Tuesday, 7 September 2010

Another Candidate

Hey, I've Got A Really Cool Idea!"

Hard to feel much sympathy with the imbecile who after a night on the piss decided to suspend himself from a 5th floor balcony. Inevitably he fell, but luckily he killed himself, so we won't have to waste money keeping a paraplegic imbecile alive and cared for.

Sadly at 27 he's probably polluted the gene-pool already, but one can hope.

In fact, I'd put the prat forward for the Darwin awards - speaking of which here's a list of winners on that front which you may like to peruse.

8th Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.

7th Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who “totally zoned when he
ran”, accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

6th Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection
from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when
it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach
used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach
him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free
him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

5th Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
bicycle shop he was robbing. Death was caused when the long torch he had
placed in his mouth to keep his hands free, rammed into the base of his
skull as he hit the floor.

4th Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who
said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth
and pull the trigger.

3rd Place
After walking around a marked police patrol car parked at the front
door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the
store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was
standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber
announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The
officer and a clerk promptly returned fire and several customers also
drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene
by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge
cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.
Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at
a.m.So they lit a stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what
would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the
middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men
trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon arrival at the
midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee
rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out
that a coil of lineman’s cable lay nearby. They secured one end around
Bingham’s leg and then tied the other (!) to the bridge. His fall lasted
40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.
He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by
two nearby fishermen. Bingham’s foot was never located.

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his
constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel
of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got
relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to
give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast
The sheer force of the elephant’s unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the
elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves…. ’shit

The Penguin


The Filthy Engineer said...

I think my favourite there is the honorable mention. The Prats.

bofl said...

my favourite.......

Anonymous said...

thank you bofl, as the used to say


Oldrightie said...

A Pachyderm pooh prat?

Captain Haddock said...

My favourite has to be the Elephant ..

"Only the depth varies" ... ;)

Anonymous said...

Mine was the firearms store robbery! I laughed and laughed at that one.


Dick the Prick said...

I think I like the runner one most.

Anonymous said...

Not for cat lovers


Anonymous said...

snopes is your friend.

Dave said...

The gun store robbery is terricic. Wish there was a video clip. We Brits seem to specialise in falling of balconies.

Chalcedon said...


love those awards. the two prats in the car with the stick of dynamite......words just fail me. I think the female doctor who was found dead stuck up the chimney of her ex-boyfriend's place also should be in the top 10.

banned said...

Fav, 3rd place, gun store.