Wednesday, 30 June 2010

Bercow Chooses His Coconut Chaplain

"Bless This House, Rice and Peas!"

Never mind the fact that Diane Abbott has only a snowballs of getting annointed as Nu-Liebore Leaderene, or that some other stupid black racist politician now has a criminal record for calling another stupid brown politian a coconut, the "stupid sanctimonious dwarf" Pip-Squeaker has done his bit for political correctness in appointing the new chaplain to Parliament.

Being a woman and black she ticks more boxes than the other candidates. What a shame she isn't a lesbian, that must surely damage her prospects of making it to bishop any time in the next hundred years.

The Penguin

Sunday, 27 June 2010

Inner City Crime - Blacks Largely Responsible!

Guilty Of Mugging The Tax-payer - Another Black Criminal Exposed

Well, who'd have thought so? Seems that a hugely disproportionate amount of violent street crime in urban areas is committed by the Afro-Caribbeans, often with other Afro-Caribbeans as the victims.

Of course, this could never have been admitted to under the previous PC regime. And there are still complete cock-trumpets claiming it is all a legacy of our racist imperialist past, rather than a problem with it's roots in black culture and fucking feckless parenting.

Still, I'm sure Diane Abbott will keep talking bollocks about the superior care that West Indian mothers provide...

The Penguin

Annoying The Aborigines

Seems this has upset the natives.

The Penguin

Friday, 25 June 2010

There's A Nasty Smell About Nadine


Poor Mrs Dale will doubtless be trying to defend her, but there is a nasty smell hanging around Nadine Dorries MP which just refuses to go away or be masked by her perfume.

Just what "research" has the taxpayer been funding so generously? And La Dorries living arrangements seem just as bent as Jackboot's sister's spare room (now presumably available to rent out to some homeless and needy family).

However, I suspect that the supremely useless "Sir" John Lyon will absolve her eventually.

The Penguin

Thursday, 24 June 2010

Ex-Solicitor General, Ex-MP, Ex-Motorist - Still Ugly Though!

"I never knew about any dodgy donations or loans for peerages, honest guv??!!"

That ginger minger Vera Baird who was decisively rejected by the voters in Redcar who probably felt aggrieved over the closure of their steel mill after Nu-Liebore's dodgy dealings with various Indian steel barons has been deprived of her driving licence despite making hysterically funny claims about the hardship it would cause her and her poor hard-done by constituents who she was going to help by dumping their case notes back on them.

The magistrates also failed to fall for her sob-story excuse about rushing to see an injured friend.

However, it made me laugh.

The Penguin

Tuesday, 22 June 2010

Principles Abandoned - You Should Know, Harriet!

"You Know Where To Find Me - Leaving The Scene Of A Crime!"

Bit fucking rich for champagne socialist Harriet "Feminazi" Harperson to attack the Limp Dumbs for abandoning their principles in favour of sharing power in a coalition government.

Although, she may have a point.

After all, she's a world class hypocrite who shamelessly abandons any principle if it suits her. Such as selective education for her own children while consigning ordinary people's children to a lottery of state education where things are so dire that Tesco have to teach job candidates to read and write and do basic sums. Such as insisting on all women short-lists except when it comes to choosing her husband a safe seat and a ticket to the gravy train.

I could find other examples, but frankly I can't be arsed, as I'm laughing too much at the way the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys have fucked up their World Cup.

The Penguin

Monday, 21 June 2010

The Slotgob-Gate Whitewash

"Train Ticket? They're for little people! Don't you know who I am?"

Devout Catholic Mrs Tony Bliar, adding to her not inconsiderable wealth by working as a minor judge under her professional name of Cherie Slotgob QC, chose to exercise her discretion and let a self-confessed mass murderer walk free because he was “obviously a religious sort” who had once attended Sunday School as a child.

Luckily for her the Office of Judicial Coverups decided that this was not a serious matter, and that the ticket-cheating money-grubbing ugly old trout should be given a few quiet words of advice about PR by a more senior judge.“After all,” said a spokesweazel, “You have to get these things into proportion. It’s the same in the Law Enforcement Agency, as we now refer to the Police Service, where if you shoot a few innocent civilians you might get a Word of Advice.”

The Penguin

Ex-Tory Ed Balls Declares He's A Wanker

Although he seems to have forgotten his Tory past and his fondness for dressing up as a Nazi, it seems that Ed "Blinky" Balls has at least recognised how he is regarded by normal people.

''And we need a wanker, somebody who can do that, who's in touch with their genitals, who's a total prat. I'm all those things.''

The Penguin

Sunday, 20 June 2010

Another Human Rights Outrage

Stevie Rissole was unable to fly to Fatsville, Idaho because he was too fucking fat to get through the door of the Jumbo Jet. Weighing in at just 52 stone Mr Rissole wanted to attend the death-bed of a relative who was soon to croak from high blood pressure and general obesity-related heart problems. The problem was that Mr Rissole was a lot bigger than the door, and that flying him in the cargo bay would have meant he would have frozen to death. The airline gave him a full refund, which he promptly spent in BurgerKing on having a snack to comfort himself.

This has naturally outraged the Human Rights fraternity. Tom FryUp, spokesman from the National Obesity Forum, said: "The overweight passenger should really be offered the next flight which has double doors available, or be upgraded to a wider aircraft.

"This is what happens in the States and I don't think it will be long before it happens here."

The Penguin

Goodbye, And Good Riddance

Tom McNulty, who may now have to work for a living.

Some excellent news this morning, the over-paid and ineffective Mrs McNulty is effectively being sacked as head of OFSTED.

I do hope the troughing McNulty's managed to squirrel away enough money that they won't have to claim benefits.

Or maybe not.

The Penguin

Friday, 18 June 2010

Spot The Dwarf Competition


The Penguin

Thursday, 17 June 2010

Come In, Number 5, Your Time Is Up!!

A Fat Trough Pig With Jowls

Eric Illsley become the 5th poltician to face criminal charges over expense fiddles.

Another 400 or so still on the waiting list.

The Penguin

Millipede Without A Spine

Look Out, He's Behind You!!!!

In case anyone had forgotten, David "Banana" Millipede is the coward who twice failed to step up and dethrone Jonah MacCavity.

Now it seems he is hurt and surprised by the campaign for the leadershit of the Nu-Liebore Party being run by his even more alien-looking little brother Mister Ed, and has apparently told a friend that he would walk away from politics rather than work for his brother. Whoopee-Doo-Dah Day, that's a double result, with a completely unelectable twat in charge of the opposition and the removal of Banana-Man from our television screens.

I look forward to more bloodshed as the candidates continue to bite lumps out of each other - or, in David Millipede's case, give them a fraternal lick.

The Penguin

Monday, 14 June 2010

Exclusive - the Bollocks Interview In Full!

Vote Balls Or Else

"For 13 years, Labour made many crap decisions on tax and spending: how to abolish boom and bust in 1997, how to fund extra NHS admin staff 2001, and last year how to pretend to reduce the deficit once the recovery was secured.

Each time we looked at whether it was right to raise VAT, and concluded it we didn't dare to do it. We reached that conclusion because VAT is the only tax that everyone has to pay, even if they are unemployed or pensioners, and because it hits couples with children the hardest. It is always the least popular option for raising tax. And we were cowards.

It is increasingly clear that David Cameron and George Osborne have no such qualms. Indeed, for more than two years, they have been preparing the ground to raise the standard rate of VAT.

The Tory preparations have reached a new stage with their letting the cat out of the bag that the public finances are in a completely shit state, even worse than they thought before the election.

When the Office of Budget Responsibility publishes the facts today, I don't suppose Alastair will get an apology, which is just fucking tough, the badger eyebrowed turncoat.

The Tory plan is clear: use inflated fears of a debt and monetary crisis to justify massive public spending cuts and an increase in VAT; blame it all on Labour’s mis-management of the economy; and use the resulting war chest to cut income tax before the next election.

It is Margaret Thatcher’s 1979 strategy spread out over a Parliament. We cannot expect the Liberal Democrats to talk the Tories out of this plan. After all, they are over the fucking moon about having ministers in a government for the first time in thousands of years.

I believe Labour must fight tooth and nail on behalf of me as the next leader of the party, not just after the forthcoming Budget – but now, when Millipede Senior can be stopped.

It would be economic madness to vote for anyone but me – on top of the spending cuts the Government has announced, anyone else will either depress spending and stifle growth, increase prices and stoke inflation, and be stabbed in the back by Charlie and Damien.

Such a leader would lose billions of pounds of backhanders from the union movement and put my own job at risk.

I was one of those who privately urged Gordon Brown to make our stance on VAT explicit in our manifesto. I believed that if we lied through our teeth and then raised VAT it would be no different to our other lies like the EUSSR referendum shit. But it would change the course of the election.

Others - such as the Badger! - disagreed – and ultimately we made no hard commitment on VAT. That was partly the traditional caution of governments, wanting to keep options open.

To my mind, to avoid telling that porkie was the biggest mistake we made at the election, even if the bastard money markets do applaud George Osborne for raising VAT.

I believe the time for Nu-Liebore is over unless they elect me as leader."

Ed Balls, the people's choice.

The Penguin

No Apology For The Flipping Badger

A Tax Dodger Behind Bars

It's a bleak day for the Flipping Badger, as his much vaunted hopes of getting a "big apology" from the Prime Minister about the real levels of debt and the real prospects for growth have been destroyed by the independent Office for Budgetary Responsibility.

The delusional ex-chancellor has also been blamed by "Blinky" Ed Bollocks for losing Nu-Liebore the election because he would not rule out raising VAT.

Wouldn't it be nice to add to his misery by announcing that the Inland Revenue was going to investigate all those MP's who avoided paying tax by flipping the designations of "principal residence"?

Only problem would be all the Conservative and Limp Dumbs who would also be caught in the net, so I suspect Boy George won't be allowed to do it.


The Penguin

Friday, 11 June 2010

Hurrah! Trough Pigs Lose "Privilege" Argument!

MP's At Work

Thank fuck for that - the sacrificial trough pigs who are "taking one for the team" have lost their blatant attempt to subvert justice by claiming "parliamentary privilege" over their theft of taxpayers' money.

Let us hope that the "authorities" take heart from this and bring charges against many more of the thieving cunts. Starting with Jonah MacCavity and The Flipping Badger.

The Penguin

So Much For Sofa Fucking Government

Tony Bliar has been accused of running a so-called "Sofa Government". It turns out that the sofas were fucking expensive, at £4,120 each.

What the fuckety fucking fuck do civil servants need fucking sofas for? They are supposed to be fucking working, not sipping fucking lattes on fucking designer sofas!!

Some cunt needs to be sacked for this.

The Penguin

Thursday, 10 June 2010

Complete Humbug

"Lord" Myners, the self-satisfied cocktrumpet responsible for giving "Sir" Fred Goodwin such a generous pension, has been blowing off about how frustrating it was to be a minister in the late NuLiebore government of all the talentless. What a cunt!

And he hasn't even got the excuse of running for the leadership! I do hope Jonah is keeping up with all the news in his coward's bunker in Cowdenbeath, so he can see just how good his judgement was in appointing and promoting such loyal underlings.

The Penguin

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

What A Pathetic Line-Up!

"I Am An Alien! I Am An Alien! I Am An Alien!"

So there it is, the line-up for the leadershit of the Liebore Party.

David "The Banana" Millipede
Ed " The Younger Alien" Millipede
Ed "Blinky" Balls
Andy "Eye-Liner" Burnham
Diane "Token Black, Fat, & Wimmin" Abbott

All of them are proven liars and hypocrites, and the four ex-cabinet ministers are desperately trying to distance themselves from such cluster-fuck policies as immigration, the Iraq war, flogging the gold, fucking the pensions, and being too cowardly to ditch Jonah.

The Millipedes are frankly repulsive with their gobshite politic-babble and weird hair.

Blinky is a caricature political version of the Joe Pesci hoodlum from GoodFellas.

Little "Eye-Liner" is frankly an embarrassment.

"Token" Abbott is a joke, there to try and make it look politically correct and show that the Liebore Party isn't just about white middle class elitists doing the workers and the poor a favour by telling them what to do.

With any luck it'll be a bloodbath of a campaign.

The Penguin

Tuesday, 8 June 2010

Balls Sets New Record For Hypocrisy

"Oh No! It's a sort of a bigot!!"

It takes some doing in the stratospheric company of hypocrites that is NuLiebore, but Ed "Blinky" Balls has set a new record for hypocrisy in claiming that immigration is too high and should have been capped.

This is the greasy little cunt who along with Jonah McRuin devised the open-doors policy to embarrass the Conservative Right Wing, and to force a more multi-cultural society to develop without deigning to ask the electorate if they wanted any such thing.

I hope he gets cancer of the tongue.

The Penguin

Sunday, 6 June 2010

Union Trough Pig

The working class can kiss my arse, I've got the union leader's job at last!

Tough being at the top of a trade union. Tony Woodley, joint head of the ridiculously named "Unite" conglomeration of contributors to NuLiebore, lives in some comfort in a £350,000 mansion in Cheshire, drives a top of the range Range Rover, hoovers up lavish expenses, and lives very high on the hog at his members' expense.

While busy putting them out of work with the BA strike, he finds time to have a luxury holiday instead of negotiating a settlement.

Nice work if you can get it.

The Penguin

Saturday, 5 June 2010

Banquo's Ghost Returns!

Lord Whitewash of Cocksucking

I do hope that the news of the government being minded to re-open the Dr. David Kelly dodgy death enquiry won't cause Al Campbell to choke on his cornflakes.

I want a much longer period of suffering and being pilloried for that arrogant cunt.

I will also enjoy Lord Hutton being slagged off for his blatant whitewash, and all the Bliar minions reputations being further tarnished. Especially that bloated thieving prick Hoon.

It would be nice to think that the shit will also stick to Teflon Bliar himself.

The Penguin

Wednesday, 2 June 2010

No Whites Need Apply

A Right Twitter

Apartheid is apparently perfectly OK if you are Bristol Council, where they are openly advertising two jobs for "Black and minority ethnic graduates".

With the blessing, naturally enough, of that paragon of the politically correct NuLiebore MP Kerry McCarthy, who ought by rights to be doing time for twitter breaches of election laws rather than getting her little nose back into the trough.

The Penguin

Win Win, Mr Cameron - Just Do It!!

An Overpaid Trendy Cunt

Here's an easy one, Dave - abolish the BBC Licence Fee.

It'll put money back into the hands of taxpayers without any crap about only benefitting millionaires, and without distorting other taxes.

And it will make the feather-bedded cunts at the BBC live in the real world.

They hate you anyway, so you've fuck all to lose. Just Do It.

The Penguin

Tuesday, 1 June 2010

No Money For Razorblades?

John Fingleton, value for money?

This is apparently the tosser in charge of the useless Office of Fair Trading, who presides over a watchdog so feeble that everyone in the UK gets right royally ripped off by the railways, the petrol companies, the gas and electric suppliers, the supermarkets, pretty much every fucking business.

He gets paid a staggering £280,000 but can't be arsed to buy razorblades.

The Penguin