Wednesday, 31 December 2008

Oh, What A Lovely Trough!!

Not content with their basic salaries, unbridled expenses and fiddles, outside earnings and corrupt donations channelled directly or through bogus charities and stink tanks, and their amazing pensions, the fucking cunts infesting Westminster manage to enjoy a gobsmacking £1.4 million quids worth of foreign junkets in the last Parliamentary session.

Of course, double whammy on this, because not only were they getting extras plus all the expenses paid for (and it won't be the Travel Lodge and Ryan Air for them!) they are effectively on fucking holiday rather than doing the job they are supposed to do, which is representing the interests of their electorates and holding the executive to account. But hey, it's a tough life.

Come the election, ask your fucking Parliamentary representative how much he trousered in expenses, how much he paid his family, and how many fucking foreign trips he enjoyed before deciding if he or she has been doing a good job for you.

The Penguin

Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Son Of The Manse, Moral Compass Broken

Well, seems that Gordoom McBroon is as incapable of learning as he is of changing direction.

In the absence of his parents he invited the most notorious burglar in Kirkaldy into the Manse for a bite to eat. "Luckily he didn't steal anything" recollects the snot gobbler in a nauseating attempt to seem connected to ordinary people.

More recently McBroon invited serial criminal Peter Mandelson into the cabinet and the House of Lords. Our chances of him not stealing anything are fucking remote.

The Penguin

Here's A Turn Up For the Books - Hope It Sets A Precedent

Cheltenham Council are suing a former Chief Executive for £750,000.

Brilliant - shame they didn't do it sooner, but better late than never. Let's hope that they are successful, that the assets of the incompetent cow are sufficient to cough up the dosh, and loads of other councils start following it as a precedent. Haringey should sue Shoesmith, for starters!!

Does beg the question as to why they appointed the bloody woman in the first place? Still, at least she isn't a fucking Muslim, or they'd have no chance as the "Racism" card would be swiftly brought into play.

Also a shame that m'learned friends get so fucking rich out of it. Cunts.

The Penguin

Vile Racists Outed And Shamed By Council

3,500 or so concerned residents (and voters) who wrote to suggest that plans by mid-Bedfordshire District Council on setting up additional camps for pikeys and travellers (I can't be arsed to called them gypsies, because fuck all of them are proper gypsies) were a problem have been sent letters accusing them of being racists.

Yet more complete fuckwittery by local authority tosspots, who when confronted by the inevitable publicity claimed they had been over-zealous and misunderstood.

I hope the accused will remember come the local elections, many of which are swayed by far fewer votes than the wider families of 3,500 active citizens.

As I recall, Bedfordshire was one of those fairyland places which declared themselves to be nuclear-free zones in the mistaken belief that if a nuclear war kicked off, the fall-out would settle elsewhere, and not within it's "righteous" borders. Seems the same idiocy prevails.

The Penguin

New Labour, Same As The Old Labour But Worse

Well, well, who'd have thought it?

The Labour Administration of Harold Pinky Wilson (long suspected by the Intelligence Services of not having Britain's interests at the top of his list, the cunt) so ran down the Armed Forces in the face of the Cold War threat that Jim Callaghan - who had served his country with distinction in the second World War - despaired on finding out how bad things were.

Now what do we have?

"Overstretch" ( the senior officer's euphemism, don't want to lose the pension, do we?) and underspend on a massive scale. Personal cowardice by the Ministers, who won't go and meet the coffins, and who want to gag coroners from criticising the MOD for gross negligence in sending our troops into harms way with crap equipment.

Meet New Labour, just like Old Labour but without any principles whatsoever.

Utter Cunts

The Penguin

Yet Another Fucking Tax on Motorists

Under the guise of 10 year Health Checks, another £80 Tax on motorists.

Only good thing is that this is a sure-fire vote-winner for any politician brave enough to say "No, this is wrong and we will repeal it immediately on gaining office."

I am so fucking sick and tiredof this corrupt dishonest incompetent administration sneaking more and more stealth taxes onto the statute books. Speed Cameras do FUCK ALL for road safety, but they bring in a nice few quid and provide a nice salary for the cunts administering the fines, so more votes tied down.

The Penguin

A Bloody Good Idea

Seems that the Conservatives are planning a radical cut-back on overpaid wankers on local councils, by makingthem go the well establish private sector route of "shared services". Makes a whole heap of sense to me.

It just needs to be spread rapidly through the rest of the so-called "civil service" (fuck all service and no civility of late). I'm sure that there could be one centralised Payroll, for example, one Personnel Department (Not in favour of the revolting phrase "Human Resources") and so on. We know from the wonderful "Yes, Minister" shows that the upper ranks could and should easily be culled. Lots of savings to be made!

And of course, all the fucking quangos. Plenty of dead wood for the axe.

Not to mention the reduction in Labour's client state voter roll.

The Penguin

Monday, 29 December 2008

Justice My Fucking Hairy Arse!

Some cunt called Brooks is costing the tax-payer thousands of quid in legal fees for m'learned friends in order to sue the Prison Service over health treatment for injuries to his feet he sustained jumping 30 feet off a prison roof trying to escape.

After treatment, he was released having served his sentence. Shame is, the cunt can still walk well enough to commit further robberies, for which he is now back in the nick, whinging because being in prison is not conducive to getting the best NHS care.

Now, if I want to get a solictor and a barrister to pursue an issue against anyone, it'll cost me a shedload of dosh, up front, to even get started.

Meanwhile Slippery Jack has his lovely refurbished Palace to enjoy whilst pontificating on giving knife carrying criminals an easy ride, while stabbings go off the scale. And his officials lose Security Passes and Laptops left right and centre.


The Penguin

I'm Sorry, We Can't Send A Fire Engine, Don't Have A Woman On Duty

It beggars imagination, but the PC Righteous Brigade are now demanding that fire engines have to be crewed by the right make up of persons to reflect society. So, at least one woman per five blokes (doesn't add up to me, but hey, I'm not PC )

Next it will be by sexual orientation, so at least one poof per crew. Not to mention religion, so that's one Sikh, one Hindu, and a Zoroastrian...what, no room for fire fighters? And we have not even touched on "race".

Now let's roll that out across all the public services. The Operating Theatre staffing levels should be fun, as will be the staffing of the traffic patrol vehicles. How many postal operatives will have to walk round together?

What fucking planet do these fuckwits come from?

The Penguin

£39,000 A Year On Benefits!! For Fuck's Sake!!!

Some family of scroungers in fucking Geordie-Land are raking in over £39,000 in benefits. I guess you'd have to be earning close on £50,000 to net that after taxes, and then you'd be liable to pay council tax, so lets call it £53,000.

Poor hard done by mother of 9 has to stay home to look after Stacey, who has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and her husband was off work with depression. Nice one, depression! Anyone can claim to have fucking depression, I'm fucking depressed finding out that 140,000 fucking families are getting over £20,000 in fucking benefits.

Still, job done, Gorgon McBroon, can't see any of these cunts voting anything but for the Hand Out Party.

I note with a certain resignedness that the youngest is imaginatively called Chardonnay. I expect number 10 (bound to be along soon!) will be called Pinot Grigio.

The Penguin

Sunday, 28 December 2008

Another Day, Another Story Of Local Authority Lunacy

Brighton Council - don't know or care what flavour it claims to be - has withdrawn a grant from a care home for elderly Christians because they didn't comply with a demand to declare their sexuality on some fucking stupid official "return".

What sort of a country is this becoming?

The Penguin

Another Slice of Turkey

You just could not make it up and be believed.

Seems the rumours about Inspector Knackered's wife's Limo Business not being properly licensed or insured are spot on.

Now, apart from chortling, I wonder:

a) Is Knackered just plain fucking stupid?

b) Laws and Rules are for "little people"?

c) Both of the above?

The Penguin

Slippery Jack Gets Tough On Knife Crime

Slippery Jack Straw has declared war on Knife Crime, after presiding over a record number of stabbings and murders as Minister of Justice in 2008.

Now his master plan is announced to fanfares of trumpets in the Screws of the World.

Here are the basic points:
1) Anyone caught carrying a knife will have to write 100 lines "I must not get caught carrying a knife."
2) Anyone convicted of using a knife to attack someone will have the knife confiscated, have to write 200 lines "I must not be convicted of using a knife to stab someone." and will have a curfew imposed on them from 7pm on Saturday evenings. They will also get a grant towards a new hoodie, and tokens exchangeable for cheap cider and cigarettes.
3) Anyone convicted of killing someone with a knife will get a 6 month ASBO, a curfew on both Friday AND Saturday nights, be made to wear an apron when they fry onions, and will be sent on a Safari holiday with their family.
4) Anyone found dead from being stabbed will have to make their own funeral arrangements.

Slippery Jack says he is determined to be tough on crime, and tough on the victims of crime. And of course, he has a lot of nice new pictures to look at.

The Penguin

Saturday, 27 December 2008

Ginger Cunt

I may have ranted about this previously, or maybe it was in a comment somewhere else.

Seems that some ginger cunt working in Council Housing in Norwich took it upon herself to have a load of pensioners evicted from their bungalows in anticipation of a redevelopment scheduled for a long time hence, and then to "save money" on security to prevent squatters and vandals, promptly moved into one of the bungalows herself, with another senior housing department official on a peppercorn rent. And so did a load of her colleagues.

Funnily enough when the shit hit the fan, Kristine Reeves was like that Shoesmith creature, completely unrepentant. Couldn't see that she done anything wrong, in fact she was doing the council and the ratepayers a favour by sacrificing her creature comforts to live in a cold substandard hovel where you could not swing a cat. What a cunt.

Meanwhile the displaced pensioners are understandably upset.

The Chief Executive of Norwich City Council said she knew nothing about this, and is furious because she didn't get the chance to bag a bungalow or two for herself.

Local MP Charles Clarke said he was very concerned, but that since his ears were too big for the accommodation on offer he'd had to turn it down.

The Penguin

Friday, 26 December 2008

A Self-Made Tragedy

Am I alone in thinking that the sad case of the conjoined twins Hope and Faith could and should have been completely avoided by the simple device of an early termination?

These poor mites NEVER had any chance of a normal life, the doctors did everything they could to persuade the 18 year old mother and the (apparently retarded) 28 year old father not to go to term withthe pregnancy, and then the twins had short miserable existences dominated by pain and invasive surgery, and to what end? That the bereaved parents can sell their story to the gutter press?

God knows if any other children were kept waiting for operations or for facilities to become available because the surgeons were busy trying mission impossible, or how much the whole fiasco cost the NHS.

I can't help thinking it should never have been allowed to happen.

The Penguin

More Lies And Incompetence

Gordon Brown got a special extra gift from Santa last night as the Tories released a dossier of information on the complete incompetence of the Home Office and "Ministry of Justice" (aka Slippery Jack's Sinecure ) in regard to deporting foreign criminals.

Gordon himself promised "If you commit a crime you will be deported. You play by the rules or you face the consequences." But then, with his track record, why should anyone believe a word the cunt says?

Seems we now have 3 prisons exclusively for foreigners. Over 11,000 foreigners in our prisons at around £40,000 a year, or £440 MILLION. Good to see we have some growth industries, for fuck's sake.

The Penguin

Thursday, 25 December 2008

Hurrah For Science - Obese People To Power Cars!!

At last some good news!

A use has been found for obese people. Now, this may or may not have been planned all along by the Lizards and Masons and Others in control of the "New World Order" (same as the old world order, ie a complete fucking shambles ), as it is certainly handy that there are now so many fucking obese lard arses around for harvesting.

I have not bothered with the details, but it seems obvious to me that all you need is a decent vacuum cleaner and a large tank. I expect that science will soon find a use for the other bits, maybe rendering them down into cattle feed to square the circle by providing cheap meat for burgers and kebabs. Or of course, that process could be short-circuited, saving a few quid and a load of trouble for the farmers.

Merry Christmas One And All!

The Penguin

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Fucking Scrooge Alive And Well And Works At MOD

Could hardly believe this, to save a footling £17 million the MOD are stopping parcels from the public being sent out to soldiers serving in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Meanwhile Sir Richard Dannat gets to live in Diana's apartment in Kensington Gardens, and
the MOD blows £15 million on hotels for it's civil servants. The same MOD that spent £300,000 on just 8 oil paintings (not even real old masters!) for it's refurbished offices...

I could keep digging and find many more examples of the cunts in the MOD wasting money whilst the troops go short of kit and face coming home to accommodation that is rated unfit for illegal immigrants.

The Penguin

The Biggest Turkey This Christmas

You know how it is, you spend a small fortune on a large Free Range Norfolk Black Turkey, it is nothing but fucking trouble to cook, tastes like cotton wool, and there is tons and fucking tons of it lurking at you throughout the festering season. Curries, Fricassees, Salads, Sandwiches, still there's fucking more of it and you are sick to fucking death of it long before anyone thinks of making soup from the carcass.

Bob Quick is this year's Biggest Christmas Turkey, it just keeps serving itself up, taste free and as welcome as a nasty cold sore.

Seems he sent the Anti Terrorist Heavies out to arrest that dangerous criminal Damien Green all wired up to record everything, without telling Mr. Green, naturally. I wonder what that would do for the defence barrister if it ever went to court? Mind you, the Met have form here, remember that twat "Sir" Ian Bliar recording telephone calls to the Solicitor General illegally?

Meanwhile, the website for Aphrodite Wedding Services has withdrawn tons of photographs for "security reasons". You can google for all the info you want in about 2 seconds, as although their own website doesn't have an address it does mention Westerham, and it is heavily promoted on loads of wedding services sites which do give the full postal address, even a handy map in many cases. The choice of name is nice, though, as Aphrodite was the bitch queen responsible for the Greek / Trojan War, having caused the breakdown of the marriage of Helen and Menelaus.

Curiously, it seems that the company doesn't actually have the correct licenses to operate, which possibly also invalidates any Insurance Cover. And, bearing in mind the actions of councils in Norwich and Fife recently, their habit of offering champagne to bride and groom is probably likely to result in a hefty fine.

I expect some proper journalist will do the necessary and provide details of when the company was formed, who the directors are, who the secretary is, whether it has properly filed all returns and accounts on time. I can't believe that one of the Met's finest would be guilty of failing to properly deal with tax and VAT issues, can you?

Anyone got any Mayonnaise?

The Penguin

Traditional Christmas Address

At this time of year it has become traditional for one to address one's nation, and the wider audience of our Commonwealth of Nations (except Rhodesia, where one is afraid that the indigenous population have made a right mess of things since getting the vote.)

We are pleased that this has been a good year so far as the Family are concerned, with only a few scandals involving misuse of helicopters, but thankfully no unwanted bastards with ginger hair and big noses further diluting any trace of the Royal Blood. Even if they do have a gift for Polo. And one's husband has managed to avoid any diplomatic incidents, mainly through keeping his mouth shut. And of course, it is such a relief not to have to worry about mama's incontinence any more, and the extra jewellery is always welcome.

We are rather more concerned about the governance of our country. It seems extraordinary that in what is supposed to be a democracy things are in the grubby little hands of that Scottish fellow with the chewed nails and the strange movements of the jaw. We can barely make out one word in three, and it seems that only a few deluded folk on benefits in Fife actually voted for him, and then not as national leader but as constituency MP, merely responsible for closing local hospitals and the like. I am hoping that when the Army is allowed to come home we might be able to persuade some of the chaps to do the right thing, but can't say too much yet.

We are given to understand that despite the promises of no more boom and bust we are in fact very bust indeed and facing a depression. Personally I can hardly afford the upkeep of my palaces and castles, and I am thinking of renting out most of Buckingham Palace as tourist Bed and Breakfast accommodation. Most of the rooms are cold and draughty, but the location is quite good, and there is even plenty of parking.

One final message, and this is more for the newly arrived chaps from Eastern Europe - stop eating my swans, or you'll find yourself hunted down and beheaded. One does still have some rights!

Brenda Regina

Monday, 22 December 2008

Letter To The Editor

Dear Sir,

I would like to draw your readers' attention to the splendid job being done by the Home Economics Secretary, the first woman to have achieved this high office of state, even though she is not black. Jacqui Smith has done wonders in what one of her predecessors called a department not fit for purpose. Single handed, Jacqui Smith has repaired our porous borders and removed all the illegal aliens, safely deporting them to welcoming and safe countries where they will be cosseted and given plenty of benefits.

She has ensured that all foreigners who have committed crimes are sent back home immediately that they finish their prison sentences (those who have been caught, obviously) and that they have their ID cards marked “Not Wanted in the UK” so that they can’t just come back again.

Jacqui has made sure that every criminal serves out the full sentence imposed by the independent judiciary so that the public and hard working families are safe and that murders and rapes are no longer committed by scum on early release or police bail.

Her loyal and committed civil servants have not leaked sensitive documents to opposition politicians or the media, which used to be such a feature of previous administrations. So there has been no need for a heavy handed and badly run police investigation by Inspector Knackered of the Metropoliticised Police Farce ( Motto :“Serving NuLabour Together for A Safer Re-election” )

Her amazing ability to protect the public and their vital information means that the introduction of the hugely popular ID cards ( £876 each, real bargain!) is going to be the most successful government IT scheme ever, and only £590 billion over budget, which again is a record.

The other thing that I should like to mention is that the ever fragrant Jacqui has never been caught out fiddling her expenses or paying family members vast sums of tax payers money for doing bugger all but write congratulatory letters to local papers to try and shore up a tiny electoral majority.

Richard Timney (Mrs.)

Want To Hire A Special Car? For A Special Occasion?

Got an event planned? Need a special vehicle and an expert driver? Then we've got just the job for you!!

A 7.3 litre petrol guzzling monster, complete with ex-police (retired early on health grounds but nothing really, just the usual avoiding the sack for beating up innocent people) driver, can be yours for only £500 a day.

Extras include corrupt police cover to ensure a clean get away from only £750, armed police escort for just £1,000, motor-cycle outriders from £250 each. We can even sell you the CCTV footage of your special event.

Quicks Special Cars (Unlicensed!)
Donkey Town

The Penguin

Sunday, 21 December 2008

It Keeps Getting Ever Sillier!

Just when you thought that there was just no more juice to be squeezed from the Giant Lemon that is the Damien Green Whitehall Farce, yet more emerges sparkling into the sunshine.

It seems that Inspector Knackered of the Yard's wife is running a chauffeured car hire business from Knackered Towers, and in the promotion of this perfectly legitimate business ( hope all the additional income from the hire of Knackered's own Jensen is properly accounted for!) the address of said top plod-warrior against the Islamic Jihadist Hordes is revealed. Score 1/10 for security, well done that man. I hope he is advising government ministers on their personal safety.

But what follows??

Inspector Knackered throws all the toys from the pram in a fury, claiming that the revelations in the MSM are all part of a Corrupt Tory Plot to discredit his investigation in Damien Green. The same investigation which his superiors at the Yard are desperately trying to scrape off their shoes, as mentioned previously.

Down in deepest leafy Surrey, where Inspector Knackered was Chief Cuntstable, the locals heave another sigh of relief at having got rid of the idiot.

Anyone want to offer odds on an early retirement on full pension?

The Penguin

UPDATE : Inspector Knackered rapidly withdraws his claims!! I bet there was a meeting without tea and biscuits, I wonder just who was ripping him a new arsehole?

Friday, 19 December 2008

Tough On Crime, Tough On The Victims of Crime

Was it not one of Nu Liebour's mantras, "Tough on Crime, Tough on the Causes of Crime"? (Although not if committed by government ministers, obviously. Or their close friends and tennis partners)

And yet it seems that murderers are out within just 10 years!

And the Sentencing Committee now thinks that we should let kids with knives off with a Hail Mary!

Meanwhile Slippery Jack Straw can enjoy his new Palace...experienced magistrates resign..and plod hands out goodie bags to drunks.

The Penguin

UPDATE : Surprise Surprise - suspended sentences and community orders failing dismally.

Fucking Magic!

Following a nasty accident on the stage at a David Copperfield show, a seriously injured assistant woke up in hospital to be presented by the maestro with a children's magic set.

Fucking Magic!!

Reminds me of the story of a few years back when the Great Illusion was dating Claudia Schiffer.

However, I suspect there's serious money to be made here by m'learned friends. Every silver lining, and all that.

Getting On With The Jobbie In Number 10

Did I imagine it, or did the One-eyed Scum of the Manse not proclaim that his would be a Prime Ministerial Term shorn of the false trappings of Celebrity Cock-sucking so beloved by his slippery predecessor?

Is he not looking after the interests of hard-working families from cock-crow to cock-suck, getting on with the job of easing people through this grown-in-America Global Financial Crisis, ( nothing to do with him, Oh No, it was a bigger boy that did it and ran away!) ?

So just what is he doing finding time to write to the winner of X Factor? And I belive I read somewhere, to all the finalists?

Did he write to all the Celebrity Monkey Wankers in The Jungle as well? If not, is that discrimination? Where does he stand on Big Brother? Has he written to that ugly bag Jade Goody congratulating her on having cancer to relaunch her "career"? What about Kerry Katona, has she been ignored?

I think we should be told. The lying fucking hypocrite.

The Penguin

Thursday, 18 December 2008

Happy Christmas!

Being a bit of a curmudgeon, I gave up on Christmas cards about 20 years ago.

However, I have to say that this sound and light display by some geek in 'Merica is absolutely first class - although I'm so glad I don't live opposite his house!

Turn the volume up and enjoy!

The Penguin

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

Who Will Represent Dodgy Dizaei Now?

Of course, it couldn't have happened to a nicer bloke, (much!) and it seems to have taken them a long time to take action, but the Solicitors Regulation Authority has eventually acted to shut down the "practice" of self-styled solicitor and convicted fraudster Shahrokh Mireskandari. He apparently acquired his law degree from a PO box in Hawaii, and has represented a load of tribunal-type claims for racial discrimination, such as that nice Tarique Guffaur, costing the tax-payer a nice packet. He is also charged with overcharging his own clients, and is definitely and probably corruptly linked to the likes of Keith Vaseline MP.

One poor chap left in need of representation seems to be the charming Commander Ali Dizaei, the president of the National Black Police Association, was suspended from duty in September after being accused of misconduct. (From memory, assisting Mireskandari get a client off in a court case). Ali Dizaei seems to have made a small fortune out of suing the Met. I wonder how he will get on with an honest solicitor, assuming there is such a thing.

The Penguin

Whitehall Farce Act Two

Following on from the earlier commentary.

Inspector Knacker of the Trains has handed in his report
to Inspector Knackered of the Yard, and while the plods are trying to prevent anyone from seeing it due to "ongoing police investigation" it seems that enough has leaked out (investigation anyone?) to be pretty much sure what it contains.

Basically - "Boy, did you fuck up big time on this one!"

Inspector Knackered of the Yard aka Quick suddenly finds he is not on the short-list for the top trough, surprise surprise. Acting Chief Trougher is hoping he has done enough to deflect the shitstorm.

Very telling that they only told the DPP 10 minutes before the raid and arrest, and that the CPS are washing their hands faster than Pontius Pilate advertising a new bacteriological soft soap.

Fat Speaker Martin holed below the waterline for his gallantry in trying to blame the Popinjay he appointed to a much reduced role because he was frit of ex-military men with fierce moustaches - is Lack of Courage a Scottish Labour Trait nowadays? - and for not being able to see that this was going to cause trouble. Too tribal by half the red-faced old prat merely thought to himself "Oh, good, this will emabarrass the toffs."

So, with Damien Green about to be cleared of all misconduct, will he get his DNA wiped from the database?

So, to sum up, who comes out of this covered in shit?

Gordon Brown.
Jacqui Smith
Sir David Norrington
Knackered(s) of the Yard
Sir Gus (I used to leak!) O'Donell
Speaker Martin
Serjeant at Arms
Harriet Harman
Gerald Kaufman
Frank Dobson

Smelling of Roses?

Damien Green
David Davis
David Cameron
Dominic Grieve
Theresa May
Nick Clegg

The Penguin

Gordon Doesn't Use His Family As Props

So that's OK then, glad to have that cleared up.

(Just trying to help poor Kerry get over her nausea from seeing Dave's Christmas Card!)

The Penguin

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

How Would You Like To See Snotty Get His?

Personally, I'd like for the Great McBroon to suffer the same fate as Hugh Despencer the Younger, who after doing such misdeeds as to gain the title of most evil Englishman in the Middle Ages, fell from grace (ie out of the King's favour) and was put to death in front of a large and joyous crowd.

They watched and cheered as his genitals were cut from him and stuffed in his mouth. He was then hung by the neck for a while but cut down alive, whereupon he was drawn and quartered, with his guts pulled out and burned in front of his still seeing eyes, before the body was dispatched to parts various and his head spiked on Traitor's Gate.

I'd pay good money, personally, and it may serve as a deterrent to the next traitor.

The Penguin

Joined Up Government, Joined Up Transport

Can anyone recall which of the many numpties was notionally in charge of Transport when this clusterfuck was planned, commissioned, tested, tweaked, re-tested, implemented?

The Penguin

Monday, 15 December 2008

Get Back In Your Box, You Jobsworth Twats!

Fuck me, there's a rash of them around at the moment! Council and Local Authority-related Jobsworths who think it is politically correct to stick their fucking noses into ordinary people's business, but then melt away like a fart in a gale when push comes to shove.

Like whoever told this lady that her Christmas decorations might offend her non-Christian neighbours.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!! This is a nominally Christian country, with an established church, and hundreds of years of different branches of Christianity to suit all types, plus a tolerance of atheists, agnostics, and all the other strange cults. Plus we have done our level best to accommodate all other religions. You won't find such tolerance in Saudi Arabia, for example.

So just who is going to be offended by a few Christmas decorations?

Only the fucking council jobsworths, or the odd Islamic nutter. Both of who should be deported fucking double quick to somewhere they'd be right at home, like North Korea. (Not a return ticket, please).

The Penguin

Ed Balls, Come Out and Fuck Off!

I know the days of resigning because you or those you are supposed to be responsible for fuck up seem sadly to be long gone - Lord Carrington, anyone? - but surely even so, that oily lying cunt Blinky Balls ought to be feeling the pressure?

He reigns over fuck up after fuck up, from the ramifications of the Peter Connolly atrocity to the overdue departure of the Ozzie Inadequate. The SATS fiasco, dumbing down of education, appalling failures in child protection, ghastly abuses of power by out of control social workers (yep, they get it wrong in both directions!), his "messy" expenses situation - just what the fuck would it take to prise this greedy little shit from the trough?

We know that Snotty McBroon will not sack him, or he'd lose his only friend in government.

But just what would it take for the embarrassment factor to force him out?

Caught on film interfering with the horses at the Lifeguards stables? Kiddie porn all over his laptop? Found to be running a loan sharking operation in Yvette's constituency?

What do you think?

The Penguin

Government Cover Up For Police Thuggery

Well, there's a surprise! The Government's claims that the heavy handed police actions against the demonstrators protesting about coal fired power station were justified because of the 70 injuries sustained by the police has been proven to be a tissue of LIES.

This follows a well trodden path, of course, with the police literally getting away with murder. Nice to see the lies so comprehensively dragged into the cold light of day, though.

Of course, lying like this would once have recquired a resignation (once caught out!) but those "honourable" days have long gone, just the memory and the titles remain (along with the snouts in the trough, of course!)

The Penguin

Sunday, 14 December 2008

Slippery Jack's Refurbished Palace

Good to learn that Slippery Jack Straw, the Lord Chancellor and Justice Secretary, has a nice pad to grace with his presence as he works at polishing his image* and acting as minder to Fat Jacqui.

Over £130 MILLION lavished on a do-up of the old Home Office premises, which were unlikely to have been of a poor standard to start with. That's only EIGHTEEN times more than a refurbishment to public limited comany head office standards would cost in the private sector. £290,000 on art work, for fuck's sake!

At the same time, they are cutting the probation budget by £120 Million.

How the fucking hell do they justify this sort of nonsense to themselves? Seems they have form on this sort of thing...

The Penguin

*Someone might save him the effort by pointing out that you can't polish a turd

Education, Education, Education, Betrayed, Betrayed, Betrayed

By their works shall you know them, for their words are false.

Despite it being such a priority, the NuLiebore Experiment seems to have had very little focus (of a positive nature!) on Education. The resignation this morning of the third rate vastly overpaid Australian wanker in charge of the Quango that is supposed to oversee examinations demonstrates the uselessness of the government in terms of basic management.

Appointed by Estelle "Ooooh, this job is too hard!" Morris at a salary more than 7 times that of his civil servant predecessor, this twat also got £50,000 towards his renting a place. Obviously that wasn't enough to fund anywhere nice enough or in the right place, he had to toss in £16,666 from his "earnings". And it seems no one did much checking of his background or references before appointing him.

And as surely as night follows day, fuck up after fuck up. But it is only the education of the poor and the proles, so I don't suppose that worries the architects of ZNL too much.

There's certainly plenty of waste for the next administration to strip away, loads of savings to be had. You just find a quango and do away with it, simple as that.

The Penguin

Saturday, 13 December 2008

Cressida Dick In Real Trouble Now!

The policewoman in charge of the operation which killed Jean Charles de Menezes, Cressida Dick, has survived the initial aftermath, and the H&SE prosecution, and the whitewash inquest. She has even been promoted, FFS.

But now she has a real problem - the glowing support of Ken Livingspawn, which has all the weight of his wisdom and towering intellect behind it. As well as his excellent record as a great judge of character, hence millions shuffled to his mate Lee Jasper and mislaid.

However, as she is of the female sex and the police are predominantly male, her survival is probably assured. Although to be certain she should convert to Islam.

The Penguin

Latest Legal Scam Exploited by Immigration Lawyers

Nice new scam ermerges, again circumventing the rules designed to deport illegal immigrants. Arrange a proxy wedding in Brazil! No wonder some of our fine policemen are so frustrated that they overstep the mark. Or was that just a co-incidence?

The Penguin

Friday, 12 December 2008

The Inevitable Backlash Begins

The news that some paedophile has been brutally murdered by vigilante or vigilantes is hardly surprising. I'm surprised it took so long for it to happen.

You have an insane justice system where this pervert gets just 4 months for the rape of a 13 year old, plenty of other ludicrous sentencing decisions hitting the news, many instances of crims out on bail committing murders, illegal immigrants who should be deported after prison taking the piss with the Human Rights Act, feral scrotes getting away with terrorising neighbourhoods where plod doesn't venture, revolving door magistrates courts, kids kicking householders to death for complaining about vandalism, stabbings, shootings.

It's a recipe for vigilantes. The government are doing fuck all, and nature abhors a vacuum. So the pendulum swings. Who knows where it will end?

The Penguin


Needs Loads of Publicity, the Bastards

Friday, December 12, 2008


On 11 November every year, we remember those who have died in the uniform of this country. We honour the dead with wreaths of poppies, with the Last Post and with the words of Lawrence Binyon in our ears:

"They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun, and in the morning.
We will Remember them."

Unless, of course, you're the Home Office.

Colour Sergeant Krishnabahadur Dura, 36, of the 2nd Battalion The Royal Gurkha Rifles, was killed in action just four days after Remembrance Day. His sacrifice is remembered and rewarded by the Government as follows:

The Home Office are threatening to deport his wife and two children.

That is how our Government remembers those who serve this country with honour and pride.

Machiavelli and 'Looking For A Voice' are both leading on this, and I'm not surprised. Every time I think our Regime could sink no lower, they manage to plumb new depths.

I am revolted.

Please link this story and those of Machiavelli and 'Looking For A Voice'.

Another Step Along The Way To Communism?

Just fancy that! Under the guise of it being necessary for the Olympics to run smoothly, plans are in hand to give certain key officials exclusive use of some road lanes.

Sounds familiar to anyone who remembers the USSR.

Coming to the EUSSR soon. I predict it will be such a success that it will be morphed into general practice for the Righteous and their minions to aid in the suppression of the rest of us.

The Penguin

Thursday, 11 December 2008

Tony Blair Jailed At Last!!!!!!!!

Shame it's not the War Criminal

Still, it's a scrote off the streets for a couple of years.

The Penguin

Doncaster, Haringey-Oooop-Nooorth?

Is Doncaster the Haringey of the North? Or will some other fine candidate manage to beat them to that title? Kirklees have form, after all, and there are investigations in Sheffield into the most extraordinary case where some lowlife was repeatedly raping his own daughters and getting them pregnant so he could live a comfortable work-free life on benefits.

How many more to come? - some report recently suggested 3 children a week are being brutally murdered in this country.

Noticeably the fine burghers of Doncaster tried to publish this as quietly as they could...and there's at least 2 more case reviewsin the pipeline! Anyone resigned?

The Penguin

Ofsted, Unfit For Purpose

Other more distinguished bloggers are covering in fine details the Super Hero Saving The World and how impressed the Germans are.

I would like to highlight the complacent twat in charge of Ofsted and her calm assertions to the HoC Committee that she didn't think that many Local Authorities were lying to her useless inspectors, despite the clear evidence that this is what took place in Haringey, where her team were able to give them a 3 star rating based on the information that Haringey provided. Luckily (or, you might say, unbelievably!) all the files and notes relating to that inspection (and one presumes all the rest?) was destroyed. Thus ensuring that the extent of the uselessness of the inspection is neatly out of sight. How unlike audits of boring old limited companies, for example, where no one actually gets beaten to death but records and files have to be kept for fucking years and fucking years, clogging up more warehouses than enough, just in case corporate raider X finds he's paid a few quid too much for a new victim to asset strip.

Anyway, it'll be OK 'cos she's written to all of the Local Authorities asking them not to give her teams misleading information in the future.

I'm sure we will all sleep more soundly for knowing this. After all, only 3 children a week are being killed.

And this bloody woman is responsible for School Inspections as well as Child Care Inspections. Sack the cow and get some serious bastard in who knows how to do a thorough audit.

The Penguin

Results Show a Clear "Favourite"

The recent Poll concerning who Big Dave should whack next with the Mace (after giving Snotty McBroon a good one!) has found a clear front runner to have his ugly fucking face stove in.

Step forward, Ed Blinky Balls, the People's Choice (for a messy ending).

Ed garnered 58% of the votes, with Slippery Jack Straw and Two Shags Prescott having 9% each.

I think that unlike some recent polls published, this one can be entirely believed.

The Penguin

Wednesday, 10 December 2008


Man Flu Strikes Flightless Bird.

Full Service Will Be Resumed Soon.

The Penguin

Sunday, 7 December 2008

What A Fucking Hypocrite

As well as being a fearty coward, our inglorious snot gobbling one-eyed grotesque of a Prime Mentalist is a first rate cunting hypocrite. For the details, read Michael Gove's excellent memoir of being a reporter in receipt of leaks of national security matters from one Gordon McCavity McBroon 17 years ago whilst Gordy was in opposition.

Complete contrast to the Galley and Green affair, which does not involve anything of national security. Here the fucking Fife fiddler authorises the use of the Anti Terrorist Commandos, and then denies any involvement and can't even be held to make a proper response to questions over the clusterfuck.

What a hypocrite. I'm so delighted that he gets to represent Great Britain on the world stage - NOT!!

The Penguin

Britannia, RIP

The Royal Navy no longer has enough ships to be able to send a frigate to defend the Falklands, as it is pared to the bone by successive underfunding and the other demands on it's limited resources, such as Afghanistan, Iraq, and Somali pirates. Instead they are sending a civilian crewed auxilliary coracle.

At a time when natural resources of all types are becoming increasingly rare and important, why are we not doing more to ensure that our interests in the Falklands are properly protected? Is that one-eyed snot gobbler trying to provoke another Argentinian invasion so he can try and ape Thatcher and become a hero? That's unlikely to be possible with our armed services so overstretched, and the third raters in the MOD must have explained that to him, so what is going on?

The Penguin

Friday, 5 December 2008

Is There A Single Competent Social Services Department?

One of the more disturbing facts to emerge from the Shannon Matthews kidnapping trial is the extent of the incompetence and uselessness of Kirklees Social Services Department, who have gone to the extraordinary lengths of obtaining an injunction to try and hide the truth about their involvement with the little girl, who they signally failed for years.

Hot on the heels of the scandal of Haringay and Peter Connolly, and rumours of other cases in that shit hole borough, one is left wondering if there is a single Social Services Department in the entire country which is competent.

Of course, there are other questions this case raises, like the acceptance by her family and friends and neighbours of Karen Matthews "life style" and the way in which she was able to use her children as a meal and fags and booze ticket.

The Penguin

Update: "Barry Sheerman, who is MP for Huddersfield and also chairman of the Commons' Children, Schools and Families Committee, (complete gum sucker and lickspittle) told BBC Look North: "This is not another Haringey. Kirklees has a reputation for a fine social services department.

"I would have to be very much convinced that they didn't do the right thing." "

Daily Labourgraph (my insert in the brackets)

Update 2: Kirklees's director for children, Alison O'Sullivan, is believed to be earning £140,000 a year.

Thursday, 4 December 2008

Local Council Gestapo

Remember all of those incidents of Local Council Gestapo shutting down Nativity Plays, spying on folk to determine if their children go to the right school, preventing people having too many Christmas decorations on their houses, banning folk from driving over the pavement to reach their garage, banning football in the street, stopping icecream vans playing their jingles, and threatening hair dressing salons with prison for giving customers a glass of wine?

Oddly, the same twats seem completely helpless to prevent a convicted fraudster from ripping families off with a naff theme park which fails to meet the expectations raised by it's promotion or offer anything like value for money.

This is just failure of nerve by the Council Gestapo, there are just LOADS of petty rules and regulations and Health and Safety issues they could invoke. Checking on the Public Liability Insurance, are they providing sufficient toilet facilities for the numbers of staff and visitors, are all their caterers properly insured, licensed, and certificated, all staff being paid minimum wage, conditions animals are being kept in, all electrical rules and regs for their lighting and power to rides etc. There's an endless list of stuff they could harrass them with to point of shutting them down.

But what do they do? Just insist that they can't sell alcohol as the license has not yet been approved.

You couldn't make it up and be believed.

The Penguin

UPDATE: Closed, with tales of contractors unpaid. Not by the Gestapo, who have left people out of pocket and unprotected.

UPDATE 2: Copycat Rip Off in Staffordshire - who on earth is mug enough to make these scams worth the effort?

UPDATE 3: Staffordshire Lapland shut by council. That's more like it.

Wednesday, 3 December 2008

Meanwhile, At The Job Centre, A Pie Maker


Customer Service Assistant “Ah, Mr. McBroon, if you’ll take a seat. I have a few questions here about the information you have given us.”
McBroon “Grunt”
CSA “It says here that you were busy leading the world in Pie making for 60 consecutive quarters. Could you explain what that means?”
McBroon “It means Hard Working Pies for Hard Working Families!”
CSA “I’m sorry, I don’t understand?”
McBroon “British Pies for British Workers! Pies for Hard-Working Families! No Time for Novice Pies! Best Long Term Pies for the Country! A Global Pie Problem From America! No More Boom and Pie Crust!”
CSA “If you don’t calm down I’ll have security remove you from these offices, we do not allow our staff to be abused or shouted at, Mr. McBroon.”
McBroon “Pie Production Statistics are up again.”
CSA “Are you feeling well, Mr. McBroon, you’ve gone very red in the face?”
McBroon “It’s those bastard English toffs at the Chipper, they’ve stolen my customers, line caught sole and double fried chips indeed. All my hard work from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed, making Pies for Hard Pressed Families and Lifting Children into Pie Making, all gone for nothing.”
CSA “So your business went into liquidation, leaving a huge pile of debts and a warehouse full of toxic sub-prime Pies, isn’t that the case?”
McBroon “It was the previous proprietor’s fault, not mine. I chewed my fingers to the bones trying to ensure that everyone relied on my Pies, and then the ungrateful bastards took their business down to the Cheeky Chaps Chipper, leaving me with nothing.”
CSA “That’s not what it says in our files, Mr. McBroon. We have here warnings about VAT fraud, threats of closure from the Trading Standards over dubious Pie fillings and misleading packaging, and a whole series of complaints from staff over bullying and mistreatment. And there’s the matter of all the National Insurance Stamps and the Income Tax Contributions outstanding since you took over the Pie Shop. I think we are going to have to instigate proceedings against you for trading whilst insolvent and for defrauding HMRC. I’m sure the authorities will be in touch soon. Sorry we can’t help you, Mr. McBroon, it appears that you are simply unfit for any job. Good bye.”

The Penguin

Ugliest Result

A surprise! The winner with 38% of the votes was Margaret Beckett, beating McBroon into second place with only 31%.

The Penguin

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

Sickened And Disgusted, But Sadly Not Surprised

It emerges that there's another badly injured abused child in Haringay with reportedly similar circumstances to Peter Connolly ( I refuse to call him Baby P, it's a fucking nonsense, the information is out of the bag and no amount of legal mumbo-jumbo can reverse that reality!). It has been said that Haringay have been "slow" to start an inquiry. Well, there's a fucking surprise!!

Meanwhile the Shoesmith creature and her guilty minions are in hiding and STILL BEING PAID.

I started this blog because I needed an outlet for my rage and fury about the Peter Connolly atrocity, it was something I just could not discuss with my partner or our One Precious Chick, they would have been too distressed. Sadly it seems I'll need this blog for a long time yet.

The thing is, if these child protection departments and charities like the NSPCC actually DID THEIR FUCKING JOBS PROPERLY, they'd be out of work. So they have a vested interest in there ALWAYS being abused children, in order to justify their positions.

I'm so angry I can barely swear, the utter cunts.

The Penguin

The Whitehall Farce

You just couldn't make it up. The more that emerges into the real world, the more incredible it becomes.

The government are embarrassed by a series of leaks over Home Office imcompetence and cover-ups. Gordon McCavity McBroon throws a Nokia at Jacqui Spliff, and his chief of staff at the Cabinet Office and the head honcho at the Home Office decide that they are too fucking incompetent to find the leaker themselves and call in Knacker of the Yard. Now, some might say alarm bells should have started ringing at this point. After all, the Met is riven with it's own soap opera of incompetence and cover-up, with the political lightweight Sir (what a joke that is) Ian Bliar forced out by Boris and the infighting to be appointed next Commissar just about drowning out the stench of sundry aggrieved ethnic officers going tribunal mainly with a corrupt solicitor who has a criminal record of his very own and a law qualification bought mail-order from a Post Office Box in Hawaii.

However, Knacker of the Yard delegates this juicy investigation to Special Branch, now called the Anti Terroist Command. Nice macho title, that. And they don't have too much difficulty finding the culprit, after all, he stood as a conservative for election to some council or other, kind of points him out as a likely prospect. Then, after a nice long delay, and sundry touching base with the Serjeant at Arms and the Speaker's Orifice, but carefully not informing the Home Secretary who has responsibility for police matters in the UK, Knacker unleashes 22 or so anti terrorist police to raid 4 locations and arrest a Privy Councillor, Shadow Spokesman on Immigration, Damien Green. He is held for 7 hours before being interviewed, when it is suggested to him that he has been "grooming" the civil servant, a nice use of language I don't think. Then after 9 hours he is released without charge.

Protestations by Jacqui and by spokesweasels for McBroon about not being informed look extremely fishy and stink like rotting prawns considering that Knacker told Cameron and Boris. But no surprise there.

The Speaker's Orifice tells enquirers that a procedure was followed, but this glosses over the worse abuse of Parliament's independence from the executive and authority to call the executive to account since Charles 1st tried to arrest some irriating MPs. Spliff and McBroon seem
oblivious to this. However, seeing a chance to do Spliff down and raise her own standing with Labour MP's in the hope that the blokes in the white coats will soon be along to take McBroon into "protective custody", Harriet Harpyperson tells of her concern.

Whilst setting up a private Labour Only meeting with the Speaker's rep and the SaA to sort out an alibi. Only being truly inept, they send the e-mail to the conservatives as well.

In the meantime, Knacker of the Yard is surprised at the shit storm that his heavy-handed plods have caused, and is desperate to cover his expensively tailored uniformed arse. So, he calls on a completely independent senior Policeman, Knacker of the Railways Plod, to bail him out and provide an excuse for getting out from under. Completely independent, of course, except they are best mates, probably masons, and shareholders and office holders in a private limited company called ACPO Ltd. So no conflict of interest there, nothing to see, move along now.

Where the fuck is Brian Rix, and will he hurry up and drop his trousers?

The Penguin

Haringey Council! Have You No Shame?

It emerges that everyone who has been suspended or moved to other jobs following the Peter Connolly atrocity remains with their snouts in the trough of public money at the shameless shitfest that is Haringey Council. It is still not clear whether the councillors who resigned resigned as councillors or merely from their posts as leader and head of child care. I suspect they are also clinging on like leeches, after all if they were into doing the decent thing they'd have resigned in August 2007 as soon as Baby Peter Connolly was murdered on their watch.

This can't be right. Even if it is the fucking stupid law thanks to employment legislation that is unfit for purpose, it cannot be right that good folk like the whistleblower Nevres Kemal whose solicitor wrote warning letters to 4 government ministers (all still in post and in the trough, naturally) is unemployed and these arsewipes are still getting paid.

There needs to be changes made. In both the public and the private sector, fucking up should mean fucking off, and without huge pay offs for failure.

The Penguin

Monday, 1 December 2008

Yet More Moronic Fucking Council Jobsworths

It's like a blight on the land, a veritable plague of fucking locusts. The imbecile government's stupidity in introducing third rate legislation, often to give power to the great Snot Gobbler's stealth taxes is then gold-plated in it's implementation by fucking jobsworth council remunerated cunts.

Like this lot in Norwich, who are trying to ban complimentary mulled wine at Christmas in hairdressing salons. Or more likely, empire fucking building and trying to justify their positions while getting a stiffey from the exercise of power. Oh, and then there's the little matter of money to be made from either licences or fines. Fucking Happy Fucking Christmas, you utter cunts.

The Penguin

Another Fuck Up, Another Promotion

Instead of helping, this PC wanted to charge a bleeding and distressed victim of attempted murder with criminal damage for breaking a window in escaping from her murderous father.

Later, the victim was abducted raped and murdered by her relatives, for daring to fall in love with the wrong man.

And now, instead of a disciplinary hearing, promotion and a back dated payrise.

Just fancy that. I'm sure it will do wonders for the Met's image and reputation amongst the sisterhood and the ethnic groupings they seem to fail so regularly.

The Penguin

Breaking News - Resignations AND Sackings

Looks like a good start!

The Penguin

Waiting Lists Coming Down Fast

Well, it's good to know that government reforms are succeeding at last. NHS waiting lists are falling fast as the health service manages to kill around 40,000 patients a year.

Makes Doctor Shipman look positively benevolent.

The Penguin