Especially For The Gullible and Inadequate - Cash Only

Fancy having your scrotum pumped up with silicone sealant? Only £120, no guarantees and don't even think of asking to see my qualifications. Just pop along to my crummy flat, mind the cats, drop your keks and spread them....

Oh, I also offer a deep tanning service using finest quality creosote. And never mind that painful hot wax wax brazilian, I have an industrial strength paint stripper will do the job in half the time...

The Penguin

A Very Simple Defence, Gentlemen

The Chemical Industry Chiefs and the Banana Bosses have a very simple and easy way to prove to the world (and especially to judges in Louisiana) that there is no ill-effect associated with serial exposure to banned chemical DBCP.

They should line up to be sprayed with it on a daily basis for several months, no protective clothing or masks ahould be required - after all, the plantation workers had none.

Somehow I can't see them volunteering.

Shame they can't be compelled!

The Penguin

Nu-Liebore's Dream Ticket?

What a pair they make!!! Surely a match made in heaven?

The Penguin

How Can This Be News?

Headline and article in the Daily Torygraph -

The world's oldest person dies in Brazil

Well, bugger me, how unusual. I mean, it's not like anyone's going to hold that record for long, is it?

The Penguin

It's Not An Oversight, Or A Mistake, It's Called Theft!

Jumped up little pip-squeak Denis McShit is trying to wriggle out of yet more evidence of his over-enthusiasm for the trough.

Not content with taking the piss by charging £125,000 for the use of his garage as a constituency office, and having charged the maximum possible round sums for cleaning until the requirement for receipts saw a dramatic drop in dusting and polishing (£250 a month to £24, just below the threshold for receipts, nothing dodgy about that, really!), and having lots of translation done by his brother at our expense, the greedy shit-stain over-egged the total on his expenses claims by a nice round £250 month after fucking month and the numpties in the House of Commons fees office didn't check the arithmetic 14 times despite picking the error up on 3 occasions.


One mistake, possibly. 17 mistakes on the trot, unbelievable.


Then there's his side-line in flogging lap-tops...hope he's declared the profits on his tax returns.

The Penguin

Little Hitler

Caught - hope they throw the book at him (and then check his immigration status!)

The Penguin

Still Troughing After All These Years

"I can't afford to pay my way!"

Frank Dobson, possibly the most ineffectual cabinet minister EVER, is continuing to live with his socialist snout deep in the trough whilst hypocritically complaining about proposed changes to the welfare madhouse.

He and his ghastly spouse rake in well over £100,000 a year and yet he demands to continue to have subsidised council housing in a posh block in Camden, where he used to be the Labour leader on the council. I think an investigation into how come the useless bastard ever qualified for any council property let alone a fucking mansion flat in a seriously posh building should be investigated. And someone ought to take a close look at the assets this champagne socialist couple have managed to accumulate whilst enjoying subsidised living at taxpayers' and ratepayers' exoense all these years.

Does he own a nice villa in Tuscany, close to dear mad Polly? I think we should find out, before stringing them up on lamp posts outside their "council flat" as an example to others.

The Penguin

Remember The Fast Show?

"There was no plot!"

In particular, the politician who was in total denial about the bleeding obvious?


Looks like real life is immitating art.

The Penguin

Doing A Good Job

Top Trougher Piggin Wiggins

Check out the efforts of Jim Miller to shine a light on the corruption that seems to be endemic in Herefordshire, where the local MP is none other than Piggin Wiggins.

It's at http://anexpensesaccount.blogspot.com/  

The Penguin

Why Is The Cover-Up Continuing?

"The Bloke From MI5 Told Me It's A Suicide, Sergeant!"




Something really shocking and of on-going significance has to lie behind the continuing attempts by the government to whitewash the death of Dr David Kelly.

I just can't understand what it might be, unless they have proof that it was the late sainted Princess Diana's re-incarnated zombie with the assistance of the late Queen Mother that wielded the pen-knife.

Why on earth is the new administration not taking the simple route of rubbishing the Hutton Whitewash and throwing all that much deserved shit all over Teflon Tony, Bad Al, and Geoff Cunt?

Something stinks.

The Penguin

Thrash Some Sense Into Him!

 "Nothing whatsoever to do with the petro-dollars. Nothing!"

Perhaps fun-loving Max could get some of his well-paid-for friends to put the uniforms back on and thrash some sense into mad dwarf Bernie.

The Penguin

Mankind's Carbon Footprint Is Puny!

Go on, see if you green-tinged lunatics can slap a carbon tax on volcanos!

The Penguin

Wriggle As Much As You Like!

The Silly Cow Who Is Paying, The Accused, and The Bastard Who Is Getting Even Richer.

Unsurprisingly, Dominique Strauss-Kunt is spending loads of his wife's dough on top flight legal vultures and assorted PR scumbags and dodgy ex-CIA types as he wriggles and wriggles to try and escape the consequences of his actions.


Doesn't really matter, Dominique, you rancid old cock-happy elitist. Your reputation is shot no matter what verdict the legal process returns.

Although I would personally like you to spend a serious amount of time in prison avoiding Bubba and his friends...who may well take it personally that you tried to rape a black woman and then did everything you could to smear her reputation to save your own.

The Penguin