Washing His Dirty Linen In Public?

"Vote For My Sheets! Vote For My Pillow Cases!"

Fraser Kemp, Labour MP for somewhere or other up North has a one bedroomed flat in Pimlico, for which he needs two DVD players. Fair enough, he might well want to watch a recording of Bareback Mountain while he tends to his rissoles in the kitchen, before transfering his viewing pleasure to another room to partake of his vittals, or even to enjoy the unfolding human drama from the comfort of his bed.

But there seems to be a problem with his bed - or rather, his bedding, as over a 2 month period he had to buy (at the taxpayers' expense, naturally, after all he is an MP!) an extraordinary number of sheets and pillow cases.

Now, it also appears that he was having trouble with his new (taxpayer funded) washing machine, having to call out an engineer to show him how to use it, a fine example of taking RTFM-itis to the extreme - but of course, when you can claim it back, it makes perfect sense!

I don't like to speculate too closely on what was causing this terrible run on his bedding, if you'll excuse the phrase. I mean, to look at the gargoyle-like reptile he's hardly going to be doing much pulling.

So maybe the problem was a "digestive" problem? Could be all that rich troughing? Or maybe he'd been advised to lose some weight and was trying the Atkins diet? Or those weight loss pills, which I believe can lead to "anal leakage"?

Anyway, now his washing machine is functional (or the operator knows how to press the fucking right button!) we can assume he'll need less new bedding in the future.

Top marks for taking the expensive new TV back to Curry's once the Fees Office had bounced the claim, Mr. Kemp, after all you don't want to be out of (your own) pocket, now do you!

The Penguin