Thursday, 31 March 2011

The K-K-K-K-K-k-k-k-k-k-king's Sp-Sp-Speech Effect To B-B-B-B-Blame

Ed "Talking" Balls has at last explained how he is absolutely totally not to blame for any of the complete fuck-ups committed while he was "helping" McDoom at the Treasury.

"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-but Ch-Ch-Ch-Chancellor, we're b-b-b-b-b-b" "Brilliant!"

It seems that Jonah was too impatient to let poor Blinky actually finish a complete sentence, and would effectively put his own words into his adviser's mouth.

It went like this.

Ed: "Sell the Gold? That's a f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-ffff-f
Jonah "Fantastic Idea! Right, we'll do it!!"

Ed: "Ramp up spending to record levels? That would be really st-st-st-st-st-st-st-st-st
McDoom: "Stupendous! Let's get cracking!"

I think you can get the drift...

The Penguin

Yet Another Triumph For Sandwell Borough Council!

Shithole with added Shit, as Brown visits Tipton.

You may well recall Sandwell Borough Council, which has featured in articles by the excellent Raccoon.

To prevent trouble flaring up at an English Defence League rally against an unwanted mosque they spend thousands of pounds taking 19 asian youths deemed likely to become involved in anti-social behaviour on a day trip to Blackpool's Pleasure Beach. Along with 5 social workers and a policeman.

Once there a group of five of the muslims attacked a man who objected to their racist chanting, leaving him unconscious. At the time of the violence, two of the gang were on bail for a hammer attack in Tipton that took place three months before the Blackpool incident.

What the fuck was the policeman doing? Or the social workers? Or were they joining in with the fun so as to not offend their "clients"?

Hope the ratepayers are pleased with the way the council spend their money.

The Penguin

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

Crocodile Tears?

Much as I regret the death of Ian Tomlinson and sincerely hope that the police officer responsible gets what he deserves, I find it rather sickening that the widow is so publicly bereft and distressed. She's lost her soul-mate, her rock, her best friend in all the world, and can hardly be sufficiently comforted by all the media attention.

Is this the same Ian Tomlinson who was living in a hostel and described as homeless because his wife had thrown him out because of his drinking?

The Penguin

Sunday, 27 March 2011

No More Boom And Bust, Lots More Book And Bounce!

Seems the member for Fife can't be arsed doing the job he is over-paid for, but he is more than ready to swan round the world giving of his wisdom to those prepared to cough up money. Sadly, as taxpayers we get to pay for his security...

Still, it's good to know that he creates goodwill and enhances his towering reputation on his travels.

The Penguin

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Big Deal, Check His Shoes As Well!

Sikh With Turban, Sikh With Baseball Cap

Jeev Milkha Singh, India's top golfer was born in Chandigarh, India, in a Sikh Rajput[1] family to Indian Olympic athlete Milkha Singh and Nirmal Kaur, former captain of the Indian women's volleyball team.[2] He lives in Chandigarh. According to good old wikipedia, anyway.

So, he's a Sikh - as is his golfing coach, Amritinder Singh.

So what the fucking hell is all the fuss about asking Amritinder Singh to take his turban off as part of a security check at Milano airport?

Because it is clear from the photograph that not wearing a fucking turban isn't a fucking issue.

Just curious, before fragrant Felicity starts banging the racism drum!

The Penguin

Gaddafi Needs A Decent Spokesman

This bloke was first rate.

The Penguin

Sunday, 20 March 2011

Motorists! Beware The Weasel At The Wheel!!

"Ethics? Isn't that in East Anglia?"

 A new danger has emerged to worry UK motorists.

Jack The Weasel is taking driving lessons to re-learn how to drive, because after so many years of being sat in the back of a ministerial limousine he's forgotten how to drive.

Once he has mastered the Highway Code and clutch control, he is looking to take lessons in telling the truth, acting in an honourable way, and displaying morals.

We predict complete failure on the last three.

The Penguin

Friday, 18 March 2011

No Wonder Teflon Tony's Away A Lot!

Well, wouldn't you prefer to be far, far away, as often as possible?

The Penguin

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Nothing To See Here, Move Along...

Sir Huge Ordure

I got bored after a while. Still, good to know that the Chief Cunstable currently in charge of an unaccountable publicly funded cash cow private limited company seemingly in charge of our Plod has grabbed himself a 27% payrise.

The Penguin

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Do Your Own Dirty Work

I've got some advice for the Arab League who are busy calling for a No Fly Zone over Libya to prevent the mad bastard Gaddafi using his airforce to exterminate those who dislike his loony rule.

Do it your fucking selves. With all those aeroplanes you bought from BAE Systems of Death (with added bribes).

Then you won't have to complain about fucking Crusaders accidentally killing civilians, or Zionists stealing your fucking camels.

The Penguin

Sunday, 13 March 2011

Protecting The Public Purse?

Eugene Sullivan who needs a granny-trolley for his wages.

The Audit Commission needs to be axed, immediately. It is obviously completely unfit for purpose or we wouldn't be constantly hearing of fresh examples of government and local authority waste and excess.

And it is taking the piss, paying extras and allowances to boost the package of it's internally promoted chief executive to a disgraceful £250,000 in defiance of Fatty Pickles refusal to sanction advertising for an external candidate with a salary of £240,00 "to attract a good candidate".

No one would miss this bunch of charlatans and wasters.

The Penguin

Friday, 11 March 2011

Dolphin Murderers And Whale Slaughterers

Can't really get too sorry for the Japanese.

The Penguin

What A Pair Of Cunts!

Doing rather more than their fair share to advance the cause of "Gay Rights" these unpleasant turd burglars who claimed it was never about the money seem to have forgotten all pretence of so-called principle.

Worst of all, they are being backed by the taxpayer-funded Equality and Human Rights Commission.

High time the axe fell on that stupifyingly perverse quango.

The Penguin

Monday, 7 March 2011

Friday, 4 March 2011

Shami's Shame

"Oh Bugger - My Halo's A Bit Tarnished!"

What a shame - liitle Shami's got her hands all mucky with blood-money.

"Yesterday, leading human rights activist Shami Chakrabarti spoke of her ‘bucketfuls’ of embarrassment and regret over the scandal engulfing the LSE.

Miss Chakrabarti, head of the civil rights pressure group Liberty, is a member of the LSE’s ruling council which accepted the money from Saif Gaddafi.

She said: ‘The council has been completely united in its regret. As a human rights campaigner I can only share bucketfuls of both.’ "

I bet it won't stop her being a pain in the fucking arse.

The Penguin

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

A Good Friend Of The Family

"That Muammar, he's such a laugh! A real practical joker! I once saw him shoot a bloke stone dead just for not getting out of his way quick enough. He has a really good relationship with his people, I'm convinced they would all die for him, one way or another.

And he has such a wonderful and close-knit family, all so supportive and loyal. That Saif, the one who spends a lot of time and money in London, he's a really nice lad. He even bought his PhD in London, you can't say fairer than that, a real friend to the UK!"

The Penguin