Friday, 1 May 2009

A Quick Shuffle, Gordon, And All Will Be Well!

"What Do You Mean, You Don't Want To Sit Near Gordon?"

Take heart, Jonah McBroon, dig deep in the dark well of your twisted soul and try and find a spark of courage! All you need to do is have a quick and decisive reshuffle of some of the amazing talent available to you in the NuLiebore Social Engineering Team, and the grateful electorate will flock to your banner again. (Or possibly for the first time, but never mind!)

Here's what I'd like you to do.

Jack Straw to NHS - he deserves a few months to make sure that Blackburn Hospital is deep cleaned and that the Care Homes in the area are inspected and not staffed by zealots who see knocking off OAPs as a key government target. Maybe Lord Taylor could help out with a few readies?

Ed Balls to the Foreign Office - you know you can rely on Blinky to give us all a laugh as he goes round being rude to foreigners when he's caught out in some lie or other. And he's got to be better than the banana.

David Millipede to Education - it obviously needs someone who is closer to the child (without any of Ed's peccadillos!) so the gurning 12 year old banana maniac should do very well.

Tom McNulty to Culture - in the forlorn hope that he might find some.

Andy Burnham to Justice - those robes and wigs need sorting out, and Eyeliner Andy's just the chap.

Tom Watson to the Home Office - they are used now to big troughers there, so Tommy Two Dinners will fit right in.

Hazel Blears to Defence - shrinking requirement, shrunken minister, a perfect fit.

Harman to Transport - she'll get a shock when she finds out that there is such a thing as public transport, and it will keep her busy and lessen her available plotting time.

Phil Woolas to the Exchequer - he's good with fiddled statistics.

Darling to DWP - give him a chance to sort out his pension.

Sion Simon to replace Mandy at Business - after all, he can't fuck it up worse than it is fucked up.

John Prescott to DEFRA - pigs need someone who really understands them.

Mandy - Minister for the TV and Radio propaganda. By God you need him.

So, I'll leave you to sort out the less important posts and less important people.

The Penguin


Oldrightie said...

Leave everybody where they are, Penny. The best demolition crew I've ever known since Bliar! Wonder how much their Iraqi debacle has cost, in dosh as well as armed forces' deaths?

The Penguin said...

I wasn't being entirely serious!

Old Bag said...

so where should that odious cunt jackboots go? (clean answers optional).

The Penguin said...

Bricktop's Pig Farm!

zontge said...

Has the cabinet always been so large?

You could halve them in number, roll back the State massively and insist people look after themselves more, and we'd all be better off.

Anonymous said...

id put milliband as minister for bananas.
(in zimbabwe).

Smith as porn promotion minister.
(in Kabul).

Ed in new post as minister for intergalactic affairs on Mir.