Tuesday, 20 October 2009

£100,000 A Year! Fucking Asda Will Send A Wreath!


This fat bugger is costing the taxpayer around (!) £100,000 a year and gets through 20,000 calories a day. He weighs 70 fucking stone.

Some poor bastards on a minimum wage have to wipe his fat arse when he shits himself.

Now there are suggestions that a fucking Chinook - remember them, our troops in Afghanistan are a bit short of them, apparently! - should be used to airlift the bloated bloke to Chichester, because it seems that no doctors in Suffolk can wire his fucking jaw up and stop him stuffing himself.

You can't get that fat overnight, and I doubt if he could have afforded all that food on a postie's packet. So how the fuck did this happen?

The Penguin

15 comments:

Screech said...

careful now, did you know that some of our porcine friends are trying to get a law together now that makes taking the piss out of lard-arses a hate crime? Jesus fucking wept, where the fuck is this country heading?

salfordian said...

hes just a fat sweaty lazy arsed twat...

winston smith said...

sadly screech its heading to who fucking knows where ! .

winston smith said...

oooooo salfordian you fatist . 10 years hard l----r for you !!!! lol. seriously this just beggars belief

microdave said...

@Screech - I'm sure I read the other day that a law like that already exists in California....

Fidothedog said...

You ask where he got the money from on a posties wage, well I am sure that many a parcel vanished on his round.

Not saying it was him but I bet the trail of torn paper an breadcrumbs would have led to his front door.

After all you don't think all those idiots who get the free envelopes to post their gold off will ever see the gold or money again?

Pat said...

Wire his jaw together? Why? Just make him walk to the shops on his own- if he can do that he doesn't need help, and if he can't then he'll lose weight without his jaws being wired.

panavia999 said...

Why does he need to be airlifted? What's wrong with the train?

Dark Lochnagar said...

20,000 calories, fuck me I eat that when I'm on a diet!

Leg-iron said...

Oh, not you too. I've already told Salty to stay off Obnoxio's webcam feed. It's not nice.

Microdave, it's true. You can't shout 'Oi, Tubbs' in California or the Governator will get you.

Fidothedog - I'll bet they'll find some of those lost parcels if they lift a fold or two. They might even find his delivery van.

panavia999 - he exceeds British loading gauge and the weight limits for viaducts. Also he's to wide to get throught the stations on the way.

I know, I shouldn't take the piss out of someone just for being bigger than average and normally I don't. This one is bigger than bigger than average and has done it on a huge wad of taxpayer's cash. If he'd spent his own money he could get as big as Pluto and I'd say good luck to him. Since I part-paid for his bulk I feel entitled to get back at least a joke or two at his expense.

Fair trade and all that.

Perhaps a few more...

I wonder if he gets a grant for being a carbon sink? Can we bury him and stay within EU landfill limits? How long would he keep a power station going? If he was buried at sea, how many tsunami warnings would need to be issued? Where will they get sixteen Arnold Schwarzeneggers to act as pall bearers? If you throw something at him and miss, does it go into orbit? Is that a T-shirt or an event horizon?

Okay. I'm done. Money well spent, I'd say.

Kinderling said...

At what point did he make his carer's guilty for giving? There's got to be a momma too sick to cope somewhere. Oh, it's The State.

banned said...

Give me the needle and wire, I'll go round to his place and sew his gob up myself.

Blind Pugh said...

Render the fat disgusting blubbery cunt down for bio-fuel. There should be enough oil extracted from the lardy-arse to meet our energy needs into the next millennium.

panavia999 said...

Greetings from California, not far from San Francisco. I wasn't thinking passenger train, I was thinking of a freight train. Same thing with hauling him in a delivery truck/van.
Incidentally, here in California it's true that the residents of the coastal region are generally liberal and too politically correct. But the inland residents are much more conservative in their thinking. You drive 50 miles inland and it's a different place. :-)

Chubby Chaser (easy to catch) said...

As a rotund person once said to me:

'That's fatist!'

I replied:

'No, you're fatist, you lard-guzzling dickhead'

I did not get a shag.