Saturday, 11 August 2012

We're Very Sorry This Has Fucked My Career


Commander Neil Snafu of Scotland Yard has apologised for the failure of his officers to discover the dead body of 12-year old Tia Sharp in the house her 46 year-old grandmother Christine Sharp shared with a 37 year old criminal who had previously been shacked up with the child's mother, 30 year old Natalie Sharp, for more than a week after the girl was declared officially missing.

"We just could not take it seriously at first, " Commander Snafu confessed. "We thought it was something made up off of Jeremy Kyle, or out of the Daily Shite. I mean, look at the so-called family! We were gob-smacked that the missing girl wasn't pregnant herself, and were expecting her to pop up on Big Brother or My Big Fat Family With No Weddings or something. Eventually one of the neighbours started banging on about a nasty smell, and we found a body. I really want to apologise to my family, because this has totally fucked my career and the chances are they will be putting up with seeing a lot more of me while I'm on gardening leave waiting to retire early on  the sick. Luckily I'll keep the pension!"

The Penguin


5 comments:

Oldrightie said...

He had to be sure it wasn't the usual Asian rings involved.

banned said...

As you suggest the Police were probably kept too busy compiling a whiteboard graphic detailing who was related to who and which members of the 'family' had been, or still were, fucking each other before getting on with some old fashioned Coppering like finding a body in a small council house..

Anonymous said...

Commander Neil Snafu
Got the right name, "situation normal all F***** up. Probable relations TARFU, and FUBAR?

Anonymous said...

Snafu of the yard - couldn't make it up

Anonymous said...

You can bet climbed the ladder of promotion by ticking all the right PC [no pun] boxes.