Let's Play Happy Families!!

"For Fuck's Fucking Sake, Shut The Fucking Fuck Up About Your Fucking Family!"

Remember that dour miserable incompetent disloyal Scotch Cunt with One Eye, Psychpathic Tendencies and a Broken Moral Compass who declared how he was far too principled to try and use his family for political advantage? Apart from mentioning his father giving it large at the pulpit or in the manse at every opportunity.

Recently we've had the unedifying spectacle of Mrs Sarah "The Beard" Brown introducing her "Super Hero" at conferences, wiping her eyes with an onion as The Prime Mentalist sobbed on Piers "The Traitor" Morgan's sad little chat show whilst he dwelt on the sadness of losing a baby and having a sickly child ( what was that story about turkey basters not being ideal for insemination?) , then it was trotting out his poor old mother, who could probably solve most of Fife's energy problems if they linked a dynamo to her corpse spinning away six feet under.
Now it's the fucking grandfather, scrimping and saving to get papa through University and into a cushy job with the Scotch Sky Pixie Consultants.

We can probably look forward to:

His aunt, who was on the game in order to pay for thermal underwear for Scotch ship-builders in the Govan. (All those ex-shipyard workers, and of course, the ladies of the night, they all have votes, you ken?)

His great uncle, who was descended from an escaped Jamaican slave (must try and get the black vote somehow!)

His second cousin twice removed who was Hitler's best friend ( must try and do down the BNP!)

Must be someone on some branch of the family tree who can claim to be related to Ghandi, just havn't found them yet....

And then of course, there's Sarah's back catalogue - I can hardly wait!!!

The Penguin

More Jobs To Go In Scotlandshire

"Darling's A Brilliant Chancellor So I'll Give The Job To Balls If The Postal Votes Work!"

That's your P45's lined up lads! You've no fucking chance now, especially as you've shaken hands with Jonah.

The Penguin

Tony's Friend Declares Holy War On The Gnomes

"Destroy The Gnomes! Burn All The Money!!"

Good to see that mad old cunt Gaddafi, Tony Bliar's bestest friend in North Africa, is still as mad as a hatter.

Oh, and that "bomber" they sent home from Scotland still hasn't died.

Meanwhile the NuLiebore wankers are still waiting for the promised "investment" by the Libyans, who seem strangely reluctant in the current tax climate, especially as they seem to have already got everything they wanted....

The Penguin

Weasel Words

"Economical With The Actuality!"

"Sir" Gusset O'Donnell has finally coughed up a form of words which he thinks cover the situation without either contradicting his previous weaselly statements or admitting that The Prime Mentalist is a lying cowardly bully as well as a bogey-eating one-eyed incompetent piss-stained Scotch cunt.

Only took him four attempts.

Hope Boy Dave "retires" the twat as soon as he gets through the door of number 10. Along with loads of other politicised wankers at the top of the civil service, like that cunt at the Home Office and pretty much EVERYCUNT at the MOD and "Justice". Ideally without their gold-plated fucking pensions!

The Penguin

More About That Special Relationship!

Seems the septics think they should be exempt from VAT on building their new monstrosity of an embassy in London.

Are British diplomats in the USA exempt from all those local Sales Taxes?

If a British construction company did a job of work in DC would they be able to undercut all the local companies because they'd be working "tax free"?

Somehow I fucking doubt it.

The Penguin

Taste Of Things To Come - Justice In Action

What a shame! What a Surprise!

Seems things in the nick are less than pleasant for Ali Dizaei.

Couldn't happen to a more deserving scumbag.

The Penguin

Two Options - Or Is It Both?

"Bigger Boys Done It And Ran Away!"

Gordoom McCavity, Prime Mentalist and Saviour Of The World denies that he set his attack dogs onto poor Alistair Darling for daring to tell the truth about the recession looming on the horizon the other year.

However, we know very well how the shit was flung and who flung it, step forward Damien McBride and Charlie Whelan in particular, although you can probably add in more of the poisonous dwarves infesting Number 10 such as Tom Snotson.

So, options. One, Gordon's a fucking cowardly liar. Two, his team was out of control.

Or more likely, both.

The Penguin

Last Line Of Defence?

James Fraser Brown (aged 4) has toddled to his father's defence, furious that daddy has been accused of being a bully.

"I know I said I'd never stoop so low as to use my position as the Prime Mentalist's sick child to gain a platform in the media, " said James, "but I think that these completley baseless allegations against my dad are just too sick-making to ignore. And no, Uncle Peter has not been coaching me to say this, honest he hasn't!"

He then ran from the room waving a brand new radio-controlled model of Thomas the Tank Engine, and shouting "Thank you, Uncle Peter!"

The Penguin

You Should Know, Phil Custard-Pie Woolas

They do say it takes on to recognise one, in which case Phil Woolas is expertly qualified to call whistle-blower Christine Pratt a prat.

It's amazing that little Woolas has managed to achieve expertise in anything, so it would be unfair to take the piss out of his pathetic part in the ongoing NuLiebore Smear Operation.

I'd like to add him the the Wanker's Hall Of Fame but he fails to qualify because he is too incompetent even as a wanker.

The Penguin

No Bullies In Government - Official! By John Prescott

"I'd just like to make it quite clear, so there can be no misunderconfusion about the matter in hand, that there is not, never has been, and never will be, any bullying in the Labour Government what I served in for some many indistinguished years!

Despite enormous provocation Gordon Brown never kicked Tony Blair in the nuts, not even once, and I have never personally seen Damien McBride or Charlie Whelan bash a puppy's brains out on their desk.

Ed Balls might throw the odd copy of Beano onto the floor if someone brings him a cup of coffee which isn't quite to his exacting standards, but I've not heard anyone accuse him of biting junior staff. Mind you, we do have a good first aid kit in the Cabinet Office.

When you've been all at sea like what I have for so many years, you learn to take the rough with the smooth because it's not all plain sailing when you're in government. And if you want outside, I'll well up for it, so don't push your fucking luck!

And no, I'm not answering any of your fucking cheeky questions about shagging my secretary!"

As told to the Penguin by the Mouth Of The Humber.

Once More With Feeling!!

Do you suppose he was bullied into making this?

The Penguin

It's Always The Cover-Up

Pretty much everyone was already convinced that Jonah McDoom is a bad-tempered foul-gobbed lying cheating conniving power-mad obsessed bully, there had been so many leaks and tales, all along the same lines.

However, the blatant spin-operation weakly led by the increasingly ineffective "Lord" Fondlebum has only exacerbated the situation, as it has sufficiently enraged the head on an Anti-Bullying Charity to go public about the DowningStrasse victims who have been asking for help.

As ever, the cover up is worse than the crime.

The Penguin

Spinning In Her Grave, While Gordon Spins In Downing Strasse

Jonah Lays A Bunch Of Onions On His Mother's Grave

Poor Mrs. Brown Senior (dec.)

She must be so desperately sickened and disappointed at how James Gordon Brown has turned out. A lying, cheating, psychopathic bully desperate for power but with no vision or ideas of what to do now he has browbeaten and schemed his way to the top.

Nice to see there's no grave Gordoom won't desecrate in his desperation. Thank God he's not prepared to use his family for political ends, or who knows what might happen.

Still, got to be thankful that he ended Boom and Bust or we might all be in the shit along with Jonny Foreigner!

The Penguin

RSPCA - Time It Was Put Down

Sadly the RSPCA requires a lethal injection.

Once it was a fine animal, fit for purpose and with a moral imperative to help animals in need. But over the years it has become bloated, top-heavy, self-absorbed and full of righteous spleen and political meddling. It has even taken to going to the Courts in ever more ludicrous attempts to grasp more money from dead benefactors.

Please be warned - this animal should be terminated to save it doing any further damge to it's once fine reputation or to others.

The Penguin

No, "Sir" Nicholas, You Are Not Prevented From Travelling First Class!

Prize Porkers Get Their Rosettes

That arch-trough pig "Sir" Nicolas Smug Cunt Winterton has been bitching that he is now prevented from travelling first class on the trains between his pluch rural retreat in his Cheshire constituency and his property empire (trust fund owns it, dontcha, know, we just rents and clains, wink wink!) in London.

Ignorant cunt.

You are not prevented, "Sir" Piglet - you just have to pay to upgrade, like normal folk.

The Penguin

Here's Some More Foreigners We Dare Not Offend!

"He's A Good Prince, He Wouldn't Dream Of Mistreating A Servant!"

What's the betting that the "Saudi Prince" whose servant managed to strangle himself because he was so upset at having been mugged will manage to fly first class back to Ryadh and the case will quiet be closed as there is insufficient evidence - other than the CCTV and the medical and forensic and circumstantial evidence, of course?

Bearing in mind that this is the country whose Criminal Justice System under the Chief Weasel Jack Straw is the envy of the free world and held up as an example to totalitarian regimes as a bloody good way to ensure that inconvenient bodies such as that of Doctor David Kelly don't cause trouble for the rich and powerful?

I think I'll waddle down to Ladbrokes and ask.

The Penguin

Can't Risk Offending The Foreigners, Can We?

Can you image what would happen if you or I or any indiginous English person were to grind up God knows what, make it into pills, label it as a "Traditional English Medecine" and sell it willy-nilly to any stupid cretin mad enough to part with money for it and daft enough to keep coming back for more, to such an extent that the toxic crap in it caused them serious health issues, ruining their lives and costing the NHS fuck knows how much?

That's right, porridge time and the company of other criminals.

Bit different if you're fucking foreign though.

The Penguin

Local Authority Trough Pigs Running Scared!

A Local Government Spokespig Taking A Moment From The Trough

For year beyond my remembering company directors have had to declare how much they get paid. So have government ministers, althoughof course, their expenses have been rather less in the open until recently!

So why is it so unreasonable that the public (those few who could be arsed!) should not be allowed the same sort of insight into what those arseholes at their local councils whose remit extends so unrelentingly into so many aspects of their daily lives get paid out of their ever-increasing council-taxes?

Is it because they are ashamed?

Fuck all chance of that!!!

The Penguin

Quick! Check The Diary! When Did Jonah Visit Vancouver?

Note to Olympic Security - If You See This Zombie, Shoot To Kill!

Are the endless woes and troubles at the Winter Olypics due to some malignant curse? Even unto death!

Makes you wonder.....

The Penguin

New Competition!! Not For Beginners!!

"The bravest arseholes in the land are Kapitaine Brownstain and his band
That's Timid Toad, Reckless Rat, Artful Owl and Batty Hatty
They mince through Westminster singing songs
That tell how they have righted wrongs"


OK, here's the competition - who do you think are Toad, Rat and Owl?

Best of luck!

The Penguin

Another "Special Relationship" With Uncle Sam

Just some jungle bunnies killing each other, none of our business.

Amid all the joyous left-wing do-gooder cock-sucking of Barak Obama just remember that our so called "Special Relationship" with America is founded upon little more than what temporarily suits Uncle Sam.

They only supplied us in World War Two for our gold reserves, then hard cash, and then lend-lease at usurous rates which ran up a debt it took 60 years to repay.

Our defence forces are short of kit in Iraq and Afghanistan but the Yanks could easily have provided fortheir "special allies". Like fuck they did.

And remember, when we are of no more use, don't expect much help.

The Penguin

Forget St. Albans, And Don't Bother Going There

Spot Charles Barker, The Jobsworth Tosser!

It may be historic and quaint, but it has been completely and utterly ruined by the wankers running the council.

Hence the banning of running in the pancake race due to concerns over "health and safety" because it was slightly damp underfoot.

Any one living there who has any remaining spark of gumption has only two options. Organise the immediate replacement of the council and a complete clear-out of the officials featherbedded there-in, or move to Olney in Buckinghamshire, where they can still run freely.

Fucking tossers.

The Penguin

That Noble "Baroness" Is Wrong Yet Again

Fuck me, can't the ugly moron do anything right? Anyone would think she'd only been promoted because shes a wimmin and black - as well as dog ugly.

What a change of view - poor deprived feral monsters, the very product of NuLiebore's client state contrasted to some ordinary bloke who got fed up of being hit with an axe.

This bitch should be in jail, not in so-called charge of the law!

The Penguin

Some Real Justice Being Administered

Before The Boiling Water - Just Plug Ugly!

And it is the "decent ordinary criminals" who are handing it out.

Just as predicted.

Plenty more to come, scumbag!

The Penguin

Nicely Put by Jeff Randall

Read it here.

Thanks for fuck all, you incompetent twat, Gordon the Moron.

The Penguin

More Shit From "Baroness" Scumland

Makes you so proud of our legal system when one of the judges gets something right.

Shame it doesn't happen very often, and a great shame that the full majesty of the law was not visited upon Baroness Scotland when she broke the law recently over her employment of an illegal alien.

Still, that's very NuLiebore for you.

The Penguin

How The Fuck Do NuLiebore Dare Criticise Lord Ashcroft?

A Smug Thieving Cunt

What is it with all the fuss other the tax status of Lord Ashcroft, who has not been caught fiddling his expenses claims and stealing from the taxpayer, unlike the "noble" Lord Paul, a major donor to NuLiebore?

Hypocrites!

The Penguin

Michael Pownall, National Disgrace!

Michael Pownall is the 61st Clerk of the Parliaments. He took up office on 6 November 2007.

"I, Michael Graham Pownall, do declare that I will be true and faithful and troth I will bear to Our Sovereign Lady the Queen and to Her Heirs and Successors. I will nothing know that shall be prejudicial to Her Highness Her Crown Estate and Dignity Royal, but that I will resist it to my power and with all speed I will advertise Her Grace thereof, or at the least some of Her Counsel in such wise as the same may come to Her knowledge. I will also well and truly serve Her Highness in the Office of Clerk of Her Parliaments making true Entries and Records of the things done and passed in the same. I will keep secret all such matters as shall be treated in Her said Parliaments and not disclose the same before they shall be published, but to such as it ought to be disclosed unto, and generally I will well and truly do and execute all things belonging to me to be done appertaining to the Office of Clerk of the Parliaments".

Oddly, there's nothing in that to suggest that he should bend the fucking rules so as to let thieving cunts like Baroness Uddin and Lord Paul off the hook.

The Penguin

New Spot The Liar Competition

This is a tricky one!

The Penguin

Hurrah - Enjoy Your Porridge, Mister Dizai!

Some excellent news for a change.

Hope this means he loses his pension as well.

The Penguin

British Jobs For British Workers, Prime Mentalist?

The scale of Jonah McDoom's useless mendacity is staggering. His sound-bite "British Jobs For British Workers" is nearly as good as "No More Boom and Bust", as it is revealed that in the last 2 years 1.3 MILLION National Insurance numbers have been handed out to foreigners.

It's enough to make a glass eye weep.

The Penguin

Nu LIebore, New Fake Tears?

"You'd cry too if your books were all being remaindered!"

What is it with all the heart-breaking emoting going on in front of the TV cameras all of a sudden?

Has some lunatic in the NuLiebore hierarchy issued onion-soaked hankies?

Personally I find it vomit-inducing! Lying thieving dishonest cunts the lot of them.

The Penguin

Above The Law? Better Fucking Not Be!!

Jim The Weepy Trough Pig - Pity the Wife!

If these trough pigs get away with "parliamentary privilege" when caught so fucking bang to rights that even the supine DPP thought they had best be charged with stealing from the public purse, then there will be riots.

The Penguin

What A Terrible Choice!

Not As Efficient As Doctor Shipman!

What the fuck could be worse than learning that Jonah McDoom, the Great Prime Mentalist, is coming to visit your place of work?

Perhaps calling for a doctor after 6pm and finding this cunt on your doorstep?

Don't get ill!

The Penguin

Saviour Of The World!

Happy Days

The Prime Mentalist seems to be in complete denial about the financial fuck-up his "No more Boom and Bust" management of the economy has produced.

Still, he saved the world, so that's all right, isn't it?

The Penguin

The Curse Of Jonah Has No Limits

Why the fuck does he not just stay in the bunker?

The Penguin