Friday, 30 April 2010

Worse Than The Devil-Eyes Poster?

For fuck's sake, just look at the creep....


The Penguin

Caption Contest

Harriet Drops a Stinky One!

The Penguin

Still A Fucking Liar!

Some things don't change. Bliar returns and states "Gordon Brown is not a failure!"

Fucking liar.

The Penguin

Thursday, 29 April 2010

TweedleFat and TweedleFatter

What's WIth All The Fish?

Look At The Nasty Dead Eyes - You Can Tell It's Far From Fresh!

How come the Scotch Loony Party are infested with fish?

There's Alice Salmon supposedly in charge while taking more salaries than enough and trying to conceal his background in banking.
And then there's that whinging git Nicolas Sturgeon, who tried to get the courts to insist that they should be included in the big boys wankfest on TV.

I would like to see them get their independence so I don't have to pay huge amounts to prop them up.

Let them join those other hugely successful Celtic Tiger economies like Ireland and Iceland.

The Penguin

Postman Prat's Secret Revealed!

At last there's an explanation for the ghastly plasticity of Postman Prat's horribly pink face.

He was reconstructed after an acid attack. Apparently.

The Penguin

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Another Triumph For Gordoom!

Vote For ME!

"Och, it wasnae that difficult. Once my aides had hold of her arms I managed to get quite a few good punches in, and after that she was only too happy to accept my apology and hand over her postal vote. She'll no be coming oot until the bruising's gone down, ye ken!"

The Penguin

Just A Bigoted Woman Who Used To Vote Labour!

"Just Fuck Off You Bigoted Woman!"

A Downing Street source said that the Prime Minister had been "letting off steam in the car after a difficult conversation".

The source added: "But this is exactly the sort of patronising conversation that we will continue to have with the voters before slagging them off as we drive away in our limousines."

The Penguin

Elvis Has Left The Building!

Oh dear, oh dear - it seems that Alistair Campbell could be prosecuted over his cunning stunt.

Fingers crossed the local authority jobsworth pushes this all the way!

The Penguin

Monday, 26 April 2010

Hello, Is That Inland Revenue's Nark And Informer Service?

"Fuck Me, This Pork's A Bit Ripe!"

Because there's this dodgy geezer seems to have far more cash than you could honestly accululate ( accumulate, sorry for typo!) selling rank meat off a stall in Brixton. He's got so much he's busy bribing the Labour Party with huge donations in a desperate attempt to keep the corrupt tossers in power. You ought to get in there and sniff around, know what I mean?

The Penguin

PS Looks like eating dodgy meat has a nasty and immediate effect on your left arm....

Oh Dear, Pope Upset.

Difficult to have much sympathy for Pope Hitleryouth's hurt feelings at the embarrassing emergence of a Foreign Office document showing that under the inspiring leadership of Banana Boy Millipede the kids are having fun.

I suspect the victims of all that child abuse that the left-footers' leaders hid for so many years are rather more deserving of sympathy and some proper redress.

And if the infallible pontif chooses not to come the the UK, fucking good. Less police overtime to have to pay for.

The Penguin

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Stuck Like A Pig On A Stick

Just occasionally I warm to Brillo.

The Penguin

The Penguin Manifesto

Here's a brief outline of the sort of manifesto that The Ranting Penguin would stand on.

1. Leave the EUSSR
2. Dismantle ALL quangos.
3. Cut number of MPs and Lords to 400 each house. Total transparency, no "allowances". No second jobs or "outside interests". All ministers barred from employment of any sort for 5 years after stepping down / being sacked and getting basic state pension during this period.
4. Scrap the BBC Licence Fee completely.
5. Simplify the tax system drastically.
6. Life sentences would be just that. All sentences to be served in full.
7. Householders specifically allowed to use any degree of violence agianst intruders.
8. Drop ID cards and the NHS database and similar big brother IT schemes.
9. Scrap speed cameras.
10. Bring back selective education by ability, and the cane. Scrap all SATs and league tables.
11. Repeal the Dunblane gun ownership laws.
12. Net immigration to be capped at ZERO with USA style green-card system for specific bona fide jobs.
13. No bail for any previously convicted criminals, or for any serious offence.
14. Zero tolerance policing with regard to anti-social behaviour.
15. Deport ALL illegals and failed asylum seekers - only ONE appeal and at own expense over asylum.
16. Rip out 60% of the managers and admin staff from the NHS, give control back to the doctors.
17. Have the "economically inactive" work for their benefits on community projects such as litter-picking.
18. Make prison both an effective deterrent and an opportunity to reform.
19. Drop the Human Rights nonsense.
20. Huge bonfire of red tape and Health and Safety bollocks.

Just a start.

The Penguin

The Agent Of Change!

Gordon Jonah MacCavity Brown, The Great Leader (Unelected), Prime Mentalist was under fierce attack on a Radio One Phone-In yesterday for his expense claims and immigration, amongst other things. You can see why they try and keep him away from the general public!

Anyway, the one-eyed snot-gobbler claimed that he was not interested in money but had come into politics becasue he wanted to effect changes.

Well, you disgusting lying toe-rag, you have made changes.

You've changed thousands of people's pensions from sufficient to insufficient.
You've changed the tax-grab by the state considerably by various stealth taxes.
You've starved our Armed Forces of money and equipment whilst they fight two wars.
You've trapped millions on your Welfare and Tax Credit System.
You've changed the regulation of financial institutions so they ran out of control.
You've given millions of jobs to immigrants.
You've given away our sovereignity despite your mainfesto pledge.
You've let thousands of criminals walk free.
You've failed to deport foreign criminals.
You've politicised the civil service.
You've fucked up the Criminal Justice system.
You've presided over sleaze and corruption unseen since the 18th century.
You've changed our gold bullion reserves and lost the nation £7 BILLION.

I'm bored now, but the charge sheet could go on and on.

Do us all a favour and drop dead.

The Penguin

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Sanctimonious Humbug aka Nick Clegg

"Number 29 Had Tits Like Melons!"

There's something slightly nausea-inducing about Nick Clegg pretending to be a squeaky-clean new sort of political leader unsullied by the scandals and sleaze of the recent cesspit.

He claims to stand for CHANGE - and he's certainly good at changing his tack and his CV to airbrush those things which he currently thinks don't suit his position or ambition. Such as his stint as a lobbyist, or even his membership of the the Cambridge University Conservative Association between 1986 and 1987, with contemporary membership records citing an "N Clegg" of Robinson College. (At the time, Clegg was the only person of that name at Robinson.) However, Clegg himself later maintained he had "no recollection of that whatsoever."

Then there are his ludicrous claims of being a pork swordsman of repute which were promptly rubbished by his contemporaries, or the little incident of the cacti-arson which varies from several greenhouses, a nationally-renowned collection, to two or three specimens on a windowsill depending on who the audience is.

His expenses were maxed out and there was no hint of handing any second-home profit back to the tax-payer until he was caught red-handed with the rest of the trough-pigs. His position on the Lisbon Treaty was completely shameful because he's a committed Europhile who after indoctrination in the EUSSR and a long stint sucking Leon Brittan's rancid cock would sell the pound and what little remains of our sovereignity to Brussels without a second thought.

Far from being "one of the people" his background is at least as privileged as Cameron's, without the English pedigree. In fact, he's barely got any UK ancestry at all.

He's just another grubby politician on the make and on the take.

The Penguin

New!!! Spot The Cunt Competition!!

Tricky, but I'm sure you'll enjoy having a stab at this.

The Penguin

Fire The DPP and Hang Jack Straw

Do The Decent Thing You Cunt - Shoot Yourself!

What a fucking shambles our so-called Criminal Justice System is!

They fuck over the victims of crime rather than apprehend and punish the fucking perpetrators. So much for Bliar's "Tough on Crime, Tough on the Causes of Crime" fucking sound-bite - the reality is rather more "Tough on the Victims of Crime, Dosh for M'learned Friends".

How much of my taxpayer's fucking money have the Plod and the CPS (led bythat cunt Kier Stammer) pissed away on the totally wrong prosecution of an honest hard-working bloke who did the world a favour by getting rid of a scum-bag with a criminal record as long as his scrawny arm who he caught burgling his mother's flat? Only to have to drop the case because the "evidence" they relied upon was a pack of lies from a 14-year old accomplice with a similar record. Fuckwits!! Heads should roll - sadly we know they fucking won't.

I now hope the innocent party sues the cunts for loads of dosh - even though it comes from the tax-payer it might discourage similar fuck-ups in future.

The Penguin

Monday, 19 April 2010

"Fiscal Drift" by The Great Gordon, Iron Chancellor

So now even the independent and highly regarded Institute of Fiscal Studies has declared Jonah to be an incompetent wanker, whose policies have screwed the UK.

"The IFS praised Labour for sticking to tough spending plans in Government between 1997 and 2001. The party had already made a commitment to follow spending plans set out by the previous Tory Government.

However the IFS identified a damaging period of “fiscal drift” between 2001 and 2007 when debt mounted to pay for spending on public services.

It said Mr Brown’s refusal to match spending rises with tax increases after 2001 had meant the UK had been forced to borrow heavily, up to and through the recession.

While Britain’s spending was the second highest among developed countries in the 10 years to 2007, its tax increases were only fifth highest over the same period, it said.

The result was that on the eve of the financial crisis in 2007 the UK was left “with one of the largest structural budget deficits in the developed world”.

The IFS said: “Mr Brown is fond of reminding us that this has been a global financial crisis. However the UK … has experienced a worse deterioration in its fiscal position than many other industrialised countries.” "

Never mind, said a Liebore spokeweasel, we've all got gold-plated pensions.

The Penguin

Thursday, 15 April 2010

That Important Letter From A Bunch Of Economists


As expected, a key election issue concerns how much to cut government expenditure in 2010-11. The main opposition party now proposes to cut an extra £6 billion in 2010-11, on top of the measures already planned by the Government. This cut is described as efficiency savings. But in economic gobbledook it is just a cut by another name, ie efficiency savings or anything else. It is all about supply and demand. The supply of economists is elastic but the demand for them very inelastic and we are worried about being sacked when belts are tightened, so this will lead directly to job losses and indirectly to further falls in spending by us at Waitrose. Or the Co-op. At a time when recovery is delicate, it could leave us on Job Seekers Allowance, which even folk as out of touch with reality as we are know is not enough to get by on. And most of us are past our best — with much larger job consequences.

This is not the time for such a destabilising action. The recovery is still fragile. We have not yet stuffed enough away to want to be on the scrap heap. Firms and households are saving more to rebuild their balance sheets. This means that firms are investing less and employing fewer fuckwit economists. Only when the recovery is well underway, will it be safe to have extra cuts in government expenditure.

The first step is to make sure that growth returns, and economists jobs are safe. Rash action now could imperil not only our jobs but also the prospects for Gordon Brown.

Lord Layard
Emeritus Professor of Economics, LSE; founder of the LSE Centre for Economic Self-Congratulation

Lord Skidelsky
Emeritus Professor of Political Economy, Polytechnic University of Coventry, nearly Warwick

Gary Elsby, Emeritus Professor of Politcal Stupidity, Polytechnic of Stoke on Trent

Chris Allsopp
Reader in Economic Policy, University of Oxford; former member of the MP; pinko-crypto-commie

Philip Arested-Developmentis
Professor of Economics, University of Cambridge;

Michael Ambrosi
Jean Monnet Professor for European Economic Policy, University of Trier, Germany( so what's it got to do with me?)

Mark Shaffer
Professor of Economics at Heriot-watt University(not a proper one)

David Blanchflower
Bruce V. Rauner Professor of Economics, Dartmouth College, USA, former member of the MPC and well known marxist lunatic

William Brown
Montague Burton Professor of Industrial Relations, University of Cambridge- imagine that, a Professor of Industrial Relations, my mother is SO proud.

Wendy Carlin
Professor of Economics, University College, London and token girlie.

A right load more tossers also signed this important letter.

None have ever run a business.

The Penguin

Image copyright

Good Target For Saving Money - Axe The CPS

Get A Grip You Odious Little Weasel!

The Cunt Protection Service is in severe need of being axed.

This would save money and increase the standing of the Criminal Justice System, which can never ever have been at a lower level.

The arseholes prosecute a bloke for having a pocket knife in the glove-box of his car - a charge brought no doubt as a petty vindictive act by plod who failed to do him for drink-driving.

Yet they refuse to do anything about a bunch of feral gypsy children molesting a teenager in broad daylight as being "not in the public interest".

Complete fuckwits.

The Penguin

Deserves Repeating - Lots!

Very glad to see that Fraser Nelson at the Spectator has the balls to take on that odious under-hand cunt Charlie Whelan.

The more sunlight shone on Whelan and his cronies Balls and Brown the better. Hold you noses, though!

The Penguin

Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Caption Competition

Go on, you know you want to....

The Penguin

So Now You Know The Prices!

"You're Bought!"

Knighthood £200,000

Peerage £400,000

Once upon a time I had the greatest respect for Alan Sugar.
The Penguin

Monday, 12 April 2010

Legal Fucking Aid For The Trough Pigs?

I can't believe it - or rather it's all too fucking predictable in this Alice in Wonderland world of NuLiebore Sleaze! - the trough pigs are going to get the tax-payer to pick up their legal costs while they appeal after appeal after appeal until (they hope!) they eventually get let off with a caution.

Fucking outrageous.

The Penguin

Permission Refused!

Seems Sony didn't want this to be associated with NuLiebore...

We've all stopped believin'

When Tony Blair was running for Prime Minister, D:Ream's Things Can Only Get Better was Labour's election theme song.

So Gordon Brown ordered his advisers to trawl the archives to find a suitable anthem for him. They came up with the 1970s song Don't Stop Believin' by Journey, whose lyrics somewhat aptly go: 'Working hard to get my fill, everybody wants a thrill

'Payin' anything to roll the dice, just one more time Some will win, some will lose Some were born to sing the blues Oh, the movie never ends It goes on and on and on and on Don't stop believin' Hold on to the feelin' Streetlight people . . .'

Sadly, when Labour asked Sony if they could use it, the response was swift: 'Absolutely not.'

The Penguin

History Boot Camp

Make Your Own Charcoal!

Or "What I Did At The Week End" by Flightless Bird, aged 13 and a half....(I wish!)

I drank a lot of good beer at £2 a pint and got ever so slightly sunburnt playing and learning stuff in a 96 acre playground. Stuff like bashing red-hot metal into useful things like a poker, how to link metal rings together to make maille, and how to safely load and fire a variety of black-powder weapons...

More photos at

The Penguin

Sunday, 11 April 2010

Another Convenient Air Crash?

Fuck me but I'm getting to be a cynical bugger as I get older. Thank goodness I'm flightless...

The Penguin

Friday, 9 April 2010

Let's All Say "Thank You" To Gordon!

Come on, get it off your chest! Here's your chance to say "Thank You!" to our beloved unelected snot-gobbling piss-stained wobble-jowled Prime Mentalist.

Gordon, I'd like to say "Thank You!" for:

Selling our gold and losing us £7 BILLION

Fucking over our pensions

Raising 178 stealth taxes

Doing away with Boom and Bust

The 10p tax fiasco

Creating the financial regulatory system that worked so well in preventing a banking crisis

Making Mandleweasel a fucking peer

Under-funding the armed forces

Telling lies

I could go on, and on, and on - but maybe you'd like to give thanks too?

The Penguin

Thursday, 8 April 2010

Three Against Reality

The Penguin

Wednesday, 7 April 2010

Attorney General Accused Of Perjury!

Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire!

I must be getting even older than I think - despite the years of NuLiebore sleaze and corruption I am still shocked that the Attorney General is in court as a witness and is accused of blatantly lying to the court about her employment of an illegal alien as a cut-price domestic.

Not that I hold the noble Baroness Scotland in any high regard, quite the opposite - I think she's another over-promoted nonentity who is there to make NuLiebore look inclusive, like David Lammy but with the added advantage of also ticking the wimmin box.

And frankly, I believe the illegal.
The Penguin

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

Please, Please, Please...

I really really want Gordoom and Harriet to come knocking on my door to ask for my support.

I'm training the dog in anticipation!

He can always take it out on Jehovah's Witnesses if they don't turn up.

The Penguin

And So It Begins....

Oh, Where Are The Real IRA When You Need Them?

The Prime Mentalist, flanked by his Cabinet of All The Talentless, said in Downing Street: 'It will come as no surprise to all of you - and it is probably the least well-kept secret of recent years apart from my being a cowardly Jonah- but the Queen has kindly insisted on the dissolution of the disgustingly corrupt Parliament and a General Election will take place on May 6.

'I come from a rabid puritanical upper middle-class family of God-botherers in a grim Scottish town and I know where I come from and I will never forget the values - doing the right thing, doing your duty, taking responsibility, working hard - that my parents instilled in me. But I will continue to ignore these, and follow my own snot-encrusted and disturbed tendencies.'

He went on: 'I'm asking you, the British people, for a clear and straightforward mandate to continue the urgent and hard work of doing away with boom and bust, selling off the gold bullion, wrecking the pensions, starving the military of necessary funding, saving the World, and creating five million skilled jobs for immigrants over the next five years.'

All Quiet On The Dudley Front?

There are plenty more "reports" on Youtube, easily found by their search engine using phrases such as "Dudley March" - but there seems to have been next to no mainstream media interest or reporting of this protest march against the local council being over ridden by central government and forced to ignore the wishes of local people who handed in a petition with over 20,000 signatures against building yet another mosque.

When you consider the crap with which the mainstream media fill their pages and airtime, why was this "ignored"?

Was there a media black-out ordered by "Justice Minister" Jackweasel Straw? Or was it the job of Postman Prat?

Oh, and before any of the window-lickers get excited, my interest here is nothing to do with racism, xenophobia, or religion. It is in the manipulation of the mainstream media by our ever more totalitarian government.

The Penguin

Saturday, 3 April 2010

"A Tax On Ordinary Families"

Gordon Brown, The Unelected Prime Mentalist, Saviour Of The World, the Iron Chancellor who did away with Boom and Bust, stated back in 1996 that National Insurance was "a tax on ordinary families".
Now as his loyal lieutenants Mandelweasel and the Badger take the flak from all sides over the increase in National Insurance Jonah does his McCavity impression.

He's probably busy writing another chapter to add to the re-issue of his book on "Courage". Other people's, obviously.

The Penguin

Friday, 2 April 2010

Mandy Knows About Deception But Not About Business

Lord Mandelweasel has never run a business of any sort in his life, which makes him supremely well-qualified to dictate to the folk who do actually run businesses. Especially when it comes to deception, where Mandy is quite the expert.

However, I think milord Mandelweasel has surpassed himself in criticising business leaders as being "deceived" in supporting the Conservative position over the ludicrous and damaging rise in NI contributions, which is an obvious tax on jobs and has been declared to be such by NuLiebore supporters and hangers-on.

Interesting that he has no supporter for his position in the world of business except the recently enobled Baron Sugar of GreyStubble....

The Penguin

There's Nothing Like Annoying The Ozzies!

Great fun to be had at

The Penguin

Yet Another Fucking Balls Up!

"Blinky" Ed Balls really is grossly incompetent. Now his unnecessary interference in the drafting of the OFSTED report into the murder of Peter Connolly is going to give that arrogant bitch Sharon Shoesmith a shed load of taxpayers' money.
He should resign, before being tarred and feathered and hung from a lamp-post.
The Penguin

Thursday, 1 April 2010

They Have More Brains Than I Thought!!


Funnily enough it seems that almost no-one in NuLiebore standing for election, including a majority of ministers, wants to be associated with the Prime Mentalist.

They have expunged him from their electioneering material with the ruthless efficiency of the Kremlin airbrushing out-of-favour apparatchiks from photographs of parades in Red Square.

They have more brains than I thought.

The Penguin

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