Separated At Birth?

Surely the useless un-necessary and over-paid "Children's Commissar" Maggie Atkinson must be closely related to that other well known Saviour Of Under Privileged And At Risk Children, Sharon "Not My Fault|" Shoesmith, lately of Haringey's Department For Social Engineering?

If not actually twins.

Not just that they are both pig-scarers, but they seem to have much else in common.

The Penguin

Le Petit Adulterer Hungarien

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFmv22ghzQw

"Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
To live

They got little hands
Little eyes
They walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes On their nasty little feet

Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
`Round here

Short People are just the same
As you and I
(A Fool Such As I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It's A Wonderful World)

Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
To love

They got little baby legs
That stand so low
You got to pick 'em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That got beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
'Round here"

Randy Newman.

Bonjour, Monsieur Le Petit President!

The Penguin

Nasty Smell From The Glasgow Pork Barrel

Politically Dead And Actually Dead

Oh dear, it seems that the lid has fallen off the Pork Barrel in Glasgow, and there's a nasty smell polluting the air.

Still, there's nothing new about that, and the good voters of Glasgow will still support the corrupt and venal Labour clique who have done fuck all for them over the years. Stupid cretins.

However, one might hope that Inspector McKnacker would wake up and investigate the handing of vast amounts of public money to a major Labour donor, and his links to disgraced cocaine using council leader "Fat Willie" Purcell. There's a dead body fouling things up as well, which may force McKnacker's hand.

The Penguin

Police Farce

Gets better every day - poor old Dixon of Dock Green would be spinning in his grave if he wasn't a figment.

The Police Farce ignore a bank robbery 100 yards from their tea and bun-filled paperwork station, and rush to the next county to surround a bank which was not being robbed.

Meanwhile a law-abiding restaurant owner is arrested for stopping some yobs breaking into his premises to steal alcohol.

And public hand wringing and self-justification goes on over yet another death related to yobs harrassing people with disabilities over long periods while the police do fuck all.

Still, I'm sure Jack "The Slimy Weasel" Straw will be only too happy to allocate even more public money to ACPO, assuming there's any left after the multi-millions he has lavished on his offices at the Ministry For Injustice. Surely there must be someone in Blackburn who is public spirited enough to set fire to Mr. Straw's house?

The Penguin

Uducashun, Edyoucashone, Edukashion - Every Little Helps!!

"Sew Wot?"

13 years of NuLiebore placing such importance on "Education, Education, Education" ( T. Bliar ) have produced impressive results.

One of our biggest employers has publically stated (twice) that school leavers are basically unfit for employment. They can't read, or write, and have attitude problems.

Well done!! Surely a promotion for Ed Balls has to be imminent?

The Penguin

41% Down, or 44% Up?

"Crime is falling. Fact. Down by more than a third since 1997. Fact. That’s 6 million fewer crimes each year. Fact. Almost 1 million fewer homes burgled. Fact. Almost 1 and a half million fewer violent crimes. Fact."

Hmmm, it seems there's a teeny weeny difference between what Gordon McBroon and his band of tossers have been saying and statistics produced by the independent House of Commons Library.

I wonder which one is more likely to be the truth?

The Penguin

How Many More Calling Jonah A Fucking Liar Before It Sinks In?

Just how many more senior civil servants, ex-cabinet ministers, top military folk, etc. will it take calling Jonah MacCavity Broon a fucking liar for the general public to notice that our Prime Mentalist is telling porkies?

Mind you, most of the main stream media keep letting the cunt get away with it.

The Penguin

Not Only Uglier Than Beckett, But Even More Useless!

Baroness Ashton, the EUSSR "High Representative" gets paid a fucking amazing £328,000 a year.

Please could the ugly cunt put some of it towards either plastic sugery and dental work, or a liftime's supply of strong brown-paper bags?

The Penguin

The German Solution Wont Work For Britain

"And This Time We Get To Keep Them!"

It's all very well the Germans suggesting they'll only bail the bankrupt Greeks out in return for Corfu and Rhodes, but I doubt if they will make the same offer when Jonah has finished fucking up the British economy.

After all, St Kilda and Rockall don't have quite the same appeal.

The Penguin

R. I. P. Michael Foot

Goodbye Michael Foot, about as close as possible to an honest and principled politician.

And you were right about Soviet Communism, unlike many of your stupid colleagues, and about the Falklands, and about Britain being better off outside the EUSSR.

A complete contrast to that cunt and intellectual pigmy Gordon McCavity Broon.

The Penguin

Caption Competition!

"By that time, Hilary, his "cigarillo" was like this!!!"

The Penguin

Best Lock Your Door, Your Majesty!

I do hope that her Majesty has the good sense to lock her bedroom door whilst "President" Jacob Zuma is a guest at Buckingham Palace.

The Penguin

Let's Play Happy Families!!

"For Fuck's Fucking Sake, Shut The Fucking Fuck Up About Your Fucking Family!"

Remember that dour miserable incompetent disloyal Scotch Cunt with One Eye, Psychpathic Tendencies and a Broken Moral Compass who declared how he was far too principled to try and use his family for political advantage? Apart from mentioning his father giving it large at the pulpit or in the manse at every opportunity.

Recently we've had the unedifying spectacle of Mrs Sarah "The Beard" Brown introducing her "Super Hero" at conferences, wiping her eyes with an onion as The Prime Mentalist sobbed on Piers "The Traitor" Morgan's sad little chat show whilst he dwelt on the sadness of losing a baby and having a sickly child ( what was that story about turkey basters not being ideal for insemination?) , then it was trotting out his poor old mother, who could probably solve most of Fife's energy problems if they linked a dynamo to her corpse spinning away six feet under.
Now it's the fucking grandfather, scrimping and saving to get papa through University and into a cushy job with the Scotch Sky Pixie Consultants.

We can probably look forward to:

His aunt, who was on the game in order to pay for thermal underwear for Scotch ship-builders in the Govan. (All those ex-shipyard workers, and of course, the ladies of the night, they all have votes, you ken?)

His great uncle, who was descended from an escaped Jamaican slave (must try and get the black vote somehow!)

His second cousin twice removed who was Hitler's best friend ( must try and do down the BNP!)

Must be someone on some branch of the family tree who can claim to be related to Ghandi, just havn't found them yet....

And then of course, there's Sarah's back catalogue - I can hardly wait!!!

The Penguin

More Jobs To Go In Scotlandshire

"Darling's A Brilliant Chancellor So I'll Give The Job To Balls If The Postal Votes Work!"

That's your P45's lined up lads! You've no fucking chance now, especially as you've shaken hands with Jonah.

The Penguin

Tony's Friend Declares Holy War On The Gnomes

"Destroy The Gnomes! Burn All The Money!!"

Good to see that mad old cunt Gaddafi, Tony Bliar's bestest friend in North Africa, is still as mad as a hatter.

Oh, and that "bomber" they sent home from Scotland still hasn't died.

Meanwhile the NuLiebore wankers are still waiting for the promised "investment" by the Libyans, who seem strangely reluctant in the current tax climate, especially as they seem to have already got everything they wanted....

The Penguin

Weasel Words

"Economical With The Actuality!"

"Sir" Gusset O'Donnell has finally coughed up a form of words which he thinks cover the situation without either contradicting his previous weaselly statements or admitting that The Prime Mentalist is a lying cowardly bully as well as a bogey-eating one-eyed incompetent piss-stained Scotch cunt.

Only took him four attempts.

Hope Boy Dave "retires" the twat as soon as he gets through the door of number 10. Along with loads of other politicised wankers at the top of the civil service, like that cunt at the Home Office and pretty much EVERYCUNT at the MOD and "Justice". Ideally without their gold-plated fucking pensions!

The Penguin

More About That Special Relationship!

Seems the septics think they should be exempt from VAT on building their new monstrosity of an embassy in London.

Are British diplomats in the USA exempt from all those local Sales Taxes?

If a British construction company did a job of work in DC would they be able to undercut all the local companies because they'd be working "tax free"?

Somehow I fucking doubt it.

The Penguin

Taste Of Things To Come - Justice In Action

What a shame! What a Surprise!

Seems things in the nick are less than pleasant for Ali Dizaei.

Couldn't happen to a more deserving scumbag.

The Penguin

Two Options - Or Is It Both?

"Bigger Boys Done It And Ran Away!"

Gordoom McCavity, Prime Mentalist and Saviour Of The World denies that he set his attack dogs onto poor Alistair Darling for daring to tell the truth about the recession looming on the horizon the other year.

However, we know very well how the shit was flung and who flung it, step forward Damien McBride and Charlie Whelan in particular, although you can probably add in more of the poisonous dwarves infesting Number 10 such as Tom Snotson.

So, options. One, Gordon's a fucking cowardly liar. Two, his team was out of control.

Or more likely, both.

The Penguin

Last Line Of Defence?

James Fraser Brown (aged 4) has toddled to his father's defence, furious that daddy has been accused of being a bully.

"I know I said I'd never stoop so low as to use my position as the Prime Mentalist's sick child to gain a platform in the media, " said James, "but I think that these completley baseless allegations against my dad are just too sick-making to ignore. And no, Uncle Peter has not been coaching me to say this, honest he hasn't!"

He then ran from the room waving a brand new radio-controlled model of Thomas the Tank Engine, and shouting "Thank you, Uncle Peter!"

The Penguin

You Should Know, Phil Custard-Pie Woolas

They do say it takes on to recognise one, in which case Phil Woolas is expertly qualified to call whistle-blower Christine Pratt a prat.

It's amazing that little Woolas has managed to achieve expertise in anything, so it would be unfair to take the piss out of his pathetic part in the ongoing NuLiebore Smear Operation.

I'd like to add him the the Wanker's Hall Of Fame but he fails to qualify because he is too incompetent even as a wanker.

The Penguin

No Bullies In Government - Official! By John Prescott

"I'd just like to make it quite clear, so there can be no misunderconfusion about the matter in hand, that there is not, never has been, and never will be, any bullying in the Labour Government what I served in for some many indistinguished years!

Despite enormous provocation Gordon Brown never kicked Tony Blair in the nuts, not even once, and I have never personally seen Damien McBride or Charlie Whelan bash a puppy's brains out on their desk.

Ed Balls might throw the odd copy of Beano onto the floor if someone brings him a cup of coffee which isn't quite to his exacting standards, but I've not heard anyone accuse him of biting junior staff. Mind you, we do have a good first aid kit in the Cabinet Office.

When you've been all at sea like what I have for so many years, you learn to take the rough with the smooth because it's not all plain sailing when you're in government. And if you want outside, I'll well up for it, so don't push your fucking luck!

And no, I'm not answering any of your fucking cheeky questions about shagging my secretary!"

As told to the Penguin by the Mouth Of The Humber.

Once More With Feeling!!

Do you suppose he was bullied into making this?

The Penguin

It's Always The Cover-Up

Pretty much everyone was already convinced that Jonah McDoom is a bad-tempered foul-gobbed lying cheating conniving power-mad obsessed bully, there had been so many leaks and tales, all along the same lines.

However, the blatant spin-operation weakly led by the increasingly ineffective "Lord" Fondlebum has only exacerbated the situation, as it has sufficiently enraged the head on an Anti-Bullying Charity to go public about the DowningStrasse victims who have been asking for help.

As ever, the cover up is worse than the crime.

The Penguin

Spinning In Her Grave, While Gordon Spins In Downing Strasse

Jonah Lays A Bunch Of Onions On His Mother's Grave

Poor Mrs. Brown Senior (dec.)

She must be so desperately sickened and disappointed at how James Gordon Brown has turned out. A lying, cheating, psychopathic bully desperate for power but with no vision or ideas of what to do now he has browbeaten and schemed his way to the top.

Nice to see there's no grave Gordoom won't desecrate in his desperation. Thank God he's not prepared to use his family for political ends, or who knows what might happen.

Still, got to be thankful that he ended Boom and Bust or we might all be in the shit along with Jonny Foreigner!

The Penguin