 people in human resources.

What on earth do they actually do?

The Penguin

Hello, Is That HMRC? I Want To Report Some Tax Evasion...

The publication of "details" of the BBC top brass's expenses is going to cause a degree of embarrassment.

Hopefully it won't end there. HMRC should get in there and stick the bastards with the bill for all those taxable benefits under the standard PAYE compliance rules. I doubt it these troughers have special legislation to protect them. Then there's all the luvvies and their agents being excessively wined and dined and entertained. Surely some of that has got to fall into the taxable benefit bracket?

The Penguin

Mission Impossible - Polishing A Turd

No wonder that there is an ever-growing cost for Gordon "Jonah" McBroon's growing army of spin doctors. This, you'll recall is the Prime Mentalist who doesn't do spin. Or tell lies, or pick his nose, or bite his nails, or throw Nokias, or know what his aides like McBride are up to, or suck celebrity cock.

Fact is, no matter how many of them work ever harder, you can't polish a turd.

The Penguin

What A Farce! No Wonder The Public No Longer Respect Or Support The Police!

Some geezer's private 30th birthday party barbecue with 17 guests in a field was gate-crashed by a ludicrous number of policemen, including a fucking helicopter, and shut down for being an illegal rave.

The spokesweasel tied herself in knots trying to justify the nonsense.

Yet phone the bastards because there's an intruder in your house or you have been burgled and you'll wait 3 weeks for some victim support circular to be shove through the letterbox.

Meanwhile your council tax goes ever up to pay for all their toys.

The Penguin

Poor "Sir" Ian Bliar - Too Teflon For The Whitewash To Stick!

You have to feel deeply for poor embarrassed "Sir" Ian Bliar, NuLiebore's favourite ex-Inspector Knacker.

His claims to have been exonerated by the report into contracts awarded to his mate by his long time friend "Sir" Ronny Flannel seem to have been premature and exaggerated, to say the least.

Things are at a pretty pass when the whitewash just won't stick.

He'll just have to cuddle up to his enormous pension for comfort.

The Penguin

Cunt Watch

Keep your eyes peeled!

The way these imbeciles seem to percolate from one fuck up to another, they are bound to pop up somewhere to enjoy more of your taxes while being worse than useless.

Mark Haysom, who was paid over £200,000 a year as head of the biggest quango wasted hundreds of millions of pounds through ' catastrophic mismanagement' of a flagship college building programme. Then when it went tits up he was paid £100,000 to fuck off quietly.

Overseeing this fiasco was the invisible minister John Denham, aided and abetted by Permanent Secretaries Ian Watmore and Sir Jon Shortridge.

Coming to a quango near you in the weeks ahead, NuLiebore looks after it's own, no matter how useless they are. How else can you explain the presence in the House of Lords of the fucking Kinnocks?

The Penguin

Helicopters, Prime Mentalist, Helicopters!

How much longer is Jonah going to keep denying the bleeding obvious?

British troops are placed in harm's way because they are having to travel by road instead of by helicopter. It's not a new thing, check out what happened in Northern Ireland.

So why is the deluded cunt still endlessly lying?

Is it because he is directly responsible for cutting the budgets for helicopters when he was busy abolishing boom and bust?

The Penguin

Spineless Lying Hypocrites.

How can you tell if your MP is lying to you? Safest just to assume they are, because no matter what they say to you, or even commit to in writing, when it comes to a vote in the House of Shame they'll just meekly do what they are told.
Here's the proof.

Eighty-two Labour MPs signed three Parliamentary motions, dating back to 2005, opposing the Extradition Act and sending Gary McKinnon to the U.S. for trial.

But only eight of them had the integrity to back the Tory Opposition Day call for an 'immediate review' of the one-sided treaty. Of the other 74 Labour backbenchers, 59 displayed rank hypocrisy by supporting the Government. Another 15 abstained.

TURNCOATS

Diane Abbott (Hackney North and Stoke Newington), David Anderson (Blaydon), John Austin (Erith and Thamesmead), Joe Benton (Bootle), Clive Betts (Sheffield Attercliffe), Lyn Brown (West Ham), Russell Brown (Dumfries and Galloway), Richard Burden (Birmingham Northfield), Dawn Butler (Brent South), Martin Caton (Gower), Ann Cryer (Keighley), Jim Cunningham (Coventry South)

Quentin Davies (Grantham and Stamford), Janet Dean (Burton), Jim Dowd (Lewisham West), Jeff Ennis (Barnsley East and Mexborough), Hywel Francis (Aberavon), Neil Gerrard (Walthamstow), Roger Godsiff (Birmingham Sparkbrook and Small Heath), Helen Goodman (Bishop Auckland), John Grogan (Selby), Patrick Hall (Bedford), David Heyes (Ashton under Lyne), Kelvin Hopkins (Luton North), Joan Humble (Blackpool North and Fleetwood), Brian Iddon (Bolton South East), Eric Illsley (Barnsley East)

Glenda Jackson (Hampstead and Highgate), Brian Jenkins (Tamworth), Martyn Jones (Clwyd South), Sadiq Khan ( Tooting), Mark Lazarowicz (Edinburgh North and Leith), Tony Lloyd ( Manchester Central), Kerry McCarthy (Bristol East), Jim McGovern (Dundee West), Anne McGuire ( Stirling), Shahid Malik (Dewsbury), Gordon Marsden (Blackpool South), Anne Moffat (East Lothian), Madeleine Moon (Bridgend), Julie Morgan (Cardiff North), George Mudie (Leeds East)

Nick Palmer (Broxtowe), Gordon Prentice (Pendle), Joan Ruddock (Lewisham Deptford), Joan Ryan (Enfield North), Martin Salter (Reading West), Andy Slaughter (Ealing, Acton and Shepherd's Bush), John Smith ( Glamorgan), Sir Peter Soulsby (Leicester South), Gavin Strang (Edinburgh East)

David Taylor (North West Leicestershire), Desmond Turner (Brighton Kemptown), Rudi Vis (Finchley and Golders Green), Lynda Waltho (Stourbridge), Bob Wareing (Liverpool West Derby), Betty Williams (Conway), Anthony Wright (Great Yarmouth), Iain Wright (Hartlepool).

ABSTAINERS

Roger Berry (Kingswood), Roberta Blackman-Woods (City of Durham), Harry Cohen (Leyton and Wanstead), Andrew Dismore (Hendon), Bill Etherington (Sunderland North), Frank Field (Birkenhead), Fabian Hamilton (Leeds North East), John Heppell (Nottingham East), Peter Kilfoyle (Liverpool Walton), Christine McCafferty (Calder Valley), Bob Marshall-Andrews ( Medway), Chris Mullin (Sunderland South), Edward O'Hara (Knowsley South), Marsha Singh (Bradford West), Mike Wood (Batley and Spen).

The Penguin