Monday, 30 April 2012

Drought Ruins Badminton Horse Trials

The drought has buggered up the horse trials.
"The recent exceptional drought has left the ground at Badminton totally waterlogged and partially flooded," Badminton director Hugh Thomas said. "Further drought is due this week, leaving no chance of the ground drying out."

Meanwhile, in other areas such as York, the drought is causing some local difficulties, and apparently some poor bugger died when he drowned in a drought-filled ford in Hampshire.

The twats at the DEA are still claiming their vast salaries, so that's all right for some.

The Penguin

Friday, 27 April 2012

Sick Note For Moran

Dear Jim,

Bet you wished you'd taken my advice and copped a sickie,

Best wishes

PS Pass my best on to Elliot, Eric, and David!!

(So much for Justice - The Penguin)

Thursday, 26 April 2012

Monday, 23 April 2012

Drought Bollocks

"It's the wrong sort of rain, we need rain that only falls on reservoirs..."

We've all experienced the heavy rainfall, storms, hail, cloudbursts, and so on over the past few weeks. Chelsea versus Barcelona at Stamford Bridge you could barely see across the pitch the other night. Apparently a whole April's worth of rain has fallen in the last 72 hours. Down at the allotment it's alike the fucking Somme.

Yet what are the "authorities" claiming?

"Environment Agency head of water resources Trevor Bishop said: “It will take more than two weeks’ rain to undo effects of two years’ below-average rainfall. Soil is dry so most rain is soaked up used up by plants, evaporates or runs off, causing flash floods. Rain won’t soak down to top up groundwater, which is what we really need.”

Makes you wonder how many moons circle his fucking planet.

The Penguin

Friday, 20 April 2012

Making Friends And Influencing People

"Maybe he's just covered in smoke, Sarge?"

Covering themselves in glory, the Met Police Farce continues to make friends and influence people on a daily basis.

Not content with having over-hyped-up racist thugs acting in ways that completely break their very own rules (by their own admission in court!) and are a fucking travesty of what police work should be about, the corrupt cunts then insist on prosecuting the victim of their abuse. Despite the "best efforts" of the ever-wonderful CPS the victim is found to be innocent, and after the case is taken up by the main-stream media senior management of the Farce are forced to belatedly adopt their own procedures and refer the situation to the IPCC to be whitewashed in the usual fashion.

At this rate there'll be a knighthood for the cunt in charge.

The Penguin

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

The Weasel Has Shit On His Fur

Bloody excellent news - Jack "The Weasel" Straw is being dragged into the courts to answer for his weaselly ways over rendition.

It appears his saintly boss has conveniently forgotten all about anything, so won't be much use even as a character witness...

The Penguin

Friday, 13 April 2012

We're Just There For The Money, Fuck The People!

"Look, you numpties," explained Formula One Commercial Rights Godfather Bernie Ecclestone, "we don't give a fucking toss about the politics, the politicians, or the fucking people. We're not into human fucking rights, only commercial rights, got it? And the cunts in Bahrein aren't no worse than the cunts in Peking burning fucking Tibetan monks alive, so stop fucking going on about a few peasants getting topped for going all mouthy. We're just there to make loads of money from the TV rights, never mind anyone else's rights. So stop bothering me with minor fucking details. Did I ever tell you how much my fucking wife spent on shoes?"

The Penguin

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Caption Contest - Tears Of A Newt Edition

Come on, give it your best shots!!

The Penguin

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Assad Still In Line For Nobel Peace Prize, Says Kofi Annan

Evil Dictator and Useless Twat - can you tell them apart?

Despite continuing to deploy his army against his own citizens, even those who have had the sense to bugger off to other countries, President Assad (from the family firm, Assad and Sons, Dictators) of Syria is still the tyrant of choice when it comes to daft old Kofi Annan's vote on the next Nobel Peace Prize.

One of the enduring mysteries of the last hundred years or so, Kofi Annan continues to amaze the world with his absolute fucking uselessness whilst still drawing that gold-plated pension from the UN, where he presided over a myriad of colossal successes such as ending maleria and eradicating the caste system in India. Oh, and saving the whales, reversing global warming, turning all Kalshikovs into forks and spades, and making racism a thing of the past.

Fuck me, there's another flying pig!

The Penguin

Saturday, 7 April 2012

No Wonder Plod Has No Friends

"Keep searching, bound to be a Kalashnikov here somewhere..."

Just for a moment ignoring all the justified shit being poured over the police farce generally and the Met in particular about racism, failure to investigate their chums in the media of phone-hacking, tipping off their chums in the media about investigations, general racism and corruption, shooting people and getting away with it, and so on, here's a wonderful story which perfectly illustrates why Plod has no friends whatsoever in the community any more.

A couple take their little girl camping. She has a heart attack and the ambulance is called. The poor mite dies shortly after arrival at hospital.

Fucking plod arrest the parents and spent all day questioning them before the results of the post-mortem arrive and they are released without charge.

Softly, softly, move along, nothing to see here....

The Penguin