Save Some Money

Liam Fox could save a good few quid with bugger-all downside by sacking the top echelons of the brylcreem brigade. Especially any one involved in the cluster-fuck "Typhoon Project" which has been such an inspiring example of mis-management it'll probably be in textbooks.

Not only behind project and vastly over-budget, the fuckwits didn't even know what they wanted the aeroplane to do. They spend massive amounts not in the original spec to equip it for air-to-ground attack in 2004, but then didn't bother training the pilots.


On March 9th Air Vice Marshal Stephen Hillier told the Public Accounts Committee thatthe RAF saw no reason to spend money giving Typhoon pilots “skills that we do not expect to deploy in operations”. 

On March 19th  the RAF deployed Typhoons to the Libya "engagement" and hastily rigged up one to bomb a tank the day before the PAC report came out.

Biggles is spinning in his grave.

The Penguin

Please, God, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is rumoured that Jonah McDoom wants to be the next managing directgor of the IMF.

Never mind the fact that he is supremely under-qualified for the post, or that his track record of fucking up financial regulation in the UK, flogging our gold at rock-bottom price, running the economy into the worse bust in history, picking his nose on camera, throwing tantrums, telling lies, and generally being a cunt - what about the Curse Of Jonah?

Within months, the IMF would be dead in the water...

The Penguin

Avoiding Tax Avoidance - MP's Special Exemption

Copied directly from the Telegraph:

“Complex and at times draconian draft tax legislation, which has the potential to impact on any employee or employer in the UK, is contained in the Finance Bill.

“HM Revenue & Customs says that this legislation is only there to stop ‘tax avoidance’. However, Section 554E(8) specifically exempts members of the House of Commons and the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority from the new legislation in situations where they are actually caught by it.

“If the legislation is fair and proportional, what is the need for a specific exemption for members of the House of Commons? Why don’t they rely on the same arrangements that every other employer and employee in this country has to rely on?

“If the legislation only targets tax avoidance, why is there a need for a special exemption for MPs?”

Why indeed?

The Penguin

Cunstable Of The Month

Despite it being such a target rich environment, April's "Cunstable Of The Month" award goes to Superintendent Gary Thompson of Gloucestershire's Plod, who seems to think that sending a helicopter, two vans, three patrol cars and two dog units to apprehend a couple who had helped themselves to some rubbish from an un-manned recycling centre, valued at 47 pence, is good policing and an appropriate use of resources.

If you were to report a burglary or some yobs throwing bricks at old people's windows, you be lucky to get any response at all.

No wonder normal folk can't be arsed with assisting the police.

The Penguin

Who's BeenTelling Porkies?

In the unedifying tale of phone hacking and cover-ups, the closeness of Plod to the Gutter Press is being dragged into the light of day bit by stinking bit.

Now we have a good old fashioned public punch-up in front of the House of Commons Home Affairs Committee and the Committee on Culture, Media and Sport between little Yates Of The Yard, whose previous successes include failing to find any evidence for the Loans For Peerages scandal, and that stalwart lefty wanker, the DPP Keir Starmer QC.

It seems that little Yates has been telling massive porkies, and trying to use the DPP and his fucktards at the CPS as a fig-leaf. Only the DPP isn't happy about getting the blame, and so has dropped little Yates right in it. Isn't telling lies to Parliamentary Committees against the law?

Marvellous fun - who'd have thought something so dull as bugging John Prescott's phone could cause such gaiety?

The Penguin

Baden Powell Spinning In His Grave

"Hands Up If You've Got The Condom Badge!"

Shame they can't link him up to the National Grid, he'd probably power a small town.

Did Dib, Dob Dob,
Put the Johnny
On Your Knob!

The Penguin

Anarchist? Wanker, More Like!

Oh Dreary Me!


Another so-called anarchist who awarded himself the title of "Captain Anarchy" and tweeted as "stormingheaven" turns out to be a comfortably off council employee with strong family links to NuLiebore. Probably still lives at home.

And, even more depressing, the mong works in the field of information technology and boasts of having a certificate for "IT Security" yet he doesn't seem to have the first idea of how the internet works, so his pathetic attempts to disassociate himself from his little rebellion once the media tracked him down are not going to save him. However, with any luck he'll have plenty of time in prison to reflect on how he didn't really have the courage of his convictions.

The Penguin

Just A Co-incidence?

"Just Lucky, I Guess!"

Sue Vincent, Camden Council’s cabinet member for the environment has been rehoused to a very desirable location in Covent Garden.

Of course, it has got nothing whatsoever to do with her being on the management board of Seven Dials Housing Co-operative, the housing association who evicted the family who had lived there for 25 years.

Then there may be some who think that if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, swims and flies like a duck, and tastes fucking great with orange sauce then it might just be a fucking duck.


The Penguin

Oily Keith Vaz's Dodgy Friend - Latest

Tragic - it seems Keith Vaz's erstwhile Best Friend, the dodgy so-called solicitor to such clients as disgraced former Met commander Ali Dizaei and the ludicrously over-promoted token Met  Assistant Commissioner Tarique Ghaffur is finally being held to account by the Solicitors Regulation Authority despite his best efforts to claim it is all racism.


I wonder if Oily Keith will turn up to speak out as a character witness for his chum?

The Penguin

The K-K-K-K-K-k-k-k-k-k-king's Sp-Sp-Speech Effect To B-B-B-B-Blame

Ed "Talking" Balls has at last explained how he is absolutely totally not to blame for any of the complete fuck-ups committed while he was "helping" McDoom at the Treasury.

"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-but Ch-Ch-Ch-Chancellor, we're b-b-b-b-b-b" "Brilliant!"

It seems that Jonah was too impatient to let poor Blinky actually finish a complete sentence, and would effectively put his own words into his adviser's mouth.

It went like this.

Ed: "Sell the Gold? That's a f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-ffff-f
Jonah "Fantastic Idea! Right, we'll do it!!"

Ed: "Ramp up spending to record levels? That would be really st-st-st-st-st-st-st-st-st
McDoom: "Stupendous! Let's get cracking!"

I think you can get the drift...

The Penguin

Yet Another Triumph For Sandwell Borough Council!

Shithole with added Shit, as Brown visits Tipton.


You may well recall Sandwell Borough Council, which has featured in articles by the excellent Raccoon.

To prevent trouble flaring up at an English Defence League rally against an unwanted mosque they spend thousands of pounds taking 19 asian youths deemed likely to become involved in anti-social behaviour on a day trip to Blackpool's Pleasure Beach. Along with 5 social workers and a policeman.

Once there a group of five of the muslims attacked a man who objected to their racist chanting, leaving him unconscious. At the time of the violence, two of the gang were on bail for a hammer attack in Tipton that took place three months before the Blackpool incident.


What the fuck was the policeman doing? Or the social workers? Or were they joining in with the fun so as to not offend their "clients"?

Hope the ratepayers are pleased with the way the council spend their money.

The Penguin

Crocodile Tears?

Much as I regret the death of Ian Tomlinson and sincerely hope that the police officer responsible gets what he deserves, I find it rather sickening that the widow is so publicly bereft and distressed. She's lost her soul-mate, her rock, her best friend in all the world, and can hardly be sufficiently comforted by all the media attention.

Is this the same Ian Tomlinson who was living in a hostel and described as homeless because his wife had thrown him out because of his drinking?

The Penguin

No More Boom And Bust, Lots More Book And Bounce!

Seems the member for Fife can't be arsed doing the job he is over-paid for, but he is more than ready to swan round the world giving of his wisdom to those prepared to cough up money. Sadly, as taxpayers we get to pay for his security...

Still, it's good to know that he creates goodwill and enhances his towering reputation on his travels.

The Penguin

Big Deal, Check His Shoes As Well!

Sikh With Turban, Sikh With Baseball Cap

Jeev Milkha Singh, India's top golfer was born in Chandigarh, India, in a Sikh Rajput[1] family to Indian Olympic athlete Milkha Singh and Nirmal Kaur, former captain of the Indian women's volleyball team.[2] He lives in Chandigarh. According to good old wikipedia, anyway.

So, he's a Sikh - as is his golfing coach, Amritinder Singh.

So what the fucking hell is all the fuss about asking Amritinder Singh to take his turban off as part of a security check at Milano airport?

Because it is clear from the photograph that not wearing a fucking turban isn't a fucking issue.

Just curious, before fragrant Felicity starts banging the racism drum!

The Penguin

Gaddafi Needs A Decent Spokesman

This bloke was first rate.

The Penguin

Motorists! Beware The Weasel At The Wheel!!

"Ethics? Isn't that in East Anglia?"

 A new danger has emerged to worry UK motorists.


Jack The Weasel is taking driving lessons to re-learn how to drive, because after so many years of being sat in the back of a ministerial limousine he's forgotten how to drive.

Once he has mastered the Highway Code and clutch control, he is looking to take lessons in telling the truth, acting in an honourable way, and displaying morals.

We predict complete failure on the last three.

The Penguin

No Wonder Teflon Tony's Away A Lot!

Well, wouldn't you prefer to be far, far away, as often as possible?

The Penguin

Nothing To See Here, Move Along...

Sir Huge Ordure

I got bored after a while. Still, good to know that the Chief Cunstable currently in charge of an unaccountable publicly funded cash cow private limited company seemingly in charge of our Plod has grabbed himself a 27% payrise.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1366732/Does-really-need-60-police-officers-including-lion-vet-30-hours-round-dangerous-dogs.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1366543/Smiley-Culture-stabs-death-house-raid.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1366401/Sisters-aged-4-6-10-threatened-arrest-picking-daffodils-park.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1366551/Married-police-officer-howls-like-baby-jailed-having-sex-vulnerable-woman-beat.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1366738/Two-men-shot-dead-near-caravan-park.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1366774/Two-policemen-crashed-drink-drivers-Mitsubishi-joyride-pulling-over.html

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/met-fears-release-of-evidence-would-hurt-phonehacking-case-2242907.html

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/protester-arrested-on-false-grounds-2241867.html

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/pc-guilty-of-windowpush-assault-2241467.html

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/deepcut-families-call-for-inquiry-after-review-criticises-police-2240528.html

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/boy-of-15-had-arm-broken-while-held-in-custody-2239767.html

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/cover-up-claim-as-daniel-morgan-axe-case-folds-2239189.html

http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/news-and-comment/cole-escapes-police-charge-for-shooting-2237346.html

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/police-officers-pocket-38-billion-in-overtime-2234529.html

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/inspectors-condemn-west-midlands-police-cells-2232130.html

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/no-action-against-police-who-bungled-hacking-case-2230651.html

The Penguin

Do Your Own Dirty Work

I've got some advice for the Arab League who are busy calling for a No Fly Zone over Libya to prevent the mad bastard Gaddafi using his airforce to exterminate those who dislike his loony rule.

Do it your fucking selves. With all those aeroplanes you bought from BAE Systems of Death (with added bribes).

Then you won't have to complain about fucking Crusaders accidentally killing civilians, or Zionists stealing your fucking camels.

The Penguin

Protecting The Public Purse?

Eugene Sullivan who needs a granny-trolley for his wages.

The Audit Commission needs to be axed, immediately. It is obviously completely unfit for purpose or we wouldn't be constantly hearing of fresh examples of government and local authority waste and excess.

And it is taking the piss, paying extras and allowances to boost the package of it's internally promoted chief executive to a disgraceful £250,000 in defiance of Fatty Pickles refusal to sanction advertising for an external candidate with a salary of £240,00 "to attract a good candidate".

No one would miss this bunch of charlatans and wasters.

The Penguin

Dolphin Murderers And Whale Slaughterers

Can't really get too sorry for the Japanese.

The Penguin

What A Pair Of Cunts!

Doing rather more than their fair share to advance the cause of "Gay Rights" these unpleasant turd burglars who claimed it was never about the money seem to have forgotten all pretence of so-called principle.

Worst of all, they are being backed by the taxpayer-funded Equality and Human Rights Commission.

High time the axe fell on that stupifyingly perverse quango.

The Penguin

Quote Of The Day

"no discernible mental activity"

The Penguin

Shami's Shame

"Oh Bugger - My Halo's A Bit Tarnished!"

What a shame - liitle Shami's got her hands all mucky with blood-money.


"Yesterday, leading human rights activist Shami Chakrabarti spoke of her ‘bucketfuls’ of embarrassment and regret over the scandal engulfing the LSE.


Miss Chakrabarti, head of the civil rights pressure group Liberty, is a member of the LSE’s ruling council which accepted the money from Saif Gaddafi.

She said: ‘The council has been completely united in its regret. As a human rights campaigner I can only share bucketfuls of both.’ "

I bet it won't stop her being a pain in the fucking arse.

The Penguin

A Good Friend Of The Family

"That Muammar, he's such a laugh! A real practical joker! I once saw him shoot a bloke stone dead just for not getting out of his way quick enough. He has a really good relationship with his people, I'm convinced they would all die for him, one way or another.

And he has such a wonderful and close-knit family, all so supportive and loyal. That Saif, the one who spends a lot of time and money in London, he's a really nice lad. He even bought his PhD in London, you can't say fairer than that, a real friend to the UK!"

The Penguin