What A Surprise, No One To Blame!

"What Do You Mean, I Look Like Lonely From Callan?"

Scotland Yard Commissioner Bernard Hogan-Howe said: "We are carrying out an internal review, but given the fact that we are not only incapable of finding a dead body in a bin-bag three times out of four, and that we have trouble finding our back-side with both hands, we are unlikely to find anyone prepared to take the blame for this latest fuck-up.

However, it's not all bad this week - we have just managed to get Freddy Patel blamed for the Tomlinson manslaughter, diverting attention from our very own serial-thug PC Harwood, who has now been cleared in the courts and will soon be free to resume acts of extreme and unprovoked violence against the general public.

I might just keep my job since Boris doesn't want to risk more questions about losing senior managers on his watch, but my knighthood is looking a tad unlikely in the short-term."

The Penguin