Sack The Woman, She's Fucking Useless!

"And this is my Ted Heath impression!"

I'm sure I read somewhere that The Great Leader (Unelected), Saviour Of The World (Unrecognised) and Bogey Chomper (You Tube Champion) Gordon McBroon had hired at our expense some bint from the BBC to stop him from visual gaffes.

She's just not earning the money!

There's a budget shortfall, you fucking Scottish Cunt, make a start by sacking this useless woman.

The Penguin

Goodbye, Global Warming. I Expect The Green Taxes To Stay!

An Inconvenient Fat Cunt

Seems like the gravy train for the man made climate change lot is running out of track.

Never believed any of it really, the Sun is all powerful in terms of weather here on Earth, and there have been changes before. When I was a nipper it was all doom and gloom and New Ice Age...and in 62 / 63 you could have believed it!

The Penguin

Falling Corporation and Income Tax Takes? Never Mind...

A Tax Collector At Work

Just increase the stealth taxes on motorists by dropping speed limits so as to criminalise and fine even more drivers.

If fucking speed cameras were anything to do with road safety rather than with revenue collection and oppression I'd be in favour, but they are quite obviously just money making on the quiet for the state.

If they were concerned with road safety they would not have cut the numbers of traffic cops as the numbers of motorists grew. Bloody speed cameras can't collar dangerous drivers.

The Penguin

Oh Dear, The Plod Think The Public Don't Appreciate Them!

From The Times.

"Paul McKeever, chairman of the Police Federation, said that much of the criticism by politicians and media commentators was inaccurate, ill informed and ignorant.

Mr McKeever, a Metropolitan Police sergeant with experience of riot situations, said that officers faced “real provocation” at the protests on April 1.

“A lot of that is based on people taking ill-informed positions. Demonstrations like that are extremely difficult to police and a lot of the criticism has been very unfair. There is a broad-ranging bandwagon rolling and it is of concern. There seems to be a disconnection between commentators in the media and the public, and what it is that police officers do.”"

Right! So what's your excuse for the incidents that have come to light despite you and your colleagues best efforts to hide them? What about that pathologist on the first post-mortem for Ian Tomlinson? How do you excuse the way your lot of thugs laid into the Countryside Alliance demonstrators - hardly a rabid mob? Why are you all so anti-camera? Why can members of the TSG defy the courts and refuse to give evidence? Why have so many people died in police custody and no copper is ever prosecuted? Why are your top brass coining it as shareholders and executives in ACPO Limited?

The Penguin

Ten Square Miles, Speaker Martin's Little Trough Of Gold

"It's all within the rules, and guess who decides what they are?"

Speaker Martin, the most useless Speaker in living memory, obviously is a superb constituency MP despite all the foreign junkets and the amount of time he spends at Westminster in his expensively refurbished apartments whilst his wife uses taxis to get in the orange juice and porridge oats for passing dignitaries to enjoy.

His Glasgow base is just 10 square miles, which means it is 3.16 miles by 3.16 miles. What I recollect of mathematics suggests that if this were a rectangle of any description (ie the sides could be anything as long as they added up to 6.32 miles, then the diagonal is the longest distance within that area, at 4.47 miles ( correct me if I'm wrong!).

His mileage claim amounts to 600 miles per month in that area. Let's be generous and assume he is there for 33% of the month, slaving away to make life better for the poor proles who live there. So, 600 miles in 11 days, or an average of 54.55 miles per day, when the maximum distance (as the crow flies) can only be 4.47 miles. Thats end to end (as it were) every fucking day over 12 trips. No wonder the cunt needs so many holidays, he must be fucking fucked.

Of course, the alternative view is that the fat cunt is taking the fucking piss, and the useless system lets him get away with it.

I know which I believe.

The Penguin

Want A Visa? Just Phone Abu Dhabi And Ask For Phil!

I think there's been a Kebab or twenty too many, Jacqui!

Britains borders are secure, according to Phil "Custard Pie" Woolas. No-one else seems to think so, apart from Two Homes Economic Secretary Jacqui Fat Lodger Smith, the Kebab and Porn Loving MP for Backbedroom-on-the Fiddle.

Pakistani students wanting to study in Britain who are deemed a risk may only be interviewed over the phone. The Home Office has revealed a final decision on any visa application from Pakistan is now being dealt with by officials in Abu Dhabi, in the United Arab Emirates.

Since almost all of the terror plots in Britain have involved Pakistanis, I'm sure that this is perfectly fine. And my grandfather was a banana.

The Penguin

"Blimey, They Are Really Hitting Each Other!"

Boys will be boys - but girls get to play at this as well. This is the 2006 Championship Final of the Lancaster's Armourie Full Contact Medieval Sword Fighting Tournaments. Lord Hugh Despencer versus Sir John of Winchester.

The Penguin

Hoon Of The Day

"Don't worry dear, it's only an old cunt!"

Michael Winner.

Arrogant Cunt.

The Penguin

Achtung! Spitfire!!

The ultimate boy's toy? Fantastic!

The Penguin

Education Education Education

"Oy! Mister!! Stop touching my arse!!!"

Completely fucked up despite all the money "invested" over the last 12 years by the Righteous (who make sure their children don't have to go to failing State schools, the fucking hypocrites!)

The research by the Institute for Fiscal Studies can't just be ignored or derided by the government. The IFS is world renowned and independent, and the numbers involved make it a powerful indictment of serial failure.

So weak, Mr. Balls!

The Penguin

Caption Competition

Penrith Is The Place To Catch A Train!!!!!!!!

Don't have anything like that on offer in Wellingborough!

The Penguin

Wow! Please Increase My Council Tax (Police Precept) Immediately!!

It makes you glad to be a taxpayer, seeing how well the Metropolitan Police Farce use their precious and expensive resources for the protection of the people, of property, the prevention of crime and the apprehension of the criminal.

To serve an enforcement notice on a take-away restaurant they needed nearly as many fucking plods as to get the Home Secretary a kebab!!!

The Penguin

Do Different Laws Apply?

Spot the difference!

A Scotland Yard spokeswoman said the demonstration had been granted permission retrospectively after five days of illegal protest. She said: "The reason we allowed the demonstration was because it has been so peaceful. Dispersing the crowd would have been an inappropriate use of force."

Video footage and photographs showed Mr Tomlinson, who was not a protester, being harassed by police dogs, struck by a masked officer and shoved to the ground minutes before he collapsed and died on April 1.

Is it because they are black?

The Penguin

Flightless Bird Innocent Victim of Smear

"Proper Fucked"

It's getting to be a Dog Eat Flightless Bird scenario.

You go away for a few days R&R, and when you come back you find that you've been most vilely smeared.

I must protest my innocence - any resemblance to Brad Pitt is miniscule, probably due to dusk falling, aided and abetted by poor visibility through the eyeholes in the mask. Beer goggles are unlikely, as most of the beer dribbled down his chin because the mouth-piece in the mask is unsuited to drinking without a straw, and no straws were available.

I shall be consulting m'learned friends in due course.

The Penguin

Timney Of The Week

"I'm good value for money, because I'm the three wise monkeys
rolled into one fat cunt!"

Has to be Labour General Secretary Ray "Blind Wanker" Collins, who went to a meeting at Charlie "The Victim" Whelan's office to chair a discussion about setting up the Red Rag Smear-site with McPoison, Dripper, Whelan, and some other patsy from Unite! but seems not to have know what the fuck it was all about.

Typical Labour Party Official.

After all, Mrs. Jack Harman was Labour Party Treasurer, but failed to notice millions of pounds of loans arriving in the bank account, or that his husband Harriet was accepting dodgy donations.

The Penguin

Hoon Of The Day

"My underpants are not as clean as they used to be!"

Jeremy "Underpants" Paxman, who is "donating his brain to science." Shame science has to wait until he dies.

Vain Cunt.

The Penguin

The BBC Wastes My Money - And Their Excuses Are Crap

Smug Overpaid Cunt

The BBC spends over £100,000 a year running two chauffeur driven cars to collect it's two head wankers from the station rather than have them sullied by contact with the general public who pay their obscene wages.

Bearing in mind that some of the general public might recognise them and want to engage them in a discussion about the licence fee, Jonathan Ross's wedge, left-wing bias, rubbish programmes, commercial advantage, and so on, one can understand how these tossers might wish to avoid the great unwashed.

But the crap excuse given by the BBC spokesweasel is seriously poor.
" A spokesman said: ‘Mark Thompson and Mark Byford do not have cars drive them to work from their homes, which are outside London. They take the train and are collected from the station.

‘They are working on the train and continue to work in the car. As the most senior figures in a global media organisation, the confidential or sensitive nature of some of their phonecalls or communication mean it would not be possible for them to take public transport or taxis.’ "

So the train is not public transport? Or do they have a carriage to themselves, which we pay for?

Cunts.

The Penguin

Where's Dennis?

Any one know? I'm going to miss his erudite and beautifully crafted writing.....

The Penguin

I'm Too Busy To Make Any Statement Claims Jacqui

Just forcing another kebab down.

Jacqui The Fat Lodger Smith, our much complimented Two Homes Economic Secretary was too busy to make any statement concerning her involvement in the ludicrous Whitehall Farce (also know as Greengate, or Quickgate, or Leakgate) and the stupidity of involving Inspector Knacker in investigating embarrassing leaks from her department.

She can expect an interesting time when the 646 holiday-happy trough-pigs get back to work, as some of them may have noticed the public outrage over such things as police brutality ( a Home Office responsibility), out-of-control immigration ( a Home Office responsibility), and fiddled expenses ( a Second Home Secretary responsibility in her own case).

The Penguin

Demonstrators Fucking Asking For It Says Chief Cunstable Knacker

"Do You Want Some?"

Chief Cunstable Knacker, outgoing president of the Association of Chief Police Officers LIMITED, declares that the G20 was policed "proportionately" and that any lessons to be learned should be learned by the public and the demonstrators.

"If the public want to put themselves at risk of police brutality and get a good kicking and some death-inducing internal haemorrhages, well that's fine, we are well up for it," said Knacker, "I mean, wearing a fucking Millwall supporters top in broad daylight, it's a severe provocation and we'll deal with it severely.

We are well equipped to deal with this sort of thing. We've got tame pathologists, selectively working CCTV, plants in the media, and a complete twat as Home Secretary. So don't come bleating to me if anyone you know dies in police custody or at a demonstration."

The Penguin

Ed Balls Cover Story Is Going To Be Shredded

"Oh Fuck, I thought he'd gone back to Australia!"

It seems that the Australian blamed by Ed Balls for the SATS marking fiasco is unwilling to shoulder all the blame, and is pissed off that Blinky has dumped on him.

So we can expect an interesting hearing of the Education Select Committee when Ken Mason gets his chance to appear before them - up to now he has been prevented from speaking out as he was "suspended" by Blinky rather than accepting his resignation.

Interesting times for Ed, who is also being fingered as being extremely close to disgraced Damian McBride. Ah well, hitch your fortunes closely to the Jonah....

The Penguin

Maybe It Wasn't Anton?

Every picture tells a story.......

The Penguin

More Justice For Criminals?

"Speak Up, I'm Deaf In That Ear!"

Amongstthe plethora of news I noticed this horrid story.

When is the Slippery Weasel going to get a grip and realise that his job is not mollycoddling criminals?

Useless corrupt self-serving little wanker.

The Penguin

Safely Back - And What A Weekend To Miss!!!

I really did pick a humdinger of a weekend to step away from the computer, didn't I?

Still, plenty to attack tomorrow, refreshed by time spent in the company of friends having a surreal weekend with Saxons, Templars, various Medieval households and retinues, the 1st Battalion of the 95th Rifle Regiment, Horses Impossible, Optical Peter, The Bearded Dwarf, The Gingerbread Lady, Bernie the Bolt, and many other wondrous and unusual folk. Lots of beer was drunk, purely for medicinal reasons.

And I have decided that never again will I try and sleep in the little blue "2-person" tent. For lesser forays such as this which do not warrant the hassle of the big green "9-person" monster, I shall have to find an better bigger tent. Then I shall not have the "wicking" problem of having my head and feet in contact with the inner wall....

Nice to be home.

The Penguin