Wednesday, 3 December 2008

Meanwhile, At The Job Centre, A Pie Maker


McBROON THE PIE-MAKER DOWN AT THE JOBCENTREPLUS

Customer Service Assistant “Ah, Mr. McBroon, if you’ll take a seat. I have a few questions here about the information you have given us.”
McBroon “Grunt”
CSA “It says here that you were busy leading the world in Pie making for 60 consecutive quarters. Could you explain what that means?”
McBroon “It means Hard Working Pies for Hard Working Families!”
CSA “I’m sorry, I don’t understand?”
McBroon “British Pies for British Workers! Pies for Hard-Working Families! No Time for Novice Pies! Best Long Term Pies for the Country! A Global Pie Problem From America! No More Boom and Pie Crust!”
CSA “If you don’t calm down I’ll have security remove you from these offices, we do not allow our staff to be abused or shouted at, Mr. McBroon.”
McBroon “Pie Production Statistics are up again.”
CSA “Are you feeling well, Mr. McBroon, you’ve gone very red in the face?”
McBroon “It’s those bastard English toffs at the Chipper, they’ve stolen my customers, line caught sole and double fried chips indeed. All my hard work from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed, making Pies for Hard Pressed Families and Lifting Children into Pie Making, all gone for nothing.”
CSA “So your business went into liquidation, leaving a huge pile of debts and a warehouse full of toxic sub-prime Pies, isn’t that the case?”
McBroon “It was the previous proprietor’s fault, not mine. I chewed my fingers to the bones trying to ensure that everyone relied on my Pies, and then the ungrateful bastards took their business down to the Cheeky Chaps Chipper, leaving me with nothing.”
CSA “That’s not what it says in our files, Mr. McBroon. We have here warnings about VAT fraud, threats of closure from the Trading Standards over dubious Pie fillings and misleading packaging, and a whole series of complaints from staff over bullying and mistreatment. And there’s the matter of all the National Insurance Stamps and the Income Tax Contributions outstanding since you took over the Pie Shop. I think we are going to have to instigate proceedings against you for trading whilst insolvent and for defrauding HMRC. I’m sure the authorities will be in touch soon. Sorry we can’t help you, Mr. McBroon, it appears that you are simply unfit for any job. Good bye.”

The Penguin

5 comments:

Kilvert said...

No doubt when he returns to JobCentrePlus in two weeks time as required even though not getting any Job Seekers Allowance, he'll be required to take their new Lie Detector Test to ensure he's not making a fraudulent claim.

microdave said...

Shouldn't that be a Neu Liabour Detector Test?

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

I've went right off pies. Particularly scotch pies.

I'm NOT Aussie Pete! said...

FuckMcStain will go straight into the HoL.

His core ability is destroying economies. If Mugabe dies, he is the best qualified to help hard working families in Southern Rhodesia.

If Mugabe does not die, we are stuck with Brown.

Either way, we lose.

Mrs Smallprint said...

Obesity rate hits new high, experts blame nation fed soley on McBroon's pies which contain high levels of Bull.