Cracking The Human Resources Code.

“COMPETITIVE SALARY”
Most of our competitors don't pay much either.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
You'll be here very late, very often -- might as well be comfortable.

"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"
Your first four projects are already way overdue.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Did we mention that you'll be here very late, very often? And most weekends.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED"
Female applicants must be childless.

"APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly, that position has already been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
This job listing is just a legal formality. The position was filled by
some executive's nephew.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
Due to consolidation, you'll be replacing three people.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
This company is a total mess.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have all the responsibilities of upper management, without the
pay, title or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Listen to management, figure out what they want, don't ask too many
questions and get the shit done.

Replicated by The Penguin

Hoon Of The Day

"Sir" Stuart Bell.

Unprecedented Cunt.

The Penguin

Just What The Fuck Was The Point?

I find it incredible that the fuckwits supposedly running the House of Commons bothered continuing with the fucking charade of publishing the censored expenses and allowances information. It has led to almost universal condemnation, and since the Telegraph has the full information and is publishing it, it is a completely useless excercise in trying to hide the truth.

In fact, it serves to highlight what the wankers want hidden.

I'm more inclined to the fuck-up theory than the conspiracy theory, but if you wanted to completely piss off the electorate so that they completely switched off from politics you could hardly have done a better job than this. Then you could sell out to the EUSSR with hardly a murmur.

The Penguin

The Ginger Chipmunk Survives (For Now)

Hardly Snow White - Two Witches And A Dwarf

In a wonderful display of fake democracy, the Salford Labour Party ignored the wishes of it's membership and had it's delegates vote to keep the Ginger Minger as their diminutive and diminished MP.

This pretty much ensures that there will not be a NuLiebore Member for Salford after the General Election, as the twisting little weasel Blears will be a wonderful vote loser. Disgusted of Salford will either vote for the BNP or stay at home, which is pretty close to the same thing.

In the meantime, the Chipmunk is damaged goods, a wonderfully easy target for the opposition parties. As some might say, Fucking Delicious!

The Penguin

Thin End Of The Wedge?

Call me a cynical old flightless bird if you must, but I am deeply suspicious of the decision to allow a criminal trial without a jury.

It may well be that it would be difficult or even, shock horror, costly! to properly protect a jury from being nobbled, but I don't think this is sending the right message to criminals or to potential witnesses or potential jurors.

Once this dangerous precedent has been set, I predict that there will be rather a lot of trials without the cost and inconvenience of juries. Followed by a lot of appeals about human rights.

More dosh for m'learned friends, the bastards.

The Penguin

One Of My Favourites

Wonderful voice, very brave and talented lady.

The Penguin

Chipmunk Day

Today it is either curtains or resurrection for the irritating Ginger Minger strangely beloved of Iain Dale, who can't even use the excuse that he fancies her.

Personally I'd like to see her exterminated, she's a dangerous little bitch who brazenly parroted whatever disgusting lies the NuLiebore hierarchy told her to, even when it was patently wrong, in order to try and advance her career.

Then she got in a strop over being caught taking advantage of her allowances and expenses, did a flouncy stomp-off but then spoilt the whole thing by trying to grovel over her regrets. Twisty little weasel, who the fuck could ever trust you again?

The Penguin

British Strikes For British Workers!

Good to see that Jonah's sure touch extends to industrial relations!

I wonder if he'll reprise his catch-phrase at this year's NuLiebore Wankfest?

Or maybe he'll come up with something new and catchy? "British Swine Flu for British Politicians!" has a nice ring t o it.

The Penguin

Gordon Already Under Fire From All Sides...

Jonah's attempts to have his cake and eat it are causing trouble, as predicted.

The Great Iraq War Brownwash is being openly criticised by Ed Balls, General Sir Richard Dannatt, Lords Butler and Hutton ( yeah, those cunts!) Uncle Tom Cobbly and all.

And here's the rub! If he U-turns, he looks even weaker and there will undoubtedly be a lot of embarrassing disclosures during the run up to the General Election - but if he doesn't, then he could face months of criticism and a backbench rebellion - and still have to do the U-turn!

I've sent out for extra popcorn.

The Penguin

Good Riddance! Fall From The House Of Ussher!

Another casualty of the greed and arrogance of our politicians, Kitty Ussher has resigned after a very short, possibly record, time as a minister in Jonah's "Government Of All The Talents".

Good.

Considering she looks like David Millipede in a wig, where has she hidden the banana?

The Penguin

My Name's Chaytor, It's Pronounced "Cheating Cunt".

These bastards really were taking the piss big time!

Labour MP David Cheating Cunt not only claimed for a mortgage he'd paid off, whilst shuffling his claims over a clutch of different properties, he was busy employing a cast of family and local Labour party apparatchiks.

Of course, this was completely above board, which is why he tried to hide the employment of his daughter by using a middle name as her surname, and there are interesting questions over some of the other invoices he used. Like the person who says they were nowt to do with him.

Still, it's good to know he'll trough at least another £100,000 or so by saving Jonah the little problem of another by-election.

The Penguin

Anyone Know What Sort Of Fish This Is?

This large fish caught my grandson's attention at Nausicaa, and I wonder if there is anyone who can identify it for him?

We did e-mail Nausicaa, but have not heard from them.

Thanks!

The Penguin

Hoon Of The Day

The Right Honourable Jim "Shelving" Devine MP

Discredited Cunt.

The Penguin

Self Righteous Trough Pig Just Doesn't Get It!

Brian Pig Face Binley, Trougher For Northampton South

This self satisfied trough pig has only been an MP since 2005, but he's obviously a fast learner as he decided to rent a flat owned by his own company and charge it to the tax-payer.

When the rules changed and he was told that this was no longer acceptable, he appealed to Speaker Martin, who took nearly 3 fucking years to turn down his appeal.

What did our little piggie do then? Did he say fair enough, and stop claiming?

Did he fuck as like, he moved out of his own flat into another flat, and claimed for that instead.

He should fuck right off, and if he won't then Cameron should sack him.

The Penguin

Gordon Brown, Such A Lovely Mover!

Frighteningly lifelike.

The Penguin

Chief Cuntstable A Fucking Disgrace

The behaviour of Avon and Somerset Chief Cuntstable Colin Porter shows a dangerous disregard for the law he is supposed to be upholding. He and his colleagues vindictive campaign to discredit an expert witness who is now acting against them in various cases connected to child pornography and computers is an absolute fucking disgrace, and has rightly been condemned in the High Court.

Typically though, when push came to shove, the cowardly cunt gave in rather than face going to jail for contempt of court.

The Penguin

What Little We Can Do, Let's Do!

Check out and let's try and help the Iranian protesters!

http://my-own-doubts.blogspot.com/2009/06/hacking-iranian-government.html

Flagged up by North Northwester.

The Penguin

Education, Education, Education - A Right Balls Up!

"Of course I have not dropped the ball, look!"

Some news stories around today about education.

1. According to figures from the Department for Children, Schools and Families, 10.3 per cent of school-leavers aged 16 to 18 were classed as Neets in 2008. This was up from 9.7 per cent in 2007 and 8.9 per cent a decade earlier.


2. Figures suggested 9.5 per cent of four- and five-year-olds missed out on their first choice primary school for September. A survey of local councils in England showed some 60,000 failed to get into their favoured reception class.

3. Ralph Tabberer, the Government's ex-director general of schools, said not enough emphasis had been placed on "scholarship, genuinely high quality study and its importance".

4. This was never going to be an easy year to win a place in higher education — there are more 18-year-olds than at any time for almost 20 years and more overseas applicants to compound the problem. But when the Government cut 5,000 places for this autumn, just as the recession was prompting record numbers of applications, a serious squeeze became inevitable.

No wonder Blinky wanted to slink away to number 11 Downing Strasse! The useless wanker is deep in the shit and knows it.

The Penguin

The Justice System Is Completely Broken

This grinning cunt is Baroness Scotland, she's the fucking Attorney General, chief law officer to the fucking government.

She has decided after weeks of dithering and dallying that there is no chance that the Court of Appeal would increase the ludicrously lenient sentences handed out to the cunts responsible for the torture and death of Peter Connolly. Why the fuck could she not let the fucking Court of Appeal make it's own fucking decision?

And on the same day it is reported that the chief cunting bastard responsible is appealing both his cases - murdering Peter and the anal rape of his 2 year old sister - and the sentences.

That's got to be on legal fucking aid, the piss-taking cunt. How can that be allowed?

The Penguin

Hoon Of The Day

Lord "PowderJect" Drayson.

Corrupt Cunt.

The Penguin

Spot The Sore Loser?

Lord Rogers of Carbuncles, creator of monstrosities around the globe, is miffed because his latest architectural atrocity has been prevented.

He blames undue influence and back stabbing by Prince Charles.

"It's just so unfair. It's knocked the stuffing out of the whole design team, they are suicidal and it's all the fault of an unelected Prince. "

I'm not sure who elected Lord Rogers, but you can bet the poor cunt has already trousered his fees even if the buildings don't get built.

The Penguin

Crop Circles

Aliens with intelligence far beyond our own and who have mastered technologies that enable them to traverse interstellar voids choose to spend their free time making strange patterns in crops in England.

Right!

So you mean it's not really folk with a strange sense of humour and a disregard for farmers?

The Penguin

Heroic Police In Dramatic Arrest?

Looks more like cowardly police brutality to me.

Another whitewash is ordered.

The Penguin

Now That's What I Call An Illegal Protest!

They know more about democracy in Iran than we do in the UK.

And they know when they have been lied to. Can you imagine the voters of Glenrotten taking to the streets like this over their stolen byelection?

The Penguin

Jonah Announces Brownwash Over Iraq

"We will not set out to apportion blame or find criminal or civil responsibility."

So, everything is to be looked at in secret and then put quietly away again. I'm sure the relatives and friends of all those killed will be just so relieved and re-assured by this.

Another monumental blunder from the Prime Mentalist.

The Penguin