Police Farce - Number 149

Christ On A Bike! No wonder Inspector Knacker has trouble generating any respect from or support from Joe and Mrs Joe Public.

Don't hold your breath waiting for disciplinary action to happen.

The Penguin

Back To The Stone Age

"And So It Came To Pass, He Stuck It Up The Camel's Arse"

The Ayatollahs are worried that education is eroding their grip on the masses.

So they plan to ban or limit what can be taught in Iranian universities, especially if it flies in the face of the great wisdom and enlightenment contained in the Book Of The Child Molester.

Give it a few years and they'll be all out of nuclear physicists, as I don't think there's much about electrons and particles in the Book Of The Child Molester.

Fucking good plan.

The Penguin

My Old School

Black On Black

A Racist Mother Banging On

Seems there's been a slight decrease in the number of black gangsters in London.

The 16-year-old corpse, named locally as Samuel Adelagun, was killed in the early hours of the morning in Plaistow. He was out with his "friends" all 15 or 16 years old, at 3.20am. Another one was merely wounded. Both victims were known to the police and one of the lines of inquiry was that the incident was gang related.

Fuck me, Inspector Knacker's quick off the mark on this one.

Doubtless Dianne Abbott will be keen to send her condolences, seeing as West Indian mothers are so wonderful. Personally, I'd want to know what sort of parent lets their children roam the streets at that sort of hour?

The Penguin

Recovering The Proceeds Of Crime

On Thursday, Lady Uddin was suspended from the Lords for a year and a half, and ordered to repay £125,349.10 in wrongly claimed overnight allowances after being found to have deliberately cheated the taxpayer-funded expenses system.

Lady Uddin has said that she does not have the money to repay the £125,000 she illegitimately claimed.

So what can be done to get the thieving cunt to cough up?

Surely confiscation of property is not beyond the wit of the Treasury Lawyers? And while it may take a few months, have the noble peeress in stocks outside the House of Lords and make a few quid selling tomatoes and eggs to throw at her. Then deport the thief.

The Penguin

Call Me A Miserable Old Cynic But...

Am I the only one thinking that the Wayne Rooney New Contract Saga has something choreographed about it?

I can almost hear the old fox...

"Look, laddie, we canna get the bastards to fork out any more money. But don't worry, I've got a cunning plan. This is what we do..."

The Penguin

Police Farce, Part 147

"Hello, is that the Police Station? I want to report an armed robbery!"

"I'm very sorry, madam, we can't send anyone as they are all out collecting abandoned shopping trolleys. I can give you a crime number for the insurance, though...do you have a pen and paper handy? 3,689,208 - did you get that madam? Three million, six hundred and eighty-nine thousand, two hundred and eight. Thank you for calling."

The Penguin

Tony Bliar, The Magpie

"And Berlusconi Gave Cherie A 24-carat Dildo This Long!"

Fuck me, that cunt Bliar continues to make my fucking flesh creep.

Turns out the greedy bastard hoovered up loads of lucrative "gifts" when he eventually fucked off out of Downing Strasse.

I wonder what Slot Gob got away with?

The Penguin

Prison, And Deport Them As Well!

Seems that 3 disgraced NuLiebore supporting Peers will have to pay back nearly £200,000 they stole from the taxpayer, and will face a slap on the wrist in that they will be suspended from the House of Lords for a little while.

They will escape being prosecuted because the noble peers changed the rules making them so lax that it is simply impossible to bring charges.

This is just not fucking good enough. Change the fucking rules back, bring charges, bang them up, strip them of their ill-gotten proceeds of crime, and then fucking send them back to the sub-continent. Like the thieving scum they have proven themselves to be.

And then start a proper investigation into a few others. Keith fucking oily cunt Vaz springs to mind.

The Penguin

Letting The Cat Out Of The Bag, Big Time!

Frau Merkel has been jolted into publicly stating the bleeding obvious.

This will rattle some cages.

The Penguin

Stupid Fucking Bitch

Alveena Malik, a former faith adviser to the last Labour government has produced a fucking report for think-tank Civitas, probably paid for by the poor taxpayer without any choice in the matter, which says that the full Islamic face-veil is a part of the “British way of life” and should be celebrated along with religious symbols such as the crucifix.

Guess what, Alveena? You can stick the fucking niqab up your fucking fundament. I don't appreciate all of this multi-cultural politically correct fucking nonsense, especially those elements of sub-continental and middle eastern origin such as honour killings, burning pregnant young women, political corruption, and sexually abusing young white girls. And then playing the race card if anyone fucking complains.

If you want to live and work in this country, then fucking well integrate.

Or just fuck the fuck off.

The Penguin

For Fuck's Sakes, Sack This Twat!

What on earth is Dave doing putting up with Crispin Jeremy Rupert Blunt? Why does Kenneth Clarke put up with such a tosser?

Are they afraid of upsetting the gay community?

And how the fuckety fucking fuck does it happen that criminals locked up in their secure five star hotels get such a cushy time? I don't get five fucking choices at dinner, I get what SWMBO has fucking cooked.

What happened to prison as a deterrent and a punishment?

The Penguin

Maybe It's Time To Emulate The Chinese?

There's a lot I admire about the Chinese, as well as a lot I completely hate and abhor.

But you have to give them credit for not fucking about over persistent criminal scum. They even send the family a bill for the bullet.

Save a fucking fortune if we were to emulate them, and there's only one way that the crime statistics would go.

It would also ensure that serial offending scum don't do on to kill innocent people.

Sadly the fucking do-gooders and bleeding hearts will continue to ensure that the cunts get away with murder and the victims continue to pay and pay and pay.

The Penguin

So What?

Good Old Ed "Blinky" Balls-up, the gift that keeps on giving.

Seems he was only too happy to provide a character reference for a GP in his constituency.

Well, with a slim majority you're bound to want to keep the ethnics happy.

Great judgement though. No, not by Balls-up, but by Judge Collier, the Recorder of Leeds, who found the GP guilty of lying, perjury, and attempting to pervert the course of justice.

I do hope Blinky will find time to visit his friend in prison, following the example set by his colleague the Shadowy Justice Secretary, Sadiq Khantstoplyingcunt.

The Penguin

Still Plenty Of Meat On That Bone

This Old Boiler Has Been Replaced

Seems like number 5 is going to be due in court in the not too distant future.

However, please don't stop there. Inspector Knacker, there are plenty more thieving cunts where she came from, and more than enough evidence.

Get your fucking finger out, and get a load of them banged up!

The Penguin

Handycock Rides The Gravy Train

Spot The Cunt, Anyone?

This fine piece of work deserves as wide an audience as possible, so I'm posting it here.

How the Hancock dynasty has milked the system in Portsmouth

The following describes how Mike Hancock, MP for Portsmouth South and City Councillor, has made a fortune by having many political jobs by arranging for his daughter and wife to be paid as Portsmouth City Councillors, and by employing them as MP’s assistants, with zero evidence that they have actually done any work for him.

Michael Thomas Hancock (known as Mike Hancock, MP, CBE) was born on 9 April 1946. He married Jacqueline Elliott (born on 31 July 1944) on 9 September 1967. At that time Jacqui Elliott lived with her parents, Sidney and Gwendoline Elliott, in their Portsmouth City Council house at 5 Ledbury Road, Paulsgrove, Portsmouth. Mike and Jacqui Hancock had two children, Dean and Jodi, who was born on 2 March 1973.

Mike Hancock has been a member of Portsmouth City Council from 1971 until the present. He was elected as an MP in a by-election on 14 June 1984, losing his seat in the 1987 election. He was re-elected as MP in the 1997 election had has retained his seat until now. He was a member of Hampshire County Council from 1973 to 1997, being Leader from 1993 to 1997. He was also Leader of Portsmouth City Council from 1989 to 1997. Since becoming an MP again in 1997 he has remained as a City Councillor since 2002 and has been Executive Member on the City Council responsible for Planning Regeneration and Economic Development.

Whilst there are a few MPs who are also local councillors, it is believed that Mike Hancock is the only MP who holds a position as a paid Executive Member of a Council, thus getting two salaries as a politician. Not content with that, he has been a member of the Council of Europe, and so able to claim expenses as an MP, as an Executive Member of the City Council, and from his European appointments. Mike Hancock has a particular interest in animal welfare and children. He has been Chairman of the southern region of the NSPCC since 1989 and has been a member of the Prostitution and the Global Sex Trade Group since 2009.

Not content with his own salary as a politician, Mike Hancock also arranged that his family members became City Councillors and worked for him as assistants to him as an MP. His daughter, Jodi Hancock was a City Councillor from 2000 to 2002 and was also employed by Mike Hancock in parliament as some sort of research assistant. When Jodi Hancock moved with her partner, Mark Richardson to Blyth, Nottinghamshire in early 2002, Mike Hancock replaced her with his wife Jacqui, who has been a City Councillor from 2002 to the present. Mrs. Hancock has also been employed by Mike Hancock as his MP’s assistant. Apparently, she worked from his constituency office at 1A Albert Road, Southsea. However no-one has ever seen Mrs. Hancock working at 1A Albert Road. As a councillor, she has hardly ever, if at all, spoken at City Council meetings. That means that for 10 years, Mike Hancock’s daughter or wife have received substantial unaudited payments as Mike Hancock’s assistant, on top of their income and expenses as a City Councillor.

But whatever amounts have been paid to the Hancock’s as City Councillors what is even worse is that none of the Hancock’s were actually eligible to become Councillors. Essentially, people are only meant to be Councillors if they live or have their main or only place of work in the City, although there is an extra qualification for anyone who owns or rents land or premises in the City. Mike and Jacqui Hancock, and their daughter Jodi, have not lived in Portsmouth since they moved to Fareham in September 1977, thirty three years ago, when Jodi was 4 years old. Since 1997 Mike Hancock’s main place of work has been the House of Commons as an MP. Yet despite that Mike Hancock was elected to the City Council in 2000, 2002 and 2006, and is standing again this year. Jodi Hancock was elected in 2000; Jacqui Hancock was elected in 2002 and 2006, and is also standing again this year. So how was this allowed to happen? By clever manipulation of the system…we will explain.

At each election to be eligible to stand as a Councillor a candidate must meet at least one of these 4 qualifications:

1. Be registered on the electoral roll for the area of the Council

2. Have occupied as owner or tenant any land or other premises in the local authority area for the 12 months before the day of nomination

3. Their main or only place of work during the last 12 months has been in the local authority area

4. They have lived in the local authority area during the whole of the last 12 months

For many years Jacqui Hancock’s mum and dad had lived at 5 Ledbury Road, Paulsgrove, the Council house where Jacqui was living when she married Mike in 1967. In 1980 Mrs Thatcher’s government brought in the right to buy Council houses at a large discount in the Housing Act 1980. This was strongly opposed by the Labour Party and Mike Hancock was the Leader of the Labour Group on Portsmouth City Council at the time. But in 1981 Mike Hancock defected to the SDP and was elected as MP for Portsmouth South in the by-election on 14 June 1984. So by then Mike Hancock was an MP, a County Councillor and a City Councillor, all at the same time.

It was then that Sidney and Gwendoline Elliott, Jacqui’s mum and dad, decided to buy their Council house at 5 Ledbury Road under the provisions of the Housing Act 1980. The Deed was signed on 1st March 1985 at a house two doors away from Mike and Jacqui’s house in Fareham. The House was sold by Portsmouth City Council to Sidney and Gwendoline Elliott for £7,700, the discount being £11,550, some of which would be repayable if the house was sold within 5 years.

So far so good…however, there was a strange addition to the property transferred. Also transferred with 5 Ledbury Road (and within the price) was a lock-up garage then known as Garage 20G Ledbury Road, Paulsgrove. This garage is 1 of 28 garages then owned by Portsmouth City Council in a block of garages off Ledbury Road which are available for rent to residents of the local council estates, including Ledbury Road. The other 27 garages are still owned by Portsmouth City Council, and no-one else has been allowed to buy one, when they have asked. So Mike Hancock’s parents-in-law were allowed to purchase a garage with their Council house, possibly at no cost, when their son-in-law was a Portsmouth MP and a Portsmouth City Councillor.

Sadly Sidney Elliott died in 1990, leaving Gwendoline alone in 5 Ledbury Road. In 1994 Mike and Jacqui Hancock moved to their present house at 29 Rockingham Way Portchester in the Borough of Fareham. And then, on 5 February 1996, 5 Ledbury Road was transferred by Gwendoline to Mike and Jacqui Hancock, the Transfer document again being witnessed by a neighbour at Mike and Jacqui’s house in Fareham. Although not mentioned in the Transfer, the garage came with the Title, although by now it had been renumbered No 1 by Portsmouth City Council.

In the 1996 Transfer Gwendoline Elliott had the right to remain in the house as long as she lived. Her death was registered in January 2000, but before then Mike and Jacqui Hancock sold the house to its present owner on 17 May 1999 for £45,000. The witness to this Transfer document was Jodi Hancock giving her address as 29 Rockingham Way, Portchester and her occupation as a secretary. But strangely, this time the Transfer document was only a transfer of part of the Title, namely the house. All that is left of the Title is the garage, which has been owned by Mike and Jacqui Hancock to this day. Under Mike Hancock’s declaration of interests it is now called Plot 1, Garage Car Park, Ledbury Road, Paulsgrove, Portsmouth.

By this time Mike Hancock was an MP again, and employed his daughter Jodi as an assistant, according to the Registers held at the House of Commons. However not content with that Jodi stood as a candidate in the 1999 City Council elections, her qualification being that she worked for Mike Hancock in Portsmouth. And apparently that was her main or only job. She lost the election in 1999, but was elected in 2000 so for 2 years got paid as a Councillor and as Mike Hancock’s assistant, plus expenses. Not bad for a 26 year old, who had left Portsmouth at the age of 4.

But in early 2002 Jodi Hancock moved with her partner to their present house in Blyth, Nottinghamshire. So that particular gravy train had to come to an end. But the solution was easy. Mike Hancock employed his wife Jacqui, and got her onto the Council instead. She got elected to the Council in 2002 and again in 2006, saying that she ‘occupied’ the garage which she owned off Ledbury Road, and her main or only place of work was Mike Hancock’s constituency office in Albert Road, Southsea. The fact that the garage has been locked up for years and no-one has ever seen Jacqui Hancock at the office in Albert Road is apparently irrelevant. Since Parliament has suggested that the employment of MP’s spouses is not a good idea, Jacqui Hancock has decided that her work for Mike Hancock is voluntary and unpaid. According to her application form this year, Jacqui Hancock’s qualifications as a candidate are her ownership of the garage and that her main or only employer is Portsmouth City Council!

So this is how Mike Hancock, his wife and daughter have been able to get paid thousands of pounds of your money as City Councillors, even though they have not lived or worked in the City as their main employment since 1973! Why did Jacqui Hancock say last year that her main employer was Mike Hancock? Because he paid her more than Portsmouth City Council. The JAC party would like to know how much more and would like a full audit of all monies paid to Jodi and Jacqui Hancock since Mike Hancock was re-elected as an MP in 1997. Other MPs have had to go through this so why not Mike Hancock?

But Mike Hancock is not only good at making sure his family members get well paid, he is also pretty good at the other tricks that MPs have rightly been pilloried for; his mortgages for a start. According to the recent Report to Parliament Mr Hancock was overpaid a total of £2,674.26 for mortgage interest in 2005/2006 to 2008/2009; £1,467.16 in 2008/2009. Since 1 April 2009 Mike Hancock has quickly paid this money back, but why did he claim it in the first place, and which house was it on? His second home in Fareham we assume, when he was paying for work carried out by his friend, property developer David Sheppard.

And Mike Hancock is also pretty good at going to far-away Eastern countries at someone else’s expense and not declaring it when raising questions in Parliament. He has only just done it following a visit to Taiwan. We know that Mike Hancock is very interested in the welfare of children and has been the Chairman of the Southern region of the NSPCC since 1989. We also know that he is currently an office holding member of the Thailand Group, the Prostitution and the Global Sex Trade Group, among many others, and is Chair of the All-Party Russia Group, but is there a full disclosure of expenses paid, and by whom, in relation to these trips to far-away places.

Our main concern is that some MPs have been prosecuted, and others forced to resign for much less than we have described. Why is Mike Hancock different from the others? Nick Clegg has stated publicly that his party stands for fairness, and will not tolerate dubious expense claims and payments to family members by MPs. Why does this not apply to Mike Hancock? Will Nick Clegg or local MP Chris Huhne please tell us?

But apart from hearing from Mr Clegg and Mr Huhne, the JAC Party also calls upon Sir Ian Kennedy to explain the position of the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority on employing relations. According to the Daily Mail on Tuesday 30^th March “59% of the public oppose the employment of MPs’ wives recognising that it will always be open to abuse, and cannot be properly monitored. How are auditors going to judge the performance of MPs’ spouses? As the Daily Mail headline stated “THEY STILL DON’T GET IT (CONT)”.

In the JAC Party’s opinion IPSA Chief Sir Ian Kennedy should consider his position now, before the IPSA loses any more credibility. And Mike Hancock’s actions should be investigated and referred to the CPS to see if he should be prosecuted, like the four MPs, who have in our opinion, done much less.

(All I did was copy and paste. Full Credit to the PO12 blogger)

The Penguin

Recognise Anyone?

Go on, have a go!

The Penguin

Above The Law? No Fucking Way!

"That was just an abberation, ma'am..."

It emerges into the light of day that the Police hierarchy want the government to change the law so that they cannot be sued in the civil courts over such minor irritants as unlawful arrest and police brutality.

They'd prefer to be exempt from FOI requests as well, and not to have to be troubled by Employment Tribunals.

After all, they have a perfect fucking record on alll these issues, don't they? I mean, when did you last hear of the police service over-stepping the mark?

And after all, on the very rare occasion when something reprehensible happens, the Independent Police Complaints Commission and the CPS are swift and fearless in acting to bring the miscreant to justice, where they are punished with the full force of the criminal justice system. Right?

They are having a fucking laugh. Ask Ian Tomlinson's family.

The Penguin

Lunatics In Charge

There is no more urgent proof of the need for urgent root and branch reform of the State Education system than the furore over Katharine ­Birbalsingh, the teacher who became a star of the Tory Party Conference with a speech about the chaos in the education system.

For daring to speak out she was forced to work from home and threatened with suspension by a head mistress with far too close connections to the Nuliebore Dream than is healthy.

It transpires Miss Birbalsingh has been writing a blog documenting the chaos that is life in a state secondary school in London.

Tellingly, one of the so-called school governors is shocked. School governor Musa Olaiwon said: ‘I am astonished and I can only think that she has a hidden agenda. It’s not a violent school.’

Excuse me, Musa Olaiwon, but what fucking planet are you from? Not a violent school?Police figures show there were 21 criminal allegations at the school in the past academic year, including five of actual bodily harm and a rape.

When I was at school that would have caused a national outcry and probably closure of the school concerned.

Do us all a favour, Musa Olaiwon - fuck off back to planet Olaiwon!

The Penguin

Red Ed Is Having A Laugh

"But, Shadow Justice Minister, There Seems To Be Some Problem With Your Expenses - Again!"

Fuck me, you couldn't have made it up and have been believed. However, Red Ed seems to have done his best to emasculate his colleagues in the Shadow Cabinet and ensure that there is no-one with any chance of supplanting him.

It's the only possible explanation for appointing Postman Pat as Shadow Chancellor - a bloke who is as brilliant an economist as Ken Dodd. I should think Boy George will be breaking open the bubbly.

Then there's the amusing appointment of that greasy little crook Sadiq Khan as Shadow Justice Minister.

What a fucking shower of shite.

The Penguin

Raising Money For A Good Cause

Come on, dig deep.

I'm offering this opportunity to folk who want to contribute to Help For Heroes.

Only a tenner to slap Red Ed.

After all, not only does the cunt deserve it, he definitely has a face you could slap forever.

The Penguin

And So It Came To Pass

Promoted For Being Incompetent

'Silver Commander' Superintendent Michael Wise was supposedly in charge at the drunken barrister siege and killing. The coroner has provided the jury at the inquest with a damning list of things that the Commander knew fuck all about, including being unaware who was doing what or who the chain of command was. Pretty basic, you'd have thought.

Still this is the Police Farce who shoots electricians on the Tube and then claims they were dangerous terrorists.

So, as predicted Superintendent Wise (fucking ironic name!) has duly been promoted. Lucky Islington to have such a top chap in charge.

The Penguin

Oddly enough there's no mention of his high profile role in the death of Mark Saunders on the Met's profile of newly promoted Borough Commander Wise.

But I Deserve It!

Meet Kelly Marshall, 32, unmarried, has 5 children by 4 different fathers. Never ever had a job or paid a penny in tax or national insurance.

She gets £29,000 a fucking year of taxpayer's money, and free housing, which ensures she lives a lifestyle which includes foreign holidays, designer jeans, and a fucking boob job.

She' a fucking parasitical cunt.

The Penguin

An Inconvenient Truth

"The President's A N(drowned out by applause!)*"

Poor old carbon millionaire Al Gore is obviously having trouble with either his memory or reality.

It may well be an inconvenient truth in the run up to mid-term elections, but there's a Democrat President in the White House.

But poor old "Hanging Chads" Gore fails to mention that at a Democrat rally.

I wonder why?

The Penguin

*a la "Blazing Saddles"

Marxist Millionaires

Odd, I was under the impression that for the dedicated marxist, property was theft. So the alien Millipedes property portfolio might seem a little like a smash and grab.

But then hypocrisy seems to be part and parcel of the Liebore Champagne Socialism. Along with many other charming traits.

The Penguin

Hit Me! With Your Rhythm Stick!!

The Penguin