Sunday, 29 January 2012

Coining It - Could Hester Replace Hoon?

Look, an animal with a cunt on it's back!

No matter the spelling, we all know a Hoon when we smell one. However, it seems that there's a new contender in town, all pinkly smug-faced and getting obscenely rich at the tax-payer's expense for presiding over the moribund corpse of the 83% publicly-owed Bank Of Goodwin, where apart from sacking a lot of junior staff they have forgotten how to lend to businesses.

So, could we soon find that Huhne, Hoon, and Hester are interchangeable when we want to politely call some cunt a cunt?

Oh, and it seems from some reports in our wonderfully reliable mainstream media that poor Hester doesn't like the photograph of himself in his hunting togs. Can't think why, he looks liked a pig-in-a-suit in every photograph...

The Penguin

Friday, 27 January 2012

Please, Don't Pay Cash Says "Gobbler" Hartnett

Laughing All The Way To The Demi-Tasse

Dave "The Gobbler" Hartnett, nominated for the Nobel Prize For Dining Out At Your Expense, is imploring hard-up households not to pay cash to tradesmen and cleaners as it is damaging the economy.

"Please, don't hand over your hard-won cash. Use an Amex Platinum Card, or maybe get a large tax efficient offshore corporation to pick up the tab. Works for me!"

The Penguin

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Cheer Up, Says Sir Mervyn King

Don't be downcast, it may be the worst depression since records began, and the whole world faces years of misery, but for Sir Mervyn King there are plenty of reasons to be cheerful.

For example, he's already got a knighthood and the promise of a fucking peerage (or he'll start digging up some of those bodies buried by the whitewash report into banking regulation).

Plus he's got a fucking brilliant book deal lined up.

And he's secretly on the books of the same agency who arrange Tony Bliar's after-dinner money-making speeches.

Then there's his copper-bottomed inflation-proof mega-pension, ( which he has arranged will be paid in gold rather than the rubbish sterling notes he's been busy printing for the proles. )

So cheer up, Merv's doing great.

The Penguin

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Highest Standards Of Probity?

Fuck me, doesn't it just turn your stomach when that useless self-serving traitor and EUSSR-cocksucker Nick Clegg claims that the government insists on the highest standards of probity amongst ministers?

He's only angling to replace that cunt Huhne when he's charged with perverting the course of justice with that cunt David Laws who should be serving time for stealing from the tax-payer to pay rent to his bum-chum.


The Penguin

Sunday, 15 January 2012

That Osama Bin-And-Got-Himself-Shot Mission in 3D

The DVD in 3D is a big hit amongst folk in social housing...

With special guest Harry Hill, apparently!

The Penguin

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Sunk Like The Italian Economy


Still, it could have been so much worse - apparently passengers were relieved that Bunga Bunga Berlesconi was not the resident crooner on this cruise...

The Penguin

Thursday, 12 January 2012

Cameron The Brave!

 What ever else you might have to say about Call Me Dave Cameron, you have to admire his courage. Or his optimism. Or both.

After all, there's a great deal of truth in the old saw about checking out the mother before marrying the daughter.

The Penguin

Saturday, 7 January 2012

At Last!! A Surprise Triumph For Ed Milipede

Congratulations to Ed "Backstabber" Milipede, who has been voted Political Gormless Gurner Of The Year 2011 (by a panel of completely unbiased fish-eating flightless birds).

This will be a surprise to Ed, who had not actually entered the competition.

The Penguin

( Many thanks to Guido for the montage )

Gunboat Diplomacy 21st Century Style

"Left Hand Down A Bit!"

I bet the Ayattollahs and Mad Mullahs are quaking in their fucking sandals.

The Royal Gravy have announced the despatch of their "mightiest" ship, a class 45 Destroyer to the Gulf to replace a class 23 Frigate.

The Mighty HMS Daring's main and only popgun is the tired old 4.45 inch Mark 8 that was so crap in the Falklands conflict it needed modification to make it as reliable as the WW2-era Mark V it replaced. This is bound to terrify the Iranians, as they know all about it as one of the very first Mark 8's was sold to them on a frigate in 1971. Such cutting edge technology is sure to shock and awe...

Backing up this mighty weapon are no less (and no more!) than 48 missiles. What the fuck do they use once they've been used? Oh, right, they have a helicopter...and a few machine guns.

I'm sure this will also impress the Americans, whose 5th Fleet includes a fully functional Nimitz class aircraft carrier, the nuclear powered USS John C Stennis, complete with a full complement of aircraft (nine fucking squadrons of them!) - and they are not so daft as to let on how many missiles and stuff they are packing.

What's that buzzing noise?

Probably Nelson turning in his grave....

The Penguin

Thursday, 5 January 2012

Who Let This Pair Into The Country?

Who on earth let this evil pair into the country, and why?

And is there any hope at all of ever getting rid of them?

The Penguin

Don't Forget The Context

Those folk who are calling for Dianne Abbott to be sacked from her post as Shadow Token Fat Black Woman should at least try to put her unfortunate twittering and inept attempts to explain and justify herself into context.

This is an overweight hypocritical middle-aged single parent who suffers from being over-promoted and made allowances for throughout her entire life.

She bitched about Mad Hattie sending her children to private schools and then did exactly that herself.

She is a prime trough-pig, even neglecting to mention large wads of extras she got from being a media whore.

She claimed West Indian mothers are superior to others, which probably explains all those young black gangsters killing each other.

She is quick to play the race card whislt being casually racist herself,  claiming that blue-eyed blonde nurses from Scandinavia shouldn't work in Hackney hospitals as they had never seen a black person before.

She claimed that voters in Hackney didn't want a white old man.

So, putting what the fat old bag said in the context of what has gone before, who the fuck could be surprised?

The Penguin

Monday, 2 January 2012

Sunday, 1 January 2012

At Last Some Good News About Bankers

See You In Court!

Seems that action is being taken in New York to sue some of the cunts responsible for the Lloyds HBOS fiasco, and that there may also be action in the UK on behalf of shareholders, who saw the value of their investment decimated once the cat got out of the bag.

Let's hope it triggers more legal action, there are loads of guilty targets, includingthe regulators who failed to act, and the fuckwits who set up the useless regulatory system.

I do hope this heralds a wonderful 2012 for Gordoom McBroon and his henchmen, notably Ed Blinky Balls...

The Penguin