The Great Gurner

Why on earth does anyone still think – if they ever did! – that Gordon Brown is fit to run a whelk stall, let alone the country and its economy?

This is, after all, the Prudent Chancellor who flogged off our gold reserves at such a price as to effectively lose more money than the ERM fiasco he so often uses to criticise the Conservatives (even though the dishonest bastard was all in favour of the ERM at the time).

Despite the advice of his officials he fucked over all the private pensions while ensuring that his own pension and those of his “client state” public servants are safe and secure.

He stealthily raised over 30 taxes, and has not run a balance budget since 2002. His was the 10p tax rate fuck up which he insisted for months was not going to hurt anyone in the teeth of the evidence to the contrary.

How many times did the delusional twat declare that there would be no more boom and bust?

How many times did he proclaim that he would not let house prices get out of control?

If the world markets believed in Gordon Brown’s competence, then why has sterling lost 30% of it’s value against the dollar in the last few months? And why is the Footsie 15% lower than it was when he became Chancellor?

Who was responsible for dismantling a perfectly good system of financial regulation and replacing it with the useless FSA at enormous cost – just look at the fucking salaries those wankers pull down for not doing a good job – and leading directly to the banking crisis we are so enjoying? No use saying it is all the fault of the Americans, our banks over-extended themselves under his useless regulatory system. The sub-prime mortgages are just a part of the problem.

Who has fiddled the figures time and time again? – no-one believes the inflation figures he trots out, or the debt figures, or any other figures he bangs on about.

Who excluded housing costs from inflation measures, thus forcing the Bank of England to keep interest rates low and leading to a massive credit splurge in the private sector?

Whose malign influence has left the armed forces so short of kit that the Army in Afghanistan and Iraq are called “The Borrowers” by the Americans? Who stripped money from budgets for prison building so that we now have to let criminals out early in order to have cells to put fresh criminals in? Who oversaw massive influxes of money into the NHS and Education without a proper plan to ensure that the money would be well spent, not thrown away on more layers of management and management consultants and daft unworkable IT systems?

Whose crappy “Tax Credit” system is so complicated and so expensive to administer that neither claimants or staff have a clue what they are due or doing?


That’s right, it was our very own snot gobbling son of the manse, with his moral compass and his vast experience of not much at all except tribal student politics and blagging his way into parties with a few empty tinnies and a brick.

The Penguin