Stevie Rissole was unable to fly to Fatsville, Idaho because he was too fucking fat to get through the door of the Jumbo Jet. Weighing in at just 52 stone Mr Rissole wanted to attend the death-bed of a relative who was soon to croak from high blood pressure and general obesity-related heart problems. The problem was that Mr Rissole was a lot bigger than the door, and that flying him in the cargo bay would have meant he would have frozen to death. The airline gave him a full refund, which he promptly spent in BurgerKing on having a snack to comfort himself.
This has naturally outraged the Human Rights fraternity. Tom FryUp, spokesman from the National Obesity Forum, said: "The overweight passenger should really be offered the next flight which has double doors available, or be upgraded to a wider aircraft.
"This is what happens in the States and I don't think it will be long before it happens here."
The Penguin
Should have opted for an A380!
ReplyDeleteDHL cargo plane?
ReplyDelete"Should have opted for an A380!"
ReplyDeletePut enough fat bastards like him in one of them, and even four RR Trent 900's won't get it into the air!
Let the lazy f***er charter the Antonov 225. They can just push him over, and roll him up the cargo ramp...
it is possible to be huge without eating, if you have a disease of the lymphatic system, you just fill up with fluid
ReplyDeleteRyanair to announce they'll weigh you plus hang luggage in 3.2.1.
ReplyDelete"The problem was that Mr Rissole was a lot bigger than the door, and that flying him in the cargo bay would have meant he would have frozen to death."
ReplyDeleteAnimals seem to manage. People hiding in the undercarriage do too. Occasionally.
The incident is awash with excuse making.
He wasn't told he was too fat to fly. He was told he would have to buy a second ticket and go on another flight, taking up two seats but remaining within the flight regulations.(So that there is an armrest either side of him)
He should have taken responsibility for asking if his size would be an issue beforehand.
The flight company doesn't *have* to ask people for their dimensions they could put on their website and print on every ticket how wide a seat is with the armrests down.
Perhaps the metal detectors at the airport should be made the same width as the seats...
Should have flown on Thomsom Air - even I can't fit in the fucking seat....
ReplyDelete"it is possible to be huge without eating, if you have a disease of the lymphatic system, you just fill up with fluid"
ReplyDeleteFair comment, but you don't see many Americans JUST filling up with fluids - it's always Big Macs, double fries, huge steaks etc, and washed down with ginormous Ice Cream Milkshakes...
We're right behind the septics, having taken McFuckingDonalds on board big time. I see more obese kids than enough - when I was a kid there was maybe one poor fat bastard in the school, village etc. and they had the pissed ripped out of them. Now it's such a target rich environment I doubt if the kids bother. And some of the grossly fat are beyond belief.
ReplyDeleteJesus !! ..
ReplyDeleteThe internal layout of the "Herc" has certainly changed since the last time I had the "pleasure" of flying in one ...
That fat-knacker should have been allocated his own "air-drop" pallet, at the very least ..
I suppose he bought his ticket on line then lumbered to the gate with electronic checkin. What does the fat man expect - that the airlines ask the girth of every customer and then advise? He's the fellow who is super sized - didn't it occur to him to mention to the airlines that he was extra Extra EXTRA large? Didn't it occur to him that he might need to buy two seats?
ReplyDeleteI have no problem with the way the airline handled the situation.
PS: I am fat too, so I'm not some skinny person picking on the overweight.
I don't fly economy any more - it's PE or Business. That's because I am large.
ReplyDeleteWhy don't these cunts do the same, or book two seats to accommodate their sweaty, greasy pigbags of goo? You fat shit, get your dimpled fucking arm out of my way. I don't want to smell your ketones when your dirty carcass starts to disintegrate because it hasn't had its quota of lard.
Oh, I'm 6'2" and weigh 14 stone - my spare tyre is 1". I could lose five stone if I went to a concentration camp but it won't give me any more legroom :-)
Pig.
Don't fly with Emirates then. Last time I flew with them I had an injured left shoulder so I asked for an aisle seat what I gor was a fat fucker sat on my lefr for 8 hours and was that obese he couldn't sit with arm rest lowered. I asked the trolly dolly to be moved or better still move fat fucker but the plane was full.
ReplyDeleteWhen I complained to the (bankrupt)airline they said fuck off stating that they would not compromise "aircraft safety" and will not guarantee you all of your seat in cattle class, asl them if you don't belive me. This had nothing to do with aircraft safety but everything to do with a fat twat who should have bought 2 seats.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteSneak some eyedrops into his drink, that'll get rid of the freak :-)
Sainsbury's and Tesco's are planning to create "Fat" parking spaces at their supermarkets.
ReplyDelete"The “comfort zones” will give fat people extra space to get out of their cars without hitting the one next to them."
http://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/view/140692/Supermarkets-to-create-fat-bays-parking-spaces-/
I give up....
The government could sort out our energy supply problem by commissioning some power stations which are fuelled by obese bastards being burnt.
ReplyDeleteSoylent Green
ReplyDeleteThose "Fat parking spaces" should be at the back of the car park to make them burn some calories walking to the store.
ReplyDeleteSoylent Green from fat people wouldn't be very healthy.
ACO
ReplyDeleteSoylent Green for the pigs
What do you have against pigs? :)
ReplyDeleteDid anyone notice when he appeared on the BBC to be interviewed,as he walked [sic] in to his place of residence, there were England flags draped from the houses opposite.
ReplyDeleteWhy doesn't he go home to scotland? Bet he costs more than an M.P. to feed.
Bastard!
Anon@13:17
ReplyDeleteWho are you talking about?
Gordon Brown?
@MicroDave
ReplyDeleteSainsbury's and Tesco's are planning to create "Fat" parking spaces at their supermarkets.
Preferably closer to the Fruit and Vegetables section than to the Biscuit aisle!